Tortured Soul
by danna0724
Summary: How much torture can one sole soul take? How can happiness come out of a horror story? How can Bella and Edward piece their lives together after it has been destroyed by a monster? - AU - Stick with us everyone... We do love happy endings! Collabo work
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; I just have an overly active imagination. 

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape. 

**A/N: **So… here is my first chapter. More details are at the end. For now just sit back and enjoy… you might want a box of Kleenex too… just in case.

**Tortured Soul**

**Bella's POV**

"_Shut the hell up, bitch! Nothing you do or say is going to stop me. Shut up and take it! No one can hear you here. You remember that three-hour drive in the car don't you? No one is going to save you now. You are mine. You belong to me now._ _Not even that gorgeous husband of yours is coming to save you; it's only you and me.__ I've been patient waiting for you, b__ut you really made it all too easy for me – coming right to my house and all. That's why we are going to have a little fun of our own; make up a little game to pass some of this time away.__You will know you are now mine and only__**mine**__."_

I sat straight up in bed, skin slick with sweat and breath labored. His words were the last that I heard every night before waking up with the same fear as the night I first heard them spoken. It had been so long, but the nightmares hadn't changed. They didn't get worse, but they didn't get better either, and no matter how hard I tried to forget, they just keep coming back. It certainly is amazing how some things - not all things –but some things are so entrenched in your mind that you can't get them out no matter how you strive to rid yourself of them. That monster's voice, so distastefully alluring, like a deadly poison veiled behind an innocent flower; it was nothing like my sweet love's silken one. Every syllable ofthat voice - James' voice - is forever still engraved upon my memory. Along with everything else: the stench of his breath, his weight above me, the grip of his large rough hands on my hips. The staleness of the room we were in, the darkness lit only by a single light bulb that hung from the cracked ceiling. All the memories always came back. The doctors said they would start to fade, but each night they were burned into my mind with surreal clarity – again and again.

"_You may experience some PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You may have nightmares or remember certain things very vividly. We can prescribe certain medications to help you sleep if you have trouble. You should keep us posted on exactly what your symptoms are. Victims such as you, usually experience some confusion, crying, fear, hostility, nervousness or inappropriate laughter, numbness, and some social withdrawal. Now I know your husband and both of your families are being very supportive, but please let us help you, Bella. Just let us help you and I promise you in time you will get better."_

And I did listen to them, for nearly a year I listened to them and their psychologists and psychiatrists. For nearly a year I went to every group therapy session. For nearly a year I poured out my story again and again to women who were then told to do the same thing in our little "circle of confidence" shit. For nearly a year I took these drugs that held my mind in a fog. For nearly a year I watched my family succumb to grief watching me not get any better. For nearly a year I watched my husband try to hang on, to never give up hope, only to have every attempt dashed to pieces from my fear. I watched him slowly get so frustrated that he couldn't even come near me without me tensing up and flinching away from his always-loving touch.

The only thing more unbearable than reliving that horrific night was reliving it alone, but to be like me is to be alone - I know that now. I know deep down I'm not worthy of my family's help. I can't accept help for something that destroyed me. I am no longer the daughter and wife they used to know. I still look to the right side of the bed, and every time it remains empty. The right side, his favorite side; the reason I still sleep on the left side of the bed, even though it's the side furthest from the door, the bathroom, the closet, and the alarm clock. I think that deep down I am still hoping that one day, when I wake up from my nightmares, he will be there. One night I won't be alone, but he will be there again to hold and comfort and love me as he always did. Be there for me in the way that I needed him to be whether that was in his arms or soothed through the cadences of his magical piano playing. The way he used to do before that one horrid night. The way he used to before I felt undeserving of his affections.

I may want his arms around me as the nightmares come, I may want him to place soft kisses to the top of my head to slow my breathing, and I may want him to lull me back to sleep with my own written lullaby, but I can't let the darkness that now resides inside of me infect _his_ perfect being. I can't let my own tortured soul torture his. So even though I wish him to be there, I know for a fact that the right side of the bed will always be empty, and I will be alone to be the sole bearer of my burdens. He left when he did because it was for the best, not because it was what I had wanted.

I wasn't always this broken and scarred shell of a person who fears to close her eyes each night. I was once a woman loved by a man and held by a man – cherished by that man. I wasn't always this wifeless, childless woman with no one to call her loved ones. I wasn't always the person I am now. I wasn't always a stranger to the woman I used to be before that hellish night – the night my life ceased to exist in the way it had in utter perfection for so long.

I was once a wife to a handsome and successful man. I was once married to a man who loved me more than anything else in the world – I was his very life. A man who never forgot the big things or the little things, from anniversaries to opening my car door, he was always my perfect gentleman, my knight in shining armor, my Adonis to call my own. He may have had his flaws, but I loved him far too much to ever let them get to me much more than a little huff on my way out the door or a quick eye roll as I shook my head at his way of doing things. That's what our love was, it was strong and deep and something I knew would last so much longer than the time it would take for us to make it to our graves. It was a love that just didn't come by every day, a love that you almost think is only a dream. That's the thing about dreams, though - they do indeed always come to end, even if it's not right away. You eventually wake up, and no matter how hard you try to fall back to sleep to continue that dream you end up just lying there staring up at the ceiling.

I was once the mother of two beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. I find I still have no words to describe the complete ecstasy my husband and I were in the afternoon we brought them home from the hospital. The idea of raising such tiny little things, day-by-day, month-by-month, year-by-year until they are all grown up was both terrifying and breathtaking. Granted, we only got to experience this total contentment for a little while, our time with our little bundles of joy was unceremoniously cut short, but for that short time I know we were happy. If only life could continue on in such matchless bliss forever. If only I could have gone on with my life without that monster, without James. Even the name sickens me today. I never paid attention to the name of my accountant, of my hairdresser, of my lawn guy or of my maintenance fix-it man. I never paid any attention that all their names were 'James' until I had to find new people for all those jobs. Call me a coward all you want, but for me that name is a reminder of the worst memory any woman could ever have.

That's just the thing, though - life doesn't go on unchanging forever. Life changes and we have no choice but to change right along with it. Most people survive because when the changes happen, they occur gradually or by your own choosing. Those changes usually don't happen in the events of one gruesome night. Most women aren't walking along seeming to float on the clouds themselves one minute and then drug through the deepest fiery pits of hell the next. Most women don't have to be alive to experience the deaths of their children, much less witness the murders of their two infant treasures. For if most women had to endure something that horrifying, that _appalling_, they would be the broken and lifeless person that I am now. If most of the female population had to bear such things as I have, then there would be more women like me. Women shattered, defeated, and lifeless, with no glow left in their eyes, no bounce in their step or swing to their hips. They would be women tortured, as I am, by the nightmares that linger in the dark recesses of their minds; always waiting in the shadows to recall the horrors seen with their own eyes.

Did you know that around sixty-eight percent of rape victims know their attackers in some way or another? Interesting _He_…James was no stranger to me when I went to his home to drop off some files for work from my husband. I knew him just enough to know he was not someone I would ever get too chummy with. Something about him always rubbed me the wrong way; the way he always looked at every woman like she was a just another piece of ass. I guess now I know why. James split town not long after he had his way with me. Not that I ever told a soul anything about it. I tried twice and twice something more dear than anything to me was taken. I couldn't let my husband know that the man saw as a brother was the man who destroyed our lives - that it was someone who he saw every day, ate lunch with or watched the ball games with. No, I love my husband far too much to let the one person I hate more than anyone weigh on his mind like that. I couldn't let my husband live with the knowledge that a friend of his carried out such sinful things, that a man who he considered his friend tore his life to shreds for his own pleasure and immoral desires.

The blame I carry with myself all the days of my lonely and sorry excuse for a life is like none I ever thought was possible. The guilt I carry of having seen and been able to do nothing but watch as my children were murdered right in front of me. The scene was just as sickening to think about now as it was then. My two dear angels being ripped of their wings - to die before their lives had ever truly begun. Having to go to their memorial service made me sure I would have liked to have died with them rather than reliving everything in even more vivid detail. The service was short and simple. What do you really say about the lives of two infants? There was very little to tell. There was very little that could have consoled me. No one knew what I had gone through – no one saw my nightmares that had been reality. Not even my beloved husband could offer any words of real comfort.

"_We're so sorry Bella, I'm sure this must be so hard on you both, we're here for you."…"If there is anything, anything we can do for either of you just let us know."…"We'll be sure to keep you in our thoughts and prayers, we're so sad for what has happened."…_

I could have slapped them for those uttered words. Only the rest of the crowd of friends and family stopped me from lashing out at them – their words were well meant, but they were cutting all the same. They knew not even a taste of what I had gone through. They were saying what they thought needed to be said and nothing more. I couldn't focus on anyone who offered a hand, or a hug, or a pat on the back, or a tissue to dry my tears. None of them could bring back our children. None of them could erase the memories I have of that night. None of them could make it so my husband could touch me again. None of them could bring back the old Bella, the Bella I was before my rape.

You hear about women who have been raped, but it is something that can never be portrayed. There are so many bruises and bites and aches it sickens you. You feel as if you have to scrub every inch of yourself until you can't stand it anymore, yet still the memories won't wash down the drain. The grip of hands that are not your husband's, the sweat transferred from his body onto your skin, his smell permeating the air. You never feel as if you are clean – you're tainted, dirty, spoiled, polluted, _contaminated_ by that monster. The pure beauty of an act shared with your husband now sickeningly blemished by someone else, the feelings can't all be put into words. To know without a doubt where the dull ache deep between your legs came from. To know why I don't even want to sleep in the same room as my husband much less let him touch me. It all just appalls you to the point that one day while lost in your own thoughts you find your internal musings going down a very different path. For one day I found myself thinking about actually ending it all, ending my life to end all my nightmares, my pain, my suffering and the anguish I have thus caused the ones I love. One day I thought of committing suicide to end all the torture. The doctors said it was normal - of course - and just wanted me to be watched. Like I needed people watching me more than they were. There were so many eyes on me all the time I felt as if I would just spontaneously combust right then and there. I didn't need people trying to talk me out of anything else, I had enough of people talking to me and giving me their two cents on an issue they knew nothing about.

I hear James' same words to me over and over in my head. No matter how many times my one true love tries to assure me that nothing will ever happen to me again, that I am safe and loved, I hear his words. No matter how many times my husband whispers into my ear that I am his wife, his love, his and only his, I still hear that monster's voice telling me differently. Telling me it's not my husband that I belong to.

"_I have watched you, Bella. I have had my eye on you for quite some time. I've seen you on your husband's arm, and have been jealous. I have wanted you since the first time I had dinner with the two of you. Do you remember what you made? Hmm... You made beef steak, that was some of the best meat I have next to your own succulent flesh. Mmm... Bella, do you recall what you were wearing the first night I saw you? No? You were in those tight skinny jeans with those so sexy strappy heels. No husband should ever let their wife look that delicious when serving another man. Your blouse was snug and tantalizing… mouth watering you could say. I could have had you right there on your dining room table had I gotten the chance. Now, I finally get to have you. By the time I am through with you will know that you belong to__**me**__."_

I no longer felt worthy of my husband's affections. After all how could someone so wonderful want something as destroyed as someone like me? I was no longer the beautiful woman he fell in love with, married, and began a family with. I had scars that would never go away many of which were obviously bite marks. The nightmares had begun and would not stop. I wasn't the strong and fearless woman he had always praised. I had become one of the scarred and broken women he had always made me promise I would never become. How could he possibly love someone who so desperately wanted him with her, needed him with her yet couldn't bring herself to open up to him? How could he still love a woman who was too afraid to tell him the truth, the dark secrets from that one night in fear he would hate her all the more for it? How could he love a woman who wasn't whole, and who was never going to be whole, who could no longer give him anything in return? How could he possibly ever love a woman who could not give him back what she lost for him?

I spent what felt like an eon in the hospital after my incident; I had extensive physical damage, so many cuts and lacerations, so many bruises - far too many to distinguish. All of this paled in comparison to the vaginal damage. I kept hearing terms such as ripping, and scarring, and tearing, and so many other things that sounded so awful. They all tried to keep me in the dark for as long as they could. They tried to let my mind heal before they crushed it again. Even so I had known it was bad, by the very fact the hospital staff wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Why would they ever delay in telling me good news at a time when good news was so desperately needed? No, it is always the worst news you save till last. For no measure of good report could ever soothe it. They would take me in for tests and stare at the results as if willing them with their eyes to change. They would look at me with pity and remorse in their faces. They started not saying much, just saying the same thing over and over again like a rhythm to a melody meant to relax me for when they ultimately just spilled the beans to me.

"_You are going to be okay… Everything will turn out all right… You are going to be just fine… You'll be out of here in no time at all."_

They didn't say any more, just kept running different tests, giving me different medications - they wouldn't let me leave. It was the third week I had been in this purgatory that was the hospital that I overheard my husband arguing with my new doctor, something he had taken to doing more and more lately. He, too, was changing as I had, and I found myself wanting the man I married back. Wrong of me I know, for he was never going to get back the woman he married either. This argument, however, took place during one of the many times a day they disturbed my fitful slumber to take my vitals. He wanted my doctor to just tell me already because he didn't know how; he didn't know how to tell me the one thing that would certainly kill me. Not that I could blame him, I could scarcely be in the same room with him since they found me half alive in that god-forsaken hell hole. It was not long after that when my newly appointed female doctor came in and very simply yet just as effectively trampled the last bit of hope I had with one very plain truth.

"_I'm sorry, Bella, I really am, but you are no longer able to bear children."_

They were all _right_. This one small little piece of information was harder to swallow than all the others. I sobbed until no more tears would flow from my eyes. Apparently my womb was so damaged by that monster that it was irreversible. They had done everything, tried everything, thought of everything to give me the chance to birth another child, but to no avail. I was now a barren woman. My husband tried to comfort me, but the old ways in which he had done so now held no consoling power over me. His simple embrace had always centered me, but no more. As the months drug on, he became more and more frustrated in his inability to change my static state as I withdrew into myself, wallowing in my grief and secrets. No matter how much it pained me to see him not know what to do for me, I couldn't break free from my fear. He took to sitting in the uncomfortable recliner in my hospital room to just be with me. Saying nothing, not knowing what words to speak. We were both waiting, waiting to be released from this bustling pit that never allows for a moment's peace, it took them five weeks it to set me free from the confines of my hospital prison. They had deemed me right as rain physically. They made sure they stressed the physically part. You didn't need to be a brain surgeon to know I was seriously messed up; hell, you didn't even have to know me. Still, five weeks was plenty long enough to make anybody go stir crazy with just those white sterile walls alone.

After over a month the two of us were back into our now very empty and very quiet house. My dear husband, bless his soul, tried his best to make things appear normal. All things baby-related had long since been removed from the house. He always said it was for me, but I knew it was for both of us. We both lost loved ones - we both lost our children whom we loved so much and he lost the wife he knew and loved. The nursery was repainted some neutral color, all the furniture was moved out and new furnishings moved into their place. By the time he had gone through the house there was hardly anything remaining that could even jog one's memory that the house had once been alive with the joy of two infants. The thing was, though, it was all just an appearance of being okay, a façade, a mask, a band aid - not a solution. It didn't fix the gaping hole that was left in our lives by the absence of our children. It didn't fix the nightmares of that man who destroyed our lives. Nothing he did took the pain away. Not any of it, not the physical, not the emotional, everything still hurt on the surface and deep down. The physical pain was held at bay by ridiculous amounts of medication, but the inner pain still hurt like a bitch. Nothing he did took that away, nothing he did could.

He did his best though don't get me wrong. He planned every minute of every day. He had me take up all sorts of shit: knitting, crocheting, embroidery, cooking, writing, swimming, horseback riding, if there was an activity possible to do, he had me doing it. Given the opportunity, I'm sure he would have had me take up even more mindless shit, anything and everything to keep my mind occupied. He unloaded his caseload onto the other partners of his law firm so he could do all these things with me. I'm sure they hated him for it, but just never told it to his face. He was always with me, more than he probably ever was in the first place before the 'incident' as we took to calling it. We even got a dog and a cat and several fish. He tried to talk me into a bird or a hamster, but I felt as if our home was turning into a domesticated zoo as it was so turned him down on that one. They were all great company, but not what I wanted. What I really wanted was a baby on each hip while I tried to keep up with all my house work, and have dinner ready by the time he got home from work. I could pretend for only so long that I was okay and my life was just fine. It was at night when it was dark and I was finally at rest and alone with my thoughts that the tears and nightmares would come. It was established early on that I couldn't share the bed with my husband. Even in our own home and in our own bed I found it difficult relax lying next to him. So he switched the love seat in our bedroom for the full couch in the family room. It was a tight squeeze, but he was able to be close without being too close. From his residence on the sofa he would whisper soothing things to me, or on rare occasions he would be downstairs and play his piano for me again. I always loved his playing even though he couldn't manage anything joyful as of late, unless it was my lullaby. His words and music brought me a small measure of comfort and, more than that, they were proof of his devotion and love; his love that would always be there even if I sometimes I wished it wasn't.

"_Shh, my love, you will get through this. Things will be all right, I promise. Just get through this night with me, and then we can move on and see where life goes. Listen to me, my angel, just rest for tonight, I'll be here for you, I will be here until you decide you no longer want me here. I love you, Bella, always."_

He knew only a taste of what happened in the basement of that house. He saw the after effects of the blood and the carnage that had become the pieces of my life. Yet still he loved me. He knew I would never be able to give him another child from my broken body, yet he loved me. I knew it was a fool's hope to believe such optimistic words. I knew it would be a long hard road to see light at the end of this long tunnel we found ourselves in. I felt for certain we could make it though, I knew we had love, and all you need is love, but how could I continue to steal the love of a man I did not deserve?

My perfect husband didn't abandon me when I needed him most. He didn't abandon me in my most dire hour. He would never have done something like that. He _couldn't_ have done something like that. He didn't do it because _I_ did it. I asked him to do the one thing I knew he wouldn't have the strength to do himself. I had resigned to my fate before that monster James had even fully settled between my legs. I knew even then that I would be alone. I was no longer a woman, a wife, a mother; from that moment on, I was nothing more than a rape victim. I became a statistic in a book, on a web page, in some classroom. I was a woman who had been powerless to stop a monster from having his way with her again and again. I was a woman who had lain but a few feet from the place where the life slowly drained from the fragile bodies of her children and been unable to do a thing about it. I was now a woman with so many deep, dark secrets - there were too many to ever recount. I could never be a woman worthy of a man such as him, I could never be worthy of his love ever again. He gave it to me so unselfishly, but every time he did all I could see was my blackness smearing all over the beautiful clean white of all that was him. I couldn't bring myself to do it anymore, so I put a stop to it. I asked him to leave, knowing he would never deny me anything. He packed his bags and walked out our door, turning back to offer one more sad smile, his hand cupping my face before he got in his car and drove away, out of my life.

"_I'll stay away as long as you need me to. I will always love you, Bella. I know you think this is for the best, but know I will always love you. I will try to make this last thing I do for you as easy as possible. It will be as if I never existed. I will do as you ask, and stay away until you want me here again. Know I will be thinking of you every single moment of every single day that you keep me away. All that I request of you is to be safe, and not do anything reckless. For all our sakes I need you to be alright. Goodbye, my love, my darling Bella."_

It is only in the darkness of the night, just before sleep comes to take me back to that night, that I let myself lament about a past life, what my life could have been. I weep for the life I once had. The life where I was a happy mother with two beautiful children, and the wife of a wonderful husband. A life that is no longer mine to live. A life that was stolen from me - and in its place now resides a tortured soul. A torture that I am the sole bearer of.

"_My darling, my love, what if that one awful night never took place, what if that monster didn't destroy our lives, what if I never broke, what if you never had to leave? I ask you my love, my Edward, what if this… all of this never happened?"_

**Author's Note:**This is obviously my first attempt at a FanFiction. I have read many and wrote probably just as many, but never done anything more… like actually type it up. This chapter was hard to write… the getting started chapter is always so confusing as what to put in and what not to.

**This Story:** I do have more ideas for this story's plot line, so soon I promise there will be more. So go ahead, I know you want to send me some reviews and tell what you think… honestly I can defiantly use it… and some love too!

~Jessi

**A/N (Jessi… again some time later): **Okay so as you will find I have since this first chapter gotten a wonderful collaborator **danna0724** and a great Beta **songster.**

Between Danna and myself this little story have become so much more than the original vision I had when writing this first chapter. Thus KEEP READING! There are plenty of twists and turns coming that I know none of you will see coming… I didn't even see 'em!


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; We just have an overly active imagination.

**ATTENTION:**This story's theme is rape. In this chapter there are some tiny miniscule limes.

**A/N:**Thank you to all you wonderful readers who read and reviewed! We love you all.

Special thanks to my Betas: you two are great, and you put up with all my crazy writing ideas, and somehow make them better, and am still are willing to except my next chapter at the end of the day.

Saccharine Sin: I love you girl! We've been friends since… well, forever! I can't thank you enough for everything.

Songster: Thanks for joining out team here. Your ideas were great, and I look forward to more of them.

Now enjoy my next installment!

**Tortured Soul**

**Bella's POV**

"_Bella, you have to wake up, honey – it's nearly 10:00." I could hear the urgency in his voice, but I couldn't bring myself to act on it. I had finally gotten to sleep no more than two hours ago. Neither of the children had been very cooperative last night and fussed and fussed for__hours._

"_What is so criminal about sleeping until ten o'clock? I'm exhausted!" _

"_Darling, I can't feed Nicholas and Natalie – that is what's urgent. They have both been crying for fifteen minutes straight. I swear they understand what I'm saying, because they only quieted down when I said I was going to get you. I have checked and changed their diapers and tried just about every toy in their nursery. Nothing is working - they want__**you**__!"_

_Sigh.__The absolute jobs of being a mother and there are many joys, but this is a job. Not that I could ever complain my two little angels were my life._

"_I'm getting up, Edward, just give me a minute…"_

"_They are hungry__**now**__."_

_I very rarely ever got irritated at my husband, but when running on just a few hours of sleep my patience got a little frayed at times._

"_Edward, when you have had not one but two infant children that are going to be attached to your breasts, sucking stuff out of you when you haven't been coherent for more than two minutes__, tell me about it some time. __ In the meantime, just give me a few moments to wake up!"__ I gritted my teeth as I attempted to pry myself away from my lovely feather pillow. At least the man had the decency to look a tad sheepish._

"_I'm sorry Bella… I-I just didn't get any sleep last night."_

_What? Edward talked about my ability to sleep through anything, but the man could sleep in the middle of the street with trucks roaring by! Between the two of us, he was the one who managed to get the most sleep!_

"_Did something happen? You know I would have helped you." Even ever so slightly miffed, I couldn't help worrying. __I would always love him no matter how much I missed the coffee and the resulting caffeine that he refused to let me have until the twins were weaned._

"_It was only partly the twins. My law partners wanted me to look up a few things for them on clients that had been exclusively mine, and they needed it done ASAP. I just needed to get that done while everyone else was asleep." He tried and failed miserably to hide a big yawn._

"_Edward, you are supposed to have two weeks completely off, then two weeks working from home! Isn't anybody else you work with capable of doing anything? They are not the ones who are up at all hours with newborns; you really need your rest." I worried about him when he insisted he could burn the candle from both ends. Still, day after day, he got calls from his law partners and employees complaining how nothing was going smoothly. Well, I had news for them – nothing was going smoothly__here__either. Have them get off their bachelor behinds and care for twins someday. That sure as hell makes the morning after a one-night stand look much easier to deal with._

"_I see… Well, you get some sleep and I'll see to these two famished children we have on our hands. Make sure about the sleep – you look like you could use a lot of it." The two of us were single handedly going to bring dark circles under the eyes into fashion._

"_You don't look any better."_

"_Hmph! Is that something to say to your bride before she has had a chance to beautify herself or even get dressed? Goodness gracious, my husband, you have so little understanding. Really, Edward, I got a few hours of sleep. I'm fine – it's called being the parents of twins. I love you, see you when you come out of hibernation."_

"_Hibernation as in a couple of hours, and without you?"_

"_Ever so true, so you better make your two or three hours and counting last as long as you can."__ I knew Edward didn't like the fact that the twins took up a lot of our time. He loved them so very much, but I knew he loved me too, and wanted to show it every now and again. I about laughed myself silly yesterday when I was changing Natalie and Edward was carrying around Nicholas and he just came out and told him he was the biggest little cock-blocker he had ever heard of. As if the poor child even knew what he was saying. __"Darling, trust me, I crave that chiseled chest of yours every day," I said, putting on my best mock-seductive look. I could pretend that the man had worked out a day in his life, but I don't think a flatter chest could be found anywhere. However, I would__want__him no matter what he looked like even today when was sporting a few days of stubble and slept-in clothes._

"_Chiseled chest, eh? What about you Mrs. Double D's?" He could always make me laugh. Double D's my ass – it was more like double A's. Even while pregnant, I would never be mistaken for anything but very average in that area._

"_You got that right; I don't think even being as insanely pregnant as I was could ever make a woman that greatly endowed… when she didn't have it to begin with."_

"_Bella, waiting the five years until they are in school seems like an awfully long time to wait to get some."_

"_Edward, I would jump you right in the middle of the frozen foods aisle of the supermarket if I had to wait five years. Trust me, baby, we will find time – even if we have to make it a quickie on the kitchen counter, we will find time. After all, I think you might die of blue balls if you have to wait that long." I couldn't help but smirk; it__**had**__been a long two weeks since we brought home Nick and Nattie… for the both of us._

'_Newborns normally sleep most of the day' my ass, Dr. Know-it-all! That's what my doctor said before we left the hospital after my release. They might have been supposed to do that, but as of the last two weeks they had not. All hours of the day or night they would wake up crying and wanting attention or to be fed or changed. If it got any worse, I don't know what we would do. I never saw him anymore since we started sleeping and caring in shifts. The times like these – as he was coming to bed and I was getting up – were the only times we had together._

"_Good God, baby, do you have any idea of the mental images you just gave me? Bella, the twins can't wait, I know, but just come right back. I need you sleeping next to me." He had just been reduced to whining. Whining with a smile on his face, but I knew he was serious. I couldn't say I didn't see it coming._

_I hadn't had the easiest delivery. There was some mild tearing and I had to have a few stitches. It wasn't comfortable at all, even now. I tried to explain it to him beforehand, but I don't think he believed me, but after seeing the birth I think he got the picture very well. _

_The first week after we came home he didn't even want me to walk or do anything. He was still reeling from witnessing the whole thing. He told me it wasn't something he would want to go through again soon. As if he actually did anything but watch.__I__was the one who was in hard labor for a day and half bringing his son and daughter into this world. I may have been in the worst pain of my life, but I do distinctly remember him standing there look ghostly pale like he was about to hit the floor passed out cold at any moment._

"_Ha, as you said earlier I need to see to our children at the moment. Edward! Whatever has gotten into you?" I asked, even though I knew very well what._

"_No sex." Yes, and__**everybody**__was sure to know it before long._

"_That simple, huh? Now, you get rest and we'll see about everything else… in few more weeks." Kissing my husband a sort of goodnight, I scurried out of the room snickering on my way to the nursery. Doctor's orders… and mine, and he knew it. There was no way anything was happening to this body any time soon._

_There was nothing in this world that could ever be compared to a child of your own. You don't think you have enough room in your heart to love them more, but every second you are with them you find more room._

_Sure enough, they were fussing together in Nick's crib. Edward really must have been trying everything if he even put them in the same crib. The doctors had said the twins would want to be together more than most infants. They loved to snuggle and play together even being so young. Even the physicians said they were unusually active for infants their size. How fortunate we were to get energetic children in__**double**__ doses._

"_Hello, my sweets, Daddy told me you two were hungry." Just with the sound of my voice, Nicholas, the oldest by about two hours, voiced his opinion that indeed he was ready for food. The difference in their two personalities was profound. Nicholas was rambunctious and very vocal in what he wanted. Natalie, on the other hand, was quiet and shy. It is definitely going to be amazing to see them grow and develop into their own people. Nicholas is Edward's pride and joy. He carts him around everywhere and tells him everything. The time that I get to even hold him is scarce. Natalie, though, is adorable, yet in all reality they both are._

"_I know, Nicholas, I know you want food first, you growing boy. You haven't listened to Daddy talk about ladies first yet. You will though. You see Daddy opens doors and pushes in chairs, and anything Mamma could ever need, he does. I'm sure he will teach you everything he knows. Of course I saw you having a ball with Grandpa Carlisle, when Grandpa Charlie finally handed you over, learning all about his doctor stuff. Especially that stethoscope you thought was just so cool, didn't you?"_

_I had now been nursing for a week and a half now, and still it was an unusual feeling to experience. I didn't think it would be, since there had been many times Edward himself would plant himself there and not want to come up for air. However, nursing a child was so different, the milk coming in and then being drawn out by their tiny lips was so… motherly. It was a beautiful thing to see even if I occasionally had Edward laughing at how Nicholas was a very messy guzzler, while Nattie was all prim and proper. He loved to watch them, and just be with them no matter what they were doing. For that, I was glad. I didn't want him to be aloof; I wanted him down on the floor playing with them. Edward hasn't disappointed, yet, and I knew he never would._

_With full little tummies my little Cullens fell asleep in a crib curled up together. Since they would be wide-awake in a couple of hours at best, I was in desperate need of some breakfast. Before heading down the stairs, I spared a quick look in our bedroom. _

_Edward was asleep for the first time in who knows how long; I wouldn't dare wake him up now. I would make something later when he was among the living again. I loved watching him sleep. He got this adorable little pouty expression that made you want to skip over and kiss him good and hard. Natalie had inherited the sweet sleeping face… it couldn't be healthy for me to be surrounded by so many gorgeous beings all in the same house._

_I stood in front of the refrigerator for a few minutes rocking my head from side to side looking at my options. I really needed to get to the grocery store soon. I sang some Lady Gaga to myself while I whipped up some lovely cheesy eggs with peppers and onions and cubed ham with a good dousing of hot sauce. During my pregnancy, I nearly killed Edward with my newfound taste for everything spicy. There would be some dinners where I would be devouring some dish I created and I would look up to see him chugging his water and sweating while staring at me wondering how I could eat it and think it was delicious._

_My mouth was watering and I hadn't even tasted it. This better be fantastic. We had been living on cereal and everything frozen for a while now. I had gone through morning sickness that thankfully passed, but during that time Edward had gotten a preview of the meals he would be responsible for once I got closer to my due date, and came home from the hospital. This was the first thing that I had cooked in weeks. It felt good to get back into a version of my daily routine. A lovely home cooked breakfast was a luxury I had definitely missed. I was just about ready to put some of it on a plate for myself when two arms came around me from behind nearly causing me to dump my delicious creation and burn myself in the process._

"_Jesus, Edward! What on God's name are you doing up? You are supposed to be sleeping! You scared me half to death. What do you want?" I was sleep deprived, hungry, and was ready to dig into my food. I was in the sourest mood I had been in yet._

"_Only because I am starved and this smells fantastic even all the way upstairs, am I not ticked by that little rant after so few hours of sleep. Sorry for scaring you, I wouldn't have wanted to wait for more eggs. I love your cooking! I have missed it so much! Mine never tastes as good even with you sitting right there telling me just what to do. I think it's all the love you have for me oozing out into the dish you created." He was always so silly, but ugh! The man could be so infuriating, yet somehow I still loved him. Looking at him smiling like the cat that ate the canary, I couldn't take it. So, I just shoved the plate of eggs that had been intended for me at him and turned to get yet another plate. Truth be told, I didn't know what was going on with me. My moods were still out of whack. I could be happy one moment then irritated beyond belief the next. My hormones were all I could think it could be. Of the two of us,__**I**__was normally the calm and reasonable one._

"_What are you doing up? I checked on you before I came downstairs. You were sleeping very peacefully, and dare I say snoring quietly when I left to make breakfast." He still had dark circles under his eyes so I knew full well he hadn't gotten enough sleep. He just shrugged his shoulders and continued eating._

_Sitting down at the table after a few bites of food in me and a giant drag of OJ, I was ready to be rational. "I'm sorry, honey, for snapping at you." With a mouthful of eggs he waved me off as nothing happened to continue forking food into his mouth. Most meal times I wondered if Esme ever taught him any table manners. "I got Nick and Nattie to fall asleep; like you said, they were just hungry. They should be down for about two, two and a half hours." Going for another forkful while eyeing some toast and jelly Edward had brought out, I heard a fork clank to a plate. He must be finished already; the man could put away food like I never fed him._

"_If you think I am wasting these precious two hours, you are so very wrong. If you're not done, then bring it with you." He was already standing next to my chair expecting immediate action of some kind with that crooked grin plastered across his face. I was still eating! The last thing I had gotten in my system was a bowl of soup at dinner and all that was left of it had just gone into two infants! There was no way my butt was leaving this chair unless he wanted to get stabbed with the fork in my hand._

_It was so hard to resist him when he got that adorable little grin on his face. I don't know what I am ever going to do if the twins inherit it; I will be doomed to never get my way ever again. _

_However I was not backing down when food was in question even if I was almost done. __"__What on earth are you talking about? I am__**not**__done yet, and I have every intention of finishing it here, thank you very much." Mid-reach for the jelly, my chair was yanked back from the table and I was no longer sitting in it but had been thrown over my husband's shoulder, a full six feet from the ground or thereabouts.__He had started for the stairs with an extra spring in his step despite my added weight._

_I may not have liked being drug away from the last bite of my breakfast, but __**this**__ sounded so much better. Being able to be in my husband's arms without a baby to feed, cries to be comforted, or a diaper to change sounded amazing._

"_Actually making it to bed are we? I thought the kitchen counter was going to see some action before we ever made it up there." He chuckled deep within his throat. He knew very well he couldn't carry out __**that**__ plan. _

"_We, my love, have two hours to spend however we choose, and I, my dear, have just chosen. We are going back to bed. I'm exhausted, you're exhausted, and rest sounds heavenly to me._

_I was gently laid on my side of the bed and he pulled the blankets up around me before sliding himself in next to me. He went to wrap his arms around me as I rolled over to face him. He was just settling himself into his pillow to go back to sleep._

_I, however, wasn't ready to trade in the real Edward I had before me for the one of my dreams… not quite yet. Tilting my head up to look into his sleepy eyes, there was nothing I wanted to do more than kiss those pouty lips of his. In return I got a surprised moan and a little jump. I had a smile on my face before I could even focus in on his wide eyes._

_Edward had both his hands on either side of my face demanding my attention. I didn't understand his change in mood. It was just a kiss; I just wanted to be close to him._

"_Bella, you know I was just kidding earlier… well I wasn't really kidding, but I uh- I know that you- we can't. I just… I love you honey. We can just rest, sweetie, okay?" That explained it. He thought for some reason I was taking our morning banter seriously. If there is anyone in this house who is a bit sore it is me, I know good and well the doctor was serious when she said a minimum of two months until sex._

_Brushing the hair out of my face, he tried to make me lay back down beside him. I may not want what he was thinking of… not yet, but this is the first time since the twins came home that they are both sleeping at the same time. I just want to be with him._

"_Edward." He knew that voice, and the raised eyebrow I gave him. All women were taught the skill from their mother, and I was looking forward to teaching it to my Natalie. "Don't think I don't know that. Two weeks ago I pushed two babies the size of two small watermelons out a lemon-sized hole. I know we can't." Sometimes I wondered what went on this that brain of his. Was this something that all wives dealt with? Was this a male species trait? How did he become one of the best lawyers in the state? "Honey, can't I just kiss you and lay with you 'til we can't stay awake anymore?"_

_He was quiet for a few moments just rubbing his hands up and down my shoulders. He thought about it, I'm sure contemplating on how long of a cold shower he was going to have to take this time. Ever since my doctor implemented the no sex rule, his showers had gotten longer and when I would go in to take mine there wasn't one cloud of steam. I guess the water heater was getting a break for the time being._

_He loved being a father; he showed that every day that he treasure being with them. These first few months until we find a routine and get back to a normal rhythm of things is hardest. I could see the war going on behind his eyes, a war I was full bent on winning._

_I pressed another lingering kiss to his lips. I knew as another moan escaped from him and his arms came to wrap around my waste I had got him. Here I was tired as ever with dark circles under my eyes, sore in all the wrong places, and he still wanted me like I wanted him. I would love this man till the day I die._

"_Damn, you are beautiful." He could still make me blush. He would say something or do something to set my face ablaze. I always knew he meant it when he said such things – you could see it in his eyes. I felt beautiful when I was with him even if I was heading well into twenty-four hours without a chance to have showered. I felt beautiful even though my hips and abdomen were still carrying a few of the extra baby pounds I'd gained. I didn't have a speck of makeup on, but Edward made me feel like a goddess worthy of his love and affections._

_Edward didn't even bother to look up from his fervent kisses down my neck. I felt the smile on his lips. He was happy to have a few minutes with just the two of us._

_He had started to work on the row of buttons closing the front of my shirt. Yes, he was going to need another one of those long showers when he was done. The flesh he uncovered there quickly being covered in saliva from kisses. Only when he wanted something really bad did he get messy. Something his son must have inherited from him. I couldn't help but smile; they were so much a like, our son and Edward in so many ways._

"_Edward…" He always brought on my inability to think straight. I think it fueled his ego more than anything. Being able to take an educated woman to unfinished sentences and single words._

"_God, baby, I love it when you don't wear one of those awful bras. You don't ever have to wear one again… and these," Edward moved his hands down to the panties he had uncovered when discarding his shirt I had been wearing, "these little things right here are some of the sexiest things I have ever seen, and I have seen you in both a lot and very little." Edward may have voiced how much he liked my undergarment, but he got just as much joy from removing them._

_I'd have to thank Esme. I had blushed profusely when she bought them for me. It wasn't a gift you expected from your mother in law, maybe a sister in law, but not a mother in law. I always expected cookware or something from them._

_I glanced over at the baby monitor on the nightstand. Both our little angels were still sleep ever so peacefully… fabulous. "Do you want to get up and check on them?" Edward was always so sweet, and I loved him for it._

"_I can see them on the monitor just fine. I'll probably wake them up if I go in there. Only Nicholas sleeps like the dead."_

"_Like you." Yes, I knew I could sleep through all their crying spells. I had figured that would change with motherhood… apparently not. "See all the good traits he got from me." He buried his nose in my hair. I wasn't sure it still smelled like my shampoo anymore. _

"_So you're saying they got all the bad things from me?" _

_I heard the scoff that was muffled by my neck. "Bella, you have no bad traits." At that he kissed me again. I knew we were going to make it through this; no matter what, we were in this together._

_He placed more loving kisses starting with my lips down my neck, and then behind my ear, everywhere he could reach without moving too much. "Honey can… can I uh, do more? Is that okay? Can I touch your breasts or are they strictly a baby area now?" I could hear the laughter in his voice triggering me to the same reaction. Intimacy between us had always been a fun thing. Laughing was a common thing for us – it was even better that way._

"_Whoever said you aren't my baby?" If he could joke around so could I._

"_You know what I meant, Bella." There was still laughter in his eyes, but his tone was serious. He wanted to truthfully know what I wanted and what I was okay with now._

"_Of course, it's okay, Edward… it definitely won't feel as strange now." I giggled at my next thought. "You can see if your son and daughter left you any from this morning." A smile still playing at my lips, I watched for his reaction. His face scrunched up in thought as to what I was referring to._

_My doctor had said to give this a try. She voiced that it was a very intimate thing that we could do until my body was physically ready for more. I was still unsure about it until just now. This was something I was definitely wanted to share with my husband._

"_You-you mean I… I can… too?" I laughed – not at him of course, but … all right sort of at him. He could be silly at times._

"_Why not? You claimed them long before they did. I won't make milk forever, you know – it will stop when they stop." I swear sometimes I know he wasn't listening to word that was said in any of those baby classes we took together… probably not._

"_What does it taste like? Is it good?"_

"_Well, our kids gulp it down. I think it would have to be good." It seemed logical to me. I had licked a drop or two of my finger when cleaning up after Nicholas especially, and it didn't seem terrible._

"_Hey, you can't blame me for asking! You've seen the stuff kids eat that comes in those little jars. Some of that just doesn't look like anything that should be ingested." He made a face like I had just made brussell sprouts for dinner or another of his least favorites._

"_Only do what you want… just be gentle, they get a little tender and sensitive sometimes." Now I was the one being serious. He could do what he wanted, but if teeth came into the picture like they used to he was getting kicked off._

"_You really don't mind if I take a taste?" God, the man could be so dense! Isn't that what I just said?_

"_No, I don't mind, baby. I don't know how much was left after Natalie was done." He probably wouldn't get anything at all, and this whole conversation would have been a waste until the next time. I hadn't felt any more milk come in yet._

"_I don't know how I feel eating after my daughter." It was jest in part, but he looked like he was really thinking about it._

"_Ha, you better get used to it. Wasn't Alice ever like, 'Daddy, eat this…try this… I don't like this… take the first bite… will I like this?' I know I did it all the time. Same thing pretty much." He looked slightly appalled, which was very fitting for someone who didn't believe in the five-second rule and ate his pizza with a knife and fork.__Heaven forbid, he would one day have to eat after someone else. It came with the job of being a Dad._

"_You really did that? I didn't pay attention to Alice much. Emmett and I were so much older than her." How did we get on this tangent again? "So, you think it's okay?"_

_I mentally sighed. How many times was I going to have to answer this question? "Yes, Edward, I'm sure it will be fine if you want to." I reached up and ruffled his hair some more not that you could tell I did anything amongst its normal dishevelment._

_With a tentative dip of his head, took a breath before taking a nipple into his mouth. He licked a few moments before he applied any suction. Barely a second after he did so, he drew back with large eyes. "It's sweet, like milk, but much sweeter. Like candied milk if that makes any sense," he thought out loud while licking his lips._

"_You got all that from that microscopic taste. Seriously that lasted a second, tops." He was still staring at my__chest like it was going to do something other than just be there._

"_I didn't want to hurt you." I smirked – his son gets into it more than that._

"_Can I take another taste?"_

_I quirked an eyebrow at him, "This coming from the one who didn't want to in the first place? I don't mind, there most likely isn't that much left, though." He smiled like I just gave him a gift._

"_Hey, it was good. I see now why they like it. Let me see how much is left." Without any hesitation his lips curved around my nipple and began to suck a little harder this time. When he couldn't get any more from that one, he moved to the other, letting out a protest when there wasn't any more for him to drink._

"_Don't worry, I'll make more." He was pouting!_

"_Forget 1% - they should sell this stuff at the store.__I'd__buy it." We both started laughing at the absurdity of the image we got of a carton of breast milk in the refrigerated section of the supermarket. "Thanks for putting up with me, hon. I love you so much. Now can I… continue? The twins haven't woken up yet..."_

"_Anytime, my love, anytime. I will always love you, and of course you can continue. I think I needed that bit of humor. I feel more comfortable about this now." A smile once again spread across his face – I knew he'd be happy about not having to stop._

_Edward leaned back down and kissed me again. There was a faint taste of the sweetness still on his lips. I had heard that the milk would take on the mild flavor of the things the mother eats. I'll have to ask Edward to tell me if that is correct after I eat something with a definite taste. _

_His kisses meandered about everywhere again. Far too soon we were both too tired to fend off sleep any more. For the first time in two weeks I fell asleep in Edward's arms. _

I woke up in a slight panic. I was still a bit tired, but that wasn't unusual. I'm surprised I woke up on my own. Edward always has to wake me up. I listened for sounds of activity, but it was still early morning.

Something was wrong. Where was Edward? Why aren't arms wrapped around me? I spared a glance to the right side of our bed. Instead of tousled sheets they were just as crisp as they had been after I made the bed, how very odd. The twins are still sleeping; he didn't have a reason to be up. I peeked over the end of the bed and his old worn out slippers weren't left for me to trip on. Neither were his massive sneakers, I swear I about broke my toe once on those things. I listened hard and I didn't hear anything coming from downstairs or his office. The house was quiet and dark and so very lifeless – too quiet.

Getting up out of bed, I wandered downstairs and checked the garage his car wasn't even here. Jogging quickly to the phone, I began dialing the familiar numbers to his cell. I had to know where he was; I had to know if he was all right, there wasn't even a note on the kitchen table!

That's when realization hit me like a hard slap. Edward's things weren't here because _Edward_ wasn't here. He hadn't been home for weeks and wasn't coming home anytime soon. That dream had only once been reality over a year ago. I had asked him to leave me alone, and so far he had been listening to me. I hadn't gotten one call from him or anything. Of course, that didn't stop him from sending other representation. I knew exactly why Carlisle or Esme now called everyday. It wasn't just Charlie and Renee who called regularly anymore. Alice and Emmett too checked in more often than they did before their brother moved out.

I think it was Alice who gave me the last Edward status report. He had been staying at his parent's house, and then after a little bit moved in with Emmett or something to that effect. I was glad he didn't have to stay at some hotel. I didn't like the idea of him staying in impersonal guest rooms or on someone's sofa. I couldn't have him here. He has family that loves him as much as I do, to take care of him. He couldn't cook to save his life, but Esme could, so I knew he wouldn't be eating takeout every night.

I knew they would help him heal in ways I couldn't. Without me he didn't have the constant reminder of what happened. He didn't have to watch me mope around and be reminded by the features that had once been also carried by our children. Without me in his life he could move on and become the happy, funny, witty, and charming man he was before I ruined his life. He could start to have the life that through my mistakes and inability to act took from him in the worst way. No one sees my failure though the mask of my attack. I am not James, but I am no less to blame. I failed in every aspect. I failed to do anything to preserve our lives, our happiness.

At this point I didn't have to run upstairs and look in the doorway to the nursery. I didn't have to look to know it no longer held the furniture we bought for the twins. I knew the only thing I would find in there was a matching queen bed set for guests. Not that any guests would ever sleep there, anyway. There weren't any stuffed animals strewn across the floor. The rocking chair wasn't waiting for me in the corner. All their little adorable clothes weren't neatly hanging in the closet. My children were gone and they weren't coming back. There isn't ever going to be a child of mine growing up in that room ever again… because of me.

That dream brought back the memories of the happiness that once filled this house so long ago now. Dreams like this brought back the loving banter and passion that existed between the two of us and the joy of being first time parents. These dreams were welcomed compared to the nightmares, but they still were no less dreadful. Instead of the evil eyes of my attacker, I saw the eyes of the three people I loved more than anyone else. My dreams weren't filled with screams of terror; they were filled with laughter and happiness. Happiness we would never have again, because of me.

Life had been so different then. Things that had troubled me seemed like molehills compared to the mountains I had labeled them as then. What I wouldn't give today to have my husband look at me as he had then, for him to not look at me with something other than sadness and pity. What I wouldn't give to have those magnificent green eyes sparkle with pride and joy as they had so long ago.

I sat at the kitchen table as I had over a year ago, and just stared off into random space waiting for anything to change. I was tired of this monotony… I needed change. While Edward had been here, he had pulled me to every activity this city offered. I hated it then, but now I miss it.

I kept the cat, but gave away every other critter he brought home. She was nice company, and she kept me company without the hassle of a dog. Even if everyone protested that a dog offered more protection than a little feline, I still preferred my cat. My rebuttal was, exactly what is the point of having the best security system ever made, if I still needed a dog to save me. I didn't need an animal to have to clean up after and walk and play with. I just wanted a little company when I was lonely.

I had stated writing again not long after I was left alone in this expansive house. My editor was ecstatic even if she was surprised and a little shocked that it wasn't going to be another of my juicy romance novels for which I had gotten a name. I just couldn't write something like that right now. I couldn't write about something that I couldn't feel anymore. I couldn't write about something all the while wishing I had just what I was writing about. So instead of something light and fun, my readers were getting dark and suspenseful. She said it was certainly my most moving and dramatic piece even if it didn't have the Bella Cullen trademark love story.

Writing was a way for me to get out some of the pent up emotions I kept inside of me. I could let everything flow out through me and onto the screen in front of me. I just wanted to forget about my life for a while and lose myself in the fiction of my new characters. My new heroine could deal with anything anyone dished out at her. She was fearless and confident, yes; she was everything that I wasn't. However, she was alone and broken inside like me. The woman that everyone saw was only the façade she put up for everyone to see – it wasn't who she really was. I never knew where my fingers would take the storyline as they danced across the keys of my keyboard, but everyone had been pleased with my comeback after over a year away from the writing world.

I had been staring at the blinking cursor on my laptop as I sat curled up on the sofa for God knows how long. I couldn't think of anything worthwhile to amuse myself with. I couldn't get that dream out of my head. I had taken to writing them down as I remembered them; the doctors had said it might help. It did to an extent, but nothing could heal the wounds that had been made inside of me. On days like today nothing helped, not journaling my turmoil, not writing some fictional fantasy, not comfy blankets still warm from the dryer. Nothing worked on days like today.

As I was about to get up from my perch in the corner of the couch to get some Ben and Jerry's ice cream, the phone rang. I sighed knowing it was one of Edward's representatives checking in on me. Someone did everyday sometimes twice a day. Thinking about it while walking to the phone, it was about time for Charlie's turn to come around and make sure I wasn't suicidal or anything. Knowing the list of possible callers, I didn't bother to check the caller ID. I failed to see the point in even having it anymore since I only got calls from a total of four numbers.

Picking up the phone, I was in too miserable a mood to pretend otherwise. "What do you want to ask me today?" I said into the handset instead of my usual attempt at a chipper 'hello'. The other end was quiet and I wondered if somehow in my daze I had accidentally hung up on them. That was sure to send them all into a fit and soon I'd have my entire family over here pounding on my door. That, today of all days, was the last thing I wanted. Rolling my eyes at my own ineptness, I pulled the phone from my ear to look at it as if that was going to solve the problem. That was when I heard something coming from it. So I said "Hello" again to see if someone was really there… there wasn't a dial tone.

"Mmm, Bella I've missed your sweet voice, my pet." That was a voice that would forever send chills up my spine and goose bumps across my arms. That was the sound of a voice that I would know anywhere. A voice I had never wanted to hear ever again. I took in a shaky breath trying to force words to come forth or to give my hand enough strength to hang up.

"W-what do you want?" He let out an eerie chuckle that sent me right back to my memories of that night faster than any nightmare ever could.

"I was over to see your darling husband, Edward, last night. He didn't look so good Bella; I think you should be worried about him. I had no idea you were in that big house all alone. What a pity, someone like you shouldn't be left alone. You never know who could be watching." His voice alone was enough to cause bile to rise in my throat.

"What are you talking about?" I had to think of something fast, yet my brain wouldn't move from the fear he instilled in me. I couldn't get any part of me to move – I was paralyzed.

"Don't play ignorant, Bella; I know what you're going through. Don't worry your pretty little head." I stood in the kitchen, looking out the rear of the house where the large French doors led out into the woods that encroached on the small suburb. It was then that I saw something that didn't belong. It was a figure dressed in dark colors, holding a small silver cell phone to their ear. Cold, dead, ice-blue eyes were staring back at me. I would know those eyes anywhere. He had come to fulfill his spoken words of that night. It had taken nearly a year, but he had finally come back into my life. And he was right – I was so helplessly alone in my expansive house with no one to hear my screams.

James had come for me.

**A/N:** Thank you all for reading! You all are amazing, and I love you all!

Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. It took me a while to collect my thoughts from that spur of the moment first chapter. I suffer from too many ideas that they get all jumbled up and I feel like I have to include everything (Which my Betas correct me on). Then that added with some procrastination and all these other story ideas I feel I have to type out. Then life, and all the stories I read.

Wow, I don't know how all your writers do this all the time. Cheers for all of you who entertain us with the laughter, tears, suspense, and everything Twilight all the time. It's an honor to be among you.

Anyways, I hope all your wonderful readers enjoy this peak into Bella and Edward's life from before the attack. It was fun to write. Not all the doom and gloom of after.

Tell me what you think about the cliffhanger. I debated over that the longest.

Also do you guys want to know what is going on with Edward? Or do you want me to save those details for another time and another place?

Okay so with that I hope you liked this, and that is was everything you expected it to be. Hopefully my next chapter will be up sooner.

So go ahead tell me people your thoughts, and send me a review. I love 'em all!

~Jessi

**B/N: (Saccharine Sin)** It's my fault this chapter is so late – I took forever to get it all beta'd. Lo siento! _ –is shot–

**A/N-Much Later-(Jessi):** Okay so here is the perfected chapter. Commas are so pesky! That's why **Songster** is an angel! Also I have to add in a thank you to my collaborator! **Danna**, darlin', you weren't here yet when I wrote this chapter originally, but you still have worked your magic and made it all the better. I love working with you, and look forward to many chapters and new story ideas yet to come!

**A/N #2 (danna0724):** true, true… I was just a "reader" at this point in time in the story, who knew? I adore working with you and you know I love the story! Here's to MANY chapters, ideas and a deep, twisted plot that are gonna have the readers wanting to know what's next. (Hey, press that 'Review' button and reveal your thoughts on this… it makes me love you in very inappropriate ways)


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; I just have an overly active imagination.

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape.

**A/N: **So here I am again. A little sooner!

Thanks to my wonderful Beta Songster. You make the jumble of words I send you into a readable story line.

It was very different for me to write, but once I got into it I found his POV very fun to write. A little more insight as to what else has happened.

Stick with me here I write off the cuff, and don't always have a plan, but instead just let the words flow.

As like last time italics is a flashback.

Sit back and enjoy this next bit of Edward!

**Tortured Sole**

**Edward's POV**

"_Hey man how's it goin'? Everything doin' okay?" I knew why he was calling me, but I didn't have time to chitchat, but I could make an exception for a few minutes for my best friend. A little break could do me some good. I had been buried behind my desk all day in prep for trial. We were a fairly large firm, but we weren't the biggest. No, the biggest just shoved so much paperwork at us, we couldn't find our way through our office. I had been working through breakfast, lunch, and dinner for weeks now trying to get everything sorted out for my client not to end up in prison. I felt bad being away from Bella and the kids so long, and so soon after I had to go back to work, but there wasn't a lot I could do. _

"_I'm not doing too bad. I was just calling to ask you about that paperwork I sent you a few weeks ago. I'm going to need that all back. My company is ready to move forward if you are." This was the last thing I wanted to hear. I had the work done, but I just didn't have time to do __**this**__. The files are presently somewhere under piles of other stuff on my desk at home. There was no way I had time to go home, find it them run it over to his house since I knew he wasn't getting off his lazy ass to get it all himself. This is why I hate doing work for friends, but I always get suckered into it anyway. I should have been a surgeon like my Dad._

"_Umm…" I glanced at my watch to see what I could do._

"_You don't have it done, do you, Edward? I knew it. I need those files today I have an early meeting tomorrow." How is it my fault you waited until the last minute to hand me this box of papers and ask me to make heads or tails of it all? Oh, right because I am his friend and lawyer. Not to mention he was my original law partner who has since started up his own company. _

"_No, no I have it done. I am just extremely busy at work tonight, and I don't have time to go and get it for you." I heard his groan over the phone. I wasn't an idiot. I knew he was serious when he said he needed it all by tomorrow. That's when it hit me; I could have Bella drop it off. I would owe her a really nice dinner for the hassle it was sure to cause her, but she is my only option. "Okay, wait I can just have my wife drop it off at your house for you. Would that be okay? I can just give her your address and she should have it there in about an hour or so. It may be a little longer since she'll have the twins with her, but at least you'll get your stuff tonight. How's that?"_

_He thought for a moment. I don't know what there was to think about. If he wanted his junk tonight, this would have to work otherwise it was whenever I could get it over to him. "It's perfect. I actually haven't seen her since before the twins were born. I would love to get to see… Nicholas and Natalie is it?"_

"_Yeah, that's right. You will absolutely love them. They are the most adorable things you'll ever see." Just thinking about Nick and Nattie brought an ear wide smile to my face. I really did miss being with them all day. They were about four months old by now, and it was amazing how much they had grown. _

"_Aww, listen to you big guy. It didn't take you long to start sounding like a Daddy. No, seriously it'll be great to see them and Bella. Thanks for having her drop off those files. I owe you one. Talk to you later, Eddie."_

"_You know I hate it when you call me that." I chuckled into the phone. He knew it and he did it anyways. I'm sure he got a kick out of it. _

"_Whatever man, thanks anyway." Yes, I was going to be Eddie until the day I died. Why did my parents have to name me Edward? I have been having this argument since the playground in elementary school._

"_Yeah, no problem. Later James." Hanging up the phone, an intern popped her head through my door. Another thing I did not want to deal with tonight. _

"_Are you heading out, sir?" Was she serious? Did she not grasp the workload the firm had right now? If she reported to me, I would have her behind that fancy desk of hers and have her typing up __**something**__! _

"_No, Jessica I am not leaving. I still have work to do. Demetri isn't having you work tonight?" How could he not? We were __**all**__ behind on our work._

"_Nope, he said me and Lauren could head home early. We did a lot of work today." Uh Huh, a lot of work my ass more like work after hours in his bedroom if I had any guess. Those two spent more time gossiping and flirting and pretending to do work than actually doing any work. They had the potential to be promising lawyers if any of us could get them to do anything._

"_I see. Well, see you tomorrow." I wanted her out of my office so her voice wouldn't give me anymore of a headache and I could get back to work._

"_Is there anything that I can get you?" I was tired and stressed and I still had a lot to do I didn't have time to put up with Jessica Stanley. I waved her away without a word. Maybe she would stop coming into my office all the time if she thought I was just another lawyer bastard._

_Reading another two sentences of legal jargon to clear my mind, I picked my phone back up to call Bella. I needed her to get over to James' house soon so he would be off my ass about those damn files he needed._

"_Edward, are you coming home for dinner tonight?" She sounded hopeful and it hurt to have to tell her no. Not until this trial was out of our hands would __**I**__ be coming home for dinner._

"_No, but honey I need to ask a favor from you. Can you do that for me or are you busy right now?" God, I hoped she wasn't. I don't know what I will do in that case. I knew she didn't particularly like James, but he was a decent guy. I worked with him since college where we were roommates, he was my friend. I needed someone to this for me._

"_No, what do you need? I made some dinner if you want me to bring it over for you." Man, that sounded good. Stop salivating Cullen, and get back to work! I had been getting distracted all day._

"_Baby, I'm sorry I had Vicki, the receptionist, bring me up some dinner for me a little bit ago. I'm sure yours is better than takeout. I'll have to remember that for another night. But, what I need you to do is find a folder of files for me and take them over to James." Cringing at what I knew would most likely not be pretty I heard her huff in annoyance before she answered._

"_Why can't he just come and get them? I take it he wants them now, and can't wait for me to drop off the twins at your parents or something across town?"_

"_Yes, he needed them ASAP. I'm sorry I forgot all about them, otherwise I would have just mailed them when I got them done."_

"_Fine, I'll do it. Where are the stupid files?" She didn't sound happy at all. I was definitely taking her out to her favorite restaurant the next time my parents or someone had the kids for the evening. _

"_Thanks honey! They are on my desk under the keyboard. There may be other things under there too, but the folder should be labeled with his name. I'll text you the address so you can get the directions through your phone. Thank you so much for doing this, baby. I owe you a nice dinner out." I hope that is where I left it. I usually keep all outgoing files under my keyboard, but it could have gotten moved. She would never find anything in that mess that was my home office._

"_I got the folder. You really need to clean out your office though. I felt like an archeologist in there, sweetie. Yeah, just text me everything, and I will get it there for you. I need to hire you an assistant though, some little old granny, to take care of all this stuff for you. And, Edward I don't want dinner out I just want you home with me."_

_I loved my wife more everyday if that was at all possible. "Thanks Bella, I love you. I don't need an assistant though. I have you. See you later tonight. I won't be home for a while so you don't have to wait up."_

"_Again, Edward?! Why can't you just come home with everyone else? It can't be healthy for you to work the hours you have been working lately. I'll drop off this stuff though for James."_

"_Thanks love, I miss you. Give a kiss to Nick and Nattie for me and tell them I love them. See you later."_

"_Of course, Edward. Love you, too. See you when you get home." I gave her a kiss over the phone before hanging up. Nights like these I hated being a lawyer. A doctor had a set amount of hours he could work in so many days. Lawyers didn't have that, right now I can remember every time my father has told me that. But truth be told, I love what I do, I loved helping people. I loved seeing the relief on a person's face when everything was over and they could get on with their lives._

_I quickly texted Bella James' address knowing she would still need a few minutes to get her and the twins ready to go. I hope she is all right driving in the dark. I rolled my eyes at my own thoughts. She is a grown woman who is fully capable of taking care of herself. Something she reminds me of often. I just need to stop worrying so much she has been driving safely for years. I can't do anything about the predicament I have found myself in. I just need to trust her, and get back to work so I can get home._

_Sliding into bed beside her at night is the only time I have gotten to be close to her since I came back to work. I get to hold her in my arms and let her snuggle herself up against my chest in her sleep. I get to listen to the soft gurgling noises from the twins as they talk to each other until they fall asleep over the baby monitor. Knowing what awaited me made my fingers type just that must faster. The sooner I could get a dent put into this case prep, I could get out of here and get home._

"_Sir…Mr. Cullen?" Someone who did not sound like Bella was gently shrugging me awake. "Mr. Cullen, you have to wake up." I was so disoriented. I didn't know where I was or why I was being woken up. I had a killer crick in my neck and my back hurt like I had been run over by a truck. The shaking of my arm persisted as this person continued to call my name._

"_Alright, I'm awake. What is it?" Every light on the floor seemed like it was on as I lifted my arm to shield my tired eyes._

"_Mr. Cullen, the night janitors are all leaving. You should head home and get some rest so we can lock up after you." It took a minute for everything to piece itself together in my mind._

"_I…" I looked around my surroundings, the papers I had been reading and the document I had been typing were still open on my desk. I had fallen asleep! Bella must be so worried. I probably have an entire inbox of missed calls in my cell phone. "I'm sorry sir, let me just gather my things and I'll be out of your way. I'm sorry I guess I was more tired than I thought."_

_He smiled sadly at me and I wondered why until his gaze dropped to the three photos I had framed on my desk. One was of Bella and I on our wedding day. The next was Bella very pregnant and the last one was a new one of the four of us. "A Beautiful family you have there, Mr. Cullen. A word to the wise, spend as much time with them as you can." He reached into the pocket of his shirt and produced a small tattered picture. "If not, then before you know it they will be all grown up." His tone was sad. I looked at the picture and saw three sons and a daughter all about high school age. "My youngest just got engaged last month. Time goes by faster than you could ever imagine. Treasure those little ones. They don't stay that way for long." Nick and Nattie were so little I couldn't fathom them ever getting that big. They were my little babies we just brought home from the hospital. I knew he was right though. I had seen with my own to eyes how they had grown even in the short months since we had brought them home._

"_I know sir, and thank you. They certainly don't stay that small forever. My son and daughter have already grown so much… I miss them so much when I am away." I finished my statement in such a whisper, I doubted he even heard me. I didn't want him to hear me. What kind of father is at his office working on cases more than he is at home with his newborn twins? I didn't want him to know I was already shaping up to be such a failure of a father. I couldn't even come home at a decent hour. No, instead a night janitor has to wake me up in the wee hours of the morning telling me to leave. I'm sure he knew I wasn't cut out for this._

"_You'll make a wonderful father." __**That**__ took me for a loop. How could he say such a thing? He stated it with so much conviction as if it really were a truth already. I certainly wished he were right. I tried my hardest, but raising kids wasn't something that came with a manual. I couldn't study nonstop for months and pass parenthood as I had the Illinois State Bar Exam. Before I could say anything more he turned and walked out of my office, and went back to his cleaning of the office across the hall. I quickly gathered my things and booked it out of there. The parking garage was completely deserted as expected since it was early in the morning by now. I can't believe no one found me asleep in my office before then. I checked my phone as I pulled out of the garage expecting many texts and frantic messages from Bella. However there weren't any. Not even one to say she made it home okay, she always did that. She knew I would be sick with worry if she didn't. All I could think of was that she was just overly tired._

_I couldn't imagine what home life had to be like for her these past few weeks since I have been working around the clock. I am so getting chewed out when she wakes up in a few hours. She told me the twins were getting better and sleeping longer, but I knew her well enough to know she was very full of it. Those two cried, ate, slept and wanted attention on their own times… which never coincided with normal sleeping hours. As soon as this case is over I am going to request some time off. She is going to need a break from pretty much being a single parent since I went back to work. I had never worked this much before… of course I had never gotten solely assigned to a case this big. I should have one of my law partners helping me out on this, but instead I get two brainless interns. They were competitive and out for blood with each other, but quite frankly didn't know the first thing about how to win a case that actually got to trial in an actual courtroom._

_I sped down the road toward our house. I knew no one would actually be awake, but I wanted to be home with my family. I had to creep into the nursery and watch Nicholas and Natalie for a few minutes before getting out of this damn suit and sneaking into bed with my wife. I was already on edge seeing that she hadn't called. I hope she made it to James' house and back safely. His house can be a little tricky to find in the dark in that old subdivision he lives in. I'm sure she would have called if she had any trouble. She knows I could probably get there with my eyes closed. I used to spend so much time over there. We had been friends since college and had gone through law school and started up a law firm from scratch. We got a long great and enjoyed just relaxing and taking in a game with a cold beer after a long day at work. Whenever Bella wasn't at home, I would be over there. This was the longest I hadn't seen him since we found out we were going to have a baby. I'm sure if I asked James he wouldn't think me having kids was as great as he said earlier. Now he had to find someone else to hang around with. _

_I had always hoped Bella would get along with him. His long time fiancée, Victoria, is a receptionist at my law office. I thought for sure she would quit when James moved on, but she stayed for some reason. I always wanted the four of us to become friends as James and I had. That never happed though. Bella has always been very nervous and leery of him and even Vicki. The night I invited him over to dinner, I think she wanted to attach herself to me and never let go. She made sure they were never alone in the room together. I just couldn't understand her aversion to probably my best friend outside of my family who Bella absolutely adored. So in the end James never came to our house for any length of time after that. Bella seemed okay with the idea of dropping off the file this evening though. I suppose just because she wouldn't have to spend that long there. Knowing James, he would offer something to drink, and knowing Bella she would decline and run the hell out of there._

_Pulling up to the house not a light was on anywhere. How odd since Bella is always so worried about everything. She says that if she doesn't leave a light on for me then I could trip and fall and break my neck and die walking up the front walkway to the door. However, the entire house is dark tonight. She must have been really tired after getting back. I'll have to be extra quiet. That being said I didn't even park in the garage. Sometimes opening the garage door can wake her. Instead I pulled in the drive way and carefully shut my door and made my way up to the porch._

_Walking into the house it is eerie quiet. Much quieter than is should be even at such an ungodly hour. The door to the twins' room is wide open, and they aren't in their cribs. They must be with Bella. When she feels alone, she brings them into the master suite with her. Hopefully, she didn't make a pen out of pillows on the bed, and actually set up their playpen this time. I knew what would await me swinging open the door to our room. My stride didn't even break until I was well into the darkened room. I didn't bump into the playpen and I didn't hear the steady breathing of three. Knowing full well I was going to get yelled at, but feeling on edge I crossed back over to the light switches and flipped them all on. The brightness that filled the room brought my arm up to shield from the onslaught of light. In the light I could very distinctly see a pristinely made bed with no signs of my wife and children anywhere. _

_I panicked. I ran back down stairs flipping on every light that I passed. Soon every light in the house was on. I never once got shrieked at for blinding anyone. No little voice came through the house upon hearing my hurried footsteps. There was only a note left on the kitchen table saying that dinner was in the refrigerator and she would be back soon from dropping off my 'dumb files'. She never came back. I have no idea where my wife and children are. Standing in my kitchen in the darkness of early morning my heart stopped beating. I had to find them._

I jerked awake suddenly nearly falling off the couch I have been sleeping on for a few weeks now. I had this dream often even before moving out of my house with Bella. That was the last night I talked to the Bella I married. After that night she would be forever changed. She isn't the same carefree and happy person she was. I know she wants so badly to be, but she just can't be right now. She still needs time… I know that too, but it is so hard to stand by and watch her remain so broken.

It had been nearly a month since Bella had asked me to move out of our house. Standing by and watching her pull away so completely was nearly my undoing. I crashed in a hotel room and didn't leave for really anything. I didn't eat much except for what all was in the mini bar. Once my family found me I was taken in by my brother.

I have been lying on my brother's couch in his den, and haven't moved. His wife will bring in food every now and then or a new change of clothes. I haven't been in the mood to do anything. I am just thankful that they don't want me to talk about anything right now. Something I didn't think I would find with a head shrink around. Who knew Rosalie could keep her mouth shut for so long.

I spend most of my days just reliving the past and trying to pin point what I could have changed to stop this all from happening. I daydream about my sweet Bella; the woman I will love until the day I die. If she realizes it or not she will always be my wife, and we are in this together. I took a vow to her to be by her side in everything for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. I am determined with every fiber of my being to fulfill and honor that most sacred vow.

I try not to dwell on the fact that they haven't been able to find out who did this sick crime. They collected evidence from just about everywhere and questioned everyone, but could prove nothing. They never got any leads it was just a dead end… a cold case… an unsolved mystery. They had many terms for it, but the bottom line was whoever did this is still walking free out there possibly doing this same thing again and again. Bella says she has no idea who they were, but I see the lie in her eyes. She knows something and isn't telling a soul. She chooses instead to torture herself.

My brother has left me alone however, when he could see I wasn't making any plans on moving any time soon, he called in the big guns -our sister. Mid-morning on day eight of my stay in Emmett's home he set loose Alice. She is the baby of the family and spoiled absolutely rotten. Emmett and I could deny her nothing. Alice was going to get my depressed ass off this couch sure as day follows night. I just had to wait and see what her method would be to accomplish this.

"Where is he?" You could always hear Alice before you saw her. She was a tiny little thing with a big mouth no matter how sweet and innocent she looks.

The Alice that came solemnly walking into the den I had been inhabiting was not the happy go lucky girl we all loved. After this she sat next to my head while looking at me for a moment just staring into my eyes. She was gently running her fingers through my hair, which admittedly hadn't been washed in a few days. If I closed my eyes though, I would almost imagine it was Bella's slender fingers instead of Alice's immaculately manicured nails massaging my scalp.

"Edward I'm sorry this whole thing happened to you. I'm not going to lie to you and say I hadn't expected this. You had been so strong for so long for Bella. You needed this week and the days previous." She stopped for a moment to take in a shaky breath. "Brother, now it's time for us to be strong for you. We have been so worried about you both. Let us help you Edward. Bella will come around, I promise you."

Alice was always so optimistic. Nothing could ever rain on her sunshine. Any other day I would have believed her. I would have believed her if I had not just seen Bella with my own two eyes for the past year not get any better. She pretended she was, she put on a brave face for everyone, but I heard her sobs at night. I saw her small body shake with fears and the tears she would never let me comfort.

"You can't know that, Alice. You haven't seen her just close in on herself with each passing month. You know she won't take her meds anymore or go to therapy or tell her doctor anything anymore. She will barely let me touch her after a _year_. A **year** Alice, do you know what it was like to have my own wife flinch if I even moved or how she would tense up if I got too close? I don't know what else to do anymore."

I wanted more than anything to have my life back. I wanted my amazing wife and our adorable children. God, how much I wanted our children back. I wanted to chase away monsters from under the bed and in the closet. I wanted to bandage cuts and scrapes. I wanted to watch our children grow up and start kindergarten. I wanted to be up late helping them with math homework they didn't understand. I wanted to teach them everything I know. I wanted to tell a moody teenager to turn their music down. I wanted to wait up on nights they had a date. I wanted to go to their high school graduation. I wanted to see our children live a happy life. I wanted to give each and every one of my daughter's boyfriends absolute hell. I wanted to be there for them in everything they could ever need. I wanted to walk my little girl down the aisle. I wanted to see them begin their lives with their own families as Bella and I await the day we will become grandparents. I wanted it all… I wanted every parent's dream. I still wanted it even if I knew it was wrong to still want it.

The images of the lives that will never happen flooded into my mind. Once they started they wouldn't stop. I had always foreseen this perfect life with my perfect wife. None of that was possible now. I didn't even know how much longer I would have a wife. I wanted Bella back no matter how much it hurt to look at her and see my daughter's eyes and my son's nose. It hurt to look at her and be reminded of the nine months she carried our children, and as her flat stomach grew to accommodate our growing children. It was physically painful to look into her eyes and know she was blaming herself for taking all those hopes and dreams away from us. She couldn't see that it wasn't her fault. None of it was; it was that faceless monster and no one else.

"Edward…" She took my face in her hands so I had no choice, but to look into her determined eyes. "You'll pull through. You will get through this and so will Bella. Now sit up! I feel like the head shrink that you really need." Here was a glimpse of the Commander Alice we knew. She didn't feel right unless she was wearing six-inch heels, carrying a clipboard and wielding a pen while going Mach two. Her playful expression that covered her small elf-like face for that second vanished as seriousness and concern took its place again. "Edward, maybe you and Bella should talk to Rosalie. She's a psychologist who works closely with a psychiatrist and other professionals and doctors in related fields. I think you would be more comfortable talking to her. Especially, Bella. After all she knows her."

That's when it all finally clicked. Everything Bella had ever not wanted to tell me. "Alice that would be the last thing Bella would ever want. Rose may be very good at what she does and know exactly what she is going through, but no, Bella wouldn't do it."

She looked up at me exasperated. Welcome to my world little sister. "Why, Edward? Tell me why. Rosalie felt the same things as Bella once. The same thing happened to Rose. She knows what it is like to lose everything she ever cared about in one night to one horrible monster. Tell me, Edward, why Bella wouldn't want her to help."

I heard every single one of Bella's I don't want to tell yous while listening to Alice. I finally realized what she had meant every time she refused to talk about anything to me. "She won't talk to Rose because she doesn't want anyone to know what happened. Think about it Alice; none of us know what happened to Rosalie. I'm not even sure if Emmett knows the explicit details of what happened to her. All Rose ever is able to say is that Royce raped her. That's it; end of story. You two are best friends and she has never once confided in you anything about that night. What makes you think that just because Rose has the title Doctor in front of her name that Bella would want to tell her _sister-in-law_ the gory details of what happened to her: the details of the night our children were murdered. Alice she won't do it." I begged her with all I had in me to understand and not press the issue.

Alice was quiet as she thought about what I said and formed her opinion. "I see what you are saying Edward. I really do, but please just think about it. We all want what is best for Bella. Don't think I haven't seen how bad she is. I go over there every chance I get. What is best for Bella is not sitting in that big house full of memories, all alone with no one but herself. She is closing in on herself. She knows it, and she can't do anything because she is scared. She doesn't know what to do Edward. She doesn't think she is worthy of our help and love and support. She thinks she is to blame…" I start to interrupt her, but she pressed on with her speech. "Yes, she knows that the man who raped her is the one who ultimately destroyed your lives, but she still holds herself responsible. We can't just sit here and do nothing."

Alice was right. We couldn't sit around doing nothing. Exactly what I had been doing since I moved out. I sat in a hotel room, I moped at my parents' house, and I have not vacated Emmett's couch since I got here. I can't keep doing this anymore. Bella needs me and here I am crying my eyes out. I needed a case to sink my teeth into, but our firm had hit a dry spell. There were no cases to be had right now in the Seattle and greater Seattle area. Now I needed a distraction the most, for the first time ever I didn't have my pick of any case I wanted. I was glad to know Alice goes and checks on her. I told Bella I wouldn't so it was good to know someone was. "None of us are giving up on her, Alice."

You could tell when Alice got an idea in her head. Her eyes got all big and bright and she couldn't sit still… even more than was normal for Alice. "What if I take her shopping?! We could spend some quality girl time. She could use a few new things and a day out of that house. I swear she is as bad as you when it comes to doing anything. Rose can come, too! It will be great. I'll go call her!"

Oh, no! This was not a good idea. Bella did not need Alice dragging her through the mall again. We tried that, and it was a crash and burn. I ran out of a meeting to come and get my sobbing wife out of the ladies room in the mall. She was surrounded by purchases and having a panic attack. Apparently one of the store workers was a man. Alice was all upset about the whole thing. Bella had been fine around men up until then. Something about him must have set her off. There didn't seem to be anything particularly scary about him. He was a tall white man with light brown hair that was almost blonde and longer than a normal haircut and blue eyes. He was pretty average looking. If anything he looked a little like my best friend, James. None of us got it, but I am sure as hell not going to let Alice have a repeat performance of the mall scene.

"Calm down Alice! God, acting like that, you'd scare the poor thing away! I'd have to give you a downer just to be allowed into the mall in the first place. I do _not_ think it is such a good idea." Rose interjected. Finally someone to understand!

"Thanks Rosie! …"

"Watch it Edward! You better be glad this is Emmett's den and I have no say over what happens here, because otherwise I would have sent you packing for what you just said. You know I hate that name. In fact just for that I am letting Emmett in here." Before Alice or I could voice a complaint, Emmett came barreling into the small room. Was I seriously the only normal one of the family? Where did they get this insane energy, no concept of personal space, and no volume check? Mom and Dad seemed normal. Perhaps there is an uncle we don't know about or something.

"Finally! Hey baby sis, bro, which by the way you needed a shower like three days ago man." Alice of course laughed, not that I was in a position tom deny anything.

"Hey to you, too Emmie." I used the nickname Alice and I came up with ages ago. Emmett chuckled and went to ruffle Alice's hair as she dodged away then rounded back around to jab him in the ribs… not that he would have felt a thing. But, oh, boy we Cullen siblings could go at something like this all day. We used to drive our parents insane bickering back and forth about some random little thing that meant absolutely nothing. I was going to attempt to stay out of this one as long as I could.

"You want to play like that pixie? Bring it Tinker Bell." I made for the exit before World War Three could break out. Nobody called that little lady a pixie or Tinker Bell or any other name having to do with a sprite or of fairy origin who wasn't looking for a fight.

For the first time in a few days I made my way out of Emmett's room and out into the rest of the apartment. I took a quick shower to rinse the grime off myself. Emmett was right I more than was in need of a good scrubbing. The headed into the kitchen where I could hear Rose banging around. "Hey, Rose. Did you need a hand with lunch?" If she would have had anything in her hand I think she would have dropped it right along with her bottom lip that just hit the floor. Was it something I said or just the fact that I was at last out and about?

"Who are you and what have you done with Edward Cullen? Since when do you help in the kitchen? Are you the same man who would run in, grab a cookie and high tail it back to wherever you came from?" Helping out Bella had become second nature. First because she would have my hide if I didn't help around the house, and secondly pregnant women need it apparently. I was a bit taken aback by her questions though. I didn't like talking about Bella. It brought back the happy memories that I so desperately missed.

"Well… when Bella was pregnant she had terrible morning sickness. Some mornings she just didn't even get out of bed so obviously she didn't feel like cooking. Then as she got closer to her due date she got tired really easily so she would sit in the kitchen and dictate what I was suppose to do. Then after she came home I didn't want her doing much of anything so she didn't strain herself after taking care of the twins. Helping out around the house became came out of necessity, I guess." It was difficult to admit. It was so hard to talk about Bella and the twins. Rose looked intrigued, but must have read it on my face that I did not want to go any deeper into the subject.

"Let me see you can… umm… how about you mix up the barbeque sauce for the ribs. Make a lot. Emmett still eats like a bear. Use whatever you can find; we should have just about everything you could need." I was a bit surprised she was entrusting me with something so… complicated I guess. I was expecting her to have me set the table or get water glasses or something trivial. We worked in relative silence for a while. I began to think I would get off easy today. I was always nervous around Rose the head doctor. She knew us far better than she would ever lead on. My hopes were soon dashed.

"Umm… Edward. I heard what you said to Alice… about Bella. I understand where you are coming from, but Bella needs to talk to _someone_. Just to give you something to think about, I would be willing to talk about anything that Bella needed in order to help her. To help her see that she isn't alone, that she isn't the only one who has gone through something like this. She needs to see that in time she can have a normal life again. Just think about it Edward, that's all I ask, I really want to help her." Wow, Rose was setting a lot out in the open. Did she really mean that she would be willing to talk to Bella about what happened between her and Royce? We all know that, like Bella, Rose is also unable to have children.

Rose was crushed for a long time that she would never be able to raise a child of her own. It was well after her attack and after she met Emmett that she could be around children and not cry or have to leave. They have been talking about adoption for a while now. They are both for it they are just getting everything figured out and deciding what they want to do. For the time being I think Emmett is enough for Rosalie to handle.

Still, I don't know if Bella would be okay with this. Even if Rose poured out her story to her I don't see how Bella would see that as being any different than the group therapy sessions she detested. Bella has always been a very quiet, shy and kept to herself person. She is a lot like her Dad. She says something when she wants to otherwise she is content in comfortable silence. Something I never had growing up, and had to get used to after being with her.

"Rose I just don't know. I can't answer for Bella right now. Over the course of this year after the incident, I have come to realize that I have no idea what Bella would prefer. I can guess based on her past decisions, but I really have no idea. She has changed so much. I know you know that. We all can see how she has changed…" She held up her hand while nodding her head. She didn't need me to attempt to explain something I knew nothing about. I could do research all day long, but I would never understand what these two important women in my life went through, and unfortunately countless others. Didn't sons get taught how to treat a woman anymore? Esme should hold classes or something.

"Edward, I know. I'm sure people who knew me before and after my rape would say I changed. I can't pretend that something like that didn't have an effect on me. Bella was one of the ones who said it to me first. Bella saw how I tried to cope by myself and failed. I have to remind her of that. I know I can help her; I have to believe that I can help her. I'll take this slow with Bella. I won't put her on the spot or anything."

Rose always amazed me at how seemingly nonchalantly she could refer to her rape as such. With Bella, granted it had only been a year, but it was still 'the incident' whenever anyone would talk about it or refer to what happened. I believe truly that Rose could be the best thing for Bella. I just don't know how we could ever convince Bella of this.

Well, I never thought of it that way before. Bella was torn up about Rose and how she needed to get help and talk to people. She told me all the time how she couldn't do it on her own, and how she needed Emmett more than ever before. If Rose could get Bella to see that she is doing the exact same thing as she did all those years ago… maybe, just maybe she can help pull her out of this self induced coma she has herself in. Before I could even start to ask Rose another question, she was already back to checking on the ribs for lunch.

"How is that sauce coming?" How could she go from one conversation to another so fast? My mind was still reeling over what she had just told me, and here she was asking me about the sauce long since forgotten in front of me. Come to think of it I have no idea what I have put in it while my brain was on autopilot. "Oh, I Umm… yeah I'm done with it."

"Fantastic. Why don't you set the table and go put a stop to the Cullen Sibling War of 2010. I am absolutely starved having looked at all this food all morning." I just nodded still not feeling completely into the conversation and idly set the table for four.

"Emmett…Alice! Lunch is ready." I didn't have the courage to go any further toward the den than the hallway. I could still hear a heated argument. Neither of those two could just drop anything. No, they had to battle it out till the end. Of course the original argument was long since forgotten… whatever that had been. At least lunch would give them a diversion.

"Do not think this is over Emmett!" If this kept up I would seriously considering moving back in with Mom and Dad even if that meant moving halfway across the country.

"Whatever Ali, you know I am right you just can't admit it." With a very unladylike snort they both exited the den and set opposite each other at the table. Hopefully I wouldn't have to duck any flying food. Mom used to wear her apron to the table whenever she would make mashed potatoes. What can I say, it was just too tempting to resist.

"Rose baby, this is really good. Dang the barbeque sauce is down right spicy and I am definitely going to need more water but this is fantastic!" Oh, no! How much hot sauce did I add? I got so used to making everything spicy with Bella that I totally forgot. She turned this wimp into someone who could stand some heat, poor Emmett…and Rose and Alice for that matter.

"Why thank you but I'll have you know that Edward helped cook today." Was that pride in her voice? Who was she my mother? I feel like I am going to get a pat on the head and a gold star next to my name on the reward chart.

"Edward?!" Both Emmett and Alice looked at me wide-eyed. Didn't anyone believe I could be of more use that sitting behind a desk going over legal documents… obviously not.

"What! I am not completely helpless in the kitchen I got trained well. Now come on and let's eat, I'm starved!" Would they stop looking at me like I grew a third eye?

"It's about time! You have been laid out on that couch hardly eating since you got here, Edward. I was getting really worried about you." 'Yes, mother Rosalie' I called out in my head. She will make an excellent mother one day. The thought alone was enough to cause my eyes to glass over with tears waiting to be shed. A great mother like my Bella was. A mother to kids like Nicholas and Natalie. The rest of them must have seen that I was barely holding it together thus continued the conversation not including me. I tear slipped down my face.

The last time I had ribs to eat was when Bella was still pregnant. She had been having cravings for pork ribs and demanded I go out and get some and then for me to make them for her. That night as we sat at the table gnawing on bones and licking our fingers clean of sauce we decided on baby names. We wanted them both to start with the same letter just not to rhyme or anything.

"_How about Nicholas and Nichole? We could call them Nick and Nickki. That would be cute."_

"_Edward. That would be so confusing. No. How about we name them after family. I have always liked your mother's name. Carlisle is a very sophisticated name for a son."_

"_No way, middle names are for family names. We can't have another set of Carlisle and Esme Cullens! No, I like the name Nicholas." I didn't want to back down on this, but if she persisted any more I wouldn't have a choice. Not if she pulled out her pouting routine. It seems like all I have been doing for weeks is conceding to everything the woman wants._

"_Nicholas Carlisle Cullen? Sweetie does that sound okay? I kind of like it. What about Charlie? Do you think he will feel left out? I know I don't want to name my son Charles. Oh, this is so hard!" I wanted to laugh at how easily frustrated she was getting. We still had plenty of time to decide on names for the twins. She didn't have to get all worked up now. She was cute when she would put her head in her hands and pull on her hair. Something I know she got from me. When she thinks about something now not only does she bite her lip but she sometimes will pinch the bridge of her nose. _

_Repressing that smile, I tried to calm her down a bit. I didn't want her to worry about anything, just enjoy being pregnant and becoming a mother. "I know it's a big decision. What do you think? Nicholas Carlisle or Nicholas Charles Cullen? And what about Natalie for a girls name? I still like the idea of the same letter thing."_

"_Let me think about the middle name I don't want to upset anyone here. I like Natalie… we would call them Nick and Nattie. I think they sound adorable. So now it's just Natalie Esme or Natalie Renee."_

"_Hmm… how about we decide on middle names later. Nick and Nattie it is."_

"_I love those choices… and I love you."_

"_Thanks honey I love you forever."_

It seems so long ago. Like I am looking back on another life. Everything seemed so simple and set then. Nothing could have made me believe it all would have ended the way it did. Everything was so perfect then, like a fairytale.

I look back up at everyone now more into eating lunch than talking. I can't help but think I just don't belong here. I belong with Bella… if only she would let me in. "I'm sorry for crashing here so long. I didn't mean to impose. I'll head somewhere else soon, I promise." I think I startled everyone by speaking which makes me wonder how much time has passed since I spoke last.

Emmett is out of his chair and towering over me before Rose can begin her protest. Alice is glaring at me like she can't believe I would ever say such a thing. "No, you're NOT! You are staying here with us! You are my brother! This is what family does; we take care of one another! Don't you ever say that again. Not unless you can't stand us, but know this the next place you are going to stay is with Jasper and Alice." I know he means it, and I know the warning in his voice. Living with Jasper wouldn't be too bad. He keeps to himself and we all get along great with him. It's Alice who would be the problem. I'm sure I would be in every therapy session and anything else related in the Chicago area. She is like Esme just with about a gallon of caffeine in her.

I sigh and put up my hands in defeat. They win this round, but still I can't just sit here anymore. "Alice… Rose would you two mind checking in on Bella everyday? I know everyone takes turns calling her but I just want someone to see her. I know she is a good little actress. I don't want her pretending she is better than she really is. Rose, I'll help out around here when I'm not at work. I just need to know she is okay."

"Are those your terms in order to stay here?"

"I guess they are. Will you do it? Please… I-I…" I couldn't talk about Bella too long before the lump in my throat got too big for speech to be possible.

"Edward, that is the very least we could do, of course we will. Rose and I will set up something in our schedules to spend time with her. I know this great little bistro that just opened not far from your house. Not many people are ever in there, yet I think it would be perfect to get her out of the house." I knew I would have to rein her in.

"Alice, don't smother her. She is still a bit shy around people." Whenever I would take her out she would get jumpy and scare easily.

"Don't worry, I won't. Rose?" Oh, she was worried about Rosalie being too much for her? This was being said to the woman who is content to sit through an entire ball game with her husband. I think the most strenuous thing Bella would have to worry about with Rose would be changing the channel. They would probably talk about books and movies and which recipe they wanted to make later that day. They were always so easy going together. Alice on the other hand was already planning lunch outings and most likely shopping trips in her head as we speak.

"I know I don't have to worry about Rose." I answered for my sister-in-law, hoping I wouldn't get a smack to the back of my head. Emmett got one all the time when he answered for her. I guess this afternoon she was being lenient. "Alice, just don't freak her out. Just go easy on her; keep things slow." I gave her a pointed stare. I may not still be living under her same roof, but I was still her husband and I was still going to take care of her.

Before the issue could be pressed further or the subject could be changed, the doorbell rang. I gladly shot up to get it. I had no idea who it could be, probably just Jasper finally making it over for food. I wasn't prepared for who I would see on the other side. The man In front of me was most certainly not Jasper.

"James?!" I couldn't believe it. I hadn't seen him much after Bella's attack. He had a second office starting up somewhere else, I forgot where, so he wasn't able to be around much. It was probably for the best anyways. The police had rained down fire on him since he was one of the last people besides her attacker to see Bella. Just knowing he was most likely the last person to hold my Nick and Nattie nearly brought up tears that I knew wouldn't stop once they started.

"Hey Edward, you recognized me with my hair cut." Whoa, I hadn't noticed. James **did** cut his hair. He had worn his hair longer than what was business world acceptable the entire time I had known him. I may not have a trim cut either, but his could always be pulled back into a ponytail.

"It is so good to see you!" I wasn't normally one for hugs or anything, but I hadn't seen my best friend in what felt like ages. "I can't believe you cut your hair!"

"Ah, what can I say, things change. You know you are one tough man to track down Cullen. I called everywhere to find you. The old phone numbers I had for you were all disconnected and you're now unlisted. Once I got back in the area I had to run by your office and ask them where you were. Some blonde bimbo gave me direction to your brother's house." I cracked a smile at that.

"That would have been Jessica. Annoying tramp isn't she. Sounds like nails on a chalkboard." It felt good to joke around and talk to him again.

"Ugh! That's it! I couldn't figure out what that hussy's voice sounded like. You know her laugh is even worse! Who hired her anyway? I'm betting on Demitri, he would be one to tap something like that."

"Yeah, he hired her right after her internship ended. Something like that was probably going on."

We shared a few more laughs at the girl's expense before he got serious. Clamping his hand on my shoulder and looking at me remorsefully, he asked the one thing I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to hear it, but I know I needed to talk about it. My best friend would probably be the place to start. "Did that horrible thing with your wife ever get taken care of? That all happened just before I left for California. Did they ever catch the sick bastard?"

I couldn't even get words out. I just shook my head from side to side. Seeing me he quickly put an arm across my shoulders. Nothing too much he knew I didn't like to be touched overly much, but enough to show me he was there for me. After being there for Bella for so long I needed someone to be there for me.

"Thanks James."

**A/N:** I hope you liked it!

Thank you all for reading and reviewing. All the wonderful words of feedback and encouragement mean the world to me. Thanks so much!

I hope you guys like the little tiny cliffhanger. I hope a few questions were answered.

I had a few revelations when writing up my outline. So I am not planning on this story being done any time soon.

I know _this _chapter should have been before chapter 2, but I guess that's how it goes. I know you guys will be able to keep the timeline straight.

Some more of Bella's POV should be up next.

Thank you all for reading! I would love reviews! I never truly appreciated how much reviews meant until I posted this and started to get them. They literally make my day. So go ahead make my day!

I love you guys!

~Jessi


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; I just have an overly active imagination.

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape.

**A/N: **All of you who preferred Bella's POV this is one for you.

As always the italics is a flashback and the basic font is picking up where Chapter 2 left off.

Without further ado here is Chapter 4- Enjoy!

**Tortured Sole**

_I couldn't have been more irritated at my husband for asking me to drop off some file for his best friend. He knew very well that man gave me the creeps. I only agreed because he sounded like it was indeed very urgent, and probably meant a lot for his work. Okay honestly, I couldn't care less about the shady work James does. I was never so glad to see him leave Edward's law firm. I know he dealt with clients of less than reputable nature. Some of those people he defended successfully just didn't look innocent to me. Case in point, he represented the __Volturi __brothers a few years back. It was a murder trial that everyone who was anyone knew he was guilty yet James got the judge to rule in __Caius__' favor. I can just hope that he never got my husband wrapped up in anything he did like that. I just want to help Edward._

_Who am I kidding? I am so making him pay for this! A nice dinner out sounds divine. Also some girl time while he stays home with the twins sounds perfect. It is late, dark out and he said I wouldn't have time to drop off the twins somewhere first. Why James couldn't get up and get his precious paperwork himself is beyond me. Or why, for that matter, the two-brain child's couldn't have dealt with this before now? Men! One would think two educated gentlemen, such as themselves, would be able to figure this out without me!_

_Scribbling Edward a quick note about dinner if he happened, by some miracle, to get home __before I did, I left that o__n the table and went to ready Nick and Nattie for a car ride. Three pairs of shoes, three coats, two car seats, one diaper bag, one set of keys, and one file folder later we were all in the car and pulling out of the garage. I had my cell phone open and giving me turn-by-turn directions on how to get to his house. I hoped I didn't get lost. He didn't live that far away, but it would just be something I would do, get lost in an unfamiliar neighborhood._

_Not four minutes on the road and Nick starts to put up a fuss. I try talking to him and shushing him and everything else I can think of doing while separated by the front seat. Nothing works. Pretty soon I have Natalie joining in on the crying fest in the back seat of my car. Just what I need, two inconsolable children. Edward, if I could strangle you now, I would! Surely I would regret it in the morning, but right now it would just make me feel better._

"_Shhh… it's okay my darlings, mommy's here. It's okay we're almost there." Making my last turn through the maze of the old winding subdivision, I pull into the vaguely familiar driveway. I've been here no more than twice even though Edward used to be here several times a week. I could never understand the draw between them, but just as long as I didn't have to be involved I was fine. Something in his icy blue eyes made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He was always watching, waiting for… something. I never felt at ease around him and preferred to stay glued to Edward's side. I was glad we had been so involved with Nick and Nattie and now with Edward back at work, he hadn't had much time for his long time friend._

_Sitting in his driveway, I debated with myself on whether I could leave the car running with my children in the car and run the damn file up, hand it to him and run right back. Of course every worst-case scenario ran through my mind effectively making my mind up for me. Taking my keys out of the ignition, I ran around to grab the two car seats that by the wonder of modern design had the carrying handle built right in. With the files tucked under my arm I carried everyone up to the door and rang the bell twice. I wanted nothing more than to shove the papers under the door and make a run for it. I was already on edge, and I hadn't even seen him yet._

_I heard movement inside, but he didn't come to the door. Me being impatient as ever, I rang the doorbell two more times in quick succession. He knew I was coming. He should have been waiting for me. Couldn't the man just open the door so I could leave? Finally the footsteps grew louder and the door finally opened. There stood the man I had come to see with the same cold blue eyes and long blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail. I noticed he was wearing a jacket and shoes… he must be heading out. No wonder I needed to get here pronto, he had a date. Just perfect, make me jump through flaming hoops so he can continue right on with his perfect little life._

"_Bella! It is so good to see you! How are you? Oh, you brought Nicolas and Natalie! Please come in. Can I get you anything, something to drink perhaps? You look wonderful." What has this guy on cloud nine? He has never been this talkative… ever. Maybe they have him medicated? Or maybe his date is really promising and he thinks he's getting laid. Since he is making such an effort to be nice, I figured I could try and ease the scowl off my face._

_Stepping through the doorway, I set down the two baby carriers and pulled out the file folder. "It's good to see you too. I'm doing well… as well as can be expected with two newborns. They haven't discovered the concept of sleeping through the night yet and how wonderful it can be. But, yes Edward said you needed these files as soon as possible so I did bring the twins. However, I do think I should be heading home. It's late and I'm a bit tired. Thanks for the drink offer though." _

_After handing the files over, I just wanted to go home no matter how nice he was being. My creepo radar was still on high alert. "Are you sure you can't stay? I haven't gotten to see these two yet." What. The. Hell? He bent down so he was right above the two carriers. Peaking under the blanket I had placed over Nattie's baby carrier, I had to hold in my protest. Repeating over and over in my head that it was going to be fine, he was Edward's BFF. I couldn't freak out even though I so wanted to at the moment. Scooping up my baby girl in his arms he carefully kissed her tiny cheek. "This must be Natalie. Or do you call you call her Nattie? Bella, believe me when I tell you these two are all Edward talks about any more. I feel as if I know them already. He was right they are adorable." Still cradling my daughter in his arms, he reached to look at Nicholas whom I quickly grabbed before he had the chance._

"_This would be our Nicholas. Just like his father right down to his crazy hair. I swear the child will never be in anything by a buzz cut or hat." Why was I rambling? Why was I still on edge? He was clearly all right. Yet, why did I still have the urge to pull my little baby from his grasp and bolt out of his house?_

"_That he does, but this little lady got his eyes. Green, just her daddy's. He, however, got your brown eyes. Still just as captivating as the originals." __**That **__is why I still have those feelings….when he says stuff like that. I now have every intention of getting the hell out of here. He hasn't wiped that smug smile from his face. I can't be here anymore without showing how panicked I really am. _

"_James, it was lovely to see you. We will have to get together again soon when Edward is finally done with this case that has had him wrapped up for the past few weeks." I do hope I am a better liar than Edward says I am, because if not he so knows I didn't mean that. " But it's late, and I still have to drive back home. Edward probably won't be back until really late, but I'd feel better making sure he makes it home safe." I stooped down to place Nick back in his carrier when I noticed James hadn't budged. Ugh. Incapable men. Couldn't even help me put a baby in a car seat. "Hand her here and I'll strap her back in." I held my arms out to take her, but he wasn't looking._

_No sooner had I spoken, I swear he moaned under his breath. It was definitely time to go now. "James, I'll take Nattie so I can go." He was really weirding me out._

"_I'm afraid I can't do that Bella." What on earth did that mean? Of course he could. It was very simple. Bend down and hand the baby to me so I can go. _

"_What? You frozen there or something?" I tried to laugh, but truth be told, I couldn't quite manage it in my present state of being freaked out._

"_Oh, Bella." It was then that he turned his gaze from the ceiling to look at me with those piercing blue eyes. "I've have been watching you for far too long."_

_-~-_

My body wouldn't cooperate with what my mind wanted to do. I wanted to run for the hills. I wanted to call the police. I wanted to do something! I wanted Edward's arms to run into. I wanted someone! Instead I was super glued to my spot on the floor looking out into the picturesque backyard with the phone pressed to my ear.

"Bella, I've been waiting for you." I knew I heard a groan, a moan, something of the sort on the other end of the line. I wanted to hang up so badly, I just couldn't. "I've come to claim what is mine… **you** are _mine_!"

That's what did it, hearing those last words that I had relived so many hundreds of times in my nightmares again I broke free. Dropping the phone, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me up the stairs and into the back recesses of my closet. Why I ran here, I haven't a clue. Why I dropped the phone, I haven't the foggiest. All I know right now is that my rapist is outside my house and I am helplessly alone.

I try to listen to the eerie silence around me, the calm before the storm. I hear the back door open and curse myself for not thinking to lock it. Of course locks only keep honest people honest. There is nothing that would have stopped him from picking up a rock lining the flowerbeds and chucking it through my glass patio door. Why didn't I set the alarm on the security system? Oh right, because I thought all he wanted was a quick and easy rape and to murder my children. How silly of me to think he would never come back after ruining my life. Edward, why didn't I listen when you said I needed a dog? I could have used one about now, a nice big German shepherd or something equally massive.

It is only a matter of time before he finds me. It is only a matter of time before he drags me out of my poorly conceived hiding place that might as well be under my bed. I listen to slow methodical footfalls cover every inch of the down stairs and the creak of the second step as he ascends the stairs, even closer to me. Every step brings him closer, one step closer than I ever wanted him to be again. Why didn't I tell someone it was James? Why did I lie for so long to everyone? Why didn't I describe any incriminating details to the sketch artist? All these questions, I have but one answer to. I love my husband, and there was no way I was going to let what happened to our children happen to him. No one else was going to suffer for my mistakes. James told me what to do to keep my family alive. Twice I didn't listen and twice I had to witness deaths of the souls I loved more than anything it this world. I would not be making that same mistake again.

"Bella… Bella? I know you're here my pet." He calls my name as if I am a cat he has been away from for the weekend. The bile rises in my throat, reminding me of the breakfast or ice cream I never got to eat this morning. At least there isn't anything in my stomach to purge in my fear. "Bella? Where are you?" His voice; a singsong like tone you would use to amuse a child. A tone I used to use before he took mine away. " Why are you hiding from me? It's just James. Bella, come out, I've missed you in my time away." He's at the end of the hall near the old nursery, now the new guest room, Edward's now vacant home office, then the library. He passes the rooms after a meticulous search of each one.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." He says as if preparing to chastise an erring child. He enters the master suite just mere feet away from my hiding spot. My heart is still pounding hard in my ears and it's a wonder I can hear anything at all. Surrounded by silks and laces and cottons and cashmeres, I hide. He continues calling out to me as if his voice will draw me out, before his hands grab a hold of me and drag me out. From down on the first floor, I hear a door open again. This time, it's the front door. I know for a fact I locked it. I haven't gone out that door in two weeks. Did he unlock it before he came up? Does he have an accomplice this time? I feel as if I'm going to pass out, until I hear the sweetest voice I could have ever conjured in my panic induced delirium.

"Bella? Hey, it's Alice. You didn't hear me knock so I used my key? I know you're up, woman! Your phone was off the hook the twelve times I tried calling! Come on, I need lunch. There is this great little café that just opened up like two minutes away that is absolutely divine. Bella?" Yes, it was Alice all right. She was probably the only person who you could hear clear as a bell buried in a second floor closet while she was on the first floor. How I wanted to race out of this closet and leap into her tiny arms and thank her for the rest of my life.

"Damn bitch!" James sneered. Alice wouldn't have heard his exclamation, but his voice rendered me stationary again. Would he hurt Alice, too? Would he bind us both and have his evil way with us both? I couldn't let him do that. I couldn't do to Jasper what I did to Edward. I couldn't fail again. I didn't think he would pull someone else into this, get someone else involved who may not be so inclined to keep secret his tangled web of lies. That was a risk I didn't want to take. I heard his footsteps quickly descend the stairs and I sent a thousand prayers to whoever may be listening that he wouldn't touch her.

"Finally! Bell… James? What are you doing here? I just saw you at Emmett's. Did Edward tell you to come here? Did Edward come with you? I told him I was coming here today to take Bella to lunch." I couldn't stay hidden any more. I would most likely collapse into a pile of terror and start sobbing the moment I saw him, but I couldn't just stand by and not do anything while Alice was in my house with this monster. He couldn't hurt her the way he hurt me. No, he wouldn't ever be able to do that. I would gladly go with him if it meant saving my little pixie sister.

"Hello Alice." His tone was smooth and calm. It drew you in like a poisonous flower does its prey innocently, alluring yet deadly. "I came by to check on Bella. Edward said he hadn't been here in a few weeks. Bella was just giving me a tour. She stopped in her restroom though she should be out shortly. It's good to see you, Tinker Bell." I knew, I just knew my knees were going to give out as I rounded the hallway and came running down the stairs. I nearly stumbled, but managed to catch the banister. I flung myself into her arms whizzing right past James. I just had to get to her. I had to prove to myself she was really here. I had to know that she wasn't going to disappear into a poof of smoke and I would be left alone in my foyer with James.

"Alice! I haven't seen you in forever!" I could feel his gaze burning into my back and I hugged my sister-in-law with every fiber of force I could muster. "Lunch actually sounds great. James was just about to leave so it's perfect. I could use some fresh air, and maybe if you behave yourself I could use some girl time at the mall." I would agree to a makeover and a full body wax if it meant getting away from _him_.

"Really!" Excellent she had now just entered into screeching and excited Alice loud. Now if we could get out of here in one piece, I would feel a lot better.

"Yeah, and in fact I skipped breakfast so I am ready to go _now_." It took everything I had in me to turn and address the man who raped me and took everything from me.

"James, if you will excuse us we have some girl time we need to catch up on." The fire was evident behind his eyes the wheels in his brain were working feverishly, trying to salvage his plan I'm sure, without involving anyone else.

"Yes, of course. I'll see you around Bella. I'll be in Seattle until my business here is finished." With that fact alone, I wanted to jump on the first plane to Timbuktu and never look back ever. Alice bounced to the door as he leaned in closer to my ear. "You will pay for this little stunt today. Don't you fret, Bella. I can be a very patient man. I've waited a year, I can wait a little while longer to have you beneath me once again." Without any outward sign of what he just said to me, he stood straight again, walked out my front door and onto the porch.

It took everything to get my body to move to myself to do something. I had to remain composed, no matter how much I wanted to turn and run crying and screaming for my life. I instead walked brusquely to catch up with Alice out on the front porch. There was no way I was ever willingly coming back to this house alone. Not with James now back in Seattle.

James followed us out and threw one last glare at me over his shoulder as he passed us to walk down the driveway. Alice and I hopped in her bright yellow little car as James walked past down the street a little ways and climbed in a pristine black expensive looking SUV.

I hadn't realized I had been shaking until Alice reached over and steadied my hands. She looked worried. Hell, I would be worried about me. These were the kind of reactions my family was always expecting.

"Bella, are you all right? Did James do something? Did he bring up something he shouldn't have? I can't believe he came? He has always freaked me out. I never understood why he and Edward have been inseparable since they first met." She glanced nervously at me, as if I didn't completely agree. How could James not give everyone the creeps? "Well… I- uh… I'm sure you got used to him. I'm sorry if I offended you. It's just the honest truth, but you know-"

"Alice! Stop it. James is creepy. I just still don't like being around men. He rattled me a little bit when he showed up. That's all. I'm sorry for making you worry. However, you my dear, couldn't have had better timing even if I had planned this myself. Not only did you save the damsel in distress, but also you are taking me to get some real food; a true knightess in shining armor, my sister." I attempted to keep my voice happy sounding. I didn't need her finding the truth hidden beneath my kidding words.

Thankfully, she chuckled a few seconds before switching on her iPod and continuing on the way to the little café she had said was divine and out of this world. Quite frankly, I was still a little apprehensive, but right now I knew I was safe. James was presently occupied with how to get me alone in my house. Not out in public with my sister-in-law. I just hoped I could keep myself together for a few more hours.

"What would you two ladies like to order this afternoon? Our soup, salad or sandwich plates are really great." Thank the gods, our waitress was a woman. I had no idea what I wanted and I hadn't been able to tear my eyes from the large window facing the street long enough to concentrate on the menu.

"I'll have the Asian salad with the fat free dressing and the garden vegetable soup."

"And what can I get for you miss?"

Oh, crap umm… I couldn't very well say I had to utter clue. "I'll just have the same. Thanks."

I got a look from Alice that told me she knew I hated anything Asian _and_ vegetable soup. Thankfully, she didn't say anything. She was probably just glad I agreed to leave the house for the first time in weeks. Little did she know the reason for this afternoon's excursion.

"So… Bella, what have you been doing lately?" Okay, I could work with this. At least she wasn't one of the insane people to actually ask _how_ I was doing.

"I've been working a lot on my new book actually. That has been keeping me really busy. My publisher is very happy with what I have been able to put out so far." Please, don't ask me anything more personal. I really would hate to lie to you and say I have been doing ducky when really I haven't gotten a full night's rest or eaten an actual meal since Edward left.

"Oh, that's so exciting! I loved your previous books! They were so romantic and perfect. What are you writing about… if you don't mind me asking? I know for your first book Edward didn't even know what you were writing about." It was so good to hear her laugh. I have found I particularly enjoy the sound since I haven't been able to manage it in so long.

"No, not at all. It's about a young woman who is forced into a line of work that is somewhat less than reputable after her husband disappears without a single trace. After months of searching she literally has no choice, but to move on in every sense of the word. She is alone and feels helpless, and must learn to deal with things that she never had to before." I was actually very pleased with how my plot line and story development was turning out. I was too busy giving myself a little pat on the back to notice the horrified expression on Alice's face.

"Bella, that is so sad! I-I…" I cracked a smile at her reaction. I'm sure Edward would have a similar one if he knew the themes running through my head all day. "Bella I can't tell you how sorry I am that this… awful thing that happened has influenced your writing like this.

"Well, I have always written what I feel…" I couldn't finish it. I didn't _want_ to finish it. If I finished that sentence, I would be forced to face the ugly truth that is now my life. My life isn't light or happy or a love story anymore. How could I write about something I couldn't even remember feeling anymore?

"Oh." I could tell she felt bad about even asking. It was sort of obvious now that she knew. For now I just wanted to change the subject, and the arrival of the waitress with out lunch accomplished just that with no assistence from me.

Alice had been right. I still don't like Asian salad or garden vegetable soup. I picked and pushed and forced myself to swallow about half of it before I gave up and just said I was done.

"So what stores do you want to hit? I was thinking we could both just go to the mall and have a choice of anything. Or, if you had something particular in mind we could head to a specialty boutique. What do you think?" Oh Alice, I don't give a damn where we go just as long as I don't go home just yet. Which reminds me, I am going to have to broach that subject sooner or later. Either I am going to have to stay with someone or Edward is going to have to move back in. At present, I don't think I am ready for the latter.

"It doesn't matter to me Alice. I just wanted an outing with you. I knew you could never pass up the opportunity to shop. So wherever you want to go is fine." She looked too much in thought to be thinking about just shopping. Even for Alice, she was definitely thinking about something deep. I just hope it's not me.

"Bella, you have been distracted all through lunch. What's the matter? Was it James? Talk to me. You know we are all worried about you." Yup, it was about me. She paused as if debating on what to tell me. "Bella, did you know Edward has been completely depressed ever since he moved out. The first week he checked into a hotel and didn't do anything! Bella he drank himself through the full contents of the mini bar. Several times it seemed by the looks of him. Thankfully, he had the sense to not go into work that week. He most likely couldn't have even made it out of the building. We finally found him by the end of that week, and mom and dad took him in. That went over like a lead balloon… you know how mom can be... so he has since moved to Emmett and Rose's place. They called me over today to get him off the couch in Emmett's den after a week of not moving. Bella he's not coping well… at all."

I had no idea any of that had been going on. Here I figured he was fine. I knew he would worry, but I had no idea he would do anything like what Alice had just described. My head was still reeling from all this new information. This was something I wasn't at all prepared for. Edward had never been much of a drinker. He might have one beer while over with the guys or a glass of wine occasionally at dinner, but nothing more. I was glad he had family to take care of him, but it tore me up inside to know I was the cause for all this.

"Alice I-I…" Tears began to pool at the corners of my eyes. There was a flood coming and I knew I wouldn't be able to stop, no matter how many patrons were looking at me.

"Oh, honey. I'm sorry, it all just came out. I shouldn't have told you that. Not here and not now." I didn't like what I was putting Alice through with just one damn lunch date. How was I ever going to do normal things? "Come on let me take you home."

"NO!" I know everyone in the restaurant turned to look at us. Alice calmly just laid money on the table to cover our bill and tip and ushered me out to her car.

"Bella?" I didn't answer. I didn't know what I was going to tell her yet. "Bella, why don't you want to go back to your house honey?"

"I-umm… I'm too alone there. I don't want to be alone anymore." Inspired, Alice got all excited and went to butt in before I was ready. "No Ali, I'm not ready for Edward to be with me again. I feel terrible for putting him through all that he has been dealing with, but I just can't. _I_ can't deal with him looking at me as if I am going to shatter into a thousand pieces all the time. I'm not ready to face him just yet. I can't look into those green eyes and see the eyes he had given to our daughter. I can't watch him run his fingers through his hair every ten seconds and wonder if our son would have picked up the same habit." I put my head in my hands feeling utterly spent.

"Do you want to stay with Jasper and I? We have a spare room." No matter how nice that sounded, I couldn't do it. I needed to be home. I need to go back home. Home to Forks. I need my Dad.

"I'll stay until I can call and tell my Dad I'm coming. I won't need to pack; I have clothes there. I just need to get away from here." I hoped to God that Alice would understand or at least just let me do this my own way.

She just nodded and started up her car, and pulled out onto the road heading toward her house. Some new pop song filled the silence so as to not make it any more unsettling. I had been sitting on their couch in their family room for more than an hour before Alice had finally had it with me not speaking.

"Bella." Was there such a thing as an evil pixie? I don't remember fire coming out of little Tinker Bell's eyes. I wasn't getting out of this. Jasper wasn't even home for me to run and hide behind. "I know you are not going to like what I have to say, but..."

"Then don't say it." Oh. My. God. That glare would make The Terminator shut up.

"I have to say this Bella. I can stand by and watch you for only so long. I know what happened to you was awful and horrible, and I want to just rip limb from limb the sick bastard that did that to you and to Edward, but I can't. Those idiot police officers don't even have a clue as to who did this. I don't know how there can just be nothing to go on. But, Bella, I can't just sit by and watch you not get any better. I know you went to therapy and sat and talked about how you feel, but obviously it didn't help. Okay, well it did a little. You came outside today. You talk to us using more than one word answers, but you are still not the Isabella whom we have loved since the moment we met in high school. We would clearly expect what happened to you to change you, but Bella you have literally closed in on yourself. Okay, and this is the part you might just hate me for. Edward didn't want me to ask you, but I have to, I love you to much not to."

She took a deep cleansing breath before continuing. I think the first one since starting her little rant before continuing. "Bella, I think you should talk to Rosalie."

Well, I can't say I wasn't expecting this sooner or later. Quite frankly, I had been expecting this a year ago. "Alice… I don't know. I know Rose is a professional, but Rose is also family. I don't know how I feel about telling a family member what happened to me. Alice I have known Rosalie longer than I have known any of you."

"Thus, she knows you better than anyone. There is more than that, Bella. Yes, Rose is a psychologist, but Rose is also a rape victim. You two share more in common than anyone. Rose knows the devastation of being told she can't have children. Bella, I think you should at least consider it. I think you should give Rose a chance. Have lunch together before you leave for Forks. Maybe you would feel better talking over the phone or e-mail, or hell, text each other if it means you will laugh and smile again! Bella, we just want you happy again."

I knew she meant it. Every word I knew came from her heart. They all wanted me to be me again. I knew it was the very least I could do to try.

"You're right Alice. I'll talk to Rosalie."

**A/N:** Whew! Done! YAY! Wow. I hope you liked this. There is definitely more of this to come. I can't wait!

I want to thank my Beta team: Saccharine Sin, Songster, and Danna0724 the newest member and total Idea Goddess. You guys are the best.

Danna, you my dear, have taken this story to a whole new level for me. Readers: you WILL be completely blown away by this plot because of this woman! I promise you.

**Side Note: **Okay so I have gotten a few people asking me why this story is titled Tortured _Sole. _Well, let me explain it to you all. I am smart enough to know the difference between Soul and Sole. It is suppose to be a play on words. She is a soul is all alone or at least thinks she is all alone… this sole. Does that answer everyone's questions regarding my title? I hope so.

I am very pleased with how this turned out, now it's your turn to let me know what you all thought.

Go ahead send me a lovely little review!

~Jessi

**A/N #2 (danna0724): yup yup, I had given ideas, and at this point I beta'd…You know you are loving it so far!! Tell me about it… down below, press that button and tell Jessi she's brilliant, b/c I don't think she believes me sometimes!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; I just have an overly active imagination.

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape.

**A/N: **Here we have Bella's POV again.Patience my lovelies more drama is definitely coming.

As always italics is a flashback, and standard font picks up where Chapter 4 left off.

Enjoy!

**Tortured Sole**

"_Oh, Bella you look amazing! You are positively glowing!" Raising an eyebrow at the woman in front of me, I seriously wondered about her sanity._

"_Rose, I am eight and a half months into what has been a difficult pregnancy. I feel more like a beached whale about to hurl all of my stomach contents. I haven't felt amazing and glowing in quite some time." She had to be off her rocker. Even my biggest maternity clothes were snug. Only Edward calls me beautiful at the moment, and I am positive that is just because he is my husband and I fully expect him to._

"_Bella! You have no idea what I would give to look like you." She finished in a whisper. I didn't have a comeback for that comment, I never could, all of us knew Rosalie couldn't have children anymore._

"_Rose, I-I…" She held up her hand for me to stop._

"_No, Bella. No one is allowed to feel sorry for me anymore. Especially not right now. Now is about you and the little beans growing inside of you." Oh, Rose. She had been through so much, and yet has remained so strong._

"_That's right Bella. Speaking of which, when are you going to tell us the names you have picked out for the little beans?" Alice begged for the hundredth time. "I know you two have decided. Edward told me so!" That little pixie!! Some days I could be so incredibly irritated at her need to know and find out __**everything**__._

"_What do you mean, 'Edward told you so'?" I questioned while narrowing my eyes at her. Edward promised me we would both keep the names to ourselves. It was our little secret… about the only thing we have managed to keep a secret with all the Cullen's being so persistent. All Cullen siblings come by everything honestly. Carlisle and Esme… especially Esme are just as bad as all of them. Those two could pry information out of a deaf mute!_

"_Bella, I am his baby sister. I know how to get what I want." I knew our secret was still safe when her smug little smile felt into a pout. "But don't you worry mommy-to-be he didn't tell me the names. UGH! I tried everything!" Alice could have been adorable if I didn't want to smack her._

_Rose and I couldn't contain our laughter at our dear little sister. _

"_Fine! Laugh all you want I just wanted to know. Why you want to keep it some big secret is beyond me! I'm going to pick up lunch It should be ready. I'll be back in ten. And no talking about me… or baby names while I'm gone!" _

_You couldn't help but love her. I spared a few more giggles as she huffed to the door._

_I had known Rosalie since grade school. We weren't instant friends like Alice and I by any means. Those first few years we could barely stand each other. I just know she is the one who stuck bubble gum in my hair in the first grade!_ _It wasn't until third grade that I finally won her respect. It wasn't easy and involved a series of events that related solely to bringing down her arch nemesis and my most un-favorite person, Lauren Mallory. Lauren had the audacity to cheat off my spelling test and refuse to admit it, as a consequence, my third grade self-decided to take her down on my own accord. Tripping her in class was just the beginning, which was followed closely by getting the class bully to adorn her face with mashed potatoes in the lunchroom. When she still refused to admit the error of her ways I was reduced to punching her in the eye on the playground. As usual Rose did not acknowledge the awesomeness of my campaign; however, I won her over with a trip to the ice cream shop during recess. From that time on we were inseparable best friends_

_We met Alice our freshman year of high school when her family moved from the big city to care for her grandparents who lived in our small town of Forks. Alice had to go through the Rose Initiation in order to become her friend just as I had, but soon enough the three of us became the best friends we are today. Little did we know as giggling teenagers we would one day become actual sisters._

_Yes, nothing would have made me believe that fashion queen Alice Brandon would end up with Rosalie's twin brother who was president of the chess club __**and**__ the history club. Trust me,_

_there was no greater geek to ever grace the hallways of Forks High School. Of course nothing could have convinced me that I would one day fall for the likes of Edward Cullen. The geek I swear didn't own a hairbrush. I tortured him for his old fashioned name since the first time Alice took me over to their house. He was the lanky sophomore with huge frame glasses that constantly slid down the bridge of his nose who played the piano… yeah I would have laughed in your face if someone told me I could one day be married to that little freak. I guess only Rose and Emmett had instant love eyes for each other. He was nearly three years older than she was, but they met somewhere in the middle and made it work out even back then. I am pretty sure he was the oldest guy to attend our senior prom that year._

_Rose pulled me from my little jaunt down memory lane. "I'm right you know. You have to see it Bella." This time I had to roll my eyes at my best friend._

"_Rose please, come on." Still she had that smirking smile on her face, yet something else was shining in her eyes._

"_Bella. Shut. The. Hell. Up. Let me have my moments." She kept talking before I could interrupt. "Bell, I can't have a baby of my own. Emmett and I have tried everything, and I mean everything. Some of the things doctors have done just shouldn't ever be talked about. Royce took that away from me. Bella, let me experience this wonderful blessing with you. Let me just be happy and gush all over you… please. I need this. We are looking into adoption, but let me just have this one little thing. Bella…?"_

"_Oh, Rose I love you hun… of course you can. I'm sorry for ever giving you the feeling that I wouldn't. I just don't see how you think all of this," I said gesturing to my very predominant belly, "is gorgeous. You should see the stretch marks I am endeavoring to keep at bay. I know that the idea of being pregnant is beautiful, but Rose, right now at this exact stage, I don't feel beautiful. I felt beautiful when it was a tiny little bump and I could still tell you if my socks matched."_

"_One day, my darling, one day." Rose exclaimed._

"_Ugh! Now you sound like Edward! He tells me that all the time. Yes, one day! As in the day when I have finally given birth and these two little guys are out of me." That, at last got her to smile._

"_Speaking of Edward, how is the daddy-to-be doing?"_

"_Ha, Edward is ecstatic. There hasn't been a father-to-be more excited than him. He brings home a new baby toy, outfit, __**something**__ every single day. Everyday! The nursery is looking more like a baby store now than anything. It's all he talks about. He gushes to anyone who will listen that he is going to be a dad soon." I smiled to myself at the memories. "He likes to talk to them. They know his voice already. It's so amazing. If they are kicking and just won't stop moving around in me, he talks to them and they calm down. Oh, Rose I think I fell in love all over again, after we found out we were going to have a baby." It wasn't until probably my third ultrasound that both of them cooperated and let us know there were two of them in there. That made Edward's year I just know it._

_Rose looked like she was in total bliss just as she always was whenever I talked about the twins. Just looking at her so happy because of what I was telling her, made me want to cry again. We sat in comfortable silence until Alice came running in with our Thai food._

_~*~_

"Hey Rose, I'm glad you were able to drop by on such short notice. I ordered Thai, which just got delivered. I hope your favorite still hasn't changed."

"Ha, please Alice is the Pope Catholic? Of course my favorite hasn't changed." I loved watching them interact, and remembered better days seemingly so long ago that I would have been sharing in their friendly banter.

"Good, because that's what I got you. Word to the wise, don't go anywhere near Bella's. That shit is so spicy, I about cried off my mascara just handing it to her. How she can eat that stuff is beyond me." Rose gave me a look telling me she already had heard the reason. Edward, I would assume. Thankfully, she quickly changed the subject. I didn't want to bring up memories of my pregnancy.

"So Alice actually got you to go to that overly expensive café around the corner from your house? I thought the food was average, and they were too busy selling décor if you ask me. A dive with mismatched chairs and weird paintings on the walls will do IF the food is out of this world." Rose ranted. Yeah, you wouldn't know that to look at the model in front of you. We had all learned long ago that Rosalie Hale was not what she seemed.

"Rose! That is just appalling. How could you ever walk into a place like that! Not everyone wants to sit on chairs that don't match with distasteful décor. That just isn't right!" Alice hadn't changed one bit from the spoiled little girl who was dragged kicking and screaming from the big city to Forks, Washington.

"Alice, I'm a small town girl. What can I say? The diner back home has the best pie on this planet. Trust me, there aren't two chairs in that entire restaurant that match." Alice just huffed, clearly not feeling the same way about out beloved little diner back home. I think Rose and I would frequent the establishment everyday. It was our home away from home in Forks.

"_You two little ladies going to have your usual?" We both smiled as we hopped up on two barstools at the counter as we did nearly everyday after school._

"_Yes, Mrs. Scotsman. Two tall chocolate shakes with an order of French fries to share, please." This was our after school routine from the third grade on. Something Alice never quite got into the spirit of. There was always some dress she wanted to fit in for the next school dance coming up._

_This was our time together as friends. We didn't have anyone else to be with it, it was just us. We sat and talked over our milkshakes and fries until either Charlie or one of her parents came and got us to take us home. Back then we loved it when Charlie would drive us since he would turn on the siren and lights as we got in the police cruiser._

Hmmm… yes, today I don't think we would see Charlie's police cruiser the same way. The shakes and fries were still a favorite though. Whenever we did go back home, we had to go to the diner and sit in out usual barstools and get our usual order, even if Alice protested every time that they still didn't have a single fat free item on their menu. Still to this day, she gets water and the spinach salad.

"Alice, leave the diner alone, and eat just your overpriced Pad Thai in silence." Rose snorted trying to hold in her laughter. Yeah, we weren't lady like when we were all together like this. I loved how we could still just relax and have fun. Edward just couldn't do that anymore. He felt that I would just faint if he did anything. True enough for a while I was that way, but I am a little better now. I definitely needed this little reprieve from reality with my girls after the James incident from earlier.

After our little discussion over the Thai food Alice brought back for us, we fell into some lighter conversation… or so I thought. "Has either of you two seen any good movies? I have been waiting for something good to come out for forever. I don't even go to the bookstore anymore. There just hasn't been anything good out in a while." Thanks Rose, keep everything neutral. I need neutral right now.

"UGH! No! Nothing for weeks! My last holdout was the mall, and have you _seen_ the spring lines that have coming out?! GAH! They are wretched! I feel like emptying my stomach contents just window shopping!" Nice dinner conversation Alice, good one.

"Alice, you can be so pathetic at times. The world does not revolve around the mall." Oh, no. Rose do not get her all riled up… _please_.

"Whatever, Rosalie." Thank the Lord! "Oh, I was talking to Bella at lunch." Oh, no. Time for the hole to open up under me and swallow me up! "She is starting a new book. I will FINALLY have something good to read. No matter what she feels like writing, it is always amazing." Alice! Some days I wonder about you! Why would you bring that up?

"Oh, really! Do NOT tell me what it is about. I want to be surprised! Bella, I have loved all your books. I am personally hoping for something a little more dramatic or angsty or something besides romance lovey dovey fluff crap." YES! Saved by my Rose!

"Ha, then you definitely won't be disappointed. I'm actually looking forward to this one too. It's been what? Almost two years. It was definitely time, Bell." Yeah, two years… right before I found out about… I couldn't even complete my own thought. I couldn't. I wouldn't allow myself to ruin this evening with my best friends because of my sorrows. I have done enough of that for this past year. Time to suck it up.

"Well, I'm glad at least you two will buy my book. Hell, I'll even sign 'em for you. I'm hoping I haven't lost my entire fan base. Or that the ones that I do have left won't run for the hills once they find out what it's about." That didn't go too badly.

"Ha, yeah. Oh, have you guys seen who is going to come perform in concert next month?!" Leave it to Alice and her ADD to relieve all pressure from me.

The three of us carried on like that for a while until Alice's phone rang. Jasper. He had been away working, and now wanted to go to dinner with Alice. After a few minutes of convincing, we finally got her to go change. Alice must have tried on eight different dresses before we finally pushed her out the door telling her to go have fun. With a few final laughs Rose and I settled back into the couches.

We sat that way for a while. Not saying anything just listening to the soft instrumental piece still playing from Alice's iPod. Rose looked deep in thought, but about what I couldn't tell. I didn't know if Alice had talked to her about talking to me about my obvious issues. Most likely she did, since Edward was mentioned somewhere in that whole mix of conversation. I couldn't make up my mind whether I wanted to talk to Rose or not. I know I told Alice I would, but call it cold feet, I just didn't know anymore.

Granted, Rose would understand me better than anyone, but I don't know how I felt talking to her about me. I couldn't even begin to tell her all of the events of that night. I wouldn't be getting any more people killed because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Edward wasn't getting murdered and neither where any of the other Cullen's. No, they are all too important to me. I couldn't possibly tell Rose anything. I couldn't even tell her that I knew who raped me.

"So Bella, how are you really? I know I call you dutifully three times a week, but Bella I know you still hurt. Honey, we are all worried about you. You have been cooped up in that house of yours all alone for weeks now. You told Edward to move out, and won't let him or anyone else visit you. Bella… trust me, I know that is not the way to help yourself better."

What could I possibly say to that? I already felt terrible that I was still causing the ones I loved to. NO! I couldn't think like that. They are still alive. That is what truly matters! Only as long as I keep quiet, will that remain the case.

"I'm sorry for making you all worry, but I just needed some time to myself. I have just been so… smothered this past year. I know you all do everything because you care about me and want me back to normal, but I just…"

"Cut. The. Bull. Shit. Bella, I want to believe you, I really do, but I can't. You, my dear, are chewing on your bottom lip. You do that when you are nervous or when you are lying. Bella, tell me the truth. Why are you pushing us all away? Why are you not going to counseling anymore? Why did you have your husband move out? Tell me Bella. I am not asking as a psychologist. I am asking as your best friend."

"Rose." I was on the brink of tears. My voice nearly didn't hold out long enough just to say her name.

"Okay. I know I put you, Alice, and my family though hell and back again after my rape. I didn't want to talk about any of it either. I still don't like telling people a whole lot of details. Let's face the music, Bella, what happened to us was sick, and twisted, disgusting, and wrong. People shouldn't have to know what happened to us. But, we know because it happened to us. We lived through it, Bells. We are still here. We are still alive. We are fighters and we pulled though physically. Bella, we can help each other. We two who have been forced to have sex with men who we don't love, we two women who have lost the ability to have children, we two women who have had our lives, our happiness ripped away from us by one monster, we can do this together."

I was full out crying at this point. Rose did know. I was being drawn in as a moth to the flame. Her words and her promise of comfort were pulling me in despite what my brain was telling me. No matter how much I wanted to tell her everything I knew I couldn't. No one could know, but me.

"Bella, let me tell you about Royce."

**A/N:** Please don't hate me for leaving it here. It's a tough chapter ahead, and I wanted some time to make it perfect.

I hope you all liked this chapter though.

My many thanks to my amazing Beta's (Saccharine Sin, Songster, and Danna0724) who fix all my many mistakes and blunders and share their wonderful ideas to make this story exponentially better.

I will attempt to have the next chapter us shortly, but as I said it is going to be rough. I don't know how much of the gory details I want to include for either of them, but we'll see. Next chapter may also be Bella's departure for Forks.

It's always a pleasure to write for you.

Thank you all who read these little pieces of me, all you who review thank you so much, all you who add me to your favorites and alert lists I love you all.

Till Chapter 6,

**~Jessi**

**A/N #2 (danna0724):** Okay BB's, I'm up next…hit the review here though and tell me what you thought of this wonderful chappy by Jessi!!


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; I just have an overly active imagination.

**ATTENTION: ****This** **story's theme is rape. Actual scene in this chapter!**

**A/N: **As always the beginning italics is a flashback and the basic type is present day. Get you seat belts ready cuz this story is taking off!

Here begins the new collaboration. My Beta danna0724 has now become a fellow writer. This beautiful chapter is the first to be done by her. This chapter is a RPOV. Get your tissues ready and…

Enjoy!

**A/N #2~(danna0724): **I would like to thank Jessi Cullen for having the cajones to post this, ask me to read it, allow me to beta it, and now collaborate writing it! She is my partner in crime, my beta, my inspiration…and I wanna be just like her when I grow up (just ignore the fact that I am older than her)!

**Tortured Sole**

**Rosalie's POV**

"_Oh, my goodness, Rosie…he's taking his first steps towards you," Vera exclaimed proudly, as her little Henry attempted hobbling in my direction. He was unsteady to say the least, but determined none the less._

"_Come here little man," I cooed, while reaching for him._

_A wobble and a save later, little Henry was in my arms. I adored his dimples as he looked at me and smiled. And those eyes, oh how they sparkled._

"_Rosie, I see that look in your eyes," Vera interrupted my admiration._

"_What look?" I retorted._

"_You know very well what look, Rosie!" I think I got 'the look' a mother gives to a child._

"_I honestly have no clue what you are talking about Vera," I attempted defending myself. Which was useless, as I had been caught red handed, admiring her son. Not today, and not even tomorrow or next year, but one day I wanted to have kids. I've known my whole life, that when I grew up, I wanted to be a mommy._

"_Um hmm…" she groaned, while rolling her eyes._

"_What? Okay, okay… he truly is a miracle Vera. I'm just in awe over how wonderful he is," I attempted to explain._

"_I don't mean to brag, but I know right?" she exclaimed proudly._

"_One day, Vera, one day I will find the right man and settle down and have a whole litter of kids running around," I proclaimed._

"_Yeah, the trick is the first part Rosie, finding the "right" man."_

"_Don't I know it? But honestly, right now isn't the time or the place for me to even think about that," I began._

"_So how is school going anyway?" Vera questioned._

"_Oh you know, papers, thesis, exams, presentations, clinical studies, professors that forget what it's like to be student," I began complaining. Honestly, I really didn't have it that bad. The psychiatry program here in Rochester was one of the best in the nation, I am fortunate to have gotten in to be perfectly honest. And while I may dream of being the wife and mother one day, that particular dream always came after my dream of being a psychiatrist. The human mind and its processes have always fascinated me, and I want to help people. Genuinely help them._

"_Yeah, and you expect me to believe you, Miss Rosalie Hale, is a typical student? The girl who is taking 22 class hours a week, just to get ahead, so she can graduate early?" Vera started in on me. "Student you are not, by any means, addict might be a better description for you."_

_I rolled my eyes in her general direction, and snuggled the top of Henry's head to my nose. What is it about the way the top of a baby's head smells? It's like that baby lotion, but more, clean and sunshine and innocence. It was such an intoxicating scent for me. I could just sit here and sniff the top of Henry's head for the rest of the night, but what toddler wants to hold still for that?_

"_You know, the King's, have that scholarship program for budding psychiatrists. I hear they are pretty picky about whom they chose, but Rosie, if anyone should get that scholarship, it should be you." Vera stated._

"_The King's?" I questioned. "As in little Royce King, who used to pull on my pig tails and tell me that he would have his daddy fire my daddy? Who fell out of my Aunt Renata's tree when we were 11 and broke his arm? THAT King family?" I quizzed._

_Giggling and nodding, Vera looked back in my direction. "Yes, THAT King family, although Royce isn't so little, or awkward anymore."_

"_I know Vera," I started. "I came to visit in the summers when I was in high school too. He was relentless in trying to get me to date him. I was just never interested in him, in that way. Sure he's good looking, and comes from an established and wealthy family, but he's a putz. That little boy that fell out of my aunt's tree and tried to blame it on me, grew up to be a man that holds no values or interests that I would qualify as interesting."_

"_Geesh Rosie, you are so cynical! I swear, for you to find the "right" man, it's gonna be nothing short of a miracle."_

"_So I have high standards, and while everyone else may think Royce King is the catch of Rochester, he's just not my cup of tea. No. Thank. You." I defended myself. But it did make me question my standards. Was I __**too**__ hard to please? Would I end up a bitter, old harpy with no kids because I never could find the right man?_

"_Well, I know there is a perfect "little" man that seems to be quite smitten with you," Vera teased._

_I looked down and Henry was still in my lap, just twirling one of my blonde locks in his fingers. Not pulling my hair, but caressing it. Do toddlers even know how to be gentle?_

"_Well, I think the age difference here would definitely make me a cougar," I began. "But with the way you call my cynical, I may still be single when he becomes an adult."_

"_You know I hardly mean that Rosie, sure you have high standards, but that's a good thing, don't ever settle for less than what you want." Vera attempted comforting._

"_I know Vera, I don't intend on ever settling. Life is too short for that." I responded back to her._

"_Well, Henry here, may think he's all grown, caressing your hair and giving you googly eyes," Vera started walking towards me with her arms reaching out, "but he is in dire need of his bed. I can't believe it's already nine o'clock. It seems like you just got here."_

"_Is it really nine already?" I asked, a bit surprised and agitated. "I have to go, I have an exam tomorrow and I need to get some studying in tonight. Otherwise I might bomb it."_

_I started gathering my belongings, and leaned in to give Vera a hug and Henry a kiss. And to sneak in another sniff of the top of his head._

"_Are you going to call Renata to come get you?" Vera asked._

"_Nah," I started, "it's such a nice night and the walk will get my blood flowing so I'm alert to study."_

"_Okay, if you are sure, call me when you get home."_

"_Thanks V, I will."_

_It truly was a nice night too. It wasn't too hot or too cold out, with a slight breeze. Just perfect for my tastes. I rounded a corner a few blocks from Vera's and spotted four men grouped together just ahead. 'Oh great', I thought to myself, I always get uncomfortable in large groupings of the male population. I'm not sure why, entirely, but I think it has something to do with my appearances. I have had more passes made at me than I can count, and it doesn't matter the age of the men either, my father's co-workers shamelessly flirted with me when I was in high school. Okay, yeah, I admit it…I'm attractive. I was blessed with good genes, what can I say? I try not to be too conceded about it, but I will admit to using it to my advantage when I can._

"_Hey 'Blondie'," a familiar voice called out._

_I turned my head in the direction of the four men, squinted my eyes, and attempted to see if I could place a familiar face to the voice I recognized. Sure enough, there was someone I recognized. How in the hell am I running into Royce King just after talking about him with Vera. This has got to be some sort of weird cosmic coincidence or something. _

"_Oh, hey Royce," I stated. I really don't have time to deal with his attempts at dating antics right now. I really need to study._

"_What are you doing out here all on your own?" he questioned._

"_I've just finished visiting with Vera and her little Henry, and I'm on my way back to my place to get some studying done for a test tomorrow, which I desperately need to get done, so I will see you around," I attempted blowing him off._

"_Hey wait, come over and at least let me introduce you to these guys," he attempted._

"_Royce, really, I have got to get home," I stated as firmly as I could. I really didn't have time for a social hour with the Playboy's of Rochester. _

_By this point all four of the Playboy's had managed to encircle me, stopping me dead in my tracks. I looked to Royce to reiterate that I was in fact in a hurry._

"_Royce, I really need to get home," I attempted again. They were really making me nervous entrapping me like this. My fight or flight instincts started kicking in, and my mind started running through what little self defense techniques I knew. Can't see, can't breathe, can't walk… take those away and you can stop your attacker. But there are four to my one. SHIT! I was going into full fledged panic mode now. _

"_Roy-" I began, just as an arm wrapped around my upper torso. The arm was strong and effectively wrapped around my shoulders, enveloping me easily, and pinning my arms to my sides. I flailed out my legs in attempt to get some grounding and possibly kick something or someone and cause some damage. The man holding me by my upper body wrapped his other arm around me as well, and maneuvered it so that his hand was effectively covering my mouth. _

_Oh. My. God! I panicked. I began kicking my legs out more furiously, in attempt to connect with anything, do something. I'm not going down without a fight. I was being drug in a backwards motion. Where are they taking me? _

"_This one's got some fight in her," the man restraining me grunted in a Southern accent._

"_Yeah, she always has been feisty John," Royce replied to the man._

_I tried getting purchase with my legs again, as this John drug me where ever we were going with Royce and the other two following along. We rounded a corner, and I noticed that we were in a very deserted, very dimly lit alleyway. At this point full on 'flight mode' kicked in. I was petrified. I shook my head as much as I could trying to get released from John's hand, so I could get some form of a noise out to draw attention to this situation. In response, he tightened his grip even more._

"_Help me out here guys," he ordered._

_My eyes widened as the other two guys approached me on either side of my lower body. If these jerks were stupid enough to think I won't kick their teeth in just as soon as they are in range, they are sadly mistaken. But just at that moment, that thought must have entered their heads, as they looked at each other, they nodded, and worked together to restrain my lower body. I was now hovering above ground, my torso pinned to John's body, and my legs each being restrained and spread apart. I looked to see Royce approaching me, while undoing his belt buckle._

"_You've always been such a cock-tease Rosie," Royce said menacingly. He positioned himself between my legs that were being restrained, slid his hand up my inner thigh until he reached my panties. He shoved my sundress up around my waist, and yanked my underwear clean from my body. _

"_Baby, you've resisted me for so long, and I'm gonna give you what you deserve," he spat at me._

_I was still struggling, wiggling with everything I had in me, trying to find purchase with any of my limbs. Royce grabbed each of my hips, stilling my movements. He leaned in placing his face mere inches from my own. He breathed out a liquor coated breath and said, "I am the best in this town, and you will be mine." And with those words he forced his manhood into my unwilling body. I moaned out in pain, and terror. Tears fell from my eyes uncontrollably. He continued his thrusts, harder with each movement, causing me more pain. His movements became erratic, he hunched in close to me and placed a sloppy kiss on my forehead and with one final push deep into my body, he spilled his his pleasure into my core._

"_Now it's your turn," Royce said to John. And in one swift movement, Royce grabbed a fistful of my hair by the root, my whole body was lowered downward, and I felt and heard the crack of my skull hitting the pavement. And with that, everything around me closed in and went black._

"Make sure you grab that rain coat Alice got you last year for your birthday," I said to Bella. "It's **always** so wet in Forks, and you know you'll need it."

"Thanks Rose," Bella said as she reached and pulled said raincoat from the hook off her closet door.

"I almost wish I was going back home with you," I said.

"Me too Rose, but I need to go alone I think, to sort out my thoughts," she replied.

"I can appreciate that Bella, truly I can, but don't lose yourself in your own thoughts," I started in on her. I knew what she was doing, she was running, she was closing down. Who am I kidding? She shut down a year ago, and has been adding more and more deadbolt locks to the door over the course of this year. It will be a nearly impossible feat to start getting all those locks unlocked and get back in to her.

"That's what I have my writing for Rosie, I lose myself in there," she retorted.

"Speaking of which, that poses a problem, you getting lost in _that_ story? Bella that style is so not like you and that story is not a pretty one to be sucked in to!" I retaliated. I got up to head downstairs to grab my cell from my purse.

"Where are you going?" Bella blurted in an almost panicked voice.

"I'm going to get my cell, I left it in my purse downstairs, and I'm expecting Em to call when he's on his way over to help you with your bags to get you to the airport," I explained. Curious, for someone who has wanted to be left alone for the last year, she sure seemed pretty upset that I was leaving the room to get my cell phone.

"I'll be right back up in a jiff," I said trying to stay light.

"Okay, just please…never mind," she replied choosing not to finish her thought. I looked at her and cocked my eyebrow. What is going on with her? I know she doesn't want to have the coming conversation any more than I want to rehash my past, but I know that if I let her in a little, she just might in return let me in a little. And that was the goal here. I needed to get her to open up, start unlocking those dead bolts, one by one if I have to.

With that I turned and headed downstairs, located my cell and made a quick call to Emmett to tell him to give me more time, as Bella seemed to be stalling a bit, and I still needed time to talk with her. He agreed and said that he would find something else to do before coming to take Bella to the airport. I looked at the clock, her flight left in 3 hours, and with having to be there an hour early and travel time, that gave me about an hour and a half to try and get Bella to talk to me. I could work with that, I'm a psychiatrist, which works by the hour as it is, granted I usually get an hour a week, face to face. But I'll take this time and see what I can do to keep her open to me, keep up the communication while she's gone.

"So Bella…" I began as I reentered the room. She jumped about three feet in the air and turned to me with a startled look on her face.

"You scared me to death Rose," she scolded, placing a hand over her heart.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to, you seem to be more on edge than usual, anything you want to talk about?" There, open with a question, make her start talking, get your stethoscope on Dr. Hale-Cullen, it's time to start unlocking some deadbolts.

"No, um… I just, oh never mind," she stumbled. Yeah she's hiding something.

"You know Bella, I think it's time," I began. If she wasn't going to open up and show me her wounds first, I would have to show her mine, and just pray that she returned the gesture. "Time I told someone about what happened that night with Royce. Time to tell **you**, in particular," I said not sure how exactly to do this delicately. Let's face it, the topic itself cannot be used in the same sentence as the word delicate without it being an oxymoron, but I had to tip toe around this. I remember how I was just after my own rape.

"Royce was a spoiled little rich boy, that got everything he wanted," I began. "That is, until I came along. I'd known him since we were kids, and as we grew and I kept seeing him over the summer visits to Aunt Renata's house, he developed an attraction for me."

"You had _known_ Royce," Bella said.

"Oh, yeah, I'm surprised you've never figured it out. Remember that story I told you about the little boy that fell out of the tree and blamed me and I got grounded for a week?" I questioned her. She nodded in response. "That little boy was Royce. You know, that's one of the killer parts of the whole fucked up situation. I knew him, I had known him. Our families mingled and interacted for years. I guess by some sort of weird stigma, it's more appropriate to be raped by a complete stranger, than it is by someone who actually knows you, knows the people you love." Bella's eyes widened at that comment, and her bottom lip went into her mouth as she began chewing on it. I was onto something here, all my years of being a psychiatrist, and knowing this woman most of our lives, I knew what her "tells" were, and that lip thing, she was mulling something over in that head of hers. Could she know who her rapist was, not a random person like she has insinuated? I hit a nerve here that I need to explore further.

"Anyway, I had just left my friend Vera's house. She had a baby just under a year old named Henry, and you know how much I've always loved kids," I continued. "I had spent the entire afternoon, catching up with her and giving affection to the baby, getting my "baby fix" if you will," I smiled at the memory. "Well it was absolutely gorgeous weather out, and I decided to walk back to my house when I left there. I made it a few blocks when I ran into Royce and three other guys."

Tears started pricking at my eyes. Could I do this? Can I really delve this deep into myself and share it? I have to… game face Rose, it's time to woman up and get this out. You are doing this for Bella, for Edward, for Nick and Nattie, God rest their souls.

"I kept telling Royce that I needed to get going, that I had studying to do. Well he wasn't paying attention to a word I said. The four of them encircled me, trapping me." I looked down, took a deep breath. "A guy named John grabbed me from behind, and they drug me to an alley. I fought with everything I had in me Bella," I said looking her deep in the eyes. "I went through all the self defense stuff Charlie taught us when we were younger, but I was outnumbered, and they were so much stronger than me," my voice started to crack with emotion, and the tears welled up and fell over. "I felt so weak, so helpless, so petrified. I knew that Royce had an unhealthy attraction for me, but I never imagined he would go as far as he did. His words, his voice from that night will haunt me my whole life."

"What…what did he say?" Bella inquired sheepishly.

"Well, mostly he kept mentioning how I was 'his', that I belonged to him," I stated. Bella bit down harder on her lip, I was sure, after one more good bite down like that, she would break skin and start bleeding. "Anyway, I think it was a power trip thing for him, he always got what he wanted until me, so he decided to just take me I guess."

I swear Bella went three shades paler than her normally porcelain complexion. Interesting, this is definitely a reaction from her.

"Oh Rosie, I had no idea it was like that for you," she began. "I mean rape in itself is a very personal violation, but that possessiveness that he…" she trailed off shaking her head.

"Bella, the thing is, even though in his eyes, he was taking me, I didn't give myself to him. For the longest time, I felt as if he stole part of my soul, it took many years for me to realize, that it simply wasn't the case. He abused my body, but my soul remained mine, until I met Em that is." I put to her as matter of fact as I could. "I was broken, yes, but fixable. And I had to fix myself, and it took me forever to be near a man again, you remember that." I looked at her, trying to spark her memory of the Rose I had become post rape. "I was barely remaining afloat emotionally, I shut down for a while, but Em brought my walls down so to speak. By showing me patience and unconditional love, and I realized after some time that I needed to trust in him and trust in myself that it wouldn't be like that with him."

Bella nodded in agreement, still gnawing on her lip. "Rose, what happened to Royce afterwards?" she inquired.

"Well, he was around for a while, which struck fear into me, because I thought he would do a repeat performance, but there was an 'accident' and he met what some would call an untimely death. I, however, would call it divine justice." I replied coldly. I won't lie, him passing eased my mental state tremendously. "But see the thing is Bella, I lived in fear just afterwards that it would happen again. Looking back now it was improbable, but if I had opened up, told someone about it, anyone at all, they could have helped. I remained silent about the attack because who would believe me, I mean it was Royce-fucking-King, Rochester's own Playboy. His reputation preceded him, and I wasn't known well enough for anyone to take my word over his. So after I was found, and they ran all those tests, proving that I was in fact raped by more than one person, with all the damage done how could I not be, I knew I had been used and shared amongst the Playboy's and nobody would have believed me. And if I had said anything, my Aunt Renata would have been shunned, but that wasn't a good reason to remain quiet. I know that **now**. That Royce's family was powerful and had influence, in ways that might possibly have been illegal, but if I had said something it would have helped my mental state exponentially. If I had just placed myself first and thought it through I would have realized that I didn't need to suffer the way that I did."

Bella looked at her lap and started kneading her fingers in contemplation. "Rose, do you really think it would have made a difference if you had said something, I mean, nobody else got hurt and you did heal."

"That's just it Bella, I don't know that no one else got hurt. If Royce was capable of doing that to me, he was sure capable of doing it to another woman," I said back forcefully. Where was she taking this? "That is actually one of my biggest regrets, by my silence did another girl or woman suffer at his hand? So in essence, my silence was very selfish of me. I could have prevented it from happening to another innocent person."

Bella's eyes widened to the size of saucers and she mumbled under her breath, "not another innocent person…" I was sure she thought I couldn't hear her, but I did. And I wondered what exactly that could mean.

I waited, staring at her expectantly. The ball was in her court, she needed to say something. I cocked my eye brow in anticipation.

"I…I don't want anyone else to get hurt Rose," she started. "I can't imagine my fuck up causing someone else pain…"

"Wait…hold the fucking phone Swan! YOUR fuck up? How on earth can you possibly think that being raped was in anyway your fault?" I asked incredulously.

She hesitated. "Rose, if I had done what he said, Nick and Nattie might still be alive…"

Okay Doc, here it is, she's opening up. She told the cops she didn't remember much, she's admitting to remembering part of a conversation with her rapist by admitting that. There has got to be more to it.

"Sweets, rapists are sadistic fucks, I'm sure that there is nothing that you could have done that would have changed what happened to the twins. I know your trauma exceeds my own because of what happened to them, but honey, you have got to understand, that once their mind is made up to take what they want, they take it." I attempted convincing her.

"Oh, Rose…I just don't know what all I can say…I don't want to be responsible for anyone else getting hurt," she stammered.

"Bella, I want to remind you that not only am I your best friend, and a fellow rape victim, I am also obligated to follow doctor/patient confidentiality. And you my dear, need to be reminded that because you just slipped up and indicated that you do in fact know more than you have been leading on. You know who raped you, don't you?" I questioned hopefully. It was a forceful outing on my part, and she could shut down, but I was tired of beating around the bush and she needed to be called out.

"Rosie, what I'm about to say…" Bella started. And in that moment, my monkey man husband walks in the room.

"Let's get this show on the road ladies, the drive to O'Hare is grueling this time of day and I hate parking in their garage," Emmett interrupted.

Damn it, she was just about to spill. I could just kill Emmett DEAD! I looked to Bella, a look of almost relief washed over her. Oh NO, I don't think so!

I looked at Bella and pulled out the bitch brow, "Don't even think we are done here Swan! You may be leaving to Forks, but you will continue to talk to me. I want two phone calls a week. And I will be texting you as well."

"I will Rosie, I promise," she said.

And with that promise, I proceeded to put my best friend on a plane, to go to our childhood home and attempt to heal. But I would get her to open up to me. I will help her, that's why I was in Rochester going to school in the first place, and in some cosmic way, my own rape is a price I would be willing to pay to help her. I chose this profession to help people. And who better to help, than my battered and broken best friend?

**A/N:** Whew, that was a tough chapter. This one is pretty much entirely thanks to my now collaborator Danna0724. I personally think she rocked this chapter. She wrote down what I couldn't even form properly into words. So much emotion went into this chapter… I wanted to cry.

I hope y'all enjoy it as much as I did. Cuz, apart from a few bolded words I sat back with a box of Kleenex on this chapter.

So thank you all for reading, and keeping with this story that has changed so much from its original chapter that I was sole on to this new collaboration. You all know what to do. Let us know what you think!

**A/N #2:** *le sigh* alright my peeps…some of you have asked me to post, well, I wrote, I posted and now I wanna conquer! Heh! NOW…if you want to see more from me, you MUST give me some warm fuzzies and hit that little review button down at the bottom. Tell me the honest truth! Go ahead, I'll wait…. Till later ~~Toodles~~

~Jessi Cullen & danna0724


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; I just have an overly active imagination.

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape.

**A/N: **I amback! This is a Jessi chapter. Of course I think our two writing styles are very different. You can probably tell who writes what. I think Danna well suited last chapter's RPOV, but… without any further delay- Chapter 7! In Bella's POV, this was ever so hard for me to write. I had to add some 'lighter stuff' near the end.- Enjoy!

**Tortured Sole**

**Bella's POV**

"_Oh, Bella, I've have been watching you for far too long." I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything but remain crouched in front of my son's car carrier and stare up at the man next to me. What did he mean? Was he kidding? What was going to happen now? He is still holding MY daughter!! This can't be happening, this can NOT be happening. This is a really bad and very real dream, and I am just going to wake up right… NOW._

_I had no answers. All I had at the moment was a crazed, probably more than I originally thought possible, man standing over me with my Nattie in his arms. I knew I had a zero percent chance of successfully pulling away my daughter and grabbing my son and bolting to the front door and making it to the car and driving away before he caught us. This brought me back to my all too hopeful thought that he was just teasing me to scare the crap out of me. Which was working, I might add. _

"_James? What do you mean? I just need to get home. Come on, you are dressed to go out, don't you have a date or something to get to? I need to get home. Can you please just hand me Natalie?" The look I received back from him wasn't at all promising, definitely not what I was hoping to find._

"_Bella, Bella, Bella… I'm afraid you have this all wrong. I __**am**__ dressed to go out, but you see, __**you**__ my dear are coming with me." I was surprised when he set Natalie down in her carrier without me even asking. "You all are going to have to come, I'm afraid. This opportunity your Edward provided me with certainly isn't the best, but it will have to do." Standing up, he walked to the door opening it wide. "Oh, come, come I haven't got all day." He said impatiently. "We have a long drive ahead of us. I have just the perfect place for us to go." He had this unbearable grin on his face that made me want to puke all over his expensive looking shoes._

_I know he saw me gulp still unable to move. I was terrified at the moment. Here I came, all upset because I think he is creepy, and now I am scared shitless that he may actually be planning to hurt me. I see him visually grow more irritated with me as he comes away from the door to grab my elbow and begins steering me out the door picking up the twins as he goes._

_Handing me Nicholas, he digs through my coat pocket fishing out my keys, then he snaps Nick in the back seat and hops in the drivers' seat. I have no choice but to do the same with Nattie and slide into the passenger seat next to him. _

_I eye my cell phone on the dash. I am fairly positive that I wouldn't get the nine dialed of nine-one-one before he snatches it away from me. As if reading my thoughts he grabs my cell phone and slips it into his coat pocket while pulling out of his driveway._

_My body is on full alert. Every hair is standing up, every nerve on edge, but my brain is still trying to figure out what happened between him offering me a drink and smiling from ear to ear to basically forcing me into my car and driving off to some destination only he knows. My mind just can't process what is happening. Listening to the quiet cooing of Nick and Nattie the simple car ride almost feels normal. There is one thing wrong. This isn't the too fast driving of my husband; this is James, a man whom I have no idea what he is capable of. I don't know what __**to**__ do. Anything that I can think of doing would possibly put my children at risk, and that is something that is unacceptable. He can do whatever he wants to me, but those twins can't come to any harm. There is no way we are crashing into a telephone pole alongside the road that could have the possibility of them getting even one scratch. _

_Good God, and he said it was a long ways away. I can't panic. I can't hyperventilate. I have to remain calm. I have to think this out. UGH! If my father could see me now, he would be throwing a fit. All those self defense classes, all those 'talks' throughout all my life, and now my chance to use them to save my children and myself and I am frozen. I am immobile unable to move a muscle. I stare wide-eyed out the windshield of my car, thinking and fully expecting every worst-case scenario._

_Out of nowhere, James decides to break the tense silence. "I can see the wheels running in that pretty head of yours Bella. If I were you, I wouldn't be trying anything if you don't want anything to happen to you or your precious little twins. You just sit there like a good girl." He still has that intolerable smirk on his face. All I can do is nod while looking out the window. I can't look at him. I can't see with my own two eyes this is really happening. If I just look out the window and listen to Nick and Nattie in the back seat, then it is just another night in the car. _

_I stare out into the darkness feeling lost as the city buildings of civilization dissipate into the never-ending fields of Illinois. I have no idea what road we are on, but it's not lit. There is nothing to recognize. I try not to give up hope, but every mile we drive is another mile I am further away from Edward. I haven't had to rely on myself in so long. I have always had my parents, my friends, and my husband to help me. Not now. Now I am alone with my own personal monster. _

_We drive for hours. He wasn't kidding about it being a long way. We haven't passed a road sign in ages, but from my estimates we would have to be in northern Michigan. From the main freeway I saw signs indicating Grand Rapids, then Cadillac, MI, but he got off the freeway and we have been taking back state highways for a while now. The baby noises from the back seat have subsided and if I was brave enough to turn around and look I am sure they would both be fast asleep. Instead of late at night, it is now very early in the morning. Edward should be home by now. I wonder what he is thinking. He has to be panicking that I'm not safe at home asleep in our bed with the twins down the hall. That's when the only bright thought comes to my mind. He's looking for me. He's coming for me. Edward is going to save me. _

_With the new optimism that I am not in this alone, I try not to dwell on the odds against me. I have no idea where we are so how could they possibly know. We are so deep into the woods of what has to be somewhere in Michigan, that is if we are even still in Michigan and haven't crossed over to Canada. They very well may never find us. But surely, if we had gone far enough to cross over the water at St. Ignace, I would have noticed, and there would be signs into Sault Ste Marie, right? The thought sends chills up my spine capable of making my teeth chatter. Again concentrating on the dark expanse out my window, I block out those dreadful thoughts. _

_We stopped once to get gas at some shack that looked more abandoned than anything. He knew I wouldn't try to make a run for it. I wouldn't go anywhere without Nicholas and Natalie. After all where was there for me to run to? I had utterly no clue where we were. I knew I had to be patient. Not just go running off into anywhere. _

"_Oh, Bella you have been so good for me all these hours in the car. Why don't you take care of Nick and Nattie?" It wasn't a question… I knew better. I was just at a loss as to what all was entailed by his statement. I have paused longer than he wanted since he saw fit to scream "NOW!" right in my face._

_Quickly I scrambled out of my seat flinging open the rear door. One at a time I laid them down on the small back seat to change their diapers. James all the while waited close behind me. Watching me. I could feel his eyes on me the entire time. Turning to him I finally spoke for the first time since leaving his house._

"_I'll need to feed them." I was hoping he would get the picture that I wanted him to take a stroll or something. After all I wasn't going anywhere. "I don't bottle feed them." I added seeing as he didn't leave me alone for a few minutes. _

"_Oh, my sweet Bella, it's nothing I won't see in a few hours." What the hell? He spoke so nonchalantly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Was it? What did he mean?_

_I mentally berated myself for being too naïve and so utterly stupid. What did I think he wanted me for? To play house? Take me on a drive of the countryside then return me safe and sound to the arms of my husband? No, of course he didn't. He wanted something else entirely. All he really wanted was my body, an object to be used for gratifying his pleasure then tossed away. Of course there had to be an easier woman to get into his bed. Why me? He wasn't bad looking, he could pick up any random woman at a bar or club who would gladly do anything he wanted consensually. Why me? That's when his words from earlier came back to my mind. 'Oh, Bella I have been watching you for far too long.' I was something he wanted, but couldn't have. He watched and he coveted. I belonged to Edward and he couldn't stand it. So he just took what he couldn't have for himself. _

_This new revelation scared me to death. I didn't know what he would do to me. Once again I was lost to my thoughts and not doing anything. Just as a few minutes ago I was pulled out of my motionless haze by his booming voice. "I'm not going anywhere so hurry up and feed them! I haven't got all day." His voice changed in an instant to one that flowed like honey from his chapped lips. "I can't wait to get you alone and all to myself. Now, why don't I hold Nick while you start with Nattie, hmmm… is that okay?" I deftly nodded while trying not to become physically ill at the implications of his words. I found a small amount of comfort in the task of feeding my twins. Mine and Edward's twins. The babies that if I had to fight till my death, would be raised by Edward. I was going to get out of here and away from this deranged monster. I had to believe I could. For my sanity and for the sake of my children._

_I fleetingly wondered what the owners of this little establishment thought of us all. Nothing had happened to make them suspicious that I was being driven against my will to some unknown location to have who knows what done to me. The fact that my children and I didn't belong to the seemingly caring man attending to us wouldn't have even have crossed their minds. We seemed like a cute, average couple driving to a cottage getaway for the weekend. How quaint the idea. How very wrong the assessment._

_I must have drifted into some sort of sleep during my thoughts for I was awoken by a warm hand against my face that was leaning against the cold glass of the window. "Bella, we're here. Wake up. The twins are inside…" My sleepy mind slowly processed his words. I didn't want to wake up, I am still exhausted. I most certainly didn't want to be awake anywhere with this man. WHAT! Too quickly for my sluggish brain to handle I turned in my seat to take in the vacant rear seat of my car, my mind racing in a panic._

_Turning to look at James who was standing at my door with that smirk that was now ever present, he pulled me from the car and led me up to a small cottage type house. It wasn't very big at all, just enough room for the necessities. Nothing like the home Edward had built just outside of Forks not far from his parents' home. We would spend at least a few weeks there every summer and during every holiday. Edward wanted a place close to where we both felt at home and to be with family when we wanted yet also be able to be alone when we wanted. This tiny house was something almost as cute as you would expect in a Disney film or something. It was a little home that you would expect Snow White to come walking out of while bursting into song followed by her seven dwarves. This, however, was no fairytale. _

"_Make yourself at home. The twins are asleep in the living room. The kitchen should be stocked with nonperishable items. I'm sure you have to be hungry. I am going to tidy up some things and finish up some other work. You just relax." What is with his moods? One minute he was all sociopath on me and the next he was all considerate. I never knew how to take him. I found myself just nodding, not really knowing what to do or exactly what all he meant. I didn't want to think too much into anything anymore._

_Quickly locating the small living room which really only consisted of a loveseat and one chair. I made sure the twins were safe before checking out the kitchen. He was right, there wasn't much in there. Going through all the cabinets, all three of them, I settled on some crackers, and listened for James. It sounded like he was talking on the phone since it was only half of some conversation I couldn't quite make out. I could tell it was business stuff since all the words I heard were legal jargon. Very similar words that I would catch while running by Edward's home office to go check on the twins or going to put away laundry. As usual I didn't understand a word. What did Double Jeopardy mean besides a weekday trivia game show?_

_I found it odd he was able to get a signal in the first place. The only thing I could think of was that maybe, just maybe we weren't as far away from some type of civilization as I thought. Then the thought clicked. A phone! I quickly began searching the small house for any signs of a phone. There wasn't one. There went the idea of calling for help. Polishing off the rest of the crackers, I awaited my monster._

_It seemed like hours I waited in the small kitchen listening to the indistinct chatter go on from the other side of the closed door I stared at constantly. The twins stirred a little bit but soon went right back into their peaceful slumber. I glanced around the sparsely furnished cottage, but didn't find anything of any interest. I looked out the few windows not finding anything other than the dense forests I grew up with. I knew better than to go out wandering in the forests of the Pacific North West. Even the most experienced of hikers could easily get lost among the miles upon miles of dense greenery._

_I didn't even have the courage to open the door or a window. I was still on egg shells. I didn't know how James would react to anything. I knew from him being with Edward that it didn't take much to get him worked up about something. Often times I would go out when they would watch a ball game at our house only in part because James made my skin crawl. He would get so loud and God help us all if his team was losing. I would do anything to not get those reactions from him toward me._

_Finally easy footsteps came down the short hallway into the kitchen where I was propped up on a stool. "Well, my dear Bella, I do hope you have had your rest my sweet. I can't wait to have you now that I have you here all to myself." Stretching out his hand toward he smiled broadly as if I would be excited to follow him. "Come." Was all he said before taking my hand and leading me down the other end of the short hallway._

~*~_  
_

The short plane ride into Seattle felt like it took even less time than usual. No matter how much I wanted to delay the inevitable everything went smoothly and before I knew it I was walking out of baggage claim and over to the car rental area. Not that I didn't want to drive my old truck, Charlie still parked in its usual spot in the driveway, but I didn't quite trust it to get me safely from point A to B after not driving it. I was finally, after the lady in front of me turned down three cars, handed the keys to some little silver look alike car. They must have had 50 of these tiny things on the lot.

The three hour drive into Forks from SeaTac with nothing but bad crackly radio which gave me way too much time to think, more so than the plane, in the quiet car no one was asking me what I wanted to drink or if I needed a blanket. It was just me and the disappearing road.

I couldn't believe I told all that I did to Rose. Well… actually didn't tell Rose, as I didn't actually say anything at all. But my responses and questions gave away a lot more than I have ever let anyone know and she has always had this gift to get anything out of anybody. It's what she does, and she's good at it. I just don't have the heart to tell her that I can't tell her a thing. James would know, and Edward would be as good as dead. I have never before been so grateful for Emmett's bad timing and big mouth. I would definitely have to be more careful in the future during our little chats. I couldn't tell her anything about James.

About twenty five minutes outside of my home town, I stopped at a little gas station. It seemed nice enough but the car full of young guys parked out front put me on edge. It immediately took my mind back to Rose's words about Royce. Rose had never told me any of that before. Probably the only person she has ever told was bound by doctor patient confidentiality. Rose and Alice were right, we do share a lot in common, more than just being a fellow rape victims.

Before my thoughts could continue too much more, I pulled onto the very familiar street and into the same driveway I had thousands of times before, parking next to my beloved old truck and a well used police cruiser. Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself for facing my father. We may both prefer to keep to ourselves and not talk too much, but if there was one person who knew me it was Charlie. He most likely already knew my little happy show on the phone was just that- a farce to keep everyone at bay.

"Hey Bells! It's so good to see you kiddo!" Charlie pulled me into one of his hugs reserved for special occasions. This one wasn't even at all awkward. "Your flight go okay and all?" Hmm… yes, Charlie knew not to ask me how I was. Avoidance was a well used tactic here at the Swan house. If it's not too pressing why even go there. I knew the real reason why I fled back home to Forks would came up in conversation sooner rather than later, but for now I would enjoy beating around the bush.

"It's great to see you too, Dad. Yeah, my flight was pretty uneventful. You managing okay up here? You're not surviving on food from the diner are you?" Yes, I would forever be the caretaker and worrier.

"Bella. Don't you worry about me. I'm as healthy as a horse, don't you forget that. I don't eat at the diner every night." Uh Huh. Right. I know all about that. I get a phone call at the house from your doctor saying your cholesterol is off the charts and blood pressure is terrible and you need to do something about your… everything. Sure I believe every word dad.

"What, you have a night you order in pizza? Dad, I'm cooking. Then before I leave, I'm going to make you all kinds of stuff for you to freeze to have later." I tried to make myself firm. I wasn't backing down on this.

"Whatever makes you happy, Baby Girl. By the way there is nothing wrong with pizza. Which reminds me, do you still like pepperoni and peppers on your pizza?" Rolling my eyes I nodded then realizing we were still standing at the door, and I still had my coat on.

Charlie scurried off to I guess order pizza while I headed up to my old room. It was just how I left it, it always was. I had wanted Charlie to turn it into something else after I got married and Edward had the house built not far from his parent's place. One look at Charlie however and I knew it wasn't going to happen. Everything was just how I left it years ago. Maybe a few things added to complete the museum look like an old pair of baby shoes I had no idea were still in the attic.

All kinds of pictures still littered my walls and bookshelves. The small round framed one that sat on my dresser caught my eye. Charlie and Renee at the hospital the day I was born. Pictures from down at the beach, past vacations, school friends. Rose, Alice and me from what I am pretty sure was the ninth grade. Edward with braces and cropped hair because we got him to try out for track with Jasper and Rosalie. All six of us lined up for prom. Even the occasional band poster Emmett insisted I needed or an art project from grade school.

Starring at little pieces of my past,I could see why Charlie kept it all in here. It's what parents do. Parents. I had been a parent for a little while. I had dreamed of rooms like this holding the treasured memories of my own kids. That would never happen now. I wouldn't ever get to see what would be taped all over their walls during high school or what their finger painting in kindergarten would look like. A lone tear trailed down my cheek. That was all that was left. I didn't have the strength for the wracking sobs that once shook my entire body.

Charlie startled me by calling up the stairs that the pizza was here. Dumping my bags on my bed, I hurried downstairs to deal with my issues later. Dinner was great; I got caught up on all the happenings in Forks. Everyone was pretty much still here. All my old friends from school still had their families here. Mike now owed Newton Outfitters and had married Jessica Stanley three months ago. I wondered why I never got an invitation. Charlie said I was supposed to have been sent one. Damn postal service.

"We're supposed to get a lot of rain tomorrow, but the morning should be good for a walk down the beach, kiddo."I had a lot of memories down at La Push beach; it was our spot to do everything during the spring and summer.

"I'll head over earlier then. I nice long walk in the sand sounds great, just what I think I need." Charlie just nodded. He knew I went there to think and sort things out. It was where I thought about what college to go to, what I wanted to take in college, or if I wanted to move back in with my Mom. It was the first place I went after Alice spilled the beans that Edward had bought an engagement ring. I wanted to know why I was saying yes. I knew I loved him, but death do us part was a long time. A thought that made another tear want to slip out of the corner of my eye. Did living now hundreds of miles apart mean I wasn't living up to my vow?

"Honey, it's late why don't you get some rest." I didn't realize I had been sitting at the kitchen table staring off into space until Charlie put his hand on my shoulder. The table was cleared, the dishes where the sink, and the pizza was put away.

Nodding, I gave dad a peck on the cheek and went back upstairs to face my old room again. I didn't bother turning on the light or changing out of my cotton dress. I just flopped down on my old bed and fell asleep trying to avoid everything I didn't want to face.

For once in a long while the dreams didn't come. Perhaps they got lost on my way home. One could only hope.

The morning was bright and very unfitting for Forks, Washington. Charlie had been right it was a perfect morning for a walk on the beach.

I found my Dad at the kitchen table with a cup of steaming coffee and the newspaper. "How does eggs and bacon sound this morning?" We were not driving all the way over the diner for breakfast.

"Sounds great." He eyed me skeptically. We were picky about our eggs.

"Don't worry I remember. Scrambled, not at all runny with a dash of salt lots of pepper, and the bacon nice and crispy. What's in the headlines this lovely morning?" It almost felt strange to be so happy and interacting with another human being who wasn't on the other end of a phone line. It came back more naturally that I thought it would.

I got the nod of approval from dad then the run down on all Forks news. Half paying attention I plated breakfast. I wasn't too hungry, but it would only make Charlie worried it I didn't eat.

"Are you going to go see Jacob?" Odd question, why wouldn't I go see Jacob we have been friends since we were in diapers? Even ruined one of Billy's oven's putting our mud pies in there.

"Yeah, I'll head over maybe tomorrow." Charlie still wasn't saying much just eating away and reading more of the small paper.

"I have the guys over Friday nights to watch the games. You don't mind do you?" Well, I guess I'll have to go to the store sooner than I thought.

"Not at all. I'd love to see them all it's been ages. Who's all coming?"

"Oh, Billy and Harry, and other guys on the force. Don't you worry about cooking; we take care of ourselves." Right. Where have I heard that before?

"Yes, taking care of yourselves meaning that you all bring a six pack of Vitamin R. I'll make a little something. Nothing big, I promise. I think I'm going to head over to the beach. Catch some sun, collect some rocks, do something thinking. I'll be back before dinner since I'll run to the store too." I got a big smile from Charlie. I think he was expecting the zombie Bella everyone described to him. I didn't know how long she would stay away, but I was enjoying being among the living for now. I just had to steer clear of kids and men. Yeah no problem, I'd be fine.

"Thanks for breakfast sweetie. You be careful, okay. Stay on the beach. You even think about going up to those cliffs and I'll have a heart attack, then lock you in your room if you ever try that again." Rolling my eyes I realized for the thousandth times I was never going to live that one stupid dare down as long as I lived. It had been years since I had gotten the idea in my head that jumping off a cliff would be fun.

"Dad! I'm not kid. I have promised I'd never do that again. I'll be back before you know it. I may just even stop by the ice cream shop just to be daring. Then not bring you anything." Running up the steps I changed into the first thing I came to, and threw on some old shoes.

"Have a good day dad! Love you! I'll be back soon!" I got a grunt from in front of the TV. He was all set for the day.

The drive out to the beach was nice. The sleepy town was alive bustling in the warmth of the sun. I knew pretty much everyone, not much ever changed in a small town.

There was a crisp breeze coming off the water that was refreshing. The salty air blowing all around me was so calming. I used to just sit here on a piece of driftwood for hours when I was younger.

I thought about many things with just the ocean to be witness to my tears. I thought about Nicholas and Natalie. I thought about Edward. I thought about our future. I thought about James. I just thought about things that I wouldn't have the strength to anywhere else. I was there sitting leaning back on my driftwood when I heard the first rumble of thunder. I hadn't meant to stay out here this long. Hurriedly I got back into my little rental and started the drive back into town.

A little less than halfway home it starts pouring cats and dogs. Charlie wasn't kidding when he said we were going to get a lot of rain. Thankful I hadn't felt the urge to bring my truck I slowed down a bit. Eyeing the ditches on the side of the road something catches my eye. Glancing up figuring it is just a random deer or something, I see _him_.

Shirtless in the pouring rain hunched over with his hands on his knees like he has just run a marathon is Jacob Black. Slamming on the brakes I am out of my seat running through the soggy field before any logical thought can stop me. I haven't seen my best childhood friend since I was very pregnant. I know he knows the basic gist of what happened through Charlie, but I am just so happy to see him no fear could stop me.

I don't think he notices me until I call out his name. Wow, how winded do you have to be before you notice someone running toward you?

"Bella?" He stands up straight and blinks at me a few times as if not believing I am actually running right for him. Exhausted from my little run I collide right into him, hugging him tightly. I am more out of shape than I thought that was a few hundred feet tops.

"I've missed you too, Shorty." He chuckles as I loosen grip from my hug.

"What are you doing way out here, training for the Iron Man Triathlon or something?" That got him to laugh his infectious laugh for me. I'd forgotten how much I had really missed it.

"Maybe one day. I was just relaxing a bit, clearing my head, you know? What are you doing here? Visiting your dad? Did you bring Edward with you?" I had to smile at that. Jake and Edward had never gotten along. I guess they both just loved me too much. No one was ever going to be good enough for me according to Jake. He put up a bigger hissy fit that dad when I got engaged.

"Yes, I came up to visit Charlie. I just couldn't be at home anymore. But, umm… no, Edward and I aren't together." I didn't think he was going to say anything more when what I had just said clicked all into place for him.

"What? Wait a second! You and Edward aren't together? Is that an 'aren't together' like he had to work this week so he stayed home or you guys really aren't together? Bella, please tell me you are okay. I know this has been a tough year for you but…" He never finished his thought. He didn't need to I knew.

"Jake, I'm fine… well, as fine as can be expected. I told Edward I just needed some time alone. I came up here to think and clear my head a bit. Really Jake, I'm fine." He gave me the 'are you serious' look I knew all too well.

"Bells you may be able to tell everyone else that bullshit and have them believe you, but I have known you for far too long to know when you are lying. I know you may not want to talk about it, but just know… ya know… shit I don't even know. I'm not a shrink!" He threw his arms up in the air. In any other situation I would have thought it to be funny. He was right though, I didn't want to talk about _that_.

"Jake you need to get inside. It's freezing out here, and you don't have a shirt on. Come on, let me give you a ride home." Effectively changing the subject to have at a later time, I began pulling him toward my car which was still running with the driver's door wide open. So something I would do.

Stepping up his pace he jogged around to the driver's side and slid in behind the wheel adjusting the seat to fit his tall frame. "What, you don't trust my driving or something?"

Chuckling he replied, "Something like that." Then adding with a sideways smile, "I have a surprise for you… well, kind of."

"Jake, I've got to get home. Charlie is having the guys over and I said I would make something." I didn't think he was going to answer just keep his eyes on the road and ignore me.

"I know." Huh? What did he know? Does everyone go to the store on Friday nights?

"What do you mean, Jake?"

"I always go to the Chief's to watch the games on Friday. Harry is bringing his fish fry tonight. Unless you were planning on making tartar sauce you don't need to worry about anything. Between that and the traditional pizza and beer we should be set. "

"Oh." I really should have known. It seemed obvious now and such a pointless discussion.

Jake turned and gave me his huge smile that has always brightened my mood. I couldn't help but return it as we pulled up in front of Charlie's house. "ESPN here we come."

"Just like old times."

Dashing up to the house even though we were already soaked, I met Dad at the door. "Bells I thought you'd be home before now."

"Well, I picked up something on my way home." I smiled as Jake came ducking through the door.

"You two are soaked! Jeez, where were you two? Bells get upstairs and change into something dry before you catch pneumonia! Jake, you go rummage around in my dresser and find something that might fit. There's got to be some sweats or something that aren't too short." Laughing, we made our way upstairs.

"You should find something in the bottom drawer; I think that's where he keeps the stuff he never wears." I said over my shoulder before heading into my room.

The evening went well. We devoured the pizza and fried fish and every drop of beer. Jake and I had to go to the store and replenish their supply near the end of the game.

I couldn't have told you who won, but we all had a great time. It felt good to just let loose and laugh good and hard about anything and nothing.

With the promise of making my way out to La Push to catch up some more with Jacob tomorrow, we all said goodbye and I realized how exhausted I was.

For the first night in over a year I dreamed of laughter and smiles and happy times.

**A/N: **Well, here you have it. I thought everyone could use a bit of lighter material here at the end. I can't have y'all crying after every chapter.

I hope you like it. Tell us what you think.

Thank you to:

My Collaborator: **Danna0724** without you this story would be long since completed and forgotten. Thanks for _all_ you do!

Our Wonderful Readers: Why write if there is no one to read?

To all who review: You make our day. Just reading your wonderful words gives us the boost to continue on.

I'm sure there are more, but all y'all just know who you are

Onto Chapter 8 which will also be a BPOV chapter. There shouldn't be any water works during that chapter either so I think you'll be able to put the tissues away for at least the next chapter too.

Love you all,

~Jessi

**A/N#2:** (danna0724) Well all, I think you can all agree with me, that Jessi did a fabulous job!! Yes?!?!?!?

I just want to remind all the readers out there, that we seriously LIVE for the reviews you leave! From the quick comments, to the quirky questions to a full out opinion of what you think is going on. I promise you, that what you think, isn't how it is, nor how it will be, and you will have the rug pulled out from under you in surprise of what's to come! This I can promise!! BIG PUFFY HEART LURVE YOU ALL!!! (oh and yes, I'll be coming up again soon… )


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; We just have overly active imaginations.

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape.

**A/N (Jessi): **Italics is FB and basic type is RT. A bit of a lighter chapter, we wanted to make things not so doom and gloom. Another glimpse of what Edward and Bella's life was like before her rape here. Then finishing up with some more of her time in Forks. Now, achem… some words from my co-conspirator in writing:

**A/N #2 (danna0724): **some things that we need to mention: you will see some posts with some chapter editing. We have noticed some grammar and punctuation errors in early chapters and we want this to be as perfect and professional as possible, so please bear with us while we make Tortured Sole the best that it can be.

Also, while the brilliant and fabulous SM owns the characters; the plot and ideas of TS are owned by Jessi Cullen-Norrington _and_ danna0724 respectively ©2010 and any thievery will be punished as seen fit by our faithful readers ;o) Besides…you don't wanna be a "ganker" do ya?? (as in to "gank" someone else's shit)

- Enjoy!

**Tortured Sole**

**Bella's POV**

"_Bella__,__ if we don't hurry up__,__ we are going to be late!" Edward's laughing voice came loudly up the stairs and into our bedroom. Ha, yes __**we**__ were going to be late if __**I**__ didn't hurry up. We were supposed to be at his parent's house in ten minutes__, and__ I was still ringing wet from my shower. Thankfully our second home that Edward built, is only a few minutes away from my in-laws house here in my hometown of Forks, Washington. _

_Just perfect__,__ Esme went to all the trouble of getting together a family dinner, and I couldn't even get ready to be there on time. Esme wanted everyone to meet the twins… even though I am pretty sure everyone who will be there saw them at the hospital. Whatever appeases her and Alice is just fine for me. The Cullen women do nothing small… I wouldn't necessarily include myself into that category__;__ the gene that gets passed down from generation to generation doesn't seep into those who marry into the family. At least I don't think Rose has changed any since marrying Emmett. Dear Lord__,__ Nattie is officially doomed!_

_Edward startled me out of my random line of thoughts when he came chuckling into our bathroom. "Where's your dress__,__ baby?" I had to think a minute. I know I picked it up from the tailor's, but where did I put it? It'd be nice if I could attend a formal dinner in formal attire._

"_Umm… in the front closet I think." He went to go down and get it when I stopped him. I could be so paranoid at times__;__ I don't think it is healthy. "Wait, where are the twins?" He smiled before he answered._

"_Alice came to get them while you were in the shower. She said she thought we could use two less things to worry about… I guess she was right." If I was within arm's reach of anything I would have chucked it at him. I didn't care how good he looked in a tux! He could learn to keep some comments to himself._

_Instead of taking the time to blow dry my hair__,__ I just twisted it up on top of my head. Edward came back with my dress just as I was dusting on some makeup. I was about to go collect all the necessary undergarments when Edward came out of my closet with an armful._

"_I think this is everything you need." He looked as if he had just solved a math problem. You'd think he'd have an easier time considering how many times he had removed the same garments._

_Glancing over everything he had in his arms. Panties__,__ check. Strapless bra__,__ check, and kudos to him for remembering no straps. Slip, the dress has about five million layers__,__ honey, but thanks anyways. Oh, hose, you always forget something. Taking the bra and panties, and pulling them on I asked him to go get some panty hose or something. I waited a few minutes occupying myself with finding shoes to go with the dress__.__ I wondered what was so hard about my simple task when he finally came back out with more than I asked for._

"_Can you wear this with that dress?" The smile began to pull at my lips before I could look taken __a__back. I'd asked for panty hose, and I got stockings with a garter belt, so very Edward__._

"_Why not__? T__hank you__,__ honey." While getting everything all set into place, Edward fidgeted with his tux__,__ finally settling on straightening his bow tie. "Are you sure you don't want me to bring that bottle of wine I set out?" I never liked going empty handed. Even if the dinner was for us…well the twins, it just went against everything I was ever taught being raised. We had this same discussion before every dinner his family ever invited us to. You'd think I'd give up and just go already._

"_Bella Baby__,__ I am one-hundred percent positive Mom has eight bottles of that same wine in the cellar. Don't worry about it. Just get dressed I'll start the car," __W__ith a smile__,__ he gave me a peck on the lips and walked out of our room._

_Hurrying down the steps, feeling like I was forgetting something, I slid into the passenger seat of Edward's car. "We didn't forget anything did we? I know I always feel like we are, but just humor me."_

_Edward laughed before pulling out of the garage. "Alice took all the baby stuff__,__ right?"_

"_Bella, honey, the twins have every possible thing they could ever need at my parents house, but yes Alice did take the baby stuff." Giving me a reassuring glance he reached over and took my hand in his. "Bella__,__ try to relax tonight and just enjoy yourself. I know this is the first time the twins have been out of the house without us, but everything is going to be fine. You got it? Just have fun with our family tonight." Giving my hand a good squeeze__,__ he turned up the soft classical music that had been in the background._

_I still wasn't sure how I felt about the twins staying with the Cullen women for the night. Edward came to me with this plan a few days ago, and I have been trying to convince myself it was okay ever since._

_Minutes later__,__ we pulled up to the Cullen's three story white house amid the endless greenery of Forks. Alice being Alice, met us at the front door. _

"_There you guys are! Jeez, it's good you guys weren't coming in all the way from Chicago! We have been waiting for __**hours**__!" Okay Alice we were running a bit late, but it wasn't hours. _

"_Alice__,__ zip it. I'm sorry for making you wait__,__ 'Miss Princess'," I replied sarcastically._

_I got an eye roll from the pixie herself as she led us through the door. "Please Bella, you were late even before you had the twins. I remember because you had that couture red dress on that evening, you know__, at__ the party we had at my place? Edward got that dress right from the designer for you, and we thought you would freak out, but you actually didn't. I lost fifty bucks on that bet to Rose, how she got that one by me I will never know." Alice looked so crestfallen you would have thought it was a matter of national importance the night I decided to just accept a gift from my husband… or anyone without putting up a hissy fit. It really was a lovely dress. Fit my pregnant form like a glove out of heaven._

"_I'm sorry to be late… again my dear girl. Now can we get further than the foyer? I'd like to see the rest of the family, including my children." Before Alice could say anything else Edward gave her a brotherly stare down and walked us past her into the kitchen where everyone was congregated watching Esme put the finishing touches on dinner, a dinner that smelled absolutely amazing._

_Going about our rounds of hugs and kisses to all the family, we settled ourselves in waiting for Esme to give us the green light to race each other to dining room table. It was tradition for everyone to race to the table. I'd heard the story many times before. Just picturing the toddler's Emmett and Edward racing Carlisle to the table brought a huge smile to my face. Just wondering what Nick and Nattie would come up with._

_Bringing myself back to the present__,__ I had to be on the ready. I had beat Emmett three straight times and I was not losing my winning streak now. Jasper, the former champion, and I had a tag team that we felt was pretty unbeatable. We'd been practicing since Esme set the date._

_The twins had been claimed by Rosalie and Carlisle. The good doctor was determined to get one of his new grandchildren to follow in his surgical footsteps. _

_Esme came up behind me as I was observing the proud grandpa. "Poor Nicholas, between Charlie and Carlisle, I thought would come to blows when Carlisle deemed it was his turn to hold him and Charlie apparently didn't think he'd had enough time to regale his grandson about his many years on the Forks Police Force."_

_I chuckled at the image she described. It was an adorable tale of two very proud grandfathers both wanting the best for their grandchildren. We would have to wait a few more years to see what Nick and Nattie will become. We will have another doctor, or police officer, both, or neither. Turning to look at Esme__,__ she had much the same expression that I wore. "I suppose it's a good thing Edward and I had twins."_

_She laughed quietly for a moment before leaning in further to whisper into my ear. "Indeed. Now, dinner's ready. Go get 'em__,__ Mama." Pulling away__,__ I gave her a broad smile then took off toward the dining room, sliding into my chair just as Emmett's voice came booming over the chatter and music in the background. I think the next door neighbor knew his life wasn't perfect at the moment._

"_Mom! That's not fair! You can't pick favorites! Mom! She won again! Rose!" Everyone came trotting in followed by a sullen Emmett. I gave that sour look for a few more seconds before he had time to take in the spread Esme had been working on all day. Of course, my seat of victory looked pretty good, no matter what we'd be eating. I couldn't help the wide shit-eating grin that I was sporting._

_Esme came around the table putting down the last dish from the kitchen and gave me a high five. I loved this woman. Removing her apron before sitting down, she went over to Carlisle with outstretched arms. "You've been hogging Nicholas for quite long enough my love. Hand my grandson over." With a saddened expression he reluctantly handed over my son who had been getting educated on all kinds of medical things for the past hour or so._

_The evening went on very much in the same fashion all of us eating and laughing and everyone passing the twins around so everyone had a turn with each of them. Well__,__ as long as we made sure Rosalie always had a baby in her arms. Rose loved everything about babies. I still don't quite get what she tells me about the smell of the tops of their heads, to me it's just like all the rest of them._

_By the end of the evening leftovers were a foreign word and wine glasses were dry and every slice of dessert was eaten and all of us were thoroughly stuffed and ready to head home and get some shut eye. Before we had to head back to Chicago in just a few short days. We all loved being back home in Forks, no matter how much we liked the city._

_Esme and Carlisle were thrilled tonight to be able to watch the twins until we all met for breakfast tomorrow morning. I just hope I would be able make it that long without them. I didn't want to be up calling them every fifteen minutes to check in on them._

"_Oh, please Bella I am sure Eddie here will make sure you are thoroughly distracted for the night." I blushed full crimson. No matter how long I had spent with these Cullen women I would never get used to how freely they spoke of things. Rose had always been too forthcoming without added help. Now I think I would just retain a permanent blush till I died. I gave the little woman a sideways glance before turning to Esme who had Nattie cradled in her arms._

"_Does it ever get easier. I mean… is this even normal? You know, worrying that I can't leave them in the very capable hands of their grandparents for the night." She pursed her lips in a motherly smile. I knew a mother of three would understand. _

"_Oh, honey! Is it normal? Bella, when Emmett was born nobody, and I mean nobody, held that child. I thought I would be better when Edward was born about a year later, but no. I holed up in the house and didn't leave until Carlisle began to worry. Then when Alice was finally born, a couple years later, I thought I would be cured. Not a chance… I think it was worse. I had finally gotten my baby girl… yes, but it was worse. The boys feared for my sanity."_

_Well, at least I'm not alone. No less than fifty kisses to both Nick and Nattie and rounds of kisses and hugs to the rest of the Cullen's and Dad we all finally pulled out into the Washington air and went our separate ways until tomorrow. Which couldn't come fast enough, I needed those two like I needed air. I gripped Edward's hand for dear life the entire drive home._

~-~

That night after all the guys left and the fish and pizza had been eaten and every can of Vitamin R had been drunk, I sat alone in my quiet room. I had hoped that coming back to my childhood home, rather than my own house in Forks would be therapeutic and stop the tears. They didn't come right away, but soon sobs racked my small body. It didn't feel right. I hadn't smiled and laughed so much in over a year. How could that change now? How could a house I grew up in, my dad and my best friend turn around my life? How could my depressed and tortured soul begin to mend now? I didn't understand it. I cried for hours into the night. I cried for Nicholas and Natalie. I cried for Edward. I cried for my family. I even cried for me. How could I be happy amongst all the sadness that comprised my life? How could I do that to the memory of my children? How could I be happy and have a great time when the man who raped me and murdered my children was still out there?

The rain that had began on my drive back from the beach hadn't let up all day. It seemed fitting for my tears to mirror the tiny droplets that fell from the heavens. The earth was sad too tonight. I slept not one moment of that night.

I heard Charlie's alarm sound off in the early morning hours when it was still dark. I listened to him get ready for work. A soft knock sounded at my door as I was listening for his footsteps to descend the stairs. I knew he would come in if I answered or not, but the faint hope lingered that if I didn't say anything maybe he would just leave me alone, think I was asleep like the rest of Forks or something. My hopes weren't fulfilled this drizzly morning after two soft knocks Charlie poked his head into my dark room and did in fact notice the box of tissues that lay scattered crumpled beside my bed full of shed tears. He knew I was awake as the light from the hallway flooded my small room enough for him to see my eyes were open. In hurried steps he came into my room sitting down on my bed. I knew he couldn't stay long which was my only saving grace; he had to be at work soon. That, however, didn't mean this conversation would be any easier.

"Bella is everything alright? I can see something was bothering you. Was it another nightmare? Edward told me you have them. Are you okay? Do you need anything? Talk to me, sweetie."

My dad's very fatherly words of care nearly brought new tears to my eyes. They were the words spoken of a true father. They were words I would never hear from the one who told him of my nightmares. Edward would never have a child of his own to comfort as Charlie has always done for me. Because of me, Edward was robbed of that. I lost that for him. In one night I lost everything for him, our children and my ability to bear children. As for this moment, I had to answer my own father before he began to worry as I knew he would.

"I'm fine dad. I just…" My words failed me. How could I tell Charlie what I was feeling? I barely knew what I was feeling. I didn't know how to articulate something so fragile inside of me. "Dad, I just needed to let out a few things. I'm sorry if I scared you, I didn't mean to. I'm better now. Do you want me to make you breakfast or something?"

He seemed to accept my vague sum up of emotions as a brushing off what I really needed to say. I divert the subject when it becomes too painful, and Charlie knew that. Mundane household chores have been an outlet for a long time. Our house in Chicago was spotless after my return home. Meals consisted of multiple courses and baking was constant. I took all kinds of things over to every family member and friend and when they were bogged down with food, I went to the neighbors and made sure they were fully stocked with baked goods. I could cook for Charlie now. I needed something to get my mind off the number of times I laughed and smiled and joked last night. I needed to do something besides waste more tissues.

"I'm fine Bells, you just rest today. I'll find something down there myself." That wasn't the answer I was looking for. I couldn't lie here feeling sorry for myself any longer. As he stood up to leave I slipped out from under my blankets and began following him to the kitchen.

"Bells, I said I could find something this morning." I rolled my eyes, yes I heard you loud and clear.

"I know, but I want to make you something. You shouldn't have to stop at the diner." I made sure to give him a pointed stare. I knew full well he had been frequenting the diner more than was physically healthy. I had my sources. I stopped there to get a milkshake yesterday and got an earful on the eating habits of Charles Swan, Police Chief of Forks, Washington.

I got a grunt from Charlie as he slumped down into a kitchen chair and I busied myself with the task of making breakfast. I managed to find a few eggs, and what would have bacon if it hadn't been in the refrigerator for far too long. So I had to settle on making some lightly cheesy scrambled eggs and toast with jelly for the old man this morning. At least now I knew I could fill a bit of my day with making out a grocery list and going to the store. That was when Charlie thought it necessary to jump into my day's planning.

"Bella," this couldn't be good he called me Bella. He calls me Bella when he wants to make sure I'm listening. He calls me Isabella when he's irritated and of course Isabella Marie is reserved for when I'm in trouble. "I want you to drive into La Push today. I know you just saw Jacob, but honey you just… you just seemed happier when you were with him. You hadn't smiled a genuine smile in a long time, sweetie. I just want to see you happy again. He's been your friend since you guys were in diapers. Just humor me please and go over there. He's missed you, you know."

I got a pointed stare from my father. He was smiling while he did it, but I knew he meant business. I also knew that he would be on the phone with Billy to check and see if I did indeed go to see Jacob today. I knew I wasn't getting out of this. I could try and explain to Charlie why for the very same reasons he wanted me to go see Jacob that I didn't want to set one foot into La Push, but that would just make him worry. What I wasn't expecting was the continuation of the Charlie Swan Speech of 2010.

"Oh, and Bella when you get back from visiting Jacob I want you to call Rosalie. She called yesterday while you were out and told me she is the one helping you talk through this whole thing that has happened. Now, I want you to call her. Talk to her honey and listen to her, she can help you, I know she can. I have to believe she can. So can you do those two things for me, darling? It would mean a lot to your old man over here. Give him some peace of mind."

I sat there being stubborn for a few seconds. I didn't want to see Jacob and I didn't really want to talk to Rosalie. It's like, hell; in just a few minutes while we were packing she got me to nearly tell her the entire thing! How could I talk to her? I didn't want to do anything but go to the store and read a book and write my own. Why couldn't everybody just leave me alone and forget about everything?

I knew that wasn't going to happen. For that to happen I would have to be a part of the 'everybody' and that wasn't going to happen any time soon. I would never in my life be able to forget the events of the night that changed and destroyed my life forever.

Sitting there at the kitchen table I had sat at since I was a baby, staring at my dad I knew he was doing this because he loved me. I often did come to that conclusion while sitting here at this table. As a small child I saw him and my mother battle it out as to whom I would be staying with for the majority of the time. As I got older he insisted we always eat together for breakfast and dinner no matter what exactly it was. As the years went on further he laid down the law because he wanted to keep me safe, because he loved me more than anything. In high school I eavesdropped on the many 'talks' he had with Edward.

I knew deep down that he wanted me to get my ass out of this house and go and see Jake and call Rosalie because he loved me. He wanted me to get better too. He wanted to see me happy again.

Nodding my head I asked a question that just randomly popped into my head before I vocalized my decision to his questions. I still was thinking about what I wanted to do exactly.

"How is the house? Does anyone go and check on it? Who knows what can happen out where it is." I didn't have to specify what I meant to Charlie. He knew I was talking about the house Edward had built for us not far from his family's house.

I hadn't been there since not long after the twins were born. We had a family dinner at Carlisle and Esme's and we stayed there. It seemed like another life being reminisced on now.

Edward always wanted to raise our family here in Forks. He said it was a quiet little town that was perfect for just that, a family. We had plans to transfer our lives from Chicago back home, to Washington when the night came when we no longer had a family to raise in Forks. Neither of us had the strength to go back and see the baby nursery that no one ever bothered to remodel. The toys still scattered about the house. The lone house in the woods would be just as we had left it the Sunday morning we left for Chicago.

"Yeah I've been several times, but Esme goes over and checks on it I think about once a week. She's a little closer than me." Charlie seemed almost apologetic as he answered me. He knew it was a tough subject. He wouldn't be asking me to go there.

"Thanks." I couldn't manage much more. I felt drained already and the sun was barely up. I knew I had to do something though. I couldn't wallow in my thoughts as I had last night.

Charlie glanced at his watch. I didn't know what his exact schedule was anymore, but I knew he probably had to leave soon. "Well, I better get going. Thanks for breakfast, Bells." He gave me a warm smile as he bent down to drop a kiss to the top of my head. I walked with him to the door handing him his coat after he put on his gun belt that still hung on the peg next to the door.

He was walking out the door before I had to courage to answer the question he raised at the kitchen table. "I think I'll just get ready to head out to La Push then run by the grocery store and pick up some much needed food and things on my way back into town. Then, I might check in and see how things are going back home."

He didn't need me to clarify anything. Charlie knew me well enough to know what I was really saying was that I was going to do what he wanted. I was going to do it, but that didn't mean I wanted to talk about it.

I watched him pull out of the driveway then headed upstairs to take a shower and get dressed for the day. No sense in dragging out the inevitable even if I seriously wanted to.

I stood under the spray of the shower much longer than I normally would have. The hot water helped relax all my muscles. The bathroom had a nice fog when I stepped out. Wrapping myself and my hair in a towel I walked to my room to dig out something to wear.

Glancing through my closet and bags I had brought with me, I decided on comfort. Well worn jeans and a loose fitting top with my torn up old leather boots. One of the many pairs I have here. Alice refused to let me bring them to Chicago, saying what comes from Forks should stay in Forks, but what else can you expect from someone who studied fashion design abroad at John Cabot in Rome? But my boots sure beat the stilettos she crams my poor feet into.

Slipping on my leather jacket and slinging my purse over my shoulder I locked up the house and hopped in my little rental. How much I missed my Audi SUV back home. It was still parked in the garage in our suburban Illinois home.

I took my time making the drive into La Push. I knew Jake wouldn't be up this early. He didn't usually prefer to join the living until about ten. Knowing this and not wanting a verbal thrashing even if it was mostly in jest, I decided to take another stroll down the beach.

With just me and the crashing ocean waves I sat on a piece of driftwood and enjoyed the beauty of my home. I didn't think about all the walks Edward and I had taken along this same beach or the countless volleyball games we had set up among the six of us here. I most certainly didn't let my mind wander to the last time I was here on this particular stretch of beach; the time when our family still consisted of four. Those memories though happy were painful. Happy times didn't happen in my life anymore. There was only room for cold and dreary times.

The overcast sun was high in the sky by the time I was ready to face the one I had often called my own personal sun. Jake brought warmth and light to a room only by walking into it. He knew me better than a lot of people just by how much time we had spent together.

Getting back into my car thoroughly windblown, I headed in the direction of the Blacks' house. It still looked pretty much the same as it had every other time I had come, still the small little red house just off the road.

I wasn't expecting Jake to be sitting on the front porch, half dressed with a mug of coffee in his hands and a scowl on his face. Sometimes even the sun needs cheering up.

His face softened minutely when he saw it was me coming to greet him. Whatever it was that is obviously bothering him must be serious. He wasn't even this upset when I told him Edward and I were officially dating or when we announced we were getting married. He didn't wear a face like that even at our wedding for Christ's sake! I didn't know what would have Jake in more of a tizzy then me falling in love with someone who wasn't 'good' enough. He and Charlie were apparently on the same page, even if Dad had since come to love Edward as a son even more than he had when we were growing up.

I damn near tripped trying to get out of the car in a hurry. Seatbelts aren't any help for the uncoordinated let me tell you. Running up I sat next to Jake on the front step gently knocking his broad shoulder with mine.

"Hey, why the long face? Miss me?" I didn't have to wait long for his snapped answer.

"No." Yep he's pissed about something. Wait…1, 2… "Wait. NO. No, of course I missed you. Damn, yeah Bella, Jesus! Umm… yeah." I couldn't contain my laughter at this point. Oh, Jake I love you.

"Sure, sure whatever you say." I was still smirking. Once I picked up that little phrase from him I could never shake it. What was wrong with just a simple yes?

Jake's humored eyes all of a sudden changed to serious. Here was the answer to the million dollar question. "It's just Billy." He sighed defeatedly.

This was news. He and his dad always got along pretty good. As good as could be expected I guess. They may not have always seen eye to eye on everything, but they were good at letting stuff just slide on over.

"What you mean? You guys get into a fight or something?" I arched an eyebrow, this _never_ happened at the Blacks' house.

"You could say that." What was up with this? Jake never stopped at one sentence. Once you got him talking, it was never ending. I never had to pry for information.

"Yeah…" I tried to lead him on hoping he would spill whatever was evidently bothering him.

"It's nothing." I practically scoffed. Was I really going to grace that with an answer? Yep, sure was.

"Jake! This…" I gestured to him and the glower still all over his beautiful face, "is not 'nothing'. Something is bothering you."

Jake stared at me for a little while before he sucked in a long breath of air and let it out in a whoosh.

"Bella, you don't need to worry yourself with my foolish problems. How about we do something fun. What do you want to do? Have you gone anywhere yet?" He stood up with an obvious fake smile on his face. It didn't reach his eyes that were still tainted with frown.

"Yeah… after you tell me what had you out here killing innocent wildlife with your eyes."

He rolled his eyes at my lack of ability with real humor. I had given up long ago. He didn't want to tell me anything. I wasn't going to push him… okay, I was going to push him.

"Jake." I wasn't backing down about this. At this moment I was sick and tired of doing that for so long.

"Bella… I-I just… you…I-aw, hell." He slapped his hand over his eyes in frustration. I was used to fingers being racked unceremoniously through hair and then a fierce tugging on said hair, but this was Jake. "Bella, how about we go for a little walk?" I wouldn't ever turn something like that down.

"Okay," Stepping up beside him, I took is large hand in mine and gave him a pull.

We walked for a ways before either of us spoke. Jake needed to start. Everyone knew I had demons in my closet. Jake however needed to talk his through before they took up permanent residence like mine had.

"Billy wants me to go out on a date." What?! Of all the things I had expected to be on his mind _that_ was **the** last. "He says I need to get out of the garage and find that someone special. You know, like what you found with Edward and Sam and Emily and all the other Cullen's… what he had found with my Mom. And…" I had to stop this before he listed off every married couple we knew.

"Jake. I know I get it. Happily married and happily ever after. Got it. What about it? It comes when you're ready and you find the right person."

He nodded at what I had to say. To which part I was not sure, but at least something got through. "Yeah, he wants me to find that with Leah. You know Clearwater." He said the name as if it was poison to his tongue.

"And what exactly is so wrong about Leah Clearwater? She's pretty, and you've know her since forever. She's what…a teacher on the reservation?"

Again there was silence for a few steps. "Yeah, I guess." Oh, this was going nowhere!

"Jake! Go on the damn date!" I'd had it with this. One stupid date wasn't going to kill him. He could order in pizza and pick up a pack of beer and hang out in the garage and he'd be fine. Jeez! He could make a big deal about something so small. Edward did the same thing. Fancy stuff can come later.

"WHAT! No, I can't. She-she…" This should be good.

"She's what? A girl… yeah, Jake, I think that's why Billy suggested her. Let's see who else is there… there's…" I never got a chance to finish my sentence.

"I like her okay! I just don't know what to do." I rolled my eyes at him. MEN!

"What do you mean you don't know what to do? Go do something fun that you both like." I got a blank stare in return. Is this what Alice had to deal with when Edward was fretting over where to take me on dates?

"What like dinner and a movie?"

"Well, you got it right with dinner. It doesn't have to be fancy just a nice little dinner. But hmm… a movie where you don't talk or anything? A movie comes later." Just as I was going to press on, I got another blank stare. I was going to have to go slow here. "Later, as in when you've moved past the talking stage." I still got nothing more than a blank stare. "Onto the physical stage!" There that got a reaction, finally. "So… like take her and do something you both like." And the blank stare was back. He's spent his entire life around this girl and please tell me he knows a few things about her! Please!

"Well… umm…like bowling?" Oh thank you Lord!

"Yes, like bowling." That brought back memories of one of first dates Edward took me on. It was kind of like my first game of pool; he had to show me everything. Ah, I was pitiful at first. It was a happy memory until my thoughts drifted to our situation as of late. Something I quickly tried to sweep under the rug. "Hey, what was with that long face? Is bowling not a good idea honestly?"

"Oh, no bowling is a great idea… I was just remembering." His eyes softened and his pace slowed.

"Bella." He made sure he had my attention. "Bells, I'm worried about you. Charlie talked to me when he found out you were coming. And from what he said I was expecting a zombie. Bella, you did a good job at being happy last night, but I know you too well. You seem so sad under this happy exterior you put up around you." He stopped and looked at me expectantly. I didn't know whether he was waiting for me to speak or if there was still something else he wanted to add. So I decided to just keep my mouth shut. "You had been crying this morning before you came to see me. I could tell."

Now it was my turn to want to fold in on myself and not want to talk about what was going on with me. I wouldn't be talking about where to go on a date.

"You miss him don't you?" That may have been a question, but he didn't say it like one. Jake knew, he always knew me too well. I didn't have the strength anymore to play ignorant. I knew full well what he meant.

This wasn't something I had really thought of. I hadn't let myself think of it. I couldn't.

"Yes." I didn't know if he had heard. It was a defeated whisper. No one likes to admit they were wrong. Not even me.

"Bella, why did you do it then? Why are you still doing it?" That was one of my million dollar questions. He scratched the back of his head vigorously a few times before continuing.

"You two have been inseparable for longer than you will ever admit. You pretended to be put off with the huge thick rimmed glasses and all around geeky mamma's boy look he had going on then… well, worse than it is now..." He shot me a smile to let me know he was 'joking'. I knew better though.

"You've always loved him. I have always been your best friend, but he has always been _The_ _One_. I have always respected that, even when I would go all caveman that he wasn't good enough for you… nobody would have been," The end was but a whisper, like a secret he was finally telling even though I'd known all along. I have always known I was Jake's girl, long before I knew I was Edward's woman. Looking down at me with the kidding eyes I am so ever used to, "feel very sorry for the daughter I may or may not have one day. You'll be able to sympathize with her when I lock her in a closet and never let her come out until she's forty." I had to smile at the image. The poor thing. "At least I never pulled out a gun or anything." I had to smile at that. Nope, that would be _my_ father who did that.

"Bella what I am trying to get out here is that you two have always needed each other. I only filled so big of a part of your heart. I can only do so much. You need him Bella, just as he needs you. How can you expect to heal if you're trying to do it without your other half?"

A lone tear swept down my cheek. Everything he said made sense; I just didn't know what to do. How could I…? "Jake I-I… I couldn't."

I knew he was irritated with his slow intake of breath. "Bella, forgive me if I'm missing the obvious here, but why can't you? What's the hold up here?"

How could I tell him the truth? The truth, it has been getting harder and harder to tell nowadays. "Jake, I can't see him pity me all the time. I can't see him look at me with those green eyes that have lost every drop of happiness they ever held. I can't look into those beautiful green eyes and see the eyes of our daughter. I-I can't watch him run his hand through his crazy hair and think of how our son would have done the same thing. Jake, I can't be reminded every time I look at him of the children that we lost and will never have because of me."

The tears were flowing freely down my face. I was glad for the seclusion of our walk. Jake stopped and sat himself on the ground motioning for me to follow suit. His eyes were remorseful but thankfully not depressed. They reminded me of Rose's.

"Oh, Jake." That was all I got out before sobs began to rack through my body. He pulled me into his encompassing embrace smoothing out my hair trying his best to comfort me. This wasn't a scraped knee though; this was my heart and soul. "I just want everyone to be happy even if I can't be."

"And what makes you think you can't be happy? I saw you last night; you laughed and had a good time. Why can't you see that is okay to have that once in a while? Charlie showed me your draft for that new book of yours. Damn Bella, I know you always wrote what you felt, but I wanted to cry for that girl. I wanted to cry even more when I realized that girl in your story is you. You are the real tortured soul that is all alone."

I didn't know what more to say to that. Rose, Alice and I already had covered this base only a few days ago. It's true that I can't even make my imagination run to a happy tune. Even in my creative mind, it's only monsters and demons.

"Bella." He collected his thoughts in silence. "You're not alone. Not ever, even if you think you are." His words soothed, but didn't really comfort. I was alone.

"Jake, I don't know how to be happy anymore." Jake was always full of surprises, because instead of a sad expression I got a wide smile.

"Well then, you have come to the right place. We'll have fun and do all kinds of great stuff while you're here. How's that sound?" Having fun? It seemed like something I remembered from so long ago, a distant memory.

"That sounds great." Wow, I couldn't even force my voice to sound enthusiastic. 'Great going, Bella!' Fantastic! Now my conscience is berating me, Rose would have a field day if she knew about any of this.

"Oh, and Bella, think about what I said, about Edward. You need each other more than you know. More than you think you do. I think you'll find that what you gain will outweigh what you think you are losing." He paused for a moment letting the seriousness of this little chat of ours sink in before letting that very Jacob smile spread over his features. "Now, let's go figure out what I can do about this date of mine coming up." With that the sad conversation was over and he was pulling me up off the ground back in the direction we came from.

Saying goodbye to Jake with the promise of getting together the next day to figure out what he was going to do on his upcoming date with Leah, I drove over to the store. I went up and down every aisle about five times just to waste some more time before I had my hard conversation that I knew was coming. Jake's was unexpected, Rose's was not.

With a cart full of all kinds of food, I loaded everything into my car and drove back home never once exceeding the speed limit. Something I haven't done probably since the first time I drove with Edward in the passenger seat. Charlie would have been proud of me.

I meticulously put everything away in the correct cupboard and even folded and put away the bags. Mopping the kitchen floor crossed my mind, but Charlie would be home soon and I didn't really want the tongue lashing or the I-told-you-to-do-it eyes from him. Either way I trudged up the steps like a five year old out in time out and slumped down on my bed and called Rose.

"Hey, Bella! How have your two days in Forks been? Did you do anything fun? Spill, girl!" Ha, please Rose, you have been spending way too much time with Alice.

"Oh, not much I've gone down to the beach and Charlie had all the guys over last night to watch the game and today I went over to spend time with Jake. Oh! And I went to the store."

She giggled on the over end of the line. "So when Edward asks I'll edit things and say you went down to the beach and did some grocery shopping. He'll drive up there himself if I tell him anymore." She laughed while she was talking, but I could hear the undertone in her voice, she was telling the truth.

"Is he really that bad?" I cringed at the answer I knew was coming.

"Well… he's better than he was. I think talking to you when you first landed at SeaTac did him a world of good. He's calmed down some, but he is still being a worry wart. He could somewhat restrain himself when you where just a few miles away, but now that you're across the country, I think he dials your number eighty times a day, but hangs up before even the first ring. Hell, he's asked me if you've called me every time he sees me. It's like damn Bella, how did you ever put up with him? He's all jumpy every time the phone rings it's annoying and **I'm** a Psychologist!"

Rose could always make me laugh. If I didn't think about the situation that caused Edward to go this crazy, I could see him pacing the floor and ripping at his innocent hair every few minutes. The image quickly brought to mind how much I really missed my husband. "Thanks, Rose."

She took a few breaths. I knew what was coming. I tried not to put up all my walls, but I needed them. I needed them to protect those I loved. No more people would be getting hurt at my expense. I was still worried about what Rose brought to mind about their possibly being another victim just like me. Another woman destroyed at the hand of James, but I just couldn't get there. This, what he did to me was personal. He did what he did because he wanted and he watched and he coveted what he knew he would never be able to have unless he took it by force. Even though I had no other proof, I realized deep down I was probably alone.

"Bella, we need to talk for a few minutes…you know like we did right before you left. I'm hoping you are going to be a little more comfortable talking over the phone." I didn't answer; I didn't know how I felt about this. I know I need to talk to her. I know she can help me, but I have to work with her in order for this whole healing thing to work. I also know I can't tell her my deepest and darkest secret. She knows now that I know who raped me. Only I can know it was James.

"Okay, Rose." My voice sounded weak and afraid even to my own ears.

"Bella, what were you going to tell me before you left?"

There it was, _the_ question of the hour. In a moment of weakness I was about to tell my best friend what had happened. I had never in my life been more relieved for Emmett to barge into a conversation. I owed him for that now.

"Rose, I can't have you digging into what I tell you. I will tell you what I can, but you have to leave it where it lies. Are we clear?" I didn't have to see the eye roll she gave me on her end of the line to know it was there.

"Yes, my sweet, Scout's honor."

"Rose I'm serious." She was making a joke over something that was life and death for me. "Rose, my children died because I didn't take words like those seriously. You can't dig into this. You can't tell anyone about what I tell you. You can't tell anyone I talk to you about that night at all. Please, Rose I-I…"

I was glad a serious and even somewhat somber voice came over the phone now. She needed to see how important this was, how vital it was.

"I can respect that, Bella." It didn't go unnoticed to me how she didn't exactly give me an affirmative. I had to stop being too paranoid!

"Okay."

"Okay? Alright. Bella, what can you tell me? Let's just start off real nice and easy. You've said you can't tell me everything, but what do you feel comfortable talking to me about right now?" Her voice was light and reassuring, her Doctor Cullen voice. She had her game face on and her fight gloves on now. I was in good hands.

"I miss Edward." I don't know why I chose to begin there, but it seemed like neutral ground nothing too close to my incident.

"I figured as much. What do you want to do about it, Bella?"

"I don't know. I'm not ready to face him yet. I can still see _them_ when I look at him."

"That is normal, Bella. This is your mind and body's way of coping; you have to respect that. Now, do you think it would help you if you talked to Edward once or twice a week too?"

I had to think about that. I hadn't expected Edward to pick up the phone when I called the house phone at Rosalie's. It had been heaven to hear his voice again so melodic it nearly took my breath away. But could I be ready for an actual conversation?

"I don't know… maybe." I do hope Rose's patience lasted long enough.

"Okay. I'll talk to him for you. Just to see what he thinks, and the next time you call me we'll talk about it. Sound good?"

"Yeah." She was going too easy on me and I knew it.

"Now Bella, I have to ask you something just to put my own mind at ease. I have to know if the man who raped you is here in Chicago. I can't leave my apartment knowing someone is out there like that. The thought has been driving me over the edge. I get all worried when Alice is out by herself or closing up her shop late at night. I've sent Jasper or Emmett over there to make sure she's okay. Hell Bella, I've dragged Edward along with me whenever I leave the house! I have wanted to scream and tell everyone woman out there to carry pepper spray!"

I almost didn't have the courage to tell her my rapist not only was residing in Chicago, but had also been inside her home. I could lie or I could tell her the truth it was up to me.

"He lives on the suburbs on the other side of the city." The words rushed out before I could check them. It's not like I told her anything of real value, but it still made me feel sick inside.

"Shit, Bella! He lives… Bella! How… Have you seen him since your attack? Damn it, Bella tell me!" I think Dr. Cullen just vanished in place of best friend Rosalie.

"Yes." She was never letting me come back to Chicago ever again. In fact if the entire family wasn't getting moved back home, I'd be surprised.

"WHAT?! Bella! Lord help me! You've SEEN him! Fuck Bella!..." Yeah this was definitely not Dr. Cullen.

"Rose, I know, I know. I'm here now and as long as I don't tell anyone, I'll be fine." She actually screamed on the other side of the phone. Emmett was going to get an earful when he got home. That's when I heard commotion of the other end of the line. That's when it hit me. It wasn't just Emmett and Rosalie living in their house.

Her voice was muted like she was holding the receiving end of the phone into her hand, but I heard her nonetheless. "Edward! Get out!... No, I am not telling you who I'm on the phone with! No, I don't care who's name you heard! Now get out! I thought you were at the office! This is private call with a patient! This phone call is confidential! Get. The. Fuck. Out. Now!... Get out!"

There was a loud slam of the heavy exterior door of their house. I fear for the pictures and mirrors hanging on the wall.

"Bella." She took a calming breath to release some of her anger. "Now, where were we? Oh, yes, you can't just not tell somebody this! Something could have happened to you! You were in that house all alone for weeks! You could have been taken and raped again! You could have been murdered! Bella! You are not leaving Forks! You are not coming home! It is too dangerous! I don't care what you think you know about this psycho!" The doctor still wasn't anywhere to be seen that was for sure.

"Rose, I know and I'm sorry I am still dealing with all too. I'm still afraid." After all this time that's what I still was. After over a year I am still the scared broken woman who was left curled up on the small creaky bed in the basement of the little cottage I had thought was cute upon first inspection. I was still no better after over a year.

Her voice softened hearing mine about to crack through my tears. When would the tears stop?! I was tired of crying, yet my body still produced them.

"Bella, baby I'm sor-"

"Don't you fucking call me that!" I didn't mean for my words to come out so harsh, but they did and I wasn't taking them back. I had snapped at Edward time and time again after I was found, it was about time everyone knew.

"You don't want me to call you Bella or baby? Talk to me…." And the reentry of Doctor Cullen.

"Don't. You. Ever. Call. Me. Baby." I was serious about this. It didn't take me long after my rape to connect why Rose no longer preferred to be called Rosie. She didn't snap at us too much anymore… well at least Alice and I. If I were to bet I would say it was for the same reason. We would be confronting this later I am sure.

"Okay Bella, I can do that. I won't ever call you that anymore. I'm sorry for upsetting you." She paused for a moment, probably to see if I had anything I wanted to say. I didn't. "Bella, how about we end for today? You did really well. I'm proud of you honey. We'll talk more later in the week, okay. And I'll talk to Edward once he comes back. I'm sorry darling, but I think he's going to want to talk to you after what he just heard. I'll talk him out of getting in his car and driving across the country."

"Thank you, Rose." What more could I say?

"Alright. Thank _you__,_ Bella. Night. Sweet dreams. Love you, chica."

"Love you too, Rose. Night."

Sweet dreams hadn't come in over a year. Never once did I close my eyes and see pictures of good things or happy things. However, Rose had been right, I would have sweet dreams tonight. For the first time in ages they were filled with laughter, smiles, tanned skin, and walks along the beach. If only someone hadn't been missing, they would have been perfect.

**A/N**: Wow that was along one! Woot! Lots of stuff packed in here. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for reading, I adore you all!

Can you all believe we have a total of 63 reviews on both our profiles for this story?!? I am so thrilled!

You all know what to do now that you have read go ahead and tell us what you think. We love to hear it!

The next chapter up is going to be in Edward's POV! I am looking forward to it.

And the huge THANK YOU goes to… **danna0724 **my wonderful collaborator! Seriously without her this story would be nothing of what it is today. You gotta show her some love too!

Then to my loyal beta: **songster **who provides the extra set of eyes to catch all of those little glitches.

Thanks ladies! You're the best!

~Jessi

**A/N #2: (danna0724) **A little history, some light family bantering, and some happy times in the FB, and more importantly, maybe a little healing for Bella in RT?? Possibly… so I had a review who mentioned some poetic justice coming to James via a .357 to the head administered by Bella… What are your thoughts on his demise? How would you dispatch your assailant if given the opportunity? Leave it in a review for Jessi and I to review…and your idea could possibly be used…

~as always, BIG love to Jessi and songster… you h00rz are the bestest of the best ;o)


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; I just have an overly active imagination.

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape.

**A/N: **Okay… SO SOORY for the long wait everyone! Between vacations and sinus infections and just too many ideas having to be sorted through… we finally got this chapter out- FINALLY! I hope y'all love it!

~Enjoy a bit of Edward! Some more background information and what has been happening in Chicago since Bella left for Forks.

**A/N #2 (danna0724):** yes, you can blame me for the delay, horrid, horrid sinus infection took me out of commission for a few days, I apologize profusely. And as a reminder; the plot to this story belongs to Jessi and Danna respectively, please don't "gank" it… or we may have to call in a favor with Aro ;o)

**Tortured Sole**

**Edward's POV**

_I sat there fuming at my desk awaiting James' return from his fifth lunch meeting in the same number of days._

_I had just about had it with him and his shady clientele. I could tolerate most of them, but one just got under my skin- The Volturi brothers. All three of those men were known to fully believe themselves to be above the law. Sadly, for the most part they were. They paid top dollar to the best lawyers they could hire to represent them to get them off scotch free. Unfortunately, the next lawyer on their list was my law partner, James Campbell. _

_Everyone knew of their 'probable' and 'alleged' guilt in pretty much every illegal crime that went on anywhere. They had ties to people all over the world. The Volturi name was internationally known. They knew it and they used it. They used their influence to help them in ways nothing else could. A skilled lawyer knew how to use it. James was one that knew how. He had a nice track record for it. James had a client list that made up the elite of East and Midwest United States. In hindsight, it was only a matter of time before they secured him for their representation._

_Their family originated in Italy where they wreaked havoc for decades. Now this next generation of crime lords, kingpins, whatever you want to call them were here in Chicago. They weren't shy of the limelight… they never had a reason to be afraid. They were always found. All three could always be counted on for a very generous donation to every charity to have any type of fundraiser. All three had the best seats at every ball game, orchestra, and theater production to come into town. Hidden in the spotlight, I suppose. They were chauffeured in the most expensive cars, living in the swankiest neighborhoods and married to the daughters most wealthy men in the world._

_I couldn't stand this any longer. I couldn't tolerate my law partner and best friend getting mixed up in their filth. I couldn't stomach James getting rich off their crimes. James had pulled every legal trick or used every legal loophole and given everyone his charming smile to get these men off clean._

_James' newest case involved the most outspoken and rash of the three brothers - Caius Volturi. Caius is on trial for murder. All evidence and witness testimony point to him as guilty. James has been working nonstop with his newest hire to his section of our law firm, Laurent, to convince twelve people just the opposite. _

_I had been drawn to James in law school for his remarkable ability in the courtroom. He never lost his cool, he had no tells, and he could turn around even the most convincing arguments in his favor. As of late however, he has been using this gift for evil. _

_When we went into business together we had set up standards for ourselves. Of course we had represented people who were guilty and we had presented the evidence and they had been found guilty. And of course others had not been, however, this was not what James was doing. The manner of James' representation was not my concern. He was doing what every great lawyer does__;__ James was getting twelve people to believe that these men were innocent. He was hoodwinking them into shoving aside rock solid evidence. It's all just a lot __of __smoke and mirrors. _

_What I have a problem with is the tainting that this firm's representation is taking. We are a reputable firm__;__ we certainly can't have prospective and current clients thinking that we are lawyers for the __"__mob__", even though there is no solid evidence that Aro, Marcus and Caius are, in fact "made men".__ We both have spent the majority of our adult lives working toward this one goal of having our own law firm, to have 'Campbell and Cullen Law' on the outside of a building. We put forth far to__o__ much blood sweat and tears for it all to be torn apart by one client. I wouldn't stand for it, not this time._

_That wasn't what we had agreed to as law partners. Today I had to confront him about this. He was not becom__ing__ their new get out of jail free card. I couldn't allow it anymore. So here I sit attempting to calm myself behind my desk before James comes waltzing back through the lobby, gives his fiancé a kiss and pokes his head in my office to tell me he will be heading home to finish up his work for the day._

_Just like clockwork there were two quick successive knocks on my door before James walked into my office._

_"Hey Eddie, my man, how has your morning been?"_

_I was far too mad to play along with his games._

_"James, just cut the bullshit."_

_"What shit, Edward? I can't ask my business partner about his morning?" In a second he goes from smiling at a dumb statement to the light bulb just came on look. "Hey, didn't you have a conference downtown or something? Sucks__,__ man."_

_James did this often. He was very good at changing the subject. __And o__ne of many magic tricks he used in the courtroom on judges and juries._

_"Well, that conference was securing us a major multimillion dollar contract, but yeah sure it sucked majorly. That's not what I meant by cutting the bullshit, James."_

_He just stared at me. This may have been the first time I was bringing up this topic of conversation, but it wasn't the first time I had let it be known I didn't like it._

_"James, I want to talk to you about your current client, Caius Volturi."_

_I'd be lying if I said I hadn't expected his eye roll while I tried to maintain my cool exterior sitting behind my desk._

_"Edward, there isn't anything to talk about. The prosecution has absolutely nothing concrete on him. Nothing whatsoever that will bring about a murder conviction." Not the same story that I've heard, brother, I thought to myself. "It's nearly laughable, bro. All they have is feelings and guesses that he was the one that murdered that scumbag they call a victim. There is more evidence to support suicide than anything. People are just looking for something to pin on my innocent client."_

_That smirk. I couldn't stand that smirk of his. Just the exact smirk he was sending my way at the moment._

_"James, he's a Volturi brother! They may keep you in designer suits and high-performance sports cars, but that can't justify…" I figured he was going to cut me off sooner rather than later. I half expected him to scream 'objection' at me with the look I was getting from him._

_"Not you__,__ too! None of the three of them have been __**convicted**__ of anything! They can't be guilty by association. Just because their father and uncles were in and out of prison all their lives doesn't mean the same applies here!"_

_"Don't you think that's only because lawyers, exceptional lawyers such as yourself, have been used to keep those three out of jail? Don't you think that's why everyone thinks they're guilty? Everyone knows that family has had their hands in everything over the years. Drug and human trafficking, prostitution rings, smuggling, explosives, pretty much everything illegal that this and every other country has a law for." Running my fingers through my hair before pinching the bridge of my nose, I had to know one thing. "James… why are you doing this?"_

_By this time I was pacing my office ripping my hair out. I needed an outlet. One that wasn't conducive to being contained in my leather office chair._

_It's a good thing I only had phone calls this afternoon since I'm sure I looked a fright._

_"Oh, come on Eddie boy…"_

_"No, you listen, James. I am saying this because you are my best friend. Please, just think about __**what**__ you are doing. You are making it so a known breaker of the law never spends a moment in jail. James, we promised each other when we started this firm we would never do this. We both have a tremendous talent; we can't use it for __evil__." __(I don't like the word evil here, we could say something like 'we can't use it for such shady clientele' or something like that…)_

_I was pleading with him here, and he had to audacity to scoff at me!_

_"Wow. Jesus, Edward. I'm sorry__;__ I thought I went to work every day to make money. Edward, you __**have**__ gone soft on me. Jeez, you get married and I can't even represent a damn client without you flipping out on me. You just need to calm the hell down. He's just a wealthy client, dude." Catching me by the shoulders to put a stop to my pacing he looked dead into my eyes which I am sure would be spitting fire if they could. "Get a grip, Edward."_

_We were in the center of my office in the middle of what looked like one of our usual staring competitions._

_"Sir, oh, I'm sorry Edward, but your first afternoon conference call is on the line waiting for you."_

_Without looking away from James I nodded, sending my secretary briskly walking out of the room no doubt getting a taste of the tension filling the room. She knew better than anyone that our little staring contest could on occasion escalate to heated words. This time I guess that's what began it in the first place._

_The idea of just canceling the conference call to settle this subject between James and I once and for all looked mighty appealing right now. I didn't think I could even concentrate on some CEO rambling on long enough to land a contract deal right now. I'd probably end up snapping at the poor man for calling three minutes early._

_"We'll chat later, bro. You have fun on that call. Oh, by the way I'm heading home. I have a date tonight with Vicki. Say hello to Bella for me, and tell her again how great having dinner at your place was. We'll have to do it again when Vicki can join us. You can sure choose 'em, Eddie, that little lady can cook. Laters, bro.__" __And just as soon as the whole thing started, James flashed me a smile and walked out my office door._

_Still pissed as hell, I glared at my phone. I didn't need this right now. With two deep breaths I picked up the conference call. With that the voice of the senior partners of one of the supply companies I have represented filled my office. I spent the next two hours getting the particulars of a problem they had and needed representation for. Until exactly five o' clock on the dot, I immersed myself in legal jargon. _

_As predicted Victoria wasn't at her desk rather her new assistant, Kate, who was chatting about shopping with my secretary Irina. Just what I needed, no one getting any work done._

_Sighing heavily I head straight for the elevators not even bothering with any niceties today. I couldn't wait to be home with Bella. She should be home from her meeting with her editor and the grocery store by now._

_"Have a good evening, Mr. Cullen." The elevator just couldn't come fast enough. I spared the women a quick nod just as the blessed elevator pinged and I was able to step in without any conversation. Thank the Lord._

_Speeding through the crowded streets of Chicago rush hour traffic, I caught every damn red light and got stuck behind every fucking granny driver out there. Finally, I was able to pull up into my driveway. Sure enough Bella's car was in the garage. Perfect._

_"Hey__,__ Bella! I'm home!" I called out as I set my things down by the door where they would be waiting for me in the morning. I didn't plan on doing any work tonight._

_Heading toward the kitchen to grab something to eat, I hear the tell-tale signs of Bella. Clanging and banging around, I found her in front of the sink washing dishes and quietly singing to herself._

_Coming up behind her wrapping my arms around her waist, I nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck. Just what I needed after a day like today. I could have stood there all evening and not complained._

_"Why__,__ hello, Edward. You dinner is warming in the oven. I was famished when I got home so I just ate. UGH! You know how much I hate going to see my editor…" I think I might have mumbled something still nestled at the base of her neck. I needed her intoxicating scent… I'd missed it today. "Anyways, it actually didn't go that bad, pretty well actually. I am very pleased with how things are progressing." She was still washing whatever dishes she used while making din__n__er. I still hadn't moved since finding her. "My publisher was there today__,too__, a bit of a surprise. She was her normal self, gushing over and loving everything."_

_Bella paused for a moment. I liked hearing about her days…they were always so much better than mine no matter how much I loved what I did. Everything about Bella was interesting to me… maybe James did have a point. I'm not sure how, but Bella has changed me somehow just in the short time we have been together._

_"Umm… Edward?" Oh, was I suppose__d__ to say something other than just stand her__e__ completely enthralled with my lovely bride? "How was your day?"_

_Groaning in frustration, I did not want to talk about my day. I wanted to eat dinner, make love to my wife, and sleep. Not even necessarily in that order either. At the moment dinner would be put on hold._

_"I take it something happened."_

_Oh, my sweet Bella, if only she knew what happened every day when I went to work. That would give her something to write about. _

_"You could say that. Nothing I want to talk about though." I needed to get her off this subject and in bed now. I didn't want her worrying about anything that she didn't need to. Right now__,__ if I told her__,__ that is exactly what she would do, worry._

_Reaching in front of her__,__ I took the plate and dish sponge out of her hands and shut off the faucet. "You, my love, are done with dishes." Then I pulled off the ridiculous bright pink rubber gloves she insisted she had to wear._

_"Oh, really? Done with dishes you say."_

_With a mischievous grin I bent down to place a single kiss at the base of her neck._

_"Yes."_

_I moved my hands up from her waist to begin undoing the buttons on the front of her shirt._

_"Edward, what happened today?"_

_Why would she not just forget about this? Groaning once again in frustration__,__ I dropped my hands from her all together and gripped the kitchen counter. Why couldn't she just give this up? I didn't want to talk about this right now._

_"Bella, honey, can't you just drop this right now? I don't want to think about work right now."_

_My voice was a touch sterner than I intended, but it got her attention._

_She turned to look up at me with those brown doe-like eyes of hers. God, I loved those eyes._

_"O-okay, sorry honey."_

_Stepping up so she was flush against me again__,__ she wrapped her arms around me. Dear Lord, what she does to me._

_"I just had a rough day baby, __**I'm**__ sorry."_

_With that I hoped this conversation was closed for today and dropped a kiss to the top of her head._

_With the shy little smile that played on her lips I figured it probably was._

_"Now, what was it that you had in mind for this evening?"_

_Swallowing thickly, I was hoping the huskiness wouldn't come through as much in my voice, even though I knew it was hopeless. I never have been able to keep my damn voice even not as a hormone driven teenager and not now as a married man._

_God, I still remember in High School __that__ she had this same effect on me. The poor girl probably thought something was wrong with me. Well, she did think something was wrong with me; she thought I was one of the biggest geeks to ever grace the hallways of any high school. In my own defense I wasn't president of the chess club and the history club and a member of the math and electronics club like Jasper was. I guess when you are the middle child between the football jock and the fashion queen, people tend to size you up. Which is a reason why I couldn't wait to get out of Washington for college._

_Somehow though, I managed to catch her eye when we all came back together for Jasper and Alice's wedding. How I got the courage to ask her out; I will never in my life know._

_"Hey, hello?" Coming out of my trip down memory lane, I was greeted by Bella waving her hand in my face. "Hey where did you go? … Hello?"_

_Chuckling, I grabbed her flailing hands._

_"I was thinking about when we met and __then __when we met again."_

_Arching her eyebrow, she lightly snickered._

_"Oh, you mean when I thought you were a freak __and__ then when __I__ fell head over heels for the matured version of the same freak."_

_Now__,__ it was my turn to arch my eyebrow._

_"You thought I was a freak? Ha, I do distinctly remember you agreeing to go with me to my senior prom."_

_My Bella, my own wife, full out laughed at this point._

_"Oh__,__ my God, Edward. Yes, I thought you were a freak! You played the piano, which I love now by the way. You wore those ridiculous glasses that looked like they could pick up cable __and__ that constantly slid down your nose. And you had still been growing your hair out from when your mom insisted you have a buzz cut. Oh, and your clothes!..."_

_She had to end her assessment of me during high school because of her __peals__ of laughter._

_"Okay, that is quite enough of that."_

_She actually rolled her eyes at me! There was no way I looked __**that**__ bad. I still love those glasses; I __**still**__ wear those glasses sometimes._

_"Well, if I was that revolting why did you go with me to my prom? Hmm…?" This ought to be good. Talk yourself out of this one my love._

_Bella's face fell a fraction. I didn't understand why._

_"There were several reasons. Your sister talked me into it. Emmett dared me. And…" Her voice fell and no longer danced with humor._

_I tried keep it light. I wanted to know what was bothering her. "And…"_

_"Rose told me about Tanya. That she was the reason why everyone… I just…"_

_Her voice was almost too quiet to hear her. I didn't think anyone really knew. Of course that would explain a few things. If Rose knew, then that means Emmett knew, and if Bella knew, then that means that Alice knew, so of course Jasper would know because everyone else knew. Oh, my God! That __**does**__ explain a lot._

_"Rose told me how Tanya said… all those things about you in front of nearly everyone in your class when you had asked her to prom." Her voice was still whispers; yet I could hear the venom in her voice. "I'm sorry I never told you… I just couldn't. You seemed happy enough that I went with you. It's not something I think about all that often. You were so crushed by the lies she told about you. Then everyone was talking behind your back. I knew I had to do something. And…"_

_And she just stopped… again._

_"And what?" I had to know. I had to know about the events that had sent me packing as far from home as I could get._

_She looked up at me with eyes that could have been shiny with tears._

_"It was then that I really looked at you. I realized just how beautiful you are. I sat in the back row of that dark music hall that day and fell in love with your music. Everything you were feeling, all the anger and sadness and- and emotions I couldn't even name came flowing out into that piano that day. It was then that I wanted to get to know you. I realized I wasn't going to agree to go with you to your prom because of Alice or Rose or Emmett. I was going to say yes when you bucked up the courage to ask me because __**I**__ wanted to. But then…"_

_I had never known she was in the music hall that day. I had thought I was alone as I poured out my heart and soul. I knew what she was talking about though. I fell in love with __**her**__ at prom just a few days after. I had lusted after her, but that night I fell in love._

_She couldn't dance to save her life, but her laugh and everything about her drew me in. The look in her eyes told me that somehow on some level she felt the same way even if she didn't know it yet._

_It was then that I realized what she had begun to say. The reason why there was so much time wasted between us. Why we both didn't understand our love sooner than just a short time ago._

_"Then__,__ I left for Harvard." I felt every bit of the solemnity that was reflected in my voice._

_She just nodded._

_Hugging her to me, I smoothed out her hair the way I always do, trying to bring her a little bit of comfort. Time was lost between us. Time we can't get back. But __that __time got us to where we are now. And that, I would never regret._

_A short laugh made me look down questioningly. "You know I drove Charlie crazy for most of my senior year trying to get into Harvard. I would just not take no for an answer. No matter how many times everyone tried to tell me I was better off with the English program at Arizona where I could even stay with my mom. It actually is quite silly now. Ha, poor Charlie, had he known I put him through hell and back for a __**boy**__… I wouldn't have wanted to be within firing range."_

_Even I had to chuckle at that. Charlie would have flown all the way out east just to kick my ass. Just taking Bella to prom had been hair raising enough._

_"I never knew that… any of that."_

_Bella sighed deeply in my arms._

_"I always knew I would know when to tell you. I never really wanted to. We were young and kind of stupid. It wasn't the happiest moments of your life. I just never wanted to dredge them all up again just to tell you like one little thing. No matter how much I wanted you to always know when I knew I had fallen in love with you."_

_My Bella always was caring about me. Giving her a reassuring smile to let her know I wasn't upset or anything, I decided a good subject changer was in order._

_"How did we get on this topic in the first place? I thought I was in the middle of getting these clothes off you and was taking you upstairs."_

_Bella blushed the beautiful pink she has all the years that I have known her. I would always love that blush. Figuring I could make her blush even more, I scooped her up from the floor throwing her over my shoulder._

_With Bella in my arms… sort of, I sprinted up the stairs even with her wiggling all over._

_Depositing my beautiful wife on our bed, I was fully intent on making slow meaningful love to my wife. I was intent on showing her with my body how much she meant to me, how very much I loved her._

_"Wait." Definitely not what I wanted to hear at this point in time. "There is something I wanted to tell you."_

_Whatever it was it needed to wait. I couldn't wait. Kissing a trail from her lips down the column of her throat I began working on the buttons of her shirt… again. I really hated buttons at this point._

_"Edward… oh, God… please just wait. It's important. I want you to know before we do this. Please."_

_Rather unwillingly, I listened to the pleading tone of her voice. I brought my face up to meet hers. Pecking her on the lips, I prepared myself to listen. It wasn't as easy as it looked._

_"Okay, tell me."_

_She took a breath and let it out along with a sentence all strung together._

_"Today__,__ I had a doctor's appointment." _

_After I separated her words and figured out what she said__,__ she had my absolute attention. Why would she keep something like this from me?_

_"What?! Are you okay is everything all right? Bella?"_

_She started to tear up thus increasing my worry._

_"No, no nothing like that. It was a good doctor's appointment. I didn't want to tell you until I was totally sure."_

_I took her tear stained face in my hands. I hated seeing her cry. Especially when I didn't know why. I just wanted to fix this, whatever it is._

_"Then why are you crying love?"  
_  
_She smiled a shy smile up at me before giving me a chaste kiss._

_"What is it, baby?"_

_A smile lit up her face, a true smile this time._

_Taking my hand in her__s__ she slid it down from her face to her nearly flat stomach. I'd told her many times I hated women who looked sickly thin. My Bella was perfect, though I had no idea what she could possibly want to tell me._

_"I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby, Edward."_

Pacing the den in Emmett and Rose's apartment for the thousandth time since James left, I ripped at my hair some more. I didn't know what the hell to do with myself. It was great to see him again after so long, but something just felt off. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something. Maybe in the way he talked about Bella, I'm not really sure.

When the phone rang, I wasn't going to answer it. I didn't even stop my pacing to go see who it was. Not until the answering machine picked up and Rose's voice came barking through the tiny speakers.

"Edward! Pick up the damn phone. I know you're in there. You never leave that den so pick up the phone!"

Rolling my eyes, I went over and did as ordered.

"What do you want, Rose? Where are you and Emmett? I asked him where he was going when he left, but he just shrugged me off. Then he came home a few minutes ago and crashed. What's going on, Rose?"

Nothing was making a bit of sense. I just hope Bella is alright. Rose and Alice have been with her all day.

"Edward, don't freak out okay. Please just listen to me. Okay. Look, Bella went up to stay with her dad for a while."

WHAT! No! I can't have her that far away. I need her here not half way across the country.

"Rose! Did she say when she is going to be back? Why did she just up and leave?!"

She took a deep breath before she continued. I just wanted some answers.

"Edward, she didn't say when she would be back. I don't think Bella knows when she will be back. I think this will be good for her. Okay, so just calm down. She needs to get away from Chicago for a bit. She can't stay in that house, Edward. She's not getting any better here. Some home time away from it all could be just what her mind and body needs."

I wanted to break down and cry at the moment. What could anyone in Washington do that I couldn't do here? I am her husband! I am supposed to be the one to take care of her. I'm supposed to do it, yet that is exactly what I haven't been doing for over a month now.

"Rose, what if something happens to her?! Rose! I can't believe you just let her go! I have to get to Forks!..."

"EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN! You most certainly will NOT be going anywhere near the state of Washington! Jesus! I can't believe it! No wonder she said she felt smothered! Just listen to yourself, Edward. She needs some space and you are not giving it to her. So much so that she had to fly halfway across the country to find some peace and quiet. You are not going anywhere, Edward."

I understood what Rose was saying. She was the expert on this, but that didn't mean I had to like it anymore or calm down any.

"Edward…" She took another calming breath. Something I should probably be doing instead of pacing the room again and pulling at my hair with the hand not holding the phone. "Look, Bella promised she would call when her flight landed. Also as her friend and psychologist, I demanded she call three times a week. Edward, I'm pulling into the garage now I'll be up in a minute."

My mind was still reeling and all together still boiling in anger to make much sense of anything right now. I wanted nothing more than to be on a plane headed for SeaTac right now.

I was glad there were no cases at the firm to tempt me with, I had been turning down work for weeks. I'd probably send my client to prison while trying to keep them out. However I was getting tired of sitting on a couch doing nothing. I just couldn't focus on anything, anything, but my Bella. I couldn't bear not being with her no matter how much she wanted time to herself.

I didn't realize I was still clutching the phone in my hand until Rose tried to pry it from my fingers.

"Bella should be calling in a few hours. I already went over and closed up your house after we dropped Bella at the airport. It should be fine until you decide to head back. Why don't you wait up with me for Bella's call? I could use some company."

She gave me a warm smile; one I wished I could return. Instead, I just nodded. Months overcome with worry and grief for my beloved wife, and I still couldn't do anything. I felt just as useless now as I did the day the Officer Uley carried her limp form out of that cabin in the woods.

"She just needs time away. That's all. She'll be better with time." I internally scoffed at her words. All Bella had was time. I just wanted my wife back. "I know it doesn't seem like that. She doesn't believe it herself. When I was in her position I didn't believe such words, but they're true Edward. All we can do is love her."

I got lost staring at my sister-in-law mulling over her words, remembering the long time when she was the broken, tortured woman that Bella is today. Emmett and Rosalie should have been the first of the six of us to be married. It should have been them instead of Jasper and Alice. Em and Rose were the ones who had loved each other since the moment they met. Rose couldn't do it, though. She was too tortured to make a vow like that.

I hadn't realized how long we sat like that until the phone ringing broke the silence of the late hour. Rose pushed the small phone I had been clutching earlier toward me.

I didn't know if I was ready to talk to her or if she was ready to talk to me. I wanted to, God how I wanted to hear her voice and hold her in my arms, but I didn't know if I could. Or if I even should.

No matter my insecurities though, I had to know that she was safe.

"Bella."

There wasn't a response on the other end of the line which only served to heighten my anxiety.

"Bella! Bella, are you alright?" I tried not to notice the size of Rose's panicked eyes boring into me from across the kitchen table. Did she fear Bella wasn't ready to talk to me or something far worse? I didn't think I really wanted to know.

"Edward?" I let out the breath I hadn't known I had been holding, but I felt the burn in my lungs which told me it must have been some time. Her voice sounded so tiny. Had not the house been void of all other noise I may not have heard it.

**A/N (Jessi):** Whew. That was an… interesting one. I didn't know what to expect when I began this chapter it just flowed once I got started.

I hope you all liked it! Let us know what you think.

We are still looking for ways to snuff out James!

As always a HUGE thanks to my wonderfully amazing collaborator **danna0724** and Beta **songster**! They are amazing!

Also on a side note remember to check out at your leisure my **polyvores**! The link is on _my_ profile. I spend… WAY too much time over there collecting the fashions for my beloved characters. Drop me a comment and let me know what you think.

**A/N #2 (danna0724):** ever wonder what makes the creative juices flow faster and gets the chapters pumped out quicker?? It's that little button below… go ahead… you know you want to… hit that review button and tell us what you think… and give us your thoughts on how YOU would take out James if given the opportunity… a lot of victimized women don't ever get the chance, and we are genuinely interested in what YOU THE READER think…


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: **As always, the characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyers. No copyright infringement intended. The plot and story to Tortured Sole belong to Jessi and danna0724 respectively ©2009/2010

**WARNING: **The theme of this story is rape, and it is rated M as such, for this and other reasons to come. You have been warned, and if you aren't of age hit that back button now!

**A/N #1 (Jessi): **Well… I believe Danna sums this one up pretty good in her pre-read A/N. This was starts off a touch lighter with a small glimpse into life after Bella tells Edward she's preggers. Then with a few good times between her and Jake in Real Time… Just a small warning: HAVE TISSUES AT THE READY for when Bella talks with Rosalie… I needed them!

**A/N #2 (danna0724): **Well, Jessi and I are changing it up a bit here… we hope you enjoy! I have written a bit of this and she has written a bit of this and future chappy's will have some of the same. For the ultimate reading pleasure, we are each tackling different portions of this story. We each have our own styles and strengths, and are bringing the best of both of us to the table with this! She is the creative free spirit and I am the organized and anal neat freak w/ my time lines and color coding…[long story, trust me] As I've said previously, this plot belongs to us, don't be a "ganker", or we will find you and send Aro after your arse! Now sit back, relax, and enjoy. The FB here is from my own personal experience in life, so don't sit back and question telling us this isn't possible… because it VERY MUCH IS! Also, any and all therapy session/questions/comments/etc in this fic are just that FICTIONAL, neither Jessi nor I are psychologists, if you are in need of help, please seek professional help, this is in NO way to be used as a guide for help.

**Tortured Soul: Chapter 10  
Bella's POV**

'_Something is definitely wrong.' Is the only thought going through my head. I just know it. No human being can throw up this much and survive. I can't even hold down sips of water, much less food. And now, after my thousandth time retching into the porcelain throne, I spot traces of blood in what I just expelled. I knew my life was too perfect__;__ something bad just had to happen eventually. I have the man of my dreams, who by the grace of God loves me__. W__e have a wonderful home and good careers. A few weeks ago we found out we were pregnant. To say we were ecstatic is an understatement. And now this! What do I do now?_

"_Honey…Bella, are you okay in there?" Edward asks behind the closed bathroom door._

_I cringe. I have to face this. I have to tell him there is something definitely wrong here. I have to go to the doctor and possibly accept what I fear. My fear, I am losing the baby. What will Edward think of me? What will the rest of the family think of me? I just can't bear this. _

"_Um…Edward, I think you may want to come in here," I state as he enters the bathroom. I look at him with pleading eyes and then nod and avert my eyes to the contents in the bowl._

"_Oh. My. God. Bella is that BLOOD?" he says worriedly as he wrings his fingers in his hair out of stress. "That's it, you are going to the E.R. NOW!" he says while looking at me pointedly._

"_Okay," I agree softly. I'm stubborn, I know that, but this is beyond me, and I need help. _

_Edward assists me off the bathroom floor, down the stairs and into the car. His usual fast and law breaking driving is even more intensified by the situation. My seat belt is on, but that doesn't stop me from gripping the 'Oh Shit bars' for dear life. _

"_Edward, please, calm down and SLOW down, or the pristine interior of the Volvo isn't going to remain intact," I warn._

_He relents, but only just slightly. Within a few minutes we are pulling into the circular drive of University of Chicago Medical Center. Edward jumps from the driver's seat and practically runs around the front of the car, opens my door and proceeds to attempt carrying me in through the automatic doors._

"_Ugh, Edward, I can walk," I say exasperated with him._

"_My wife is pregnant, and something is wrong. We need help NOW," he demands from the front desk nurse, completely ignoring my plea._

_I wiggle my way out of his grasp, and look at the nurse apologetically. She smiles warmly at me._

"_How far along are you dear?" she asks me kindly._

"_Um, about 9 weeks," I reply._

"_Well, that's not far enough along in your pregnancy to take you to the Maternity Ward, so we'll get you in over at the Emergency Room," she says._

"_Thank you," is all I can muster, as Edward drags me in the direction of the Emergency Room. She follows as quickly as she can, and I feel just awful that Edward is behaving this way. I mean, sure this is serious, but Esme would be horribly embarrassed and what __would__ Carlisle think, knowing his disposition and bedside manner?_

"_Edward, PLEASE," I plea again. He turns and looks at me, eyes hollow and desperate. He's scared, I can see that now. "I'm so sorry," I start to sob out, unable to control myself any longer__,__t__ears breaching my lids and making themselves known._

"_What on earth could you possibly be sorry for Bella?" he asks of me._

"_I'm messing up, I'm sick and I think I might be losing our baby, and I just…I'm failing you…" I drift off, sobbing even harder now that I've admitted it out loud._

"_Oh, honey, Bella, look at me," he says pinching my chin and pulling my face to look at him. "Do you really think that? Do you really think that something like this would make me think you are failing? Baby, I'm worried about YOU, if something is happening with the baby… I just have to make sure you are okay, we can always try again," he trails off as he looks me in the eyes looking for understanding. _

"_Can I help you?" the nurse in the ER asks._

"_Please, this is my wife Bella…Isabella Cullen, she's pregnant, and something is going wrong," Edward says to her in what I can tell is his nicest available tone given the situation._

"_Please fill out these papers, and bring them back with your insurance card," she says very monotone. _

_Edward grabs the clipboard and pen, turns and drags me towards the chairs in the waiting room. _

"_Sit," he commands, as he sits himself and pulls out his wallet to fish out our insurance cards. He mumbles to himself about the absurdity of the paperwork and how they should be treating me and worrying about payment later, but continues to complete the forms. He gets up and takes the clip board and insurance card to the nurse at the desk and hands it off to her._

"_It will be j__ust a few minutes while I get her entered into the system, and then she will be seen by a triage nurse," she states as she slides the barrier glass closed on him._

"_Unbelievable, I should call Carlisle, he would know what to tell me to do, to get them to move their butts," he vents. I chuckle because, while yes, Carlisle is a great doctor and very respected in Forks, I doubt he would have pull here at UCMC._

"_Edward, I…" I begin, just as the next bout of dry heaves hit me. I make it to the trash can only to double over and heave out more blood._

"_Isabella Cullen," is called from the door to the right of the front desk._

"_Yes!" replies Edward, as he is practically picking me up, with my trash can in my embrace, and escorting me to the triage room._

_~0.o~_

"_It's been three damned hours, what the hell is the hold up?" Rose asks extremely irritated. Edward had called the family after I was triaged and given a room here in the ER. The whole family is out in the waiting room, but per hospital regulations, only 2 visitors are allowed in here with me at a time. Poor Emmett, Alice and Jasper are just sitting out there waiting._

"_Rose, they've taken blood, and ran a few other tests, __then__ they said they would be back shortly to run a 'naso-gastric' tube to check the contents of my stomach and attempt to locate the source of the blood," I attempt to explain._

"_NO! This is bullshit, Bella… how long does it take for a few tests to run and get results," she starts to rant just as a nurse with a tray in tow enters the room. The contents of the tray pique my curiosity, I'm not sure what a 'naso-gastric' tube is, but THAT does not look like it's going to be comfortable._

"_Rose, why don't we take a step back and let the nurse do what she needs to, to help Bella," Edward chimes in._

"_Okay, Mrs. Cullen, I'm going to be frank with you and tell you that this won't be very pleasant, but I will need your help to get this placed. Your nose is quite small, so I grabbed the smallest tube we had. In fact this is the 'neonatal' size," she begins. " First I am going to put a topical analgesic on a cotton swab and rub it on the inside of your nasal cavity, this will tickle and possibly make you feel like you have to sneeze, but please resists that urge. After that sets in for a bit, I am going to thread this tube in your nose and down your nasal cavity, you will feel it at the back of your throat, and you will need to relax and swallow to help feed it down. Do you understand?"_

_I nod, unable to really reply. I look at Edward, who is just trying to remain positive. He smiles slightly, I'm sure to try and comfort me, but it doesn't work. With as much puking and gagging I've done, the last thing I need is something provoking my gag reflex._

_The nurse begins, just as she said she would, and just as she said, when she put the analgesic in my nose, my eyes watered up and I felt a sneeze coming on. After that set for a few minutes, she told me to take a deep breath, and began to stick the tube into my left nostril. She doesn't get it in very far; it doesn't seem to want to go. She adjusts and twists, attempting to force it down, at this point my eyes water up even more, this HURTS like hell, and I then notice the trickle of warm liquid on my upper lip._

"_What the fuck are you doing__,__ you sadistic bitch!" Rose yells at the nurse after taking in my tear stained face with a bloody nose. Edward grabs her and pulls her back, attempting to restrain my best friend and sister-in-law._

"_I'm trying to be as gentle as I can, but I can't seem to get it to go," she starts. "I'm going to have to try the other nostril, you may have a deviated septum and that might be preventing the tube from going down this nostril."_

"_Okay," I agree hesitantly. Rose looks furious and Edward looks like it's taking all he has to not shove the tube down the nurses' throat._

_She follows the same procedure on my right nostril, and the same thing happens__;__ a searing pain shoots into my eyes and I feel like she's got a hot poker and __is __attempting to brand my brain._

"_What. The. Hell." Rose yells. "Are you trying to mummify her, sticking that up her nose and trying to scramble her brains?"_

"_You've seen that movie one too many times Rose, calm down," Edward attempts to rein her in. _

_Even with the pain and the blood and snot running from my nose and the tears down my face, I can't help but chuckle a bit at her. Only Rose would come up with that. _

"_I'm not able to get this tube to go down, I'm going to go talk to the Doctor assigned to you and see how she would like to proceed from here," the nurse says as she pulls back the tube. I grab a few tissues and attempt to clean my face off a bit, I gag a bit and spit up some blood into that little kidney shaped tray they give you for nausea. At this point, I'm not sure if that's coming from my stomach or from that torture I just endured when she was trying to shove that tube up my nose. The nurse exits the room and in an instant I have Rose on my left and Edward on my right, both touching me and trying to comfort me as much as they can._

"_That was just uncalled for," Rose seethes. "How would she like me to shove a magic marker up her damned nose and see how it feels, neonatal size my ass."_

"_Rose, please…" I begin. Edward was bad enough, now I have her to deal with too? The poor hospital staff just didn't know what was coming when the Cullens arrived._

"_Mrs. Cullen," a young girl asks at the door. We all look to her. "I'm Jasmyne, and I'm here to take you to Radiology for a Sonogram." _

_Fifty-five minutes later, I'm escorted back from Radiology__, i__rritated beyond all belief. As if it's not bad enough that I've now been here for about four hours, and still don't know ANY thing, the technician doing my sonogram turned the monitor from my view and only 'ahhh'd and umhmmm'd' at the damned screen. When I had asked what was wrong, she just simply stated that the Doctor was the only person who could "officially" read it and tell me what the findings are. As I'm attempting to explain this to Rose and Edward, Dr. Anna Martinez walks in._

"_Mrs. Cullen?" she questions and I nod in recognition. "Well, I have good news and bad news." She pauses, looks at Edward, then back to me. "The good news is, we know what is wrong with you…the bad news is there is nothing we can do for it." She states simply. The look on my face of sheer confusion must have been apparent, so she continues. "You see, the reason you are as 'ill' as you are, is because you have twice the pregnancy hormones of a normal pregnancy… because there are two babies not one." She finishes, as she holds up two fingers as if to clarify her words and my inability to count._

"_WHAT? Wait… two… NOT one…" I begin. At once__,__ three things happened. Dr. Martinez nodded affirming what she had just said, I fell back on my bed unable to process what she just said, and Edward's eyes rolled in his head, which hit the wall he was standing next to and his whole body crumpled to the floor._

"_Oh. My. God. Edward just fainted!" Rose screeched. As she made her way around my bed, she ran into Dr. Martinez, proceeding to take her down with her, and both of them landed on top of my shocked and now unconscious husband. I laid there in a daze, watching the circus that was going on in my room, as more aides and nurses rush__ed__ in from all the commotion. They are helping Dr. Martinez and Rose up off of Edward and waiving smelling salts in front his face, to rouse him. As all of this is going on, I lay there, with my hands on my stomach, rubbing small circles. Two…NOT one… is all I can think._

"Okay Bella for the last time move your feet and throw your weight into the punch. I want to feel it this time. Right here, Bells." Jacob laughed standing in front of me with his hands up waiting for me to show him what I'd learned about our sport of the day- boxing. I understood enough of the basics, but I wasn't quite strong enough… yet. How he could move that huge bag he had hanging from the ceiling of his garage, I'd never know. I had huge boxing gloves on and it still felt like I was going to shatter my hand. Laughing right along with him, I once again hurled all my weight forward attempting to feel something, anything to my childhood friend in front of me with my next punch. We'd… well, _I_ had been throwing punches at _him _all afternoon and I don't think he felt a thing.

"All right! And that is how you do it! You're doing great Bells. A natural Rocky Balboa if I have ever seen one."

Rolling my eyes at his absurdity I dropped my heavy gloved hands. Jake hadn't volunteered much about his date with Leah, but I could tell everything went great. Billy had been all smiles when I came down this morning.

"So… are you going to ask me how my date went?" I had been wondering when he was going to bring this up. He had been dancing around the subject all day.

Forgetting about boxing for a minute was a very welcome thought. "Of course I do! Did you do everything just like we talked about?"

Giving me a huge smile, he boasted, "You bet, and it all worked like a charm. She loved it." He paused with a distant look in his eye. "I can't believe it."

Jake's thoughts were like a dropped call, and I was getting tired of staring at a phone with a dial tone. He couldn't just leave me hanging like this. "What can't you believe? That my ideas actually worked" I scoffed. "Of course my ideas were brilliant; dating is something where I can say I have been there and done that."

Jake seemed to snap back to reality. This date must have gone really well. For the first time today his body relaxed and he put down his arms. That was enough for me to say boxing class was dismissed for the day. I couldn't feel my arms as it was.

"She feels the same way."

Well, that came out of nowhere. "Come again?"

The smile that was so Jacob lit up his face. I knew I had understood him correctly. A little 'Jake Jr.' would be running around here in no time.

"Right in the middle of our second pizza and like third round of pool, she just up and said she really liked me, too. And she was the one that asked Billy to see if I would go on a date with her. Can you believe it, Bells? All I had to do was ask, but no I was too much of a wuss to do anything so my _Dad_ had to it for me!"

I was genuinely happy for Jake he deserved to have found that someone special. Him and Leah where perfect for each other; they both liked the same things and were so similar. I think just about everyone saw it except for Jake.

"I told you it would all work out."

"Bells, there is no way you could have seen everything working out this perfect. No way on earth!"

I scoffed at that. Did he not have any confidence in my insight on these things?

"Jake, trust me I knew."

Raising his eyebrow, he quickly retorted back. "Wow, you **have** been spending too much time around Alice. Do you have visions and dreams and all kinds of shit like that too now?"

We were both laughing. Yes, Alice could be a little odd at times, but that was why we loved her.

"Hey! This had nothing to do with Alice. You leave her and her premonitions alone, young man."

A whole new round of laughter took over his large frame. What had I said this time?

"'Young man', Bella? Seriously? I thought we settled this when we were in high school. Let's see; I was what about forty then and you where twenty-four so… that would make us forty-eight and thirty-two now. _I_ am older than you, missy."

We were both laughing again at this point. It felt good to just let go and laugh. I hadn't done it in so long. A real laugh, with my head thrown back and my stomach beginning to hurt so I had to clutch it, and my eyes beginning to water. It was so unexpected, yet so… freeing, so… normal.

"Okay, okay, you win again. You will always be older. Now, will you help me get these ridiculous gloves off my hands?"

Smiling from ear to ear still, he came forward and began unlacing the stupid things. I had to admit I was getting stronger. So far I had learned about kickboxing and karate and now boxing. I needed more muscle before my skilled punch could do anything, but I was getting better, healthier… inside and out.

"So what's on the agenda for tomorrow? Another new sport for me to kick your ass with?"

He thought for a moment. "I don't know maybe you can pick something to do. I'm kind of getting tired of you kicking my ass every day."

An evil smile spread across my face before I could hold it back. I had the perfect idea. "Do you still have those two bikes you rebuilt when we were in high school?"

"Hell, yes! Bells, I'd never get rid of those things. Are you serious? You really want to take 'em out tomorrow?"

The year I found those bikes and asked Jake to rebuild them for me wasn't the best year of my life. I had just began my senior year in high school and as far as I was concerned my reason for being had moved all the way across the country and was attending college at Harvard in their law school program.

The bikes had provided the perfect distraction to keep me somewhat occupied. Jake and I spent pretty much every single day together. Building the bikes was something only he and I would do together. I didn't have to deal with Rose or Alice coming around as two more reminders of why I had to physically strive to keep my depression at bay.

"Of course, I'm serious! Maybe if the weather is good we can get in some cliff diving, too. Those are adrenaline rushes I will never forget. But at the moment I am exhausted, how about I make you and Billy dinner? Does that sound good?"

I think his stomach growled on command. I'd have to write out some of his favorite recipes for Leah.

"Your cooking always sounds great. What did you have in mind?" Was he salivating already?

"How about my specialty lasagna? That'll be easy for me to take a piece or two back for Charlie."

I hadn't even gotten out the entire word lasagna and he was already nodding furiously. "Yeah, yeah, we should have everything you need. Well… as long as you don't mind using Ragu. You know that's _Dad's_ secret ingredient."

How could I ever forget? Jake must really love that stuff because I think they lived on that stuff until Sue and I started bringing food and showing them how to make more simple things.

"I'm sure I can manage. You want to help? I could use two extra hands."

"Sure, sure, no problem."

No sooner had we gotten into their small house and Jacob disappeared into his room. Shrugging it off, I figured he just wasn't as trained to help as… _others. _I began to dig out everything I would need for dinner, until I was startled by Jake's voice breaking the silence.

"Here, I figured you might want this. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, I was in stealth mode."

He had a t-shirt that didn't look quite big enough for him. I looked down at mine which was damp with sweat.

"Thanks."

Quickly changing, I came back out to hopefully finish with dinner. Jake was eyeing the uncooked pasta.

"Jake, why don't you chop the onions?" Giving him my least favorite task, we both set to work. "How on earth did you find a shirt this small in your closet?" My question got a mild blush and a chuckle; this had to be good.

"What? I can't help it if the washing machine or dryer, I don't know which one, hates me! That was one of my favorite shirts and one go round with those two contraptions and it fits you!"

I tried to rein in my laughter seeing as he was actually genuinely upset over the shirt, but it was just far too funny. It reminded me of a time when another man in my life tried to take over the laundry detail for the first time.

"All right fine, I see how you are, laugh it up Cullen." I smiled to myself; Jake _never_ called me by my last name… ever.

Flinging some garlic powder at him, I stuck out my tongue at him just in time for Billy to wheel himself inside.

"Hey you two, something sure smells good."

"Some of Bella's specialty lasagna!"

This got Billy's attention. I might just have to consider making two pans. I was feeding three men so I should probably make three. It wouldn't be the first time though; you learn fast that Emmett can devour food. Something I suppose I should have picked up on first from Jake. But, no, I learned the hard way after running out of food at the first family dinner Edward and I hosted. I had never in my life been more embarrassed than having to order in pizza because I didn't know Edward's older brother ate like it was his last night on Earth.

"Hmmm… Bella you just might have to let Leah in on your secret recipe. You kn-"

"DAD!" Ha, welcome to the world of dating, brother. Payback for him laughing at me with Charlie when I brought Edward home, and to think I was beginning to think it would never come.

"What, son? It's not like she doesn't know. Don't think I don't know who you went running to for date ideas." Billy gave me the eye as he wheeled into his room. "Call me when it's ready, Bells!"

I couldn't contain my smug smile. "Sure thing, Billy." Without even giving Jake a glance, I turned back to my seasoning concoction.

That's how the rest of the meal preparation goes. We joke back and forth just like old times as we try not to make too big of a mess in Billy's small kitchen. If I hadn't been missing my state of the art culinary wonder of a kitchen back in Chicago before, I really am now.

When I put the pans in the oven to bake, Jake disappears again to shower this time and change. I set the table and fiddle with some garlic bread to pass the time.

"Billy! Jake! Dinner's ready!"

I can't help but laugh as Billy wheels himself to the tiny table so fast I fear he just might tip over.

"Easy there, Pops. Slow down." Obviously, Jake had the same thoughts.

"Hey, this is Bella's cooking we are talking about here. I didn't tell you to slow down, son."

I hadn't realized how much I missed being over here. Growing up, we all spent so much time together. Whether it was in a fishing boat or out in the back yard or down at the beach, there was rarely a time Charlie and I weren't with the Blacks.

Sitting back I listened and watched, a chef's favorite thing in the world, no talking and the melody of forks scrapping against plates.

After dinner and the dishes were done, we sat in their small family room and talked like we used to, about anything and everything, while not really talking about anything of true importance. They were both avoiding the white elephant in the room.

"Hey, it was great talking to you guys… I _know_ you enjoyed dinner. I'll leave you the leftovers. I'll save a piece for Charlie. I better get going before he orders in pizza." Giving them each a hug and a peck on the cheek, and the promise of coming back tomorrow, I headed back to Charlie's with his plate of food.

My cell phone had rung five times since I left Charlie at the kitchen table to eat his lasagna. I didn't have to look to know who it was though. Next to Alice, only Rosalie was this tenacious, and at the moment Alice wasn't the one who would be calling.

I knew I should talk to her, but I wasn't ready just yet. I had just had a wonderful day, and I wasn't ready to cloud it with my despair yet. She was going to be asking me some tough questions, questions I didn't want to answer, couldn't answer.

"Bella, either answer that damn phone or shut it off or I will chuck it out the back door!"

Silencing the now sixth call from Dr. Rosalie Cullen, "I'm sorry, Dad. I just really don't want to talk about 'it'." He'd know what I was talking about. I may be getting stronger physically and emotionally, but I still had a long ways to go.

As Charlie walked into foyer where I had been pacing, his features immediately softened.

"Bella." He paused. He wasn't good with too much emotion. Neither of us really was. "Rosalie- well, I think can really help you honey." Where is he going with this? Where did this even come from? "I talked to Edward the other day." He did what! "From what he told me you have been doing better since coming here. Bells, you've been outside the house, laughing, cooking… sleeping. Bella, I think you should answer your phone."

I didn't say anything just stood there with this pained expression on my face. Before I could do anything, he was in the family room with a Vitamin R watching Sports Center.

Fully intent on huffing my way up the stairs and slamming my door like I used to do in Jr. High, my cell phone rang _again_.

"Answer the phone, Bells!"

Sticking out my tongue in the direction of the TV, I angrily flipped open my phone. Damn psychologists!

"Rosalie." My tone was clipped. I wanted her to know I had promised to call her twice a week not the other way around. If she noticed, I couldn't tell.

"Hey, Bella! How have you been? We miss you here." There was so much upbeat energy coming through the phone I almost for a second thought it was Alice.

"I'm fine, Rose." Walking the rest of the way up the stairs, I quickly shut my door. Charlie may want me to talk to her, but he sure as hell didn't need to know what I was talking about.

"So what have you been up to? Done anything else fun? I miss home. Have you gone to the diner?" she started firing at me.

Taking a deep breath, I launched into an overly detailed description of my life since the previous time we talked. I was met with all the appropriate Oh's and Ah's and HmHmm's. It wasn't what I had been expecting. I felt as if I was on pins and needles waiting for the return of Dr. Cullen or at least the mention of Edward's probable future calls to me.

"So what's been happening with you, Rosie?" The sarcasm was no longer hidden in my voice. I knew full well she hated being called that name, but I quite frankly didn't give a shit at the moment. I was mad and irritated, and I really didn't even know why exactly. I just knew I was and I was taking it out on her right now.

"Don't. You. Ever. Call. Me. Rosie. I let you get away with it the night you left, but not right now. Not again."

It had been years since I had heard such venom come from her lips. However, I still had the urge to play with fire.

"Oh, come on, everyone called you that when you were young, even in high sch-"

"You don't think I know that!" Yeah, Dr. Cullen was nowhere to be seen. "Why do you not want to be called 'baby' anymore? Hmmm… Edward used to call you that more than your own name. Why have _you_ changed, my dear Bella?"

A long silence passed between us. I'm sure she was reigning in her anger, while I was trying to fend off tears for hurting my best friend. I couldn't believe I let myself that far out of control. I should be the one to understand more than anyone.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I wasn't thinking per se, I'm so sorry. So… I guess you put that together… about me." My voice was small and deflated… already. This conversation had just begun and I wanted to curl up and cry my eyes out.

"Bella, I only know because I've been there before." She took a deep breath signaling the beginning had come. "Bella, there are a few things I wish to discuss with you. Is that okay?

I thought about it for a split second before I knew. I was getting strong physically and working on my emotional well being with Jake, but Rose was my best friend, a psychologist AND a fellow rape victim. Maybe Charlie was right and she'll be able to help me in ways that I'm not expecting. I just know I have to be careful; I can't chance James finding out that ANYONE knows.

"Okay," was all I was able to confirm at this point, I would let Rose lead this. And then maybe I will have given enough to get help, but not exposed enough to put her or anyone else in danger.

"First off, Bella, I'm going to remind you, that while I AM your best friend, I am also a psychologist, and as such, I am bound to confidentiality laws. That being said, so long as you aren't a threat to yourself or to others, everything you say will be kept between us. I really want you to comprehend that, because, I don't want you holding back," she began.

Oh, did she know me well. What little I have said must have clued her in. Well, here goes nothing. Gonna do it slow though, like dipping your big toe in the pool before you jump in. "I understand, Rose, it's just hard for me to differentiate the two sides of you, because I know how fiercely protective you are of me."

"I can truly understand that, Bella, but you MUST know, that your well being is my concern as your friend and therapist, and IF I need to step back as a friend and be ONLY your therapist to help you, I am capable of doing it," she stated simply.

Whew, one worry down, and countless to go. Now, how to begin? Rose answered my unasked question.

"Bella, I know this is difficult, but I NEED you to try and tell me what you DO remember. Getting some of that out, and more as it comes back to you is going to be the most helpful. Start where you are comfortable and just do what you can handle, okay?" she prodded.

I took a deep breath, and began, "Rose… I know you've figured out that I do know who my attacker was, and I have to reiterate that I can't tell you _who _it was, so it's vital that what I tell you, you do NOT try and delve any further into, promise me that much, I have my reasons and you will understand, I promise."

"Fine, Bella, stop stalling and just get on with it," she replied exasperated.

"Okay, well…" how do you express this, do you just come out and say it? I didn't really have any other ideas. Taking a deep breath I just started talking. "God Rose, it hurt so bad…the physical pain paled in comparison to the mental anguish I was going through at the exact moment. It felt like time was going in slow motion, every movement; every action was exaggerated and felt so intense." I felt a sob clutch my chest, I doubled over, pinching the phone between my shoulder and head and grabbed my midsection. I was ripping myself open relaying this, I knew that, but it needed to be done. The familiar stinging started in my eyes, as the warm salt water began to pool.

"Go slow, Bella. Remember, there is no pressure here," Rose comforted.

I snapped, "You know the worse part Rose, had I done something different, had I made different choices…" The aching became too much, breathing became a physical impossibility; an agonizing sob tore through me.

Hearing my sob, Rose responded, "Understand this, NOTHING you could have done, could have changed what happened. It was premeditated, Bella, and as such, it was out of your control. This is in NO way your fault. You understand that, right?"

Oh, if she only knew! If I had just been passive and accepted what was happening, and not tried to fight back, James could have had his way with me and maybe, just maybe Nick and Nattie would still be alive. "NO!" I shouted, "I fought Rose. I fought and that reaction made it ten times worse than it should have been. I might as well have been the one to kill _them_." I began feeling the signs of hysteria creeping up on me, and Rose must have sensed it.

"It is human nature to fight, in fact that is EXACTLY what is expected from you Bella. Statistically, most rapists get off more on the struggle than the actual act itself. So your fighting back didn't make it worse, it's exactly what your attacker would have expected from you," she stated matter-of-factly.

"I don't know what was wrong with me, I couldn't focus, the actual violation itself was aggressive to say the least, but my kicking and flailing, fighting to stop it, it aggravated him…he got more violent, and he hit me…" reliving that first blow was agonizing, "he had thrown me down on the mattress, I…I scrambled to try and get away, he grabbed my ankle and pulled me back towards him…he lurched on top of me and pinned me down, God…his disgusting hands were everywhere…he was rubbing my body, my hips, my breasts…kissing and licking my neck and face, trying to kiss me… like he thought I wanted it or something," I started breathing faster, the words were getting harder to choke out, "he kept telling me how much I would enjoy it and how much he just knew I wanted it…and he kept calling me 'baby' and saying that I was his…" I felt sick to my stomach remembering James' words in that moment. I leapt up and raced over to the waste basket on the side of my desk and dry heaved. The tears were flowing freely down my face, my nose was running and snot was dripping down my upper lip. I was hiccupping and just trying to breath between my bouts of dry heaving. "I didn't want… I felt so gross… so dirty… unclean…" I started incoherently babbling.

"Bella…Bella!" Rose interjected. "I know… I know you didn't WANT it, I know… I know…" was all she could seem to say.

"Rose, I'm sorry, I just…God I can't…" I coughed out.

"It's okay… I understand… you don't have to explain to me that you didn't want it, Bella. I KNOW you didn't and I KNOW you aren't _his._" Rose replied. "It's dominance, or power play, that attackers use to make you feel inferior and they delude themselves into thinking that you want it from them, that you want them."

"It is?" I was baffled.

"Yes. Psychologically, your attacker is trying to confuse you as much as he is by the whole situation. He had most likely created a fantasy in his own mind and genuinely thought that you wanted what he was doing to you. That's very typical, especially when the attacker is someone who is known and somewhat trusted. It's a delusion that they've played over and over in their head, until they decide to make it a reality."

I continued to cough and hiccup for air. The dry heaving had slowed but the tears and snot were still flowing. I know Rose could hear my garbled breathing and struggles.

"Bella, I think that is probably enough for right now, but THANK YOU, thank you for saying _that_ much, and trusting me this much. I don't want to push you, so please, just… just tell me what you can, when you can. I am here any time of day or night when you want to just vent or talk or even just yell. Although I really need to tell you that you are doing great and we need to continue doing this, just please don't shut down on me now." Rose pleaded.

"No… Rose, you are right… it's time I got this off my chest. It's time I ask for the help that I desperately need; just please bear with me, as it's going to take me some time to get through all of this. I have a lot to sort out in my mind and in my heart," I simply replied.

"Bella, you have no idea how much it means that you just admitted that you need help, you do… it took me so much longer to realize that, than it did you. Just remember, I'm not the only one who is willing to help…who _wants_ to help… just keep an open mind, but remember you aren't the only one who lost your children that night," she gently reminded me.

I inhaled sharply, "Edward…" was all I could whisper. Lost in my own misery, and shut down, I haven't been there for him. I haven't helped him cope with the loss of his children…and his wife.

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Oh, God, Rose…" the tears threatened again.

"In time Bella, in time… this healing doesn't happen overnight. This pain and remorse doesn't go away, but just keep in mind that you aren't the only one that needs to be on the road to recovery, and the journey you are taking, isn't one that you need to take alone."

"Thank you, Rose, thank you… I will… I will consider it," I promised.

"I love you, girl!" my best friend decided to jump in on this therapy session. So much for "complete professionalism", but… I don't think I would have it any other way.

"I love you too, and I will talk to you in a few days," I resolved and I would be too. I would confide in her and accept her help. And with that I pressed the 'end' button on my phone.

I appreciated her dropping it for the night. I had expressed more in the past few minutes than I have in over a year, admitted out loud how disgusted and broken I was. It was liberating and exhausting all at once. Did James really think that I had wanted him? That I asked for him to use me, beat me, and rip away my life force when he took the lives of my children? The last year I have been wallowing in misery, shouldering all the blame for that fateful night and some of what Rose said is making me rethink some of my previous thoughts and quite possibly start placing blame in its rightful place.

It was still relatively early when got my tears and snot dried and hung up with Dr. Rosalie Cullen with a few appearances from my best friend. I was lying on my small bed in my old room looking out my window has I have hundreds if not thousands of times growing up. It was then, the first time in seemingly so long, that I had the urge to write. Springing up out of bed I went digging for my laptop. Firing it up once I recovered it from under my bed I snuggled into some blankets to do what I have always loved.

I opened up the last saved chapter to my newest book and sure enough within just a few pages of re-reading and I was in tears once again this evening. With a new found determination I began typing. I was going to turn this woman's life around. My character wasn't going to sit cowering and sobbing in the shadows. She was _going_ to become strong. She was _going_ to have her revenge. She was going to give me the strength to do the same.

**A/N #1 (Jessi): **Whew. Well, that was… difficult. I cried when I wrote my partial part to this chapter, and cried when I read Danna's two parts. I couldn't have done this one without you chica! 1.) I have no utter clue about the whole birthing children thing, and 2.) You are the Dr. Rosalie Cullen extraordinaire. You have got her down woman! Thanks for all the writing you helped me out with this chapter. This one was mostly on you, and it turned out FANTASIC!

**A/N #2 (danna0724): **dun dun dun… (insert dramatic music) Actually… I think the _Rocky _theme song would be fitting there at the end. Is our tortured, little Bella getting a spine? I do believe so… stick with us, this is just the _Breaking Dawn _to a new, stronger, woman. What… with all the suggestions we've gotten from our lovely readers on how to get revenge on James, well let's just say, we are all (yes I include myself) [And me! –Jessi waves hand in the air energetically while jumping up and down- Yeah I have to include myself too!] some sadistic fucks…and we are gonna need to have Bella have a personality transplant for some of the suggestions… rest assured… timid and passive Bella is NO MORE! Let's see where she goes from here, shall we?

Okay peeps, the FB story of how they found out Bell's was pregger's with 2, is my story of my own twins. Turns out, I had thrown up so much that I had irritated the lining of my esophagus to the point that it started to bleed, thus making me think that there was blood in my stomach, and I was losing the "baby". Yes my sister was in the room, and yes she really did reference a movie with that "brain scrambling"… 10 points to whoever can tell me what movie that is from! And finally and funniest, YES my hubbs did pass the fuck out when the doctor told us and my sister did knock over the doctor and all 3 of them were on a heap on the floor of my ER room and YES I did in fact lay there, in complete shock… for God knows how long, in fact I might still be there pondering what was just said…nope wait, those 2 voices yelling at me right now are proof that 4 ½ years ago I did in fact give birth.

Now… you know we love it, so can you please do it? You know what we are talking about… hit that review button below and give us some warm fuzzies… I mean really… do you know how fucking ecstatic it makes me when my Android goes off and tells me I have a review… especially when I'm at work ;O) It's truly an inappropriate love I have for the reviews I get, bwahahahaha!


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; I just have an overly active imagination. 

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape. 

**A/N (Jessi): **Okay… the theme of this story is rape, yes, you just read that. This chapter right here is the main reason those words have been at the header of every chapter of this story. If you chose to read the Flash Back and not skip to the Real Time then have tissues.

**A/N#2 (danna0724): **woof! THIS was beyond hard… this was hard to write and even harder for me to relive. I am going to give you full warning now, I went easy on you with Rose's rape, this portrayal is VERY graphic, and VERY disturbing, but it needed to be portrayed for the sake of the story. If you are of weak constitution, you may want to skip the FB and go right to the RL. As always, this story belongs to Jessi and I and any unauthorized copying is "ganking" and we will send Aro after your arse.

**Tortured Soul: Chapter 11**

**Bella's POV**

_No hallways had ever seemed to be as long as the one in the small cottage where ever I happened to be. Every sense seemed to be __heightened…t__he smell of the air around us, the sounds of the forest just beyond the tiny windows__.__Y__et no matter what, every one of my senses were focused on but one person- James._

_At the end of the hallway there was but one door. James opened it and motioned for me to enter first. Inside__,__ there was a cramped bedroom__, h__olding nothing but the bare necessities; a double bed, a dresser and a single mirror stood in the corner next to the lone window._

_James made to follow me into the room, but I couldn't… not yet. "Shut the door." My only request. "I don't want them to hear anything."_

_He scoffed at me, but did nudge the door until I heard a quiet click. It was now me and my monster. There was nothing standing in between him and what he wanted, what he had coveted for so long- me._

"_Turn around__,__ Bella." I did as he bid. I was, after all, in no position to argue. There was no point in it anyway. I had nothing to offer, save what he wanted. All I could hope is that he would take his fill and be rid of us._

_Coming to a stop, I was faced with my reflection in the lone mirror in the corner. I closed my eyes, not willing to look at the hand I had been dealt today in the card game of life. I heard James walk up behind me and rest his hands on my hips. Hips that weren't as slender as they used to be. Children could do that to a woman's body._

"_Open your eyes__,__ Baby. Look. You see that. It's you and me__,__ Baby. See how good we look together, like we were made to be here?" His words made me want to vomit, the bile creeping up the back of my throat. Instead I stood there passively__,__ and stared back at our reflection in the old mirror._

_Slowly his hands came around to the buttons that fastened my white, now wrinkled pressed shirt. Numbness began to take a hold of me for which I was thankful. I didn't want to be able to feel anything. I only hoped the numbness would last. _

_I stood stock still as he slid my shirt from my shoulders, caressing the skin as he went. My slacks were big on me; leftover from the early months of my pregnancy. Alice would be appalled to find them still remaining in my closet. They were easily pushed from my hips to puddle on the floor._

_His hands continued their slow and sick exploration of the skin he uncovered. Not yet making a move to remove anything else, for which I was glad. "You __**are**__ exquisite. And you know what else Baby?" His breath was hot against my ear sending the blessed numbness slowly creeping back into the shadows. "You __**are**__ mine." Stepping back from me, he beckoned me yet again to stand in front of him._

_He stood there drinking me in and caressing my face softly. So soft and gentle__,__ it could have been mistaken for a lover's touch. Perhaps to him__,__ it was._

"_Do the same for me that I have done for you Baby." I didn't understand what he was asking of me. Time and space seemed like it had slowed, almost as if I was a mere observer to the events happening. Not wanting to do anything wrong__,__ I remained still before him. He lifted his chin in the direction of the mirror where my clothes were in a small pile. He wanted me to remove his dress shirt and slacks._

_My mind seemed like it was in a hazy fog. I should be doing something other than accepting my fate. I couldn't get my brain to cooperate though. Nothing came to mind. I didn't have anywhere to go. I didn't even know where we were. I just wanted, above all, for this nightmare to be over. I wanted to wake up curled up next to my husband, and our children down the hall._

_I slowly raised my shaky fingers and tried to get them to cooperate on the small buttons of his shirt. It was a slow process, but he didn't say anything or show any signs of disgust. If anything__,__ he still appeared to be content. As my fingers began to fumble with the buckle to his belt, I felt that for a fact he wasn't irritated with me at all, and shuddered. _

_With his shirt and pants in a small heap on the floor, similar to mine, I stopped. He told me to do the same for him, and he had not removed anything more than that. I wasn't going to speed this process along any more than I had to. I wanted to get out of here more than anything, but that didn't mean I wasn't terrified of what was still to come. I had been in this room not even ten minutes; I had a feeling this had just begun._

_With a pleased smile on his face he told me I had done well. His eyes were fixed on mine __as __he closed the space between us__,__ enveloping me in his arms. He brought my chin up so I was looking him in his steely eyes again. "Now__,__ I finally get to kiss you." He murmured against my lips. He wasn't rough as I had expected him to be. It began chaste in what some other girl would have considered a suitable first kiss. Neat and clean not even too wet. It made the bile threaten to rise again in my throat again._

"_Just as sweet as I had imagined you to be." I wanted to let lose my tears and slap him for that. Edward had been the only man to kiss me like this, Edward was the only man I ever wanted to hear such a thing from. _

"_Go lie down on the bed__,__ Baby." My breath caught. I knew he wouldn't keep __**this**__ relatively painless stuff up for long. "I won't ask you again__,__ Bella. Get. On. The. Bed." That was the first __time __since waking up in front of the cottage in the woods that his tone had become harsh and dominating. Quickly I tripped my way to land on the corner of the bed._

_He slowly approached me, I began trembling, what was I thinking… I couldn't just lie here and take this; I can't just accept what is happening to me. It seemed like my mind had finally chosen to cooperate. I stood up and attempted to move towards the door, he grabbed me by the waist, effectively forcing me back towards the bed. I didn't lose my footing though, although I thought I would, and I stood back up._

"_Damn it woman, why are you forcing my hand with this?" he asked._

"_Please, please don't…" I began. But he didn't want to hear me plead against this. He wanted me to want it, and I didn't and now he knew it. With that he lifted his hand and dealt a blow across my cheek. That blow knocked me back, onto the bed, instantly I cupped my cheek in my hands, tears now flowing freely. He began to pursue me again, I crawled backward up the bed, shaking my head at him, trying to portray I didn't want this. I could NEVER want this. He grabbed my ankle and dr__agged__ my body back down the bed, and then effectively flung his body on top of mine. Instantaneously__,__ his hands were touching me, rubbing me._

"_You feel so good, Baby." As he began kissing my jaw, down towards my ear. He nipped the sensitive spot just below my ear lobe making me yelp in fear and surprise._

"_Shhh…" he cooed, "you said yourself you don't want to interrupt those babies of yours."_

_Thinking of the twins gave me renewed strength. I reached out and slapped and hit what I __could…began__ kicking my legs and thrusting my knees in effort to just make contact with anything at all. I tried to focus on what Charlie had taught Rose and I when we were younger. The rules… the rules of winning a fight… can't see, can't breathe, can't walk. Take away those elements and you can attempt to get away. With those thoughts in my mind and a determination to stop this from happening, I concentrated on landing my hits._

_With the heel of my palm, I thrust at his face, making contact with his nose, causing an instant gush of blood to flow. I hit him hard, but not hard enough. His eyes watered up, and anger flashed through them. His guard was down, for just a moment, I brought my knee up and connected with the junction between his legs._

_He groaned. "Ungh…you fucking bitch!" _

_He reached up, with a closed fist and connected with my jaw. I saw stars and blackness threatened to overtake me. His hands wrapped around my throat, and he squeezed. My eyes started to roll back. Blessed numbness._

"_Oh. No. You. Don't!" he spat. "You will remember this__,__ Baby." He shook me by the shoulders._

_My head jostled back and forth, I was somewhere between reality and a dream, or rather a nightmare. James' mostly naked form was on top of my body. He began with renewed determination to take what he wanted. In one quick move he had shredded my bra and freed my chest to him. His mouth began exploring, sucking and nipping. He cupped a breast in his hand and began massaging. To my utter horror, my unwilling body responded to the stimulation and my nipple hardened._

"_See Baby, you want this as much as I do," he said as he lowered his head to my nipple and began to suck. "Mmmmm…"_

_I didn't want this! I wriggled beneath him again and attempted to get space between us. He grabbed me firmly, tightening his hold, pressing his manhood against my thigh, and groaned at the friction my movements had provided him. With another quick flick of his wrists, he ripped my underwear from my lower body, exposing me to him fully. I tried squeezing my legs together, to deny access to my core._

"_NO!" was all I could manage and he slid his hand down my body. Frantically, I shook my head back and forth. No…no…no…I don't want this…I could NEVER want this. Tears stained my cheeks, my arms still flailing trying to find purchase and connect on him and portray my disinterest. I hit, and slapped and scratched at his face and chest._

"_BABY! You've wanted me as long as I've wanted you! You will give yourself to me and you will enjoy this!" he yelled as his hand found my center. He thrust his fingers into my unwilling body._

_I groaned, not in stimulation or pleasure, but in pain. My body did NOT want this, I wasn't willing, under no circumstances would that ever change._

"_No," I managed again, weaker this time. I was trying to remain forceful and intent on showing my displeasure with this._

"_Yes…just accept it and just feel Baby," he began separating my knees._

_I tried with all my strength to keep my knees together, but he was strong, so much stronger than I had thought. He managed to pry my knees apart and settled his hips between my legs._

"_No," I said again, still attempting to move my body away from his. He was getting upset. It was clearly visible that his irritation level was increasing. _

"_I said, YOU want this__,__ Baby!" he voiced as his saliva coated my face. He ground his hips into my center again, I felt his erection pressing against me, and it hurt…it hurt so bad._

"_NO! James__,__ I will never want you," I forced back, pushing him away with every cell in my body that I could muster strength from. "You are delusional!"_

_Pure hatred crossed his features. He pulled up a bit and glared at me, a strange emotion crossed his face, his eyes clouded over, and he landed a blow to my face just under my eye. This hit was different than the last few, behind it was something different, something had changed in my attacker. I felt a warmth trickling from his last striking point, his force had cut me, and I was bleeding. Seeing the blood did something to him, and his eyes became vacant, he delivered another hit, and another. He alternated his fists, connecting to my face and now to various parts of my body as well. He was striking my ribs and abdomen, with a force that was taking my breath with every blow. I brought my hands up, in a futile attempt to block him._

_He groaned again and grabbed my wrists, forcing my arms above my head. He effectively pinned my upper body down. I had no room to move, no ability to fight any longer. He used his free hand to release himself from the constraints of his boxers and lined himself up to my body. In simultaneous movements, he punched me in the gut and forced his member into my unprepared and unwilling body. I was not slick, and my body was not accepting. He shifted, and thrust again into my dry center. I could feel the friction, the searing pain as my body fought to reject him._

"_You WILL want me__,__ Baby, you WILL take this, and like it," he grunted out as he forced his way in and out of my body. I shook my head, looking at him with disgust and hatred. How could he think, with a bruised and battered body and face, that this is wanted?_

"_Never__,__ James," I yelled. _

_Another blow to my face, with consecutive actions of thrusting and hits to my upper body__…h__e was being more forceful, with each hit and each thrust. I could feel ripping and throbbing between my legs, bruises on the insides of my thighs, my ribs and abdomen. My face was bloodied and I'm sure starting to swell. It felt as though he was going to beat me to within an inch of my life. He just kept his rhythm, alternating his hits with his thrusts._

_Pain…excruciating pain radiated throughout my body. I still struggled against it as much as I could, but at this point it was futile. I had become a human punching bag. I felt every contraction of muscle, every bruise, every cut, every trickle of blood on me. His thrusts became impaling, forceful and deep. My insides could not accommodate __his movements__, __resulting in__ more sensations of ripping and tearing deep in my core. Nausea hit me hard, and I began to dry heave, choking and spitting on my snot and tears. My eyes had swollen almost shut, and with my tears I could barely see my attacker, but I could feel him. I could feel everything, intense and beyond any pain I have ever experienced. His thrusting became erratic and more intense, he was growling and gripping me harder. With a final, forceful push he released, twitching and panting._

_I forced my eyes open as he retreated. He was covered in blood, my blood. My body was limp and I couldn't move__;__ the pain prevented it._

"_Don't get too comfortable__,__ Baby, THAT was just the beginning," he said in disgust as he walked out of the tiny room._

I typed until the early hours of the morning. I was still typing when I heard Charlie's alarm sound off. I was right in the middle of my main character, Sophie, stabbing the man who destroyed then dominated her life, for the sixteenth time.

"Hey, kiddo what are you doing up… or _still_ up? Are you writing again?" He was hopeful and thoroughly surprised which instantly makes me feel horrible. I think I have been hiding how miserable I am, and then something like this happens. No one has fallen for my hoax. They have all seen right through all my smoke and mirrors, and known I'm not 'fine'. "Well, I guess your talk with Rosalie went alright then?" More hopefulness, jeez, what have I done to this poor man?

Charlie was nervous again. This was territory into emotions he never crossed into… even when the Seattle teams won. It was nice to know that he cared enough to go there for me though. "Yeah, we talked for a while." Yes, we were both tight lipped when it came to emotional things. I didn't want to go into any details. There were just some things fathers didn't- shouldn't need to know about their daughters.

"I'm thinking about beginning to talk to Edward again." I glanced nervously up at Charlie to gauge his reaction.

In a way that was so very unlike Charlie, yet completely understanding of a man and a husband who has lost something precious and just wants anything he can get, he spoke softly under his breath, maybe to no one in particular. "I'm sure he would love that very much."

Charlie did understand how Edward felt. He had lost his wife and daughter too. Maybe not in the same way that Edward did, but it was similar nonetheless. The loss of something they held dear created a deeper bond between the two men than I ever thought would ever form. 

"Yeah, Rose said they had to practically physically restrain him so he wouldn't jump on the first plane to anywhere in Washington the moment they told him I left." Not that he was any better before I left, but that was something I had to deal with as a result of my actions.

Renee had raised me to be a better woman than herself. No wonder her calls to me had gotten less since I told her I basically kicked the love of my life out to the curb. I had been raised to never leave my husband the way she had. My mother had never told me she regretted her decision, and most days she probably didn't but there were some days I would catch her looking her at photo of her and Charlie. I knew those were the days she missed him. She missed the reasons that had originally brought them together.

No wonder she had nearly broke down crying when I told her what I had done. I had asked… no told Edward to leave. I had demanded he leave me alone when he had done nothing to warrant such a command. The days when I catch myself looking at an old photo of Edward and I are becoming more and more numerous lately.

I know what I should do- what I need to do, but it's getting there that is the hard part. Rose had mentioned before how it was Emmett who brought her out of the black pit of despair she had confined herself into after her… _rape_. The word still tasted foul on my tongue. She had encouraged me to let Edward do the same for me. I just haven't been able to… not yet, not so soon. But has it been 'so soon', a year doesn't seem so long in the grand scheme of things, but it has felt like an eternity as well. How can it feel so short and so long at the same time? Most days, I suppose, I'm just angry at myself.

"That definitely sounds like him. That boy has always been head over heels for you." I smiled at the thought. Dad knew Edward well. Man to man, they could understand each other. Even when I was in high school, when I could see he wanted nothing more than to pull out his shot gun to keep his little girl at home forever. Charlie always knew, before even I did, how Edward felt. That didn't stop him from giving Edward more grief than he prefers to remember anyway.

"It does sound exactly like Edward, which is why I am really considering talking to him again. He needs something other than silence from me or it won't be long before he is pounding on the door here." We were quiet for a few moments, both of us contemplating what to say next, and both coming up at a loss.

"How about I cook us up some breakfast before you head to work, and if you're really nice I'll even throw in lunch too." Nodding a few times Charlie took my hint that this conversation was over and headed down stairs while I saved all my hard work on my computer.

"I'm heading over to the Rez today for a little bit. I won't be gone too long. I should be home to start dinner before you get here." Another nod and perhaps a grunt, but that could have been mistaken for the floor board, he threw a wave over his shoulder and was on his way for work without another word.

The morning had been as tough on Dad as it had been for me. He was happy that I was finally on my way to being on the mend, but it was another reminder of how utterly screwed up I really was. I couldn't even talk to my own husband for Christ's sake!

I wandered around the house being reminded of old memories until I figured Jake would possibly be up. If there were two things he loved, it was food and sleep. Searching for my old truck keys, and finding them wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. Charlie must still fire it up every now and again to see if he can get the thing out of his drive way. I was drowned in the familiar rumble of the loud engine and was comforted in a way I had forgotten about as I drove down the familiar road toward La Push. I had driven this way so many countless times before I lost myself to my own thoughts, and didn't emerge from them until I cut the engine in the Black's driveway. Edward would surely have a fit if he ever knew I wasn't focused on the road.

"Hey, Bells! I can't believe you drove that ancient beast all the way over here." I scoffed at the insensitive way he talked about my old truck.

"What? You still drive that old Rabbit. My truck runs fine thank you very much."

Laughing and shaking his head like I was missing the big picture, I knew an education was coming. "This is my third generation Rabbit. Didn't you notice the-"

"No, Jake, I didn't notice the engine or any other motor thing that's different about your beloved car so don't even ask."

We both stood in a somewhat awkward silence staring at my old Chevy. "Well, I got up early this morning and made sure both bikes ran just fine. I must have done something right when I put them tog-"

"JAKE!" He started at my loud outburst. "You got up this morning… earlier than it is now? I can't believe this. You never even saw the AM hour while we were growing up. I thought for sure I would have to drag you out of bed this morning."

He chuckled at my expense for a few moments. "I found it helps when you actually sleep at night. For a long time all us guys on the reservation would take off at night and go run in the woods and other equally stupid stuff instead of sleep."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes and laugh a bit. I knew exactly who would have instigated such a thing- Sam Uley. He has always been a really great guy, but at the same time he has always been into something. How his wife, Emily, manages to keep him somewhat under control is still a mystery. Their son is absolutely adorable though. I ran into them at the grocery store the other day. "Somehow, that totally sounds like something you and that whole pack of stupid boys would do."

I got a huge, very Jacob smile, as he lifted the bikes into the back of my old truck.

"Whatever little girl, are we going to take these bikes out or not?"

Sliding into the driver seat I called over my shoulder. "Waiting on you now, princess!" Men! I have no idea what Jake was still standing around the tailgate for.

On the way to our old motorcycle spot we had to drive past the cliffs. Somehow, they didn't appear to be as scary as the first time I saw Sam leap off them all those years ago. I guess a summer spent cliff jumping would do that to you. I was able to smile at the dangerous memories, now that Charlie wasn't going to have a heart attack. Alice and Rosalie convinced just about everyone that I was going to die one day out there with the guys. They never did get the fun in it.

Getting the bikes out and facing down that old stretch of road sent the butterflies in my stomach swarming just as they had the first day. At least _that_ hadn't changed over the years. However, there was just something exhilarating about getting on my bike and revving the engine.

What I hadn't been expecting were other feelings to creep into my consciousness. My thoughts drifted back to the reason I brought the bikes over to Jacob's garage senior year. I realized then that my thoughts were in the same place now as they had been the first time I got onto this 'death machine'. Every single one of my thoughts was of a man halfway across the country-Edward.

Passing the bend in the road where I had cracked my head open, I felt the tears running down my face. Jake, of course, saw them too. "Hey! You alright over there? Get a bug in your eye or something? I should have brought your helmet… Bells! Talk to me woman!"

I smashed on the brakes, the same way that the first time had sent me flying. Hunching over the handle bars I let my tears flow freely as the sobs wracked over me. I knew now I couldn't do this alone. My soul had been trying to tell me for over a year and my mind was just now listening.

Looking down at the machine I was seated on, I was fed up with crying. I angrily wiped at my eyes to get the tears to go away. I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want to run away anymore.

"I'm fine, Jake. I want to go again." I must have sounded crazed again after all these years. I am pretty sure those are near the same words I used when I had blood running down my face the first time we rode these things. I knew this because Jacob still wasn't having any of my driven spirit today. He got off his bike and stepped in front of mine.

"No, you're not. Look at yourself, you're crying. I don't know what is wrong, but this was supposed to be fun. We can do something else. Let's go down to the beach. Or you could pick another sport to try out. I could teach you how to throw a football." The poor guy was talking a million miles an hour probably scared to death at my reaction to something we used to love doing together.

"I can't… Jake…I…" In a way that Jacob always could, he got my meaning no matter what I said. I was ready to fight, but I couldn't do it here or with a pair of boxing gloves.

"I'll get the bikes." There wasn't anymore said. I hadn't expected anything either. I knew that he knew I was talking to Rose. She's let it slip the other day that she'd called him. He was going to wait for me to talk to the one who knew how to make sense of my mind. He knew how to be a great friend right now, and that's all I could ask of him. He didn't need to be burdened with my demons.

Leaving the bikes and Jacob out front of the Black's house, I sped off down the road. I needed time to think and clear my head. I hadn't prepared myself for the onslaught of feelings that swept over me out there today. Taking the bikes out today _was_ supposed to have been fun. I most certainly hadn't expected thoughts of Edward to come on so hard and fast.

Letting myself into the quiet house, I let myself think back to some of the many things Rosalie has said to me, only then realizing then that she had seen right all along. Even if I didn't think I was ready, my mind knew what I needed. Absentmindedly walking up the stairs I stood staring out my bedroom window clutching my phone. Steeling myself for what I was about to, yet what was very long overdue, I hit my speed dial one.

"What is it _now__,_ Rosalie? I got everything on your list from the store. If you tell me you fucking forgot something…" Well I didn't have to be psychologist to see he was a lot frustrated and maybe a bit tired. Nevertheless, I couldn't help but smile into the phone. Rose had put the man to work- FINALLY.

"Rose?" Yes, it was very much like a distracted Edward to not pay attention to such a simple invention as caller ID. It made me wonder what had been occupying his thoughts so completely before I called.

"Hello, Edward." There was a silence that last far too long on the other end of the phone. With it doubts started bombarding into my mind as to my sudden decision to phone him in the middle of a workday. Perhaps he didn't really want to talk to me. Maybe everyone just said he did, for me to feel better or something. What if-

"Bella? Oh, God Bella! I've missed you so much." He sounded like a man finally coming across an oasis in a desert. "Our last conversation wasn't nearly long enough. Are you coming home? How is Charlie? Have you been to visit my parents? Rose told me you two had discussed us talking again, but I hadn't expected it to be so soon. I glad you called though; it's so good to hear your voice. If I have to run one more errand for Rose, I swear I will move in with Alice and Jasper. It's like, honey, she is far worse than you ever were, even during your most bizarre cravings. I think I have been to every place of business in the entire Chicago area! She'll pro-uh… honey, are you still there?"

Well, he finally lets me get a word in edgewise. "Yes, I'm still here." I calm his nerves in between light chuckles. "You tend to get carried away when you're excited about something. However, if you want my opinion you are better off staying with Em and Rose. Alice would have you moving mannequins or something at her boutique."

We both got a short laugh at the vision we could see clearly. We love the pixie to death, but she was Alice after all. "Yeah, I figured as much. So…"

That was all it took for us to come up with enough conversation to last us a long while. It was nearly a reminder to me how our lives used to be like before… everything. Even after everything he was still the man I will love no matter what. The thought was comforting amongst all the uncertainty that has been clouding me so much lately.

Talking to Edward brought back a rightful balance that I had shunned for so long, that I hadn't noticed its absence. My world couldn't right itself with one phone call, but it got me going in the right direction.

"What do you think of me coming out to visit you? I-well, I miss you, and of course I'd stay at our house or with my parents. Is that something you would consider? It doesn't have to be tomorrow, but just- uh, so you- well…"

I had been preparing myself for a phone call since I got home not for him to actually come _here_. I wasn't ready for that step just yet. "Edward, I… not yet- I just _can't_…yet. I'm so sorry; I love you so much, but I need more time."

I had said those same words to him so many times before. With each touch I shied away from. With each embrace I fled from. With each kiss I denied him. I was glad this time I didn't have to see the disappointment I knew would be written across his face.

"It's alright; you'll know when you're ready. Rose told me not to ask so soon, but you know me I just… had to. I'm sorry. Just know that when you are ready that I will be here."

It was late enough that Charlie had just pulled up from work. I didn't want to say goodbye yet, but I knew now I could call back. "I have to make dinner for Charlie. I promise to call back again. I…I love you, Edward, always know that."

"As I love you." I thought he was about to hang up until he yelled for me to hang on. "Rose wanted you to call her. She wanted to continue your conversation while everything was still fresh or something." He took a deep breath and I could see his free hand tugging and racking through his hair. "Damn sister-in-law psychologist wouldn't tell me a damn thing... talk to you later, honey- goodnight, sweetie."

I smiled to myself all the way through making and eating dinner. Edward would always be Edward. I knew he wanted to know everything, but the thing was _no one_ could know everything. No matter how frustrated he got that he couldn't fix me, I had to, above all else, keep him and the ones we loved alive. If that meant he couldn't know this one aspect of my life, then so be it. I couldn't lose him too.

Charlie was quiet, hardly saying a word. No doubt Jake had talked to him about our afternoon with the bikes. I didn't want him to worry about something he didn't have to.

"I talked to Edward today." He lit up like there was no better news he could have heard. "Yeah, we talked for a while. I hadn't realized just how much I had missed him until I couldn't seem to say goodbye."

He gave me his fatherly smile. He saved it for special occasions only. In the photo from when I was born, when I learned how to ride a bike, when I moved back in with him, when I graduated, got married, and now. This time just didn't fit… apparently it was more of that man to man understanding him and Edward shared. "He said Rosalie wanted to talk to me again."

His state of happiness faltered for a second. I know he heard me crying last night. I'd be surprised if the neighbors didn't hear me crying last night. He didn't comment on it if he did, for which I was glad.

"I'm sure he loved that, Bells." With that he dropped a kiss to the top of my head, and parked himself onto his recliner. With his attention turned to Sports Center, I once again shut myself into my room to see who I would be talking to this evening. Dr. Rosalie Cullen my psychologist or Rose my best friend.

"Rose, Edward said you wanted me to call. Well, here I am girl."

"Yeah, I wa- You talked to _Edward_? **You** _called_ Edward? When?" I think she was just as excited as my dad was. Maybe it wasn't just a man thing.

"Yes, I talked to him. I called him this afternoon."

"No shit." She sounded amazed. Obviously wondering what could have possibly possessed me to finally listen to her after all this time. As if she was clairvoyant, I should have known what her next question would be.

"So what brought this on?"

Thinking back on my time with Jacob I couldn't help but think how it _should_ have been fun. If I would have been listening to her all along it would have been. No, instead I have to do things my own way, and have a crying breakdown and ruin the entire day.

"I realized something today, when Jake and I went out for a ride on the old bikes. I felt so alone and desperate for Edward, like I had all those years ago. Honestly, I ruined the entire day for both of us."

"Honey, you did not ruin the entire day! I can't tell you how proud I am for you finally calling the poor man. HE has been pacing around here like a caged lion since you left. I liked it better when he was moping on the couch out of my sight. I gave up and put him to work. He's cooking right now. I don't think he's too happy about it, but hell I've been feeding his lazy ass for weeks now!"

Rose had us in giggles in no time. It was a nice reprieve from the doctor who was never that far away. "So… I know you must have promised you'd call again. He's had an extra bounce in his step, and a smile that makes me want to hit him, if only I wasn't so damn happy for you two. But, did you set up a time to call him? You know how he is he's going to be camped out next to his phone waiting for your call."

She had a point, we both knew Edward all too well. "No, I didn't. I just… I don't even know! I miss him, and I want to talk to him, but I feel so lost still. I may have started my long journey to being on the mend, but I still am harboring the same feelings of worthlessness I was when I left. Everyone wants me better, but I can't help but feel that I just never will be able to be. Underneath everything, I'm still scared."

I knew I personally helped her into her lab coat that time. "Bells, I know you feel lost. Trust me, so did I. I holed myself up, and closed myself off. Darlin', let me tell you to be glad you have a Cullen man to help you. If they are anything, they are stubborn and tenacious an-and loving and wanting to help you. If it hadn't have been for Emmett banging down my door and dragging me out of my own head, I honestly don't know where I would be today. You are doing the right thing by talking to Edward. Now, you have to let us help you. We're here for you, all of us."

It was nice to hear that from her. We all knew how big of a role Em played in her healing process, and she was absolutely right about the Cullen men being…well, everything she said. Though, I am pretty sure it's not limited to just the Cullen men.

"Bella… I'm sure Edward told you I wanted to continue our conversation from last night. There are a few questions I wanted to ask. I would like to attempt to bring more memories to the surface. It's going to be difficult, I'm sure, but it's crucial. Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, of course, I-I just… it felt good to tell someone. I trust you Rose, but please don't tell Edward. I know he will pester you, but please just don't. I am broken enough to him as it is. I don't want more added to that."

She drew in a long breath. We'd battled over how Edward and everyone else view me. I'm hoping she'll save that argument for another time.

"I have told you before I fully intend to respect doctor patient confidentiality." She paused, waiting for a rebuttal or some jab from me, but tonight she wouldn't get one. "Okay, last night we talked about your actual rape. Tonight I wanted to talk about afterwards. You were unconscious for the most part when you were found, but do you remember anything? Anything at all about what happened. I know this is going to be hard for you… but do you remember anything of what happened to Nick and Nattie? Take your time, hon."

As if my… incident was hard enough to talk about she wanted me to talk about the murders of my children. Taking in a shaky breath I tried to recall the fuzzy memories.

"I don't know. James left the room the first time he was done, threatening me about more to come. I don't know how many times he raped me, they all seem like they run together. The pain was so intense my body was trying to cope by shutting down. I couldn't feel anything, but the pain deep between my legs. On one of his 'visits' to me, he mentioned that the twins were sleeping but would most likely be up soon to eat. He seemed aware of them and somewhat conscious of their well being, I didn't think at the time he would hurt them, I thought he was only after me. I heard cries at some point. James brought them to me for me to feed them; I have vague recollection of him placing them on my breasts. I know he had to have been tending to them, changing them, almost caring for them, for the whole ordeal to have gone on as long as it did. I'm not completely sure about the time frames, but I know there were numerous 'visits' from him, so I know it must have been a good chunk of time. Then I remember the cries getting louder and more insistent from them, and James cursing about it."

Oh, what I wouldn't give to hear those beautiful cries just one more time. I was sobbing into the phone again; it was a wonder Rose could even understand a word of what I was saying. Tonight, I tried to calm myself down since I didn't want to worry Charlie anymore than he already is. Nothing was working though. As I was telling all that I remembered, it was as if I was reliving it again. I could see that little cottage, and feel the mattress beneath me. I could see his cobalt eyes staring back at me.

"You're doing great, Bells. What did he do after the twins began crying more? Did he try and do anything? There is no rush on this, if you are ready to quit, you just say so, alright? You take this as slow as you need."

I couldn't stop now. She'd just ask me again tomorrow if I didn't get this over with now.

"He was irritated about that. He started screaming at me to make them stop, but I couldn't even move. I could barely understand what he was saying. I heard more screaming farther away, I think, before I don't remember anymore." I took a small breather before I delved into any more of my nightmare.

"And then that's when I woke up in the basement of the cottage. Where they found me…"

I could hear it her voice as she asked her question, she was afraid to know the answer. "What exactly happened in the basement?"

"He murdered my children in front of me!" I practically shouted into the phone. I wasn't mad or angry not at the moment. No, I was scared. I could still feel the dampness around me, and I could still smell the staleness of the air.

"James was there, he had my babies, he had them! I thought there was another person's voice I didn't recognize, but I don't know where it was coming from. I could have been imagining it. I was hoping so hard for anyone to come and save us I wouldn't be surprised if I did."

"You're saying that there could have been another person in that room with you and involved in this? Do you think you'd be able to recognize the voice if you heard it again?"

Sighing loudly, I'd asked myself that many times. "Rose, I don't know. I don't even know if there really was someone else there. I was probably hallucinating or something. I heard it, but I couldn't focus on it. I was trying to zero in on what James was doing. He was further away than what my eyes could focus on; all I could see was blurry and distorted images through my swollen eyes. I think he was near them from the sounds, his grumbling and cursing and their cries. I could hear Nick and Nattie one second, but then everything just went silent the next. I remember his fuzzy form and the two of them, and then there was blood, there was blood everywhere… so much blood." My voice wasn't much above a whisper.

"I don't remember much, it's mostly just flashes- images really… or feelings. The next thing I remember is being pulled and carried out. Even that was still foggy to me."

I couldn't continue, I was spent, it was too hard. Rose knew.

"You did wonderful, Bella. I know dredging that up out of your memory was very difficult and emotionally straining. I won't ask you anymore tonight. It's late you should get some rest."

"Yeah, you too, Rose. Thanks for listening."

"Hey, that's what I'm here for. You do something fun tomorrow. Go get an ice cream shake from the diner. You got that? Doctor's order; you have fun tomorrow."

"I think I can handle that."

"Good night girl!"

"Bye Rose, talk to you later."

Setting my phone aside I curled up in my bed with tissues to wipe away my lingering tears. Tonight wouldn't bring a peaceful sleep or pleasant dreams. No, this night would be filled with infant cries and steel blue eyes.

**A/N (Jessi): Wow. This chapter took its toll. Danna put so much into this chapter that she'll you about in her A/N, but she did an amazing job. I know I can't thank her enough. Her and of course our amazingly awesome Beta, Songster; she keeps our writing as close to perfection as it could be. They are both fantastic. I hope you were able to get through this tough chapter, it was definitely a must for this story. More is definitely on its way, picking up on some little bread crumbs we dropped in this chapter. **

**A/N (danna0724): **Okay… as mentioned above, it was emotionally draining to tackle the rape scene… you needed to know though to fully appreciate the entirety of the story. Trust… it all comes together after some sharp turns, twists, climbs, dips and other various movements you will go thru on a rollercoaster. I thank Jessi for constantly supporting me and feeding my writing the way she does… she's an amazing person, and if you haven't fav'd her, you should… right now… go ahead, I'll wait… AND a very big GRACIAS to Songster and her amazing ability to understand what we write, add some stuff here and there, and make it to where you, the reader can understand, SHE's FABU!

Okay… We know… cliffy's left and right… it's gonna be a factor in every chapter, just like there will always be a FB (flash back) and RT (real time) portion to each chapter, it's part of my anal outline… so sue me ;o) SO NO LYNCHING US! It will be appreciated in the grand scheme of things!

And finally… b/c I have a deep and passionate and very inappropriate love for them… hit that review button below and give us your thoughts! We really read and love each of them, and want to know what you are thinking as you read this… so please, show me some lovin' and just leave a little somethin'…somethin'~~~~Toodles love, danna0724


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; We just have an overly active imaginations.

**WARNING: ****This** **story's theme is rape!**

**ATTENTION:** As always the beginning italics is a flashback and the basic type is present day.

**A/N (danna0724): **I, me personally, am a total fucking FAIL… my RL got in the way and the hold up on this chappy is ENTIRELY my fault. I am so, so sorry guys, please forgive me! On a positive note, we will be turning chappy 13 here VERY shortly… I swear! On my kids and shit! ;o)

As per the usual: IF you are NOT 18 years old, do NOT read TS, as it is rated M for a reason. There are some very disturbing and graphic scenarios in this story. ALSO, while SM owns the character names, Jessi and I own the plot/storyline/idea/etc. behind TS. Don't be a 'ganker', or I'll send Aro after your arse!

**A/N #2(~Jessi): **Okay. This chapter was pretty much all danna. I only added my 2 cents in sporadically were I just felt the need to blab… like I'm doing now. So sit back, and enjoy this bit of our dear feisty Dr. Rosalie Cullen!

**Tortured Soul: Chapter 12**

**Rosalie's POV**

"_Miss Hale," I looked to see a nurse talking to me. I acknowledged her by simply looking at her. It hurt to move any part of my body, and I'm not sure exactly what she wants. Probably to run more tests, test after test and they still aren't telling me anything that I don't already know. When you hear things like 'internal bleeding' and 'possible hysterectomy' as you are being moved around a trauma room, you kinda get the picture pretty early on, even if you are sedated shortly after._

_I am interrupted from my internal thoughts with her shuffling her feet and looking at me eagerly to say something._

"_Yes," I croak out._

"_The doctor will be in shortly to speak with you; I was stopping in to see if there was anything I could get you."_

"_Um, no thank you." And with that I turned my head to look out the window again._

_Getting lost again at the view of the Rochester sky outside my hospital window, I barely notice when the doctor enters my room._

"_Miss Hale, may I have a moment?"_

_I turn my head and look at him. He is distressed, that much is obvious, the V-shaped crease line on his forehead indicates he's not happy with what he's about to do. And that makes me anxious, somebody is about to tell me SOMETHING apparently._

"_Umhmm…" I voice as I look at him._

"_Well, there is no easy way to say this, so I will just come right out and be forthcoming. There was extensive damage done to your body__. W__hen you were brought in, there was not only the external bleeding from various injuries on your body and vaginal area__;__ there was also quite a bit of internal bleeding as well. You took quite a beating, and you are very lucky to have survived."_

_HA! Lucky my ass! There is NOTHING lucky about surviving this._

"_We had to do emergency surgery to address the internal bleeding__. T__here was a ruptured artery on your uterine wall that could not be repaired, and to stop the bleeding, and save your life, we had to do an emergency hysterectomy. Now… we didn't do a full hysterectomy, only a partial, your ovaries were left intact, so you won't need to be on hormonal supplements, but… I'm so sorry…"_

_Here it comes…'The Blow'…here comes the part he's dreading most, I know this because he's starting to stutter and stall._

"_What that means…is…well, I'm sure you know that that means." _

"_It means I can't have kids, right?" I look right at him, tears forming in my ducts._

"_Again, I'm sorry," he says simply. "If there were any other way, I would have done it, but to prevent you from hemorrhaging it HAD to be done."_

"_I'm no longer a woman…" I mumble as I turn my head from him to stare out the window again._

"_No, Miss Hale, you are still VERY MUCH a woman__;__ please don't look at it that way. I think it might be best if I send someone in here to discuss the situation with you. In my professional opinion, you would benefit greatly from some form of therapy. I will have a member of the Psychiatry Team come down and discuss your options with you."_

"_Great! Now I'm not only 'less of a woman'__;__ you think I'm crazy! Well__,__ I'm not crazy, this WHOLE situation…" I start._

"_No one said anything about 'crazy'__.__ I was simply stating that it would be best, in my opinion, that you address what happened to you from a psychological standpoint__;__ that is all. That in no way was meant to indicate anything about your mental state of mind. The situation was traumatic for you, to say the least, and you might find discussing it with a professional, or a fellow victim, might be beneficial. Surely, as a student of Psychology, you must understand that?"_

"_I understand EXACTLY what you are saying, and AS a student I know that you cannot FORCE me to speak to anyone__.__S__o don't waste your time, I don't want to talk," I practically yell. As if on cue, he knew his exit line._

"_Yes, you are correct, no one can force you to talk, although I wish you would reconsider," he stated as he exited my room._

~0*o~

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

_There it is again, that damned knocking. Why won't everyone just go AWAY and leave me alone? I don't want to see anyone__.__ I don't want to talk about 'it', and I'm certainly not going to be able to just 'get pas__t__ this'. I've been lying here, holed up in my room, on my bed, just trying to remember to breathe. The physical pain has subsided long ago. The emotional pain, well that's a different story. I'm a Psychologist, and I feel like I'm losing my damned mind. How am I going to be able to help anyone else? I can't even help myself. It's been quite some time since I was…raped… by Royce and his friends. And I know everyone is worried about me because I just can't seem to move on. But today, is the anniversary of THAT day, the day that changed my life, ultimately changing me._

"_You need to eat something__,__" __c__omes from the other side of the door__.__ Emmett, is trying to coerce me out of my despair._

_He had immediately made the six and a half hour drive from Cambridge to Rochester, in less than four hours, when he found out I was in the hospital, and I was certain he would get right back in his Jeep and head back to Cambridge when __h__e found out __**why**__ I was in the hospital. To my great surprise he booked a hotel room across the street, and stayed with me. Of course, I don't think even the man that was full of more love than any other, could have reduced my hostility to the human population in general._

"_I'm not hungry!"_

_Oh, please Em, just leave me alone__.__ I don't want you to see me right now__;__ I don't want anyone to see me right now. He's given me so much, and asked for so little in return. He has loved me, even with my flaws, my baggage, and my bitterness. I don't deserve him, that's the truth. I can't fully be with him, as broken as I am, and I can't ever completely fill his life. I will never be able to give him children. THAT is the hardest part of dealing with this, knowing I will NEVER be a complete woman, because my ability to bear children has been ripped from me. God's gift, a woman's sole purpose, to create life and give birth, I can't do it. I never will be able to, even with the medical advances and the fertility treatments, no, my womb was destroyed beyond all medical help and had to be removed from my body._

"_I know today is a difficult day for you, but I won't allow you to be swallowed into a pit of despair and self loathing," he states as he enters the room. "You are a beautiful, intelligent, and wonderful woman and I love you just the way you are, and you will NOT shut me out."_

_What he doesn't know, is I HAVE to shut him out. He doesn't want to enter this world; he doesn't want to know my internal struggles. How could he? What man would?_

"_Can you hear me?" he says waving a hand in front of my vacant stare. He had been doing that a lot lately. That didn't make me care anymore though, especially not today of all days._

"_Yes, I can hear you, I'm NOT deaf!" I don't want to be mean, but I fear he won't leave me alone if I'm not._

"_I know you aren't deaf, but you aren't 'there' either." This is the way it always is with him. No matter how bad I am to him he never leaves. He never stops loving and caring for me, and he's right, I'm not here. Not fully. I don't think I ever will be. How can I be?_

"_Just leave me alone, I don't want any help__;__ I don't want to be 'here'," I retort cynically._

"_I'm not a Psychologist, or a doctor for that matter, but I __**am**__ a man in love, and I'll be damned if I will turn my back on that!" Oh yeah, I've hurt him now. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me__.__ I've loved you since high school, even though I was too stupid to realize it, and God help me I am __**not**__ going to let you go again__.__ NOTHING will change that."_

_I chance a peek at his face__;__ it's twisted with underlying pain. I truly do NOT deserve this man._

"_Em, please, I just want to be left alone."_

"_No… I'm not a professional, but I know that THIS isn't something you can go through alone, and I will be here by your side, whether you like it or not, because I love you!" He grabs me by the shoulders and gently faces me towards him. "Do you understand that?"_

_I gaze into his boyish eyes, __and __they reveal true adoration. He does love me, and he isn't going anywhere. I can't help but be scared because of it._

"_I don't know what to do," I start, because I genuinely don't. "I don't want to talk to anyone about it__.__ I don't want to relive it__;__ it just makes it all the more tangible and I'm afraid that if I accept it fully, it might break me."_

"_You are the most strongest-willed person I know__. Y__ou can't break__;__ I know you can't__. I__t's impossible__,__" __h__e assures me. _

"_I don't know about all of that." If I wasn't well on my way to being broken already, I didn't know where I was then._

"_I do." He pulls me into his warm embrace. "You don't need to worry; I won't allow it to happen."_

_And I believe him, because I trust him, because I love him._

"_What did I do to deserve you?" I sob into his chest._

"_What did YOU do to deserve ME?" he asks incredulously. "Hell, how did __**I**__ manage to land __**you**__?"_

_I let __out __a slight chuckle into his chest. My monkey-man truly is clueless._

"_I mean, ME, a computer geek from M.I.T., able to be with you...you who are so brave, and strong, and God help me, too smart for your own good."_

"_I'm not THAT smart."_

"_No, seriously, you scare me sometimes with how ingenious you truly are." He pulls back a bit to look me in the face._

"_Okay, so I am smarter than your average blonde, but that's no prize." I say jokingly as my lips start to curve upward. _

"_There's that smile…THAT is what I live for every day of my life."_

_And I can't help but let my smile spread further. "I love you."_

"_I love you more," he teases._

_**~0*o~**_

I push the off button on my phone. 'James' is what she had said.

Bella hadn't realized that she slipped. In her distressed state she named her attacker. I didn't say anything, I didn't acknowledge it to her, and I won't. I don't want her shut down on me, and that is exactly what she will do if I tell her. After a year of silence, she's said something, and I'm not going to stop that progress. But I need to know more.

Okay, what I do know is that this is a 'James' that Bella knows. But that's such a common name, hell her hairdresser's name is James I think…but isn't he gay?

Surely it couldn't be… James Campbell, Edward's old law partner and buddy from college. No, they were 'thicker than thieves' back in the day. But…what if? The thought won't go away. It festers in the back of my mind until I can't take it anymore.

I pick up my phone and dialed my husband.

"Hey babe, what's up?" he picks up.

"Hey honey, not much, just a quick question. That guy that stopped by a few weeks ago to visit Edward, what was his name?"

"Oh, um… James, James Campbell, his old partner, why?" he inquires.

"I just thought I recognized him, but I wasn't sure, and I was thinking about it today, and it just seems like it's been a while since he's been around. They were such good friends, and then poof I hadn't seen him."

"Yeah, he recently came back to town from California. I guess he had some big case out there about a year ago."

"What a friend! The hardest year of Edward's life, and he's nowhere to be seen?" I throw out there to see what else I can get him to say.

"Don't be like that. Edward hasn't talked much to anyone, and Bells hasn't talked at all. There's a good chance he didn't know. He probably stopped by the office to see Edward and they told him he'd been out for a bit."

"I suppose you're right. Sorry, I just know the value of 'real' friends' babe," I stroke his ego.

"Well, they were friends forever, but they did have a falling out over some clients that James was representing. Edward was very vague about it, but we could all tell it bothered him pretty bad. He forced James out of their law practice for Christ's sake! It had to have been pretty bad."

"That would explain why he didn't know, I suppose."

"Was that all you wanted?" he sounds hopeful.

"Well, no, actually that was just a thought that crossed my mind, nothing important really. I really just wanted to hear your voice and ask you when you'd be getting home tonight. I know since Edward's been at the house and we've been so preoccupied that I haven't been paying much attention to my 'wifely duties'." I say to change the subject and distract him.

"I can leave now, if that's the case." He is extremely eager, but I need a bit more time.

"I'm not going to be home myself for a bit, honey; I have a few errands to run. Just work your regular shift, and I will grab something for all of us for dinner and we can head to bed early," I say suggestively.

"Sounds perfect to me. I love you."

"I love you, too. I will see you in a bit."

I hit the end button on my phone again.

I look at the clock. It's late, but hell, it won't hurt to try. I scroll through my contacts, and locate a number I haven't used in a while- a very long while. I silently pray that Bella either won't find out about this or she will forgive me if she does. Regardless I have to do this… for her, for Edward, for Nick and Nattie.

After three rings a familiar voice responds, "Jenks here."

In my line of work, I've seen some patients that have revealed information to me, that has warranted some delving into for my own safety, and Jenks was a damned good private investigator.

"Jenks, it's Rose, can we meet?"

"Dr. Cullen, are you okay?" he asks genuinely concerned for my safety.

"Yes, thank you, but I need to see you as soon as possible, please."

"It's late tonight, but for you… there is a Greek restaurant around the corner from my office, and I haven't eaten yet. Will that work for you?"

"Perfect, actually, what time?"

"Give me thirty minutes and I'll see you there."

"See you in thirty." And I hang up. I knew I could count on him. I needed him more than ever at the moment. Bella was my best friend, and I couldn't let this go on any longer. I had to figure out what she is hiding, what she knows, and who this 'James' is.

~0*o~

I arrived to the Greek restaurant a bit early. It was late and the place looked pretty deserted, thank goodness. I didn't need any eavedroppers hearing what I was about to disclose. I wasn't sure how I was going to approach this with Jenks, I didn't even know exactly what I was looking for either. Telling a private investigator to pry into someone's life, without much rhyme or reason was a difficult task. The task becomes even harder when it's going to be like looking in a haystack for a single, solitary needle. But I needed something to go off of. Bella was secretive for a reason, and I understood that, and even though she pleaded with me not to pry, in her best interest, and in the best interest of many women out there that could be in danger, I needed to delve in and figure this out. What little Bella did give me would have to start something. I'm sure Jenks would have some pretty crafty ways of finding a pile to dig in; I mean that's what he did for a living. He had done it for me before. The man worked wonders fishing out dirt on 'Rochester's Playboy' all those years ago; I had to believe he could do it again for Bella's situation.

"Thank you for meeting me on such short notice," I said to him as he approached me.

"Sure thing Dr. Cullen, anything for you, you know that."

"Look, Jenks, I need you to look into someone for me. This is a very delicate situation, and needs to be handled with kid gloves. I'm not sure how involved this will get, but there is something BIG here, bigger than I've ever had to deal with before."

"Are you in danger?" he asked genuinely.

"Not that I know of, but someone, somewhere, may be. I need you to be as discreet as possible; NO ONE can find out that you are looking into something for me."

"That's not a problem; you should know that."

"Well, this situation is a bit different than my normal request. This isn't just a patient, but a friend…actually, my best friend," I warn him.

"You want me to investigate your best friend?"

"Yes, and I don't have much for you to go off of, but I need you to get as much information as possible."

"Sure thing, tell me what you DO have."

I proceeded to tell him a brief version of Bella's story that she gave the authorities over a year ago, and then I divulged the little bit extra that she's slipped in our conversations. I needed him to understand the severity of the situation. Bella is scared for a reason, and I'm not sure what this 'James' person is able to hold over her head to keep her quiet about her rape and the murder of her children, but it must be something big, something monumental. There must be some power behind this threat that is strong enough to keep her silent.

I hate that I am going against what she requested of me. I know she fears something, but how can I help her if I don't know all of it? How can I be comfortable knowing that her attacker and the murderer of her children is loose on the streets? What does he have on Bella to keep her quiet? Bella was never one to cower in a corner somewhere. The girl was shyer than a kitten, but she was tough. Something else had to have gone down to shut her up like she has been. Over a year this has been going on, and she has just made her first few slips. I just hope I have the proper shoes for the shit pile I know I am certain to find by opening this can of worms.

"The thing is, you will have to dig into her history and find out who exactly this 'James' is. I have written down a list of a few individuals that I know she is acquainted with by that name, you will need to look into them as well, the last year or so of their lives. Find out where they have been, what they have been up to, who they have associated with."

"I see." He looked over the list with calculating eyes. "Is there anyone in particular you want me to begin with?" Taking the pen I had been fiddling with I circle the name 'James R. Campbell' on his list. He nodded before continuing. "Is there anything else?"

"I need to know what is being held over her head to keep her quiet about these things. She won't go into detail, and I will give you any more information if she slips again. But like I said, she has made me promise not to dig and try and find out more; that is why this needs to be handled very delicately."

"I understand…no one can know that they are being looked into… out of sight, out of mind, got it."

"Exactly, someone has gotten away with something for far too long, and I know Bella, I grew up with her, she's a good person, so I know something must be BIG here. I just don't know what it is." I couldn't lose my best friend over this, not again, not when she had just started to open up to me.

"I will start with the list you gave me and I will also look into her phone records from about two months before her attack to current, as well as all the credit card and bank statements I can get my hands on. Is there any way that her husband could be involved in this? I mean, they were his kids, too."

I think my eyes bugged out of my head. They may have just popped out, if not for the glasses I was wearing. That was impossible. Edward was… well, Edward, but I didn't think he could be capable of doing something like that. Not by a long shot, but that didn't mean he wasn't involved in other ways. Becoming one of the state's top lawyers didn't come without earning you a few people who hated your guts.

"Edward? I'm not sure; he's an attorney, so maybe, maybe a disgruntled ex-client of his, look and see what you can find there as well. But I really want you to focus on the first 'James' I put on that list. He actually kind of ties the questions you are asking together. He went to college and used to be partners with Edward. They had a falling out professionally, difference of opinion I suppose, but they remained friends. I do know that Bella was never comfortable around him or cared for him much, even though he was Edward's best friend. She never would talk about it though. He was a creep, but there was something else Bella was tight lipped about."

This whole thing had me questioning if I should have pressed harder for answers as her friend way back then.

"See what you can find there, but don't stop with just him. I don't want to jump to conclusions, and I want to cover all the bases on this one. I need to know as much information as possible, as discreetly as possible."

"I can do that. How do you want me to communicate information to you?"

"Good question, actually, I normally have you send everything to my residence, but because Edward is staying with us right now, that would not be ideal. For the meantime, I will set up a new Gmail account and you can always use my business cell phone. Don't send anything to the house, or call the house phone. I don't want to have to do any unnecessary explaining or lying. I have had to rein in Edward enough as it. If you come across anything that you think may be substantial, I would like to meet you in person for that."

"Sure thing Dr. Cullen, I will get to work right away and get in touch with you in a few days."

"Thank you, Jenks. I appreciate your assistance and willingness to do this for me."

With that he stood up and exited the restaurant. I walked up to the counter and ordered take out for Edward, Emmett and myself. This was gearing up to be a long few days.

~0*o~

"What have you been up to?" I had been expecting the Inquisition, but I had at least hoped I might get fully inside the door before Edward descended on me like a mountain lion.

"Out getting dinner." I held up the bags of Greek food. "I thought that would be obvious."

He still didn't look convinced. I don't know what he saw, but there was something to tip him off to something. He just couldn't find out exactly what it was, or I know he will be diving head first into some rash and ill thought out decision.

"Hey, babe! Greek food! You didn't get ALL salads, did you? You know I hate that green garbage."

I rolled my eyes. Yes, everyone knew my man had to have lots of fresh meat in his diet. "Of course I brought more than salad. Now come on boys; I'm famished."

We sat in quiet peace for a few minutes, longer than I expected with Edward sniffing around. What I didn't expect was for Emmett to open his big mouth. Not what I needed to fuel that boy's fire.

"So, babe, did you figure out whatever you were looking into today? You sounded tense over the phone. I'm sure Edward, here, can tell you that James is a good guy. Right, man?"

I had to resist smacking my palm to my forehead. This was NOT good. Here we go in 3, 2, 1…

"Why were you asking about James today? Yeah, he's a good guy. What is he to you?" He kept his voice calm, far too calm. I reluctantly looked up from my plate, and saw the eyes that could make any liar on the witness stand crumble. I had to remind myself that I was doing this for Bella, _and_ for him. He couldn't know. Edward could ruin this whole thing right now. I couldn't let that happen. For the sake of my best friend, I couldn't let that happen.

"Oh, I was just curious about him. He came by a few weeks ago, and I just really didn't remember who he was. It had been bugging me so when I called Emmett this afternoon I just asked. I know he's a good guy." I gave him a smile to help my case and a wave of my hand in the air, trying to pull off a nonchalant attitude, hoping to God he bought my partial bullshit story. Now was not the time I needed to be cross examined by 'Lawyer Edward'.

He held my gaze longer than was necessary. He didn't want to believe me. He knew something was up. He wouldn't just drop this; I knew that. He was too much like Emmett. They were both so damned stubborn. A male Cullen trait I believe; Esme has complained numerous times about Carlisle.

"Why did you go to _this_ restaurant? If you wanted Greek, there is one right down the street. Why go all the way across town?" Damn it! This is what makes him great at what he does. He assesses and formulates a new plan of attack, and fires at you before you have any idea he's changed tactics.

"We go to that restaurant all the time. I wanted something different tonight. Besides, I heard this one has the best baklava around. Is there something wrong with that?" I think that went okay. For having to scramble a bit, I think I lied pretty well and managed to maintain my 'bitchy' attitude as well. Now it was time for MY next battle tactic.

"Why the Inquisition, Edward? You seem tense; are you feeling okay?" I went to put my hand to his forehead to see if he was funning a fever, a joking gesture I knew he hated. It accomplished the desired effect.

"I'm fine," he spat at me.

Yes, because flying off the handle was really rock hard evidence that he was 'fine'. Maybe more like freaked out…insecure…neurotic…emotional- that kind of F-I-N-E.

With that he threw away the rest of his dinner and stormed into the den, and slammed the door shut. I huffed, feeling sorry for my doors lately. They had never been slammed so many times since we'd lived here.

Emmett was sitting there staring between Edward's wake and me. That could have gone a wee bit better in my book.

"Well, I think that is our cue to retire early for the evening. What do you think?" I raise my brow with a suggestive smirk to my husband.

I didn't need to ask twice. I'm sure Emmett has been waiting for me to say that since I walked in the door. That's all the encouragement my monkey man ever needed. For tonight, the crisis was averted. Now all I needed to do was wait, and see what Jenks could dig up for me.

**A/N (danna): **Oh what a tangled web we weave… going against B's request, involving Em, who in turn raises E's suspicions, and now she has to tip toe through the daisy's… our little Rose had best be careful ;o)

Okay, seriously, I BIG puffy heart LURVE all your arse's for the review's/rec's/fav's/etc that you have done for TS… I'm like giddy fucking fangirl happy every time I get a review. It's quite inappropriate actually! To fangirl squee whilst at work… so… PLEASE for the love of all that is Holy, keep it up and keep my coworkers guessing what the hell is going on with me!

I would like to shout out to PattyRose, who rec'd us in her story! WHAT A FUCKING HONOR! IF you haven't read either of her fic's, you should, she's amazingly talented!

And as always, thank you to the BETA extraordinaire, Songster. Without her, this would be drabble… TRULY!

**A/N #2 (Jessi): **WHAT? We got rec'ed! That is so amazing! Thanks PR! Okay everything that Danna said. Love all you reviewers, and readers, and fav'ers, and alerters and EVERYONE who has any idea about our little story! Love you all, and I am 100% positive you are going to be knocked off your sox with what we have coming up next. Songster! You make this all readable… cuz otherwise my part of this story would look as scary, and misspelled, and misused grammar everything as my A/N. Love you chica! Thanks a billion bunches!


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; WE just have an overly active imaginations.

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape.

**A/N (Jessi): **Ha! Me being on top of shit… sorry the ref to this is in D's note. Anyways. Yes, here in 13 as promised. I hope you like. Back in Bella's shoes for a few!

**A/N#2 (danna0724):**As promised (so I could save my kids and shit) here is 13… you can all thank Jessi for this, b/c she's on top of shit and stuff! A little PSA at the bottom a/n…

**As per the usual:** IF you are NOT 18 years old, do NOT read TS, as it is rated M for a reason. There are some very disturbing and graphic scenarios in this story. ALSO, while SM owns the character names, Jessi and I own the plot/storyline/idea/etc. behind TS. Don't be a 'ganker', or I'll send Aro after your arse!

**Tortured Soul: Chapter 13**

**Bella's POV**

_My entire body hurt, but the aches between my legs made everything else seem like a walk in the park. I didn't even want to think about what all the damage could possibly be down there. I couldn't move an inch to see anything, but it felt like I had been ripped in two, right down the middle._

_I could hear a voice coming from somewhere nearby. It was only half of the conversation, so I figured James had to be on the phone._

"_You want me to do what?... What? I could kill her!... No, it's off the main road about two miles… one injection into the vein?... Okay, and the twins need supplies…All right, I'll be waiting… Yes, I'll prepare the injection now. She'll be totally out by the time you get here."_

_His conversation frightened me. I wanted to know what could kill me, what kind of injection he was making for me, what supplies he needed for my babies, and who the hell was he talking to! His familiar footfalls came,__sounding down the hallway._

"_You're awake.__ I'm afraid that is most unfortunate, Baby."_

_That's the last thing I remember before everything went black._

"_Ugh,__James! How many__cc's did you give her? I said one dose, not…what, three? This is some fiasco you are asking me to clean up, if I didn't have a personal interest vested in this…"_

_It sounded like a man's voice. I didn't know if anything was real or not._

"_I know, I know… it wasn't supposed to happen like this.__I just got so out of control. I thought she wanted me, she was__**supposed**__to want it, and now its way beyond what I am capable of undoing."_

_I would know James' voice anywhere. What was troubling to me was that he sounded scared, whoever he was talking to had more authority than him. I didn't want to think about a man whom James could be afraid of._

"_Fine…but this clean up, preventative maintenance and permanent monitoring is going to cost you. I think I just may know the only price I am willing to accept,__I want him stripped of everything!"_

_What was he talking about? Permanent monitoring?__Who stripped of everything?__What did that mean? Oh, I hated not being able to focus on anything. I couldn't even open my damn eyes!_

"_And to think you wanted to be a part of our organization,"__he actually scoffed at James. Somehow I got the picture that James was little more than a pebble in this man's shoe. The monster in my life is just an annoyance to this man, whoever he is,__and__that was a terrifying thought in itself. The voice was retreating, and becoming softer._

"_She seems a bit more lucid. Should I drug her again?" No, no! I needed them to say something__about my babies. I need to know they are alright. I couldn't go to sleep again! I could tell I was no longer in the bedroom;__somehow the smell of the air wasn't the same. I couldn't pinpoint anything,__though my mind was still too much in a fog._

"_Yes, she can't have clear memories of this. It's critical for everything for this to be uncertain in her mind."_

_Their conversation was cut short when there was a pinch on my arm followed by a door clicking shut, and once again everything went black._

"_How is this going to work…the twins… are you sure you can pull this off?"_

_I was still in the same place I was before, the place different from the bedroom. The damp musty smell I was willing to guess belonged to a basement. My ears perked up at the mention of my twins. They could still be alright, they were still talking about them. However, I couldn't move still. I couldn't even open my eyes, though I figured they would simply drug me again if I did. All I could do was listen, and try to feel anything I could._

"_Don't question me again,__James.__I am the one who is saving your sorry ass, and this is the price for your own stupidity.__You ask me to come in here and clean up, after the fact, and you question my methods? Now shut up,__and do as you're told." Yes, the authoritative voice was back, and he sounded far more pissed than he was the last time I was coherent. "NOW,__James!"_

_At the loud outburst Nick and Nattie began crying. My babies! They were here, down here with me. Yet, that wasn't at all as comforting just knowing they were still alive. They were the ones I cared about. It didn't matter what happened to me, not as long as they were okay._

"_Give her another dose!" There was some shuffling, but I couldn't tell what was going on. I was going to be put under again, and my twins were still crying._

"_There, there,__my darlings. Everything is alright, no need to cry. I know James is scary, but you're safe now, my sweets."_

_His voice altered to something equivalent to foul honey. I wanted to slap him for even looking at my children, but once again with the tiniest prick everything went away._

"_Isabella, wake up!" It wasn't James' voice that I had expected; it was the other voice, the voice with authority, the one that sounded like foul honey would taste. I felt hands on my face and a breath waft over my face that made me flinch away his close proximity. I was so afraid of what he wanted from me, of what he would__**do**__to me. Was he going to use me as James had? The mere thought sent shivers down my spine and made me sick to my stomach. "Trust me you are going to want to see this. Open those lovely eyes of yours."_

_I tried to do as he asked.__I wanted see my babies, but whatever they had been giving me was still in my system. I forced my eyes open, and at last as he shifted me to sit up. I couldn't focus on anything it was all so fuzzy and hazy. The dim light that covered the small space made me nauseous. I couldn't hone in on anything;__my vision was tunneling and rotating, all blurred with shapes blending together._

_The voice was still there whispering in my ear. "Such a good girl, Isabella. Now, look over there." A long slender hand pointed across the room. My eyes threatened to roll back in my head, but the prospect of seeing my children made me keep the open._

_James was perched on the floor, with one of my babies in each of his long arms. I lunged with all my strength to go them. I had to rip them from that__monster's__grip. But between my drugged state and physical injuries, I didn't get far._

"_No, no,__Isabella. Not yet, my dear. How much do you love your children? Hmm…"_

_His question puzzled me. Why couldn't I hold my children? Why was he asking me how much I loved them?_

"_More than anything," I responded automatically, and my dry throat protested._

"_Yes, as any mother should. However, I must ask another question of you, my Isabella. Do you love them more than your husband? Answer well, my dear."_

_This question confused me more than his last had. What did he mean 'answer well'? My clouded mind wouldn't make sense of anything. My sole vision was tuned into James gently cooing at my children in his lap._

"_I love them all… so much."_

"_I see. Well, I'm afraid that is not a satisfying answer. You will just have to__choose, Isabella."_

_What did he mean I__choose? Who__did I choose between? My husband and our children, how could he ask such a thing?_

"_Isabella… when we are through here, you will go back, and you will say nothing of what happened here. You got lost on your way home. You stopped to ask for help, and a man raped you killed your children. A man, Isabella.__You will not identify anyone. Do I make myself clear? Do that and nothing else will happen."_

_I didn't understand. What was he saying? I had to say someone murdered my children? But, they aren't dead! I see them! (kind of) They are sitting right there! What does this have anything to do with me choosing between anyone? All I wanted was my children so we could leave. That's all I wanted, all I needed._

"_I don't understand." I hated the feeling of not being in control of anything… not even my own brain, it seemed. I was an educated woman;__certainly understanding another human being should be simple.__But not with whatever cocktail they had been injecting me with for who knows how long. "You… you have to pay for what you have done."_

"_Isabella, you disappoint me. You see,__that is where you are wrong.__**You**__will pay for what__**you**__have done." He was looking at me with sorrow. If I had the strength,__I would claw that look of pity right off his pale face._

"_I haven't done anything wrong!" It was hard to speak with conviction when your throat burned with the fire of dryness. "When I get out of here, I will tell every single soul what you and that sick bastard, James, have done to me. Anyone who will listen to me will know what monsters you are! You can't do this to someone, and then expect no repercussions in return. My husband will make sure you both rot behind bars for the rest of your life."_

_If I had felt the prick of another needle in my arm, I would have thought they injected me again for how tired I suddenly felt.__My little tirade took the last of the energy I had mustered. They had to know what was going to happen to them. Edward was looking for me, and when we found me he was going to make them pay for what they have done to me._

"_That's where you are wrong, my pet. I told you to cooperate, and you chose to defy me with your words. How can I now be certain that when I set you free,__because I must set you free,__you won't defy me just how you said?" Hmph! That's exactly when I am going to do. I will get my son and my daughter out of that man's arms and get the hell out of here. If only I didn't feel the effects of sheer exhaustion creeping in. My vision was dimmer than is had been even a minute ago._

"_Isabella, Isabella,__I really didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice.__I would say this isn't personal, but it is…certain lessons MUST be learned the hard way!" What was he talking about? What was he going to do to me? "They really are beautiful children. Such a perfect mix of Edward and yourself, don't you think?"_

_No, no, no! They could do anything to me, but they couldn't harm my children! It would kill Edward if something happened to them._

"_James… be rid of them." Tears pooled in my tired eyes, blurring my vision further. Yet, nothing could have masked the delighted smirk that came across that monster's face._

"_How many doses should do the task, sir?"_

"_Oh, now we don't want to be wasteful. They are such little things. We want to make sure to save some for their mother, for during our departure. Give them each a double dose. They will never wake up from this nap time."_

_The man that had been holding me upright now leaned down and whispered in my ear. "Know this, Isabella.__YOU murdered your son, and YOU murdered your daughter.__It is because of YOU that their lives will end tonight. They are going to die right now because you couldn't keep your mouth shut. If you disobey those orders again, you will lose another loved one, starting with your precious Edward, moving on through anyone you care about, until you learn your lesson. I do hope for your husband's sake, and of the rest of your family and friends, that the lives of your children are enough… I would hate to have to continue to spill more innocent blood just to keep you quiet."_

_I saw him place the syringe at my arm where numerous other needle holes already littered my flesh, but he didn't insert it just yet._

"_I want you to watch, my dear. I want you to watch the life leave the bodies of the ones you gave life to. I want you to watch, as I take what you gave away so recklessly with your unwillingness to cooperate."_

_It happened so fast;__in blurred vision, I saw James lean over Nick with a syringe, a blood curdling scream came from my tiny son, and seconds passed, then nothing…just quiet. He repeated the process to Nattie, same menacing glare, same heart wrenching scream came from my baby girl, and then silence. My Nick and Nattie were taken from me. I heard their final cries, their final screams, and as a mother I couldn't do anything to help them, to stop this atrocity from happening, in fact I had__**caused**__it. It was because of me they were now lifeless in that monster's arms._

"_I was exceedingly civil to your children. Quite nice actually, they went peacefully. Just a small prick of a needle and they go to sleep for good, anyone else you force my hand on, will not be so lucky. I will torture them, make them wish for death long before I deliver it, and they will know that it was your all doing, my dear Isabella."_

_With those parting words and another pinch to my arm, the world went black again_.

"Faster on your feet; come on, move your feet. Don't think you're going to fall; _know_ you're not. Faster, Bells, you've done this; you can do this." I was tired and out of breath, and quickly getting more and more pissed at Jacob's sparkling attitude. "It's not even time for lunch yet. We got to work on your muscle tone, strength and endurance."

I rolled my eyes; this was so ridiculous. This was part of Rosalie's 'Fix Bella Plan' that Jake had run out of control with, literally. Between the mental exhaustion during my talks with Rose, and then my physical exhaustion with Jake I had been so beat I had wanted nothing more than to sleep every other moment.

"So what? So I can have abs like you? I don't think so, champ. Come on, I'm tired! I don't give a rat's ass whether or not working out helped Rose get somewhat normal again."

Just when I thought a scowl was the only thing I was going to get from him, this huge billion watt smile lights up him face. "Now there is the Bella I grew up with! I knew she was under there somewhere. I knew that mouth of yours hadn't been cleaned out completely."

Well, that's what a work out session with him would do. Since I have been home I have had enough boxing, kick boxing, and weight training, and every other kind of sport imaginable than I could ever need.

"Okay fine, one more punch, and I'll be so nice as to take you to lunch." Oh, thank the Lord he was conceding.

Smirking, I tapped him across his shoulder with my gloved hand, and started heading back toward his garage tossing, "Okay, let's go," over my shoulder.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on. _That_ was **not** a punch worthy of lunch. Bella, I wanted you to you _hit_ me with all you got." I just stood there. I was done with this horse shit for the day. I wanted to go back home and curl up reading a book or maybe even write some of my own. I wanted to shower, and clean off this sweat. "Come on, your muscles have grown since I first started working with you, I know you can do it."

I still wasn't convinced. He could talk all he wanted, but I wasn't going to do anything, but stand there and look at him because I sure as hell could. However, I should have been expecting the look of determination cover his face. I knew I was in for it. He'd just toss me over his shoulder, or I don't know, he'd probably hold me over the pond or something until I gave in.

"Bella, I want you to hit me. I want you to picture that bastard that hurt you and punch the living shit out of him."

The wind all was expelled from my lungs. I couldn't breathe. I just stood there staring at him wide eyed. I couldn't believe what he just said. What he had just asked me to do. I wanted to forget that ever happened! I didn't want to relive it just to appease him. I had a feeling that he was deviating from Rose's instructions.

"I'm not waiting until dinner, woman. Now picture that son of a bitch, and hit me! He hurt you, Bella, now hit him back!"

NO! I didn't want to see his face again. I didn't want to see those cold blue eyes looking at me. I couldn't go back to that night, but Jacob's words tipped the scale. Looking back up, it wasn't big brown eyes that I saw and russet skin. No, it was steel blue eyes, and pale white that I saw.

I felt rather than heard the scream that came unbidden from me. The force of the punch I threw should have sent pain shooting through my arm. It should have, but it didn't. I was lost to my own memories. I wasn't in Forks, Washington anymore. I was deep in the forests of northern Michigan.

My only thoughts were to hit him. I had to make him bleed. I wanted to see the blood run across his skin as he had done to me. I couldn't have stopped myself if I wanted to. My fists just kept flying again, and again.

"Bella! Bells, stop! Come back! Oh, God I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Come back! I'm here, you're safe, it's okay." I heard Jacob, but I still couldn't see him. It wasn't Jacob's loving embrace that I found myself enveloped in. "Bella, I don't know what to do. Oh, God I'm sorry. Shit, I'm not Rosalie. Bella!"

Strong arms were still wrapped around me as he stroked my hair, and softly whispered that I was alright- that I was safe. I had a hard time bring my mind back into realization of what was real. He sounded so pained, so scared. I had never heard him this way before. Jacob of all people was strong. He was one who could fight through anything.

"Jake?" He sighed this huge welcome sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank God! You scared the hell out of me!" Shifting around me hugged me tight. I felt safe again in his arms, the way he always could make me feel like nothing would ever happen to me as long as I stayed right there. Of course, it was only Jake that could make me laugh after just having whatever kind of episode I just had. "Jeez, you can throw a punch woman! I have done an exceptional job if I do say so myself."

Once he deemed that it was safe for him to let me go, and that I wouldn't try and swing at him, I got that lunch that started this whole thing.

We had a great time at the diner just like we had so many times growing up. We laughed, threw a couple of French fries at each other, and he snuck a few rather large sips of my milkshake.

When he looked bug-eyed down at his watch, I was disappointed he had another date with Leah to get ready for. Sharing my best friend wasn't something I realized I was very fond of doing.

"Oh, do NOT give me those puppy eyes! You know I can't say no to the eyes! If you keep that up I will be sitting between you and Leah at the movie theater tonight. Let me tell you she will tan your hide something awful if that happens."

From what I knew of Leah Clearwater, he was telling every ounce of the truth. That wasn't what surprised me though. "You already moved into the non-talking, but going to see a movie which means physical stage of your relationship?" I'm one hundred percent positive that was not the response he was expecting when he brought up their date. Of course, I think I am equally positive that he was just as much embarrassed that I called him out on it.

"Well.. umm.. yeah, I guess we did." He had this look that went from terrified to sort of proud. I found it cute, but still I had to face the music. Jake had grown up. I think my inner self was wiping a tear from her eye.

I let him sweat it out for a few moments while he fidgeted in his seat and scratched at his hair nervously. "Oh, you go do what you got to do to make that girl yours. Go on, shoo. I have a few phone calls to make anyways. You know those weekly calls to my parole doctor."

The smile on his lips didn't reach to mask the worry in his eyes. "As long as you're sure… it's still early. We could still find something to do; it's up to you."

"No, no, you go get ready. Go do whatever you have to. I think it's about time I called Edward again. Rose was probably right; he's been pacing in front of the phone waiting for me to call since the last time."

"Hey, you married the man." We both laughed even if I felt the unintentional jab in his words. Yes, I had married him. He loved me, and I was _still_ failing him. I couldn't let that happen anymore.

Saying good bye, I hopped back in my truck, and was just about to fire up the engine when my cell phone went off…with Edward's ring tone. The beautiful melodies of classical piano were not what I wanted to hear just yet. I wasn't ready.

"Hello…" I knew I sounded tentative even to my own ears. More like a child than anything.

"Hey, Honey! I wanted to call, and see how you were doing. Have things been going okay in Forks? Your Dad told me you were spending a lot of time out on the reservation. Yo-"

"Edward! I'm not going to hang up, okay. You don't need to say everything in one breath…all right? Slow down. I'm doing fine. Things have been going good here. Yes, I have been spending time with Jacob at the Rez. How have you been?" He could make me smile by just being himself.

We talked for a few minutes, nothing really important just trivial everyday things. It was nice to be able to just talk to someone.

"Edward? Hey, I couldn't get you to shut up, and now you're being so quiet. What's the matter?" He sounded like he was about to answer before there was some shuffling on the other end of the line. "Uhhh… honey?"

There were whispers that I was certain belonged to a certain Psychologist.

"Do it, Cullen! You have to do this. She has to face this at some point! It will be easier for her if you're not there! Edward!" Her voice was muffled like he had his hand over the receiver.

"Shut the hell up! I can't push her like that! I couldn't bear hearing her go through that without me! She's finally getting better. I can't…"

"Don't argue with me. She's come a long ways since she left. She's strong enough; this is her next step. She has to face this with you. This is between the two of you!"

I wondered if she knew I was the one he was talking to. I could hear everything they were saying. I just didn't know what in the world they could be fighting about. If Edward's reaction was any indication, though, I didn't want to know.

"Fine! Just leave me alone while I do this." What? This was weird. "Go make Emmett food or something."

"I'll find out if you don't, and you just continue talking about the weather. Asking her what she is going to make for dinner is not going to help her. She needs to face this demon."

"I said I'd do it! Now just get out, and leave me the fuck alone while I talk to my wife!"

I wanted to know what had Edward all fired up, and what the big deal was. If I wasn't so scared, I'd be pissed.

"Edward! Answer me damn it or so help me God!" Okay, so maybe I was a little pissed.

"I'm sorry about that. Rose wants me to ask you to do something." This wasn't going to be pretty. I willing to bet it's not to overnight her a milkshake from the diner.

"Well, what is it?" I was already so nervous since Edward obviously didn't want to tell me, but it would bother him until he just came out with it. "Honey, it can't be that bad, out with it already." I was beginning to think he wasn't going to tell me. Minutes passed, and I was just about expecting him to ask if it was raining or not, when he finally spoke up.

"Where are you? At home, the reservation?" Well, I hadn't been expecting that.

"Uh, no, I'm sitting in the diner's parking lot… Why?"

"Can you drive over to our house for me?"

"What? Why? Esme goes over there to check on it, Charlie told me." I didn't understand why he would want me to go there so we could talk.

"Just trust me. I'll stay on the line with you."

The picture was getting a bit clearer the more I thought about it while driving down the overly green road out of town. 'For him' my ass! This had everything to do with what he and Rose were arguing over. I just hope I wouldn't end up a pile of tears and snot just pulling up to the house.

On the way there, he did in fact ask me if it was raining- he was nervous too. That's all that meant, he didn't know what to talk about to get our minds off what he was going to ask me to do.

"Okay, I'm here; now what? Do you want me to water the flowers?" He heard the sarcasm, and I knew it.

"Bella." It was a warning. He wanted me to be serious about whatever I had come here to do. That only fueled my apprehension.

"Okay… then what?" At this point I did not want to know. Since this was from Rosalie the chances that I would end up crying my eyes out were very high.

I heard a shuffling on the other side of the door. "Edward, someone's here…"

"I know Bella, I couldn't physically be there with you right now, so my mom is there, just in case. She said SHE needed to water the flowers." There was a hint of sarcasm at his comment that retorted what I had said just a moment ago.

"You're not going to like it. I need you to go inside. I know you can, I am right here with you, and my mom is there ONLY if needed, just try to ignore her presence."

"I can't do that! Th-that's the last place where they…"

"I know, I know. Rose thinks you're ready. We've trusted her thus far; we should trust her with this too. You're a strong woman, and I know you can do this. I'm right here if you need me."

Tears had already started to form in my eyes. "You should be here, like actually here, HERE!" I had known not a half hour earlier I was not ready to even see him over web cam or anything, and now I wanted him here in the flesh. Right now there was nothing I wanted more than to have his arms around me, and his shoulder to muffle my cries. I didn't know if I could honestly do it alone like this.

"I want to be with you so much, but Rose says this NEEDS to be done and the time is right. I know this is hard; I'm right here. If it helps, know I am already crying." Somehow that did help, just knowing this was just as wearing on him. Edward wasn't one to cry. It was a lot for him to admit that, when I couldn't even see him. "Push the door open, love."

Closing my eyes, I did the one thing that I knew would crush me. Till now I have been avoiding everything. Nothing tangible had survived Edward's remodel up to this point that reminded me of our twins. This was the last place that remained untouched from our prior life. I didn't know for sure if I was strong enough to face these particular demons head on.

"Are you inside?" I could hear the tremor in his voice now. That slight little waver let me know what we were going through now had cracked his calm and collected façade he had been wearing since I was carried out of that cottage.

"Yes." Looking around it wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. Esme had taken great care in picking up everything from our last stay. It looked like a model home; everything was perfect. I tried not to dwell to long on the family photos sitting and hanging everywhere. The woman in those pictures didn't even look like me. She was a woman so full of life, and happiness. I hardly recognized her smiling face.

I spent a few minutes walking around downstairs, and heard Esme in the kitchen running water; I guess she really was just here to be in the background, because she hasn't come out to greet me yet. Edward spoke again into the phone. "I need you to go upstairs."

I had known this was coming, but I wasn't sure if I could do it. _Their_ room was up there. I didn't know if I could face the nursery that still remained untouched from our previous stay.

"I know this is going to be the hardest part, but I need you to go in. Take all the time you need. Look around in the others rooms if you have to. I'm right here if you need me."

Stalling as long as I could, I first went into the library that also served as Edward's office when we were here. It was neutral ground; nothing in there was anything out of the ordinary. Everything was neatly put away and freshly dusted. Next to the library I braved the master bedroom. I was immediately assaulted with the three large framed pictures that hung above the crisply made bed. The first was of the two of us on our wedding day. The second was taken when I was about eight and a half months pregnant. The last was one of the four of us, probably one of the last family photos that had been taken.

A fresh sob broke the silence of the abandon room. "Honey, where are you? Are you alright?" There was so much panic in his voice. I hadn't even made it into the nursery and I was already breaking down. How could Rose be so confident that I would be able to do this?

"Yes…I-I'm in our room."

"The pictures…" He already knew. We had so many around the house. I had forgotten about the pictures. Every one of them in our home in Chicago had been taken down before I got home. I had become accustomed to bare walls, and empty table tops. "Memories are okay to have, honey. Pictures help us remember even if we don't really want to." His voice was quiet not much above a whisper. Alice had told me he carried a wallet of the four of us with him everywhere. He's determined to never forget their perfect little faces.

"I know… one day it won't be so painful, and I won't want to forget."

Neither one of us spoke for several minutes. I couldn't delay this all day. Shutting the door behind me, I stared at the door that held my inner demons behind it.

Taking a large breath I slowly pushed the door open. The room was always so bright no matter how dismal it remained outside. The light walls were always cheery, even today of all days.

Standing in the door way I was reminded of the last time I stood here. Rosalie had just dropped them off from their sleepover with her and Emmett. The family had agreed that me and Edward had needed some time for ourselves. Sure, we had made good use of our time alone, but were glad to have our angels back with us.

"_Alright,__come on princess,__it's time to go to bed." Edward kissed little Nattie on her head, and nestled her into her crib covering her with her favorite blanket. "I know you must be exhausted after your stay with Auntie Rose and Uncle Em!" I would never tire of seeing him with our children;__it was just the most precious thing. "Look at that brother of yours, out like a light. Do you know if he was wrestling with Uncle Em this afternoon?"_

_He was laughing quietly to himself as he gently caressed her brown curls so she would fall asleep. I stepped further into the nursery taking a look at Nick who was indeed sound asleep with that adorable little pout in place on his tiny lips._

"_She just fell asleep. We should go before one of them decides they only needed a power nap." Smiling I bent down and quickly kissed my sleeping__daughter's__hair before holding out my hand for my husband._

"_Don't remind me about all the hours of sleep I have missed in the last few months since our little ones came into this world." We felt like celebrating the first night the two of them came close to sleeping most of the night. It was a milestone I didn't think I'd live through. "Come on, it's late. We have an early flight out tomorrow."_

_Edward took one last look at the two sleeping angels before following me out of their nursery. Soon enough, days like this will be over, our tiny infants will grow into toddlers, and our toddlers will get big enough to go to school. All we could do was love them every step along the way._

The memory of those happy times brought forth the deluge of tears. Once they started I couldn't stop them. Sobs wracked through me until I thought for sure no more could possibly come. My knuckles were white by the time I remembered I was still clutching my phone to my ear, to the point where I should have been concerned for the small, innocent piece of technology.

"Honey, talk to me. Bella! Oh, God!..." I didn't need to see him to know he was terrified. I could hear the tears that were reflected into his shaky, yet panicked voice.

He was hurting just as much as I was. The loss of our children was just that, the loss of _our_ children. If I came away from this whole thing with no other revelation or epiphany or whatever you wanted to call it I had to bring that. For so long I had seen everything that had happened to me as only happening to me. Edward had always been so strong. Through my grief and pain I hadn't seen until now how the loss had destroyed him. The fact that he hadn't even gone near his office in months having not sunk in before now, he couldn't even do something that he loved anymore. He may not let anyone see, but he was broken and tortured too.

"I love you so much; I'm so sorry I can't be there. Say something, please."

Words caught in my throat. He was begging, pleading with me not to retreat back into myself. Until I came home, I figured I was doing a pretty good job keeping up an 'I'm-Fine' front. I saw myself, the zombie, fall away bit by bit. It's still there in the shadows, don't get me wrong, but it's just not as prevalent as it was before. Maybe this therapy crap _is_ working.

I could sense his fear now of me reverting back into what I had become over the past year. He couldn't bear it any more than I could, after I had just started letting him back into my life.

Could Edward have really lost more than me? I had always thought the answer to that was a flat no, but now I couldn't be so sure. Yes, I had lost two children. Yes, I had lost the ability to have children on my own. However, Edward had lost also two children. What I hadn't realized he had lost was a wife as well.

I had shoved him out of my life so completely that it was as if nothing between us had ever existed. We didn't see each other; we didn't speak to each other. Hell, there wasn't even a stray sock of his left in the house anywhere after he left.

I had never doubted his affection, his love, and his undying devotion to me. Edward, however, had no such confidences from me. He could hope, and he could wish, but I never once let him comfort me, never told him I loved him.

Picking up a stuffed lion from Nick's crib, I held it to me as I crumbled to the floor of the nursery. I stared out at the untouched things that had belonged to our children, toys strewn across the floor or in either of the two matching cribs, tiny little clothes that still hung in the closet.

There were two photos that hung here, one a drawing done by a local artist, and the second one of a very pregnant me. I would know who was behind the camera when that picture was taken, I just looked so… incandescently happy. I knew without a doubt that Edward had taken that picture during one of our drives down to the beach. The love that shown back through my eyes nearly startled me, it had been so long since I had a look like that on my face.

"You're not saying anything, honey. You're crying. God, Bella, are you okay? No, don't… that was a stupid question. Of course you're not alright! Christ! Shit, honey, I'm sorry, I'm grabbing the house phone to call my mom and have her come to you," he all but cried into the phone.

"No, I'm sorry… so much." If only I could take back everything that I have done to this man over the last year or so, if only I could take back all the things that I did to hurt him. I may not have meant to do anything wrong, but I did. Pushing him away the way I did was the worst decision of my life. I finally understood at least one reason why Rose never wanted me to leave him.

I couldn't do this alone anymore than he could. I couldn't let this eat him away until nothing was remaining of the man I married. "I'm sorry I have been so distant. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that this whole thing ever happened. I promise one day you will be able to pull me into your arms and kiss me without me recoiling away from you." I didn't know today if that would ever be possible, but I could hope and pray one day I could give that to him.

With that new determination looking around Nick and Nattie's old room wasn't so hard. Yes, the hole in my chest that they used to occupy was left only with memories, but they were good memories. From this point forward all I could do was pick up the pieces and work with what I had. I finally was able to realize what everyone wanted me to see all along. What I am left with today may not be everything I lost, but it most certainly isn't nothing either. I have a wonderful husband who loves me, and an amazing family that will always be there.

"I love you." It had been a long time since I had said those words and been able to mean it in every way. It felt good to finally tell him. I had never stopped loving him. I just had to understand that he hadn't either.

"I love you, never doubt that. I will always be here when you are ready." Those were just the words I wanted to hear, that I needed to hear. I nodded into the phone rolling my eyes at myself knowing he wouldn't be able to see.

With the stuffed lion still held to my chest, I began wandering the house again. This time it didn't seem so painful. Toward right side of the house there was a large parlor that held a beautiful piano. I could pretty much guarantee that it was in tune.

Alice had chosen a white one, but I had insisted on black. There was just something spectacular about seeing Edward sitting behind a black baby grand piano. Sitting down on the bench I felt closer to him even more so than having his breaths coming through the phone held to my ear.

"I wish you could play me something. I've missed hearing you. It was always so soothing to me… even that damn funeral march you played all the time." I knew he would get a chuckle out of that, he knew it was true.

"I taught you to play one song. Why don't you play that for us?"

"Hold it! Firstly, 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' is not a song, but yes you did teach me how to play it." He managed to suffer through a few hours to teach me how to play that one childish song. I for sure figured he would rip out all of his hair in the process, but I did manage to get through the entire thing. "Secondly, how did you know I was sitting at your piano?" Sometimes I swear the man could read my mind or at least had spies everywhere or something.

It felt good to get him to laugh after the afternoon we had just gotten through. "'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' is a great song! Anything longer and I might not have made it through the teaching process. There is a reason I am a lawyer and not a piano teacher, love. As to your other inquiry, let's just say I had a feeling."

Knowing he couldn't see me didn't stop me from rolling my eyes and I set the phone down and tentatively set my fingers on the ivory keys. I heard each one of my mistakes so I am sure Edward heard even more. I was just surprised I remembered how to play most of it.

"You did great!" I wanted to laugh at him, but he was trying so hard.

Instead, I thanked him as I searched for Esme. She was still in the kitchen, arranging a vase of Calla Lillie's on the granite-topped island. As I approached her, she glanced up and took in my appearance. A sincere smile spread across her face, reaching all the way to her eyes, just like Edward's.

She rounded the island, and raised her finger to her lips, signaling 'Shhhh'…she reached for me and wrapped me in her embrace. I was brief, but inviting and warm, and homey. She loved me, just like the rest of the family, and they were all still here for me. She pulled back, smiled again, and turned back to her task.

"Your mom is being very covert," I joked. Knowing full well, she was only here as an insurance policy. This demon I had to face on my own, but I know Edward and Rose wouldn't leave me alone to do it. Not completely, anyway.

He chuckled, "Yeah, she's under very strict orders from Rose, NOT to intervene unless absolutely necessary, but knowing my mother, she's not going to stay away from you completely."

"Tell Rose, that your mom performed her 'mission' 100% accurately," I continued to tease. The last thing I wanted was for Rose to think negatively of Esme's brief hug. Sure, I knew she was here, but she didn't interfere with the task I was performing, so I would say that was a complete success. And in the back of my mind, I felt peace knowing that it was Esme in the house with me, if it couldn't be Edward.

"It's late here, so I know it's even later in Chicago. You should get some rest." He groaned, and heard him scrubbing his face with his hands. I couldn't deny I was worried about him. I didn't like him being so far away anymore.

"I'm staying on the phone until you get home. Rose told me you had your training today with Jake. I'm sure you've got to be beat. I just sit around all day, and run the occasional errand for Rose, it's not like I do much. I don't think I am ready to go back to work yet." Neither of us was up to saying much on my drive back into town. There was so much I wanted to ask him, but after today I didn't want to weigh him down with anything else. He was just being too quiet. Edward could prattle on like an old woman at times. I wanted to know if he was just tired. Rose had mentioned that he hadn't been sleeping much. Awake when she and Emmett went to bed, and awake when they woke up in the morning with a pot of coffee all but gone.

"You're quiet all of a sudden." I didn't want to appear like I was fishing for information, but I don't think I masked it all that well. He was always so good at reading people.

"It's nothing."

"Nothing wouldn't make you quieter than a church mouse. What's bothering you? Did something happen?" My worst fear immediately went to James, but that was highly unlikely. He had no way of knowing I was talking to Rose. There's no way he could have found out. Besides, I've only admitted to knowing who my attacker was, not any details.

"No, no! Nothing happened. Rose just said… she was acting a bit strange. That's all. I'm sure it's just one of her clients. You know how she gets attached." There was a smile in his voice, but I didn't want to believe him. I wanted to press the matter instead I dashed inside trying to avoid the light rain that had just started.

"Well… I should let you go since you're home. Say 'hi' to Charlie for me. I'm certain Rose will call asking about today soon. I think she just might be pacing outside the den right now waiting to talk to me." He raised his voice louder and louder as he talked, alerting Rose she had been found out.

A very distinct, "Fuck off Cullen!" came through the phone. I had to laugh at Rose; you had to just love her.

With the promise that he would call again to just talk next time, he wished me sweet dreams, and hung up.

I was half expecting Rose to call me tonight. Thus I wasted awhile getting a glass of milk, doing a few dishes, and writing a few pages of my story. My editor would be very pleased with my progress in such a short time.

When I couldn't keep my eyes open a moment longer, I got under my covers, and drifted off to sleep. Rose would have to wait till tomorrow.

In my dream there was a meadow full of beautiful wild flowers, but as I stood there it withered and died right before my eyes. It made me want to cry as I turned to face Edward, who had been standing there with me, but he had walked into the woods. I ran after him, but I couldn't find him. I ran and ran until I came to a clearing that held a small cottage. All was eerily quiet until a baby's cry broke the silence.

I didn't know I was screaming until my dad was shaking me awake.

"Bells! Wake up honey, you're safe, I'm here, it'll be okay."

I was met with his glassy eyes and his arms tightly around me. He had woken me up countless times like this so many years ago for a very different reason. It tore me apart to see him so afraid.

"It was just another nightmare, another memory. Thank you for waking me up." He still didn't make any move to get up or let me go. "I'll be fine. Go back to sleep, I know you have an early shift in the morning."

Reluctantly he pressed a kiss to my forehead, and gave me one last glance before he closed my door again.

It was difficult to fall asleep again. After a nightmare I never wanted to close my eyes again. I listened to the rain pelt the roof for a long time. I had gotten used to the quietness of Chicago these past few years. Even college in Phoenix was quiet compared to the symphony of rain drops against every surface outside.

Eventually in the early morning hours, just after I heard the cruiser head down the street I fell into a blissful dreamless sleep.

**A/N (Jessi): **OhMyGod! That was a tough chapter, and we still aren't out of the woods yet! I hope y'all liked it. I second everything Mrs. Danna said below. Thanks to EVERYONE who reads and Reviews and of course to our amazing Beta: Songster! She's amazing! Thanks so much!

**A/N#2 (danna0724):**Alrighty… moving right along… FIRST AND FOREMOST~ a huge puffy heart lurving thank you to Songster… BETA extraordinaire! You are the bestest!

Some PSA~ Bella was only assaulted by James, NOT gang raped. The 'other' individual there, that B is overhearing, is there after the fact. He is remaining unidentified for the time being, on purpose by Jessi and I. His role, as well as others, will come more into play, and it will all make sense… I promise. But the story must progress first, otherwise EVERYONE would be lost… ;o) Good news… 14 is about complete and 15 is in the works… and I do believe that 14 will have some citrus… WHAT? Yes kiddies, you heard me correctly… CITRUS… after all of Jessi's self proclaimed 'doom and gloom' and my angst… we figured you kiddies deserved some goodies… so… hit that little button below and tell us how much you want that Lemony Goodness…


	14. Chapter 14

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; We just have an overly active imaginations. 

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape. Some scenes are graphic. 

**A/N (Jessi): **Okay so… I love all you awesome amazing readers who read and review for us! I love you, Danna, cuz woman this wouldn't be the fantastic story this is without you. Finally, as always, Songster you are amazing! You take our words and give us a lesson in English and make it readable ;) Love ya Ladies! ~Thanks bunches!

**A/N#2 (danna0724): **okay peeps! A little bit of angst and a little bit of lovin'! As promised in a/n last chappy, for stickin' w/ us, y'all get a sweet lemon… yup that's right… sweet! As per the usual… if you aren't old enough to buy cig's or vote, please do NOT go any further! ALSO… this story is the sole property of Jessi's and Danna's, stealing is a crime, and you don't really wanna be a 'ganker' anyway do ya?

Many, many thanks and inappropriate love gropes to my lemony pre-readers TEA and Terry! The encouragement and kind words were… NEEDED! And Jessi… w/o you holding my hand… where would I be? I love you BB!

**Tortured Soul: Chapter 14**

**Bella's POV**

"_Alice, just stop! There aren't enough shops, stores, or boutiques in all of Illinois to make all the bad in my world go away. Let's just leave, and you can go home to Jasper." Even to my own ears I sounded like I needed to be in a padded cell. I scoffed internally; now I was proving them all right. However, I was sick and tired __of __being dr__agged__ around from store to store. _

_Alice had become used to my behavior though. She'd stopped waiting for me to gush over the cutest pair of shoes of the season or the dress that would have Edward instantly hard. She's stopped expecting the spark to come back into my eyes. She'd stopped waiting for the old Bella to come back. Instead__, she__ just worked with what she had… which, granted, wasn't all that much. _

"_That comes to $124 even, __M__iss." _

_I jumped a little as realized I had completely forgotten we were standing at the checkout at, hopefully, the last lingerie boutique for the day. I hated it for Alice to insist on spending any kind of money on me, but spending this kind of money on something that was just going to go to waste was borderline lunacy. Edward didn't even see me anymore period__,__ much less have the opportunity to see me in so little as lingerie._

_As she had at every other shop today she just handed over her credit card to the awaiting… man… the wind instantly was knocked out of me. I had been doing so well-being out in public with people all day. Yet, __**this**__ man looked just like __**him**__. He had the same mousy blonde hair that was leaning toward being brown. He had the same steel blue eyes. _

_My breathing had started com__ing__ out in pants; I probably looked like I had just run a marathon. My knees wanted to give out on me forcing me to grab onto the counter for support. _

"_Bella?" The panic was evident in my sister-in-law's voice._

_I knew I had to get out of here, but I couldn't- I was frozen in place caught in the worried eyes of the young clerk behind the counter._

_The young man in the here and now may have been scared out of his mind, but my mind wasn't in the here and now. My mind had taken me back to months ago, and I was staring straight into the cold eyes of my rapist, the eyes of a murderer. _

"_Bella! Oh my God! Bella!" Her tiny arms were trying to pry me away and out of the store, but nothing was cooperating. _

_The young clerk moved to offer his assistance, which started my screams. I knew it wasn't rational to fear him, but a broken mind is seldom governed by rational._

"_No, no you stay there!" The man halted at her stern words, and hand shoved into his face. _

_Little Alice began tugging me out of the store she knew once my screams and shaking started, I didn't have long before I would be completely lost to my mind. _

"_Edward… get Edward." That was all I got to say before I no longer was in a bustling mall in Chicago, rather in a cabin deep in the woods with __**him**__._

"_I'm going to make it go away, Bella. I'll make the pain go away." The words where so far away I doubted they were even real. No one could take all my pain away._

"_Bella! Honey, can you hear me? Come back__,__ darling. Open your eyes. You're safe now. No one is going to hurt you."_

_The voice was too deep to be from Alice. The arms gently rocking me were too strong to be apart of her tiny body._

"_Edward?"_

_My throat was scratchy from screams I didn't even know I had voiced._

"_Yes, I'm here__;__ I've got you. I'm going to get you home." _

_I was too exhausted to do anything as I felt him pick me up, and carry me somewhere. I'm assuming toward home._

"_Get the bags, and follow us home in case… something happens." No one responded so I could only surmise Alice nodded._

"_Just a few more minutes, and we'll be home," he murmured as he buckled me into his car._

_Soft jazz filled the air during the drive home even though I couldn't focus on much of anything. _

_I barely noticed as he pulled up to our house, and shared a few words with Alice before answering his phone. He wasn't happy about whatever they were telling him. A long loud string of profanities followed behind him before he opened and slammed the front door. I hoped he was talking to a partner and not a client._

_Alice came over to open my car door seeing I wasn't moving anywhere. "He got a phone call… obviously." She was quiet, at a loss for words. Alice was never at a loss for words. _

_I hadn't even moved to unbuckle my seat belt. I was feeling better, but I never felt right after a panic attack. I didn't know what happened while I was out of it. I just wanted to be alone, and try to forget everything I just remembered._

"_Do you want to talk about what happened? You were fine all morning, and then you just freaked out. Was it that man? I was so worried," she stammered while standing next to me. Alice was never anything but assured and confident._

_I just stared out the windshield for a long time__.__ I lost track of how long I just sat there with her watching me. How could I tell her that man looked like my rapist and the man who had murdered my children? I couldn't, I wouldn't. For their own safety, NOBODY could know that I knew my attacker. No one could know that man looked liked James Campbell to me._

"_Just memories. I'm sorry for scaring you. For a while there I was back where they found me." I hoped my voice was strong, but I knew it wasn't._

_For once she didn't say anything, just hugged me tight. I didn't think she was going to say anything as we unloaded the purchases for me into my foyer__. W__e could hear Edward still arguing with someone upstairs in his office. Whoever it was, they were certainly getting an earful of colorful expletives. The poor soul probably just wanted an update on a case and here they found him at the worst time possible._

_I was just about to wave goodbye when she spun around, startling me in the process. She opened and closed her mouth several times trying to decide what to say. _

"_Wear the blue one tonight." At first I was confused as to what she meant. I didn't remember getting anything blue. This was spring shopping, everything was white._

"_I know today was hard on you, but… well, only if you're ready… umm… he'll love it," she finally managed to stutter out. Her lack of confidence could only be in reference to one thing. The dark blue nightgown she insisted I had to have at the last store we got to._

_I couldn't make her any promises. She could tell me all day Edward would love it, but how could she really know? I was damaged, and broken. How could he ever want something that was used and thrown away by another man?_

_Without really giving her a yes or a no__,__ I hugged her goodbye, and she finally got to go on her way._

_Knowing exactly where my husband was, I peeked in the door of his office. He was thankfully off the phone and looking at one of the papers that were constantly strewn everywhere in the organized mess that was his desk. He even had on his ridiculous glasses he's had since forever__.__W__hatever that call was about must have been serious for __**those**__ glasses to get pulled out. _

_I stood there for a moment taking him in. His face, although beautiful, was worn and paler than usual. His hair was a disastrous mess that had, no doubt, been pulled in frustration many times. His work suit which was always immaculate was rumpled and in dire need of going to the dry cleaners to be laundered and pressed. His shirt was un-tucked and un-buttoned and poking out the bottom of this suit jacket, which was __n__ever tolerated- ever, not for him or any of his employees. His tie was barely clinging to its original Double Windsor knot._

_When he noticed my appearance in his doorway he looked uneasy, his agitation from his phone call earlier long forgotten. What I detested the most was that his eyes were cautious. He was afraid to do anything les__t__ he upset me in some way. _

"_Hey, Alice just left__. __I was going to start putting everything away that we bought." I should have thanked him for today, but I couldn't. I didn't know how. I didn't want to remember what happened. I didn't even really want to believe today really happened, and talking about it would do just that._

_I didn't want to talk about how he had to rush out of work early, obviously leaving people very pissed, to scoop me off the floor of the ladies room at the mall. Not something I'm sure he necessarily wanted to do today._

_I tried to smile back at him, but I'm fairly certain it didn't come across like one. Either way he didn't mention a thing. Instead, he pushed back from his desk and tossed his glasses on top of the papers he had been reviewing. _

_He appraised me for a moment before opening his arms up for me to come into them. He had been doing this periodically, and each time I was unable to go to him__.__ I just couldn't…not yet. He had carried me, for Christ's sake, not even an hour ago__;__ it should be effortless. On the outside i__t__ appeared to be just that a simple hug. People did that all the time, just not me._

_"Isabella," he called to me softly._

_I had been uncomfortable with any touch since I came back from __**him**__. Every touch was __**his**__ touch, and they would just remind me of __**him**__. I so desperately wanted to run into my husband's arms and never let go, but memories of such real clarity had me grounded in place. Clutching at the doorframe of his office__,__ I was unable to do what we most wanted in that moment. _

"_Edward__.__" __I__t was more of a sob that anything. "You know I want to so much… I'm sorry," I cried as I choked back a sob._

_I couldn't even look at him as I denied him. I couldn't wait around to see devastation paint his beautiful features. I took the __coward's__ way out and fled from that doorway, leaving him behind._

_I busied myself with putting away the many purchases from today. I was really stalling for Edward to come out of his office. Not long after I fled, the door softly closed with a soft light escaping from underneath it._

_Still waiting…stalling, I stared at the pieces of blue lace Alice had bought for me today. It really was quite lovely. That didn't make the innocent fabric any less frightening. I had a feeling deep down in my gut that nothing good would come from me putting this 'thing' on. I still had that feeling as I slipped the expensive silk over my skin. _

_I waited in our bedroom for my husband. He always came in to say goodnight and blow a kiss from afar before either retreating back to his office or lying down on the couch that was crowded in our room as well._

_Growing tired of simply waiting, I cracked open a new book I had picked up, and immersed myself in a world __where__ everything was perfect. In a fictional world where there was no hurt or sadness. _

_I woke up abruptly sending my book tumbling to the sound of a loud crash. It was like something glass shattered. Getting up I saw Edward was no longer in his study. Thinking perhaps something could be wrong I set out to investigate, pulling on my robe._

_The house was quiet and vacant from what I could tell- too quiet. I didn't readily see where the sound had come from or where my husband might be._

_Coming into the kitchen the back patio door was wide open with dark colored glass broken just outside. It was a beer bottle._

_I cautiously stepped through the open __door into the cool night air there sat Edward with a nice collection of bottles beside him- more than a six pack, I noted._

_He didn't hear me approach as he tipped his head back to take a long drink from the bottle in his hand, finishing it off._

"_Edward?"_

_He jumped a bit__,__ surprised to no longer be alone._

"_Why are you awake? Did you have a nightmare? Do you need something?" I was surprised to see he could form a coherent thought at this point in his drinking. Shyly smiling thinking of how even inebriated he still cares for me._

_Shaking my head I went to stand in front of him, and sat down on the ottoman there._

"_So is this what you do with your nights," I noted while appraising him. His eyes were dull; sluggish- perhaps he wasn't as much of his normal self as I had previously thought._

"_You should try it sometime," he snapped. Now, I wondered how long this had been going on. My Edward would never have said that to me just now. He didn't even hold a lick of shame for his actions._

_I, however, couldn't help but think of what I had done to this amazing man._

_There wasn't any point in trying to talk or reason with him tonight. I just took the empty bottle from his hand. He, without a doubt, had a case stashed somewhere I didn't know about._

_I didn't want to see him drown his grief like this. I could handle many things, but this wasn't one of them. I couldn't watch him destroy more of himself than had already been._

"_Let's just go back to bed. You need to sleep all this off."_

_I didn't think about the words I had used until I saw his eyes shift. They were still visibly drunk__;__ they just took on another quality besides sadness… lust._

"_Bella," he mumbled through his drunken haze, making me want to run back inside and lock the door._

_I was too close to him to move away as he leaned into me planting a sloppy, wet kiss to my lips. I nearly lost what little grip I had on this situation remembering James doing the same thing._

_I tried to push him away, but that merely seemed to make him all the more eager. I knew this wasn't my Edward__;__ this wasn't my husband, but that didn't make this any less terrifying. I wasn't ready for this, none of it. I didn't know what I would do if, in a drunken fog, Edward did the same thing __**he**__ did to me._

"_Wait! Edward, please stop! I can't do this please," I begged him, but to no avail._

_Tears were streaming down my face that he didn't seem to notice._

"_Mmm, Bella, it's been so long." His words were slurred; it was hard to tell exactly what he was saying against my skin. "You feel so good Baby, so damn good." Nothing could have stopped __**that**__ word from reaching my ears. I tried to worm out __of__ his grasp, but he still held me strong._

_My nightmares were threatening to break through to my consciousness. This couldn't happen to me again. His mouth was everywhere, just like __**his**__. His hands were rough, just like __**his**__. My pleas fell in deaf ears, just like with __**him**__. _

"_Baby, I need you__,__ honey. Let's go up to bed."_

_He began to pull me back toward the house while stumbling around in the dark. I shoved him with all my might just as he stepped us into the house. Unfortunately I went to the floor right along with him. _

"_Eager,__ my love?" he laughed into my ear. NO! I wanted to scream at him, but it would do just as much good as all the past screams had done. "Baby, I can't wait either," he whispered like a shared secret between us. _

_I closed my eyes tight, trying in vain to wake up in my bed alone with my sober husband sleeping soundly on the couch beside me. I counted to three before opening my eyes again. Nothing changed though; Edward was still spreading his saliva anywhere he could reach._

_He had my nightgown shoved up as far as it would go without pulling it over my head. Lovely idea, Alice, I couldn't help but glare at her in my mind. Edward sure seems like he loves it, great job. This was by no means her fault, but nothing in my mind was making much sense at the moment. Nothing ever did when I was trying to fend off memories of __**that**__ experience. _

"_Please stop, honey, stop I can't do this," I tried cooing in his ear. If yelling at him wasn't getting through__,__ I had to just try something else. I was all too much aware of the erection that was straining against the material of his pants. _

_Nothing was working, he was currently groaning around my left breast that he was sucking on. I was just about to give up, and just accept that something I was not at all ready for was going to happen tonight, just about to accept that I was going to suffer too much tonight, and Edward isn't going to have a clue when he wakes up in the morning with a killer hangover._

_That is when I heard the most wonderful sound in the world; the doorbell, repeatedly. That alone could only mean one person- Alice._

_I wanted to scream and yell for her to save me, but before I could even get out a single cry for help Edward planted his lips against mine. I could scarcely breathe let alone shout. _

"_I know you're in there! You guys never go anywhere anymore." Yes it was definitely Alice. "And I know you two aren't having sex, because you don't do that either," she added._

"_Alice__,__ quiet down! They don't need you screaming through their front door right now. Just wait a minute they probably aren't even awake right now." This voice was so quiet through the house I questioned myself if I actually heard it. I had to hope that Jasper was with her. Jasper would be able to stop Edward from hurting me._

_I was afraid he would be sensible, and insist she leave us alone before she scouted around the house looking for any signs of life before banging on the door some more._

_Edward was still oblivious to anything going on while still keeping my mouth otherwise engaged. He had his pants down around his knees, and all that was separating us were my tiny little panties that Alice was so excited about since they matched my gown, apparently, perfectly._

"_God, Bella, you feel so damn good. I need to be inside of you. I love you. You're so fucking sexy," he stated against my lips. _

_There wasn't anymore talking from the front door, I was alone again. For once I was thankful for my mind to take me back to the cottage, back to __**him**__. When the signs of a flashback came around__,__ I didn't try to fight them- I welcomed them. If I saw James that meant I didn't have to see Edward doing the exact thing that monster did to me, the same monster that took our children from us._

"_Oh, my God! Edward, what are you doing? Get off of her! Jasper!" Alice's high-pitched shriek sounded so far away. It didn't make sense; she wasn't there with James. I would have known if she had been there. _

_I couldn't focus on anything other that the steely blue eyes boring into mine. Hearing my sister-in-law's voice was a nice little comfort in the hellhole I found myself in. _

_What I couldn't figure out was why James suddenly was no longer on top of me. One second he was there and the next he was gone. That's when Alice's voice came back. _

"_Bella! Come back__;__ you're okay now__. Y__ou're safe__;__ Jasper's got him!" she cried from somewhere near me. I didn't know how Jasper could have gotten to James so fast- he wasn't even here. They were all supposed to be in Chicago, but I wasn't going to argue__.__ James had been intent on raping me._

_I could feel her tiny arms encircling me, but I couldn't see her. I was still trapped in the small bedroom of that cottage. There was so much yelling and struggling coming from somewhere, but I couldn't tell where. The small room I was in seemed to be empty of anyone else._

_She kept whispering comforting things in my ear never letting go. I don't know how long it was until my vision began to darken. That is when I knew this was another flashback. My mind always gives me that one little sign that what I was just seeing was not real. All I could do now was __to __wait for my mind to cut me loose from its vision._

_Slowly, I blinked enough for my vision to brighten until I could see the blurry outline of her little elfin face. She was smiling a little sad smile with tears in her eyes, and wet lines from where tears had just been. I hated being the cause of hurt for someone who was always so full of joy. _

_My attention was abruptly pulled toward the far side of the room where Jasper was using, what looked like all his strength, to hold a very pissed, not to mention drunk, Edward at bay._

"_Let me go! She's my wife!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. Anyone could tell, however, that he still wasn't anywhere near sober._

_I closed my eyes from the sight before me. I couldn't bear to see him like this. I couldn't watch what I had brought upon this amazing man. It was cowardly of me, for sure, but I couldn't stand there and behold his tortured soul. _

"_Put coffee on, Alice, a very strong, very large pot of coffee. He's needs to sober up, and see what he has almost done," Jasper suggested sounding just as strained as he looked._

_Alice quickly scurried out of the room leaving me with the two men. Edward was still locked in a vice grip even though he appeared to be settling down a bit._

"_Why are you doing this? You said you loved me? I love you, Bella. I don't understand isn't that enough?" Edward mumbled looking so lost it nearly broke even more of me. No words could take back any actions though. What was done__,__ was done, and I didn't have to be happy about it. _

"_The man I love, the Edward I love, would never have done what you did to me tonight," I shouted at him as fresh tears ran down my face again. "If Alice and Jasper wouldn't have come… you… it wouldn't have been any different than what __**he**__ did to me," I snapped at him. _

_He had to know what he was about to do, would have hurt more than anything James had done. I held a hatred for that man, which ran so deep nothing could ever erase it. However, the love I will always have for Edward is just as deep- deeper. Having Edward stoop that low… I couldn't even think about it._

_Fresh tears were already streaming down my face, which only served to piss me off. I was so God damn tired of crying! I just wanted to be happy!_

"_Here," Alice thrust a large cup of coffee toward Edward making Jasper tentatively drop his hold on him. "Any stronger and it would be sludge." So much for my imported coffee I guess. _

_Taking a long look at me, then staring down at his cup, he took a shallow sip. "This tastes like shit, you do know that, right 'Pix'?" _

"_Yes, and you will drink the __**entire**__ pot before you even think about doing __**anything**__." As if this entire situation wasn't enough to fuel her fire, he had to go and make a pixie reference. She was practically seething. I hadn't seen her this angry since the caterers ordered the wrong type of caviar or something for her wedding. _

"_How could you do this?" And now we were back to this. I had never seen her lose her cool like __**this**__. She actually gripped her perfect hair in frustration. I though__t__ that was only a male Cullen trait. "You probably shot all the progress she's made straight to hell, you fucking idiot!" she screamed at him._

_Mascara was running down her porcelain face. I'd never heard her use __**that**__ kind of language before. Her __brothers__, hell even me, spouted it all the time, but never Alice; she was too much like Esme. _

_Alice always looked up to her older brothers. According to her__,__ they could do no wrong. They were as much of a __g__od as any human could possibly get in her book. I couldn't imagine how crushed she must be to have seen what she just walked in on._

_Turning to me__,__ she stated with finality, "You're spending the night at our house." She didn't need to tell me twice. I didn't want to leave him, but I wouldn't do him any good locking myself in our bedroom with the door and windows barred with furniture._

_So instead I tied my robe tighter, and slipped on a pair of shoes that had been kicked under a couch. I didn't think I had the energy to go upstairs and change. No one would see me anyway. Of course that's what I thought when I put this get up on in the first place._

_I made it as far as the front walk before I turned to spare one last look at my husband, who had come trailing behind us as we left. Jasper sensing my current mood gently tugged on my hand to get me moving. He knew if I stared too hard into those mossy green pools, I'd crumble and go running back inside._

_He opened the rear door to his truck helping me in. "He'll be alright in the morning." He gave me a smile, which I __returned__ in kind. _

_As he pulled away from our house__,__ I let my eyes linger on the hunched figure at the front windows watching our departure._

_For whatever reason Alice had in coming back this evening, I would be eternally grateful._

_Tomorrow, when he was sober again, I would come back. I had already forgiven him, of that there was no question, but to forget it entirely, that's another thing._

_Tonight I couldn't give him what he wanted, and it would be many more nights before I could. Deep down I feared I may never be able to._

_Alice and Jasper left me alone on their guestroom to curl up undisturbed. They left me alone to my thoughts, and in the darkness __to __cry anew for what I knew I had to do. I realized tonight that I had to begin keeping Edward at arms length. When I go back to him next, it will be the last time. I will ask him to leave… for both our sakes. _

"Rosalie, how do you feel about me asking Edward to come to Forks for a long weekend coming up?" I questioned my best friend as we talked on the phone.

I had been mulling over this since the last time I talked to him. I wasn't sure if I was ready, but I knew I had to start changing things. It was time to let him back into my life.

It seemed so long ago that I started pushing Edward away; I didn't know how to let him back in. I needed help- I saw that now.

"I think that would be a wonderful idea! He's wanted to see you. I told him it would work!" For a moment I forgot I was talking to calm and collected Rosalie. I had to hold the phone away from my ear to combat the screaming. Apparently, she was very excited.

"What would work? What are you talking about?"

"Please, woman, would you have ever _wanted_ to see Edward if I hadn't asked him be on the phone with you while you went through the house?"

I had to admit I hadn't really thought about it like that before.

"I could have been the one blabbing in your ear as you were going through that, and it wouldn't have been nearly as profound an experience. You two needed each other. I know we're friends; I know we're close. You and Edward though…" she trailed off, but I knew exactly what she meant. Edward and I had drifted, and we needed to start reconnecting.

Whether I knew it or not having him with me did just that. I realized he could be there for me… that he still wanted to be there for me.

She asked all the particulars as to when he could come and so on. I heard banging in the background, but chose to ignore it at the moment. She was in the middle of telling me to make sure I told Esme right away so she could get a dinner ready for when he was home, when she all but growled.

"Do you want me to put him on?" she seethed into the phone. "I've had to lock myself into my bedroom to keep him from trying to make grabs at the phone. I swear the man has the reach of a tree monkey!"

I didn't mean to laugh at her exasperation, but I could just picture the scene.

"Is there even such a thing as a tree monkey?" I chuckled.

"Ha, I don't know how you put up with him. Emmett is so polar opposite; you'd think Edward was adopted sometimes." We laughed for a moment before she cleared her voice to speak again. I thought for a moment Dr. Rosalie was going to make another appearance.

"Anyways, let's see here. Let me find this husband of yours," she said extra loud so Edward could surely hear her on the other side of the door. "Oh! Look at this. I open the door, and speak of the devil."

I couldn't help but smile at her, even though Edward probably wanted to scream at her. Rosalie had been through so much in her life, and yet she could still be carefree and playful. I only hoped that one day I could be that way too, that one day I could be like the old Bella again.

"Just give me the damn phone!" Yeah, he wasn't happy with her.

"You know you should try and be nice to my best friend," I chided once I knew he had the phone.

"I am when she isn't being a pain in my ass."

He and Rosalie just couldn't be friends. They tolerated each other, but that was about it. They had gotten a little better since they were forced to live in the same general proximity.

"Well, as soon as you're done growling at my BFF I wanted to know what your plans were for this upcoming Friday through Monday."

There was a long silence I wasn't sure if he was even breathing.

"If I were to say 'I don't have any plans', would I by any chance be booking a ticket to Washington in the next ten seconds?"

"You're good; you're very quick. If you don't think it would be…"

"Bella, if you think there is any way in hell I'm not coming, then you are very much mistaken. Hell yes, I'm coming!"

He sounded so much like Emmett at that moment I had to clamp my hand over my mouth not to laugh at him. Rose was right usually they were so different people wouldn't think they were even related. It was times like this we were reminded that they most definitely were.

"I thought so," I giggled.

We talked for a bit more, finalizing a few more details about his stay. He was going to call up his mom, and ask her to get our house ready for someone to stay. Not that is wasn't already, but even if we thought the house looked flawless, she'd huff that we didn't let her know.

"Hey, kiddo. Where are you going? I thought you said Jake had stuff going on today?"

Rolling my eyes, I turned to face my Dad. Jacob wasn't the only person I socialized with… okay he was, but the Rez wasn't the only place I went.

"Grocery store, Edward's coming out Friday so I thought I'd cook a night or two."

I smiled as I walked out the door. Behind the utterly shocked expression he wore, there was elation also. He had been so worried when I was alone, and when I abruptly decided to come home and stay with him.

I wandered up and down the aisles of the small grocery store, filling my cart with various things that caught my eye.

I knew we'd have dinner at the diner at least once, Esme would insist on cooking, and if I cooked there were the three dinners we'd have. I'd have to check with him and see when his flight out on Monday was. Maybe Dad would be able to 'treat' us to The Lodge the last night. Neither Edward nor I were especially fond of it, but Dad loved it.

Back in Charlie's kitchen I had enough ingredients to cook for a whole week.

"Jeez Bells, did you think Emmett _and_ Jake were coming for dinner? It is just going to be the four of us… right?"

He still looked skeptical even after I nodded, and continued putting everything away.

I was antsy all week, and I was still antsy as I waved goodbye to Charlie on his way to the station. I was still antsy the entire drive out to SeaTac.

Wringing my hands, I waited at 'Arrivals' for the flight coming in from Chicago.

"You must be waiting for your man." I looked around for a moment wondering if this stranger was talking to me. Was I really that obvious? I hoped, as I looked around, it wasn't one of the women who I had heard whispering recognizing me from my picture on my book jackets.

My eyes landed on an elderly couple who were seated across the small aisle in front of me.

"You have it written all over you; the look of a young woman who is just itching to be back in the arms of the man she loves," the elderly woman said as she smiled kindly at me then up at her husband seated beside her.

"Yes, I remember when you would look at me like that," her husband quipped back at her.

She playfully swatted at his arms that was resting next to hers. "Of course I still do! Don't you ever deny it."

The love these two shared made me smile back at them. I wanted to be like them when I'm old and wrinkled.

"I didn't know I was being so obvious."

"Oh, young lady, love is not something you can hide."

Just then, passengers began flooding out from their three-hour flight out of Chicago.

I bolted up out of my seat, causing the elderly woman to chuckle to herself. They both turned to watch the passengers file out.

"Bella! Honey!" he yelled over the dull roar of the small crowd around him, waving his arms in my direction.

"Oh, you have quite the catch there, sweetie. You keep a hold of that one, my dear."

"I intend to, it was lovely to talk to you." I gave one last smile and small wave to the couple, and met my husband halfway.

Even after sitting in a cramped airplane, he still looked breath-taking. Anyone could see he wanted to pull me into his arms, and hug me tight, but he didn't. Instead he took my hand, and pulled it up to his lips to place a lingering kiss on the back of it.

"I've missed you," he smiled down at me, still not looking to move toward the short-term parking lot. "It's so good to see you," he murmured leaning in close to my ear. "I love you."

I didn't immediately shrink from his closeness like I would have just a handful of weeks ago. They were right; I **was** making progress.

"And I, you, it's great to see you. Now… I want a double chocolate extra thick, so thick you need a spoon, milkshake from the diner in Forks. That's three hours away so we need to go." Grabbing his hand I pulled his toward the parking lot, all the way suppressing a smug smile at the shocked expression on his face, and his mouth hanging open a bit.

I let him drive on the way home. He was sure to take us through Port Angeles to pass by Bella Italia, a quaint little restaurant that was part of our one and only date in high school.

Feeling brave at seeing a little of our past, I placed my hand over his on the gearshift. He didn't make a big deal about it or even comment on it; he just smiled keeping his eyes on the road.

"Aren't you going to stop by your parents?" I asked while devouring my amazing shake. They were practically a food group all in their own.

In response to my question all I got was a I-can't-believe-you-just-asked-me-that look.

"I just got off a plane where I was surrounded by too many people and screaming kids. I don't even want to think about what kind of hell was going on in coach." He visibly shuddered at the thought. "Not to mention Alice and Rosalie took over my packing this morning. Trust me, all I am up for is parking in front of your Dad's flat screen, drinking a Vitamin R."

Chuckling to myself, I almost felt bad about breaking the bad news to him.

"Well, you and Dad won't be the only ones camping out there after dinner. This is the Friday Night Ball Game at the Chief's house. He got them to hold the pizza, and just settle for the beer later so we could have dinner just the four of us."

He let out a loud groan. "Couldn't they move it for a week?"

"Charlie said it would be good for you to spend some time with the 'men'," I said as sweetly as possible.

He turned to gape at me like I had gone loony.

"Oh, don't look at me like that. It's not like you're stuck there! You can leave whenever you want. Depending on how much beer is consumed, I might be right behind you." I doubted it, but I might want to. "Besides he misses you." I'm sure he knew this, he and Dad talked all the time, but he nodded anyway.

Pulling into Dad's driveway he picked up our interlocked hands and kissed the back of mine. "It seems as though I haven't seen you for an age," he whispered in the silence between us.

Before we could sit out there any longer Dad came bursting out the door. He had been looking forward to this more than I was, I think. He'd taken half the day off and everything.

"You kids can't sit out there all evening! Bells, I'm starved! Come feed that man of yours."

We both laughed, but when I moved to get out Edward kept hold of my hand to place one last kiss there before getting out and hugging my Dad.

I chuckled at the two of them together chatting away like old women. Eventually they settled into whatever game happened to be on.

While they caught up, I busied myself in the kitchen.

I was all nervous smiles and jitters. One would have thought it was the first time I'd ever cooked for him.

It was hard for me to pinpoint exactly how I felt about Edward being here. In many ways I was glad, but at the same time uncertain.

I loved him, of that there was no question. However, I still feared being too close to him. I turned him toward darkness once I couldn't do it again. I would always hold the fear of telling too much. I always had to guard what I said- I had a deal to keep.

Also, I felt damaged and worthless, poisoned by what had been done to me. Not to mention responsible for the loss of Nicholas and Natalie.

"Dinner's ready!"

I got a grunt from Charlie as he stalled to watch one last play before he moseyed over to the table. Edward on the other hand made a beeline for the kitchen.

"Slow down honey, it will still be on your plate when you finish chewing." I laughed as Dad and I watched him inhale the lasagna on his plate already eyeing what was left in the dish.

The only sound besides vigorous chewing and hard swallows was a moan now and again. I'm sure that was man-speak for 'dinner is fantastic, honey, thank you so much.'

"Did Rosalie not feed you?" She and I would have serious words if she hadn't been taking care of my man… even if he was the occasional pain in the posterior.

He swallowed his last forkful so he could speak without choking or showering me with bits of food. "Of course she did. There's just something about your cooking. Don't you remember? It's all the 'Bella Love' that you put in there," he stated smiling at me.

Yes, I did remember, but no I try not to think about all those happy times that do nothing but depress me further.

Soon enough the lasagna I slaved over was ancient history, and all the guys from the Force and the Rez (except for Jake who apparently had, yet another, date with Leah) were crammed into our small family room. The Sports talk was loud in between plays as cheap beer was guzzled and greasy pizza (which showed up even though I told them to hold it for next week) was devoured.

I was still getting the kitchen back into order from my day of cooking when Edward came in holding one of my jackets. "Let's take a walk."

"Edward, I'm tired. Can't we just sit and talk." I had been up before the sun and I wasn't up for a stroll. The guys were sort of at a dull roar… we could still talk here.

"Just a short walk, come on, walk off some of those calories from that shake earlier."

I think he knew he was in for it as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

Groaning he trust the jacket toward me. "Bella, don't be difficult. You are **not** fat. I just want to take a short walk. Humor me. I want to spend some time… alone, with my wife. Is that a crime here in the state of Washington?"

"I'm not sure, but we can run it by Charlie if you'd like. I'm sure he would know," I quipped. Rolling my eyes I took the jacket, and stepped out into the chilly and damp night air.

We walked hand in hand toward the small downtown of Forks. I still wasn't particularly happy about being out this late at night, even with my 'knight in shining armor'. I never felt safe out after dark anymore.

Passing by a few shops before the diner, I waved at an older couple that had lived here my whole life. They looked so happy, so content, and so much in love. They reminded me of the older couple in the airport this afternoon. They reminded me how I wanted to be that older couple when I was their age.

Looking over at Edward, then down at our joined hands, I glanced back up at Mr. and Mrs. Harris. Gently slipping my hand from Edward's, I tried not to dwell on the pained look he gave me before quickly looking away to mask his hurt. Closing my eyes, I knew I was doing the right thing. I leaned my body into him as we walked, and hugged my arms around his waist. It was the most physical contact we'd had since my 'incident' that wasn't during a flashback or panic attack or…

His pace faltered, then stopped altogether. We had moved past the light of the businesses, and into the park along the woods. His face was shrouded in darkness. I would have sworn, though, that he had tears in his eyes. He pulled me tight against him, hugging me to him like he couldn't ever get close enough. In that one moment I felt genuinely loved.

We didn't talk much just enjoyed being close, while occasionally reminiscing about old times. He never once relinquished his hold on me, and for the first time in over a year I welcomed it.

By the time we made it back to Charlie's, everyone had thankfully left. Pizza boxes and beer cans overflowed the small trashcan. There was no sign of Charlie, save for the light snoring coming from his room.

A part of my brain yelled at me to just say goodbye, and make a run for my room with out a backwards glace. However, I had promised to fight to get some semblance of my life back. The Bella I used to be was strong, and determined to get what she wanted.

Tentatively I stepped toward him. "Edward?" My voice was so tiny I wanted to kick myself. I had to be stronger than this if I wasn't going to cower in the shadows for the rest of my miserable life. I had to fight harder.

Before I could change my mind, I closed the gap between us and pressed a feather light kiss to his lips. It was our first kiss since my rape that he would actually remember in the morning. He had probably only been expecting a hug, and he stood frozen for a second or two before he gently cupped my chin in his hands making the kiss tender without pushing me at all…finally bringing his forehead to rest against mine.

"I've missed you." It wasn't the first time he'd said it, but this time his confession held so much pain. I wanted to shield him from all my hurt and suffering. That was why I left. I couldn't do that, though, I saw that now. By me leaving, I had only succeeded in making things worse.

He held me for several minutes until his yawn broke the silence in the dark house. "We should get some rest. Goodnight, my love." He said as he kissed my hair before standing straight again. "Sweet dreams, and I'll see you in the morning." For the first time I didn't want him to go. I wanted to hold on to him, and bring him to bed with me, but I didn't. I let my hands fall my sides, as he pecked my lips one last time before jogging out to the rental car. I watched him drive away, not so unlike his last departure from me all those many weeks ago.

I am a different woman from then- a stronger woman both physically and emotionally. Yet, it still wasn't any easier to walk upstairs leaving him behind.

To waste some time before going to bed, I sent my last few chapters off to my publisher. My beloved character had gotten her happy ending. She had gotten her prince. She had gone from the pits of the deepest hell, to a happy and normal life, a life with a man who could love her imperfections and all. I had finished them days prior, but I just hadn't sent them. This book held more of my secrets and hopes, hidden in between the lines of text and I didn't know if I wanted it published. Typing a quick note to my publisher and editor, I gave them their prize long ahead of schedule. It wasn't one of my romance novels, but it ended on a happy note. I think they will be pleased with it.

Lying in my small childhood bed, not even an hour after I'd watched my husband walk away from me, I was tossing and turning unable to find rest. I hadn't been able to write or even read, being unable to concentrate long enough to accomplish anything.

All my mind could dwell on was the image of Edward getting into his car and driving away, and how very wrong it all felt.

I watched the numbers on my alarm clock slowly tick by. My brain knew what I needed to do, my body and soul just needed to catch up. I was afraid. In that house just outside of town, was the unknown. I didn't know what I would find once I got there. I didn't know if I would have the strength to go in.

It was an internal battle that would not rest. Thinking of the soft press of his lips against mine, I sat up briefly pausing before swinging my feet to land on the floor. I was determined; I had to do this for Edward… I had to do this for me. I couldn't let myself shy away from things anymore. The old Bella wouldn't have done that. Intrepidly I slipped on a pair of worn boots, and threw on a long coat over my oversized shirt and panties.

I really should have taken the time to get dressed, but I feared I would chicken out and just run back under my covers if I waited any longer. I was determined, but that didn't mean I was still wasn't scared out of my mind.

Creeping down the steps trying to avoid all the creeks, I hunted around for my keys. Edward had taken the rental so that left me with my truck. I prayed Charlie was more sound a sleeper than I remember him being or by some miracle my truck doesn't make so much noise tonight. He could read my note in the morning as to why I wasn't in my bed down the hall from him.

The entire drive out of town I had to constantly remind myself why I was doing this. It's a wonder my poor nails survived all the stress of the trip.

Pulling up to the front of the house, I allowed myself to take in the grand hominess of it all. Esme had the gift to make a large house appear lived in, not museum-like. She did it with her house, and she did it again with this one.

Hurrying up to the front doors I quickly let myself in, locking it behind me before I could turn and run.

Looking around in the moonlit darkness there were telltale signs that Esme had been there to prepare the house. Furniture was uncovered, and blankets and pillows were set out on the couches. The front closet had hangers where I placed my coat.

Taking a deep breath I turned to the stairs. The last time I had been here it was for a very different reason, in a very different room.

As I walked into our old bedroom, wearing only my top and a pair of panties, I felt trepidation. What was I doing? I think this is what I want, I know that Edward probably needs this, but am I ready? Even the slightest touch in the wrong motion might set me back, and I know Edward couldn't live with himself if that were to happen.

Edward was lying on his side of the bed, as was the norm, but the sheets were haphazardly covering his body, as if he'd been tossing and turning. I wonder if he is having nightmares. I know Rose said he doesn't sleep much lately; this could possibly be the reason. With the sheets barely covering bits and pieces of his body, I take a moment to really look at my husband.

Even in the slight hue the moon was casting in the dark room, I could see that his reddish bronze hair is a mess; you can tell he'd been running his fingers through it and gripping it out frustration. His face was calm right now, no worry lines, no scowls or frowns, almost serene looking. My eyes ventured further down his body. Even in the last year of our life, with as much turmoil as it has been in, he hadn't let himself go; he still has the tone and definition of an athlete- a runner's body. His broad shoulders seamlessly lead down to his defined arms. Arms so soft, yet so strong, why have I been avoiding them? Those are not the arms of the person who hurt me; those are the arms that I had sought comfort in for years, the same arms that cradled Nick and Nattie with such tenderness and care. I felt myself choke up a little at thinking of the twins; I miss them so much. To distract my wayward thoughts, I continue my ogling downward, to his hands… pianist hands. You could see the tendons and his long dexterous fingers. Not skinny or bony by any means, just inviting. Looking at his hands made me want to touch them, and in turn, have them touch me.

I was beginning to feel a yearning while looking at my husband, which I haven't felt in over a year. A spark ignited in my body, that I recognized but had thought was long gone. Apparently it isn't dead. My eyes travel further to his chest, and the sheer power you can see by looking at it. It was toned but not 'muscle head' thick. It was firm, yet soft enough to lay my head against and find comfort. From his chest down, led to what some would call a 'six pack' although I've never understood that terminology. As Edward doesn't have six definitive muscles, there are the main six, yes, but more…his oblique's were very prominent and led downward to more lines of muscles that form the most appealing 'V' shape right between his hip bones. From his hips, were his long, strong legs, which were at the moment, sprawled out and spread quite wide. I couldn't help but notice that all he was wearing was a pair of boxers, and his much-endowed manhood was quite apparent, even in a non-aroused state.

I blushed realizing I was scoping out Edward in a sexual manner, while he just lay there innocently sleeping. What were these thoughts going through my head? I haven't appreciated the sight of a man's body in a very long time, and to be honest with myself, I never thought I would again. But this wasn't just 'any' man's body; this was my husband's, my Edward's body. A body that has held me, comforted me, and pleased me for years. When his body is molded to mine, it's like we were yin and yang, fitting together perfectly, without effort and completely aligned equally… as if we merged and part of me was immersed in him and vice versa, just as the dots on the yin and yang. Balance, among many other things, is what that symbol represents, and for the last year the balance has been way off between Edward and me. I sincerely hope that I can rectify that tonight; I will do my damnedest trying.

I cautiously made my way closer to the bed, steeling myself for what I was about to attempt. '_This_ is Edward…this _is_ Edward…this is _Edward'_ I repeatedly chanted in my head, trying to convince my brain that this was, in fact, right. I leaned in and placed one knee on the edge of the bed, preparing to crawl up to him. As the mattress dipped from my added weight, Edward stirred, but just slightly. I continued to make my way up his form. I laid my body parallel to his, with only about six inches between us. He was on his left side, and I faced him on my right. I gently laid my head down on his left arm that was extended out over my pillows. When I touched his arm with my head, he moved again, adjusted, not away, but to accommodate my head into the crook of his elbow. I settled in and slowly raised my left hand and reached to touch his arm. As soon as I laid my hand on his bicep he startled fully awake, jumping back about a foot. He immediately reached behind him and turned on the bedside table lamp.

"Bella?"I looked at him through my lashes and nodded slightly.

"Honey, what's wrong, is everything okay?" He started to panic. He reached out for me, putting his hand on my left shoulder, as if to square me off to face him directly.

"Nothing's wrong, I…um, I missed you," I replied sheepishly.

"Wh-," he started, "what did you say?"

"I _missed _you," I repeated, while reaching out to touch him again.

He pulled back a bit, and held me at arm's length. I will admit, that hurt, but I couldn't blame him. He hadn't been able to be within a few foot radius of me without me freaking out for the last year. The look on his face was mix of emotions, confusion, anxiety, and possibly hope.

"You missed me? What are you saying exactly?"

"I'm saying that I've realized that I MISS you, in EVERY way, and that I want to feel the closeness we once shared, again."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, what if you aren't ready, I mean, I move out, you run to Forks, we just start talking again, and I come for this visit, and…"He stopped dead in his tracks as he noticed my eyes start to get moist.

"I want this Edward; I _need _this. I have to at least try," I manage to squeak out.

"Bella, are you sure, I just think that it might be too fast. I mean, don't get me wrong; we had a great day together, and I'm so glad to be talking to you and near you again, but I don't want anything to cause you to backtrack."

"I'm positive Edward; I had an epiphany the other day. All this time, I felt as if this had only happened to me, as if the twins' death only affected me, and my rape only hurt me. And I was wrong, SO wrong… all this time I've dealt with the loss of Nick and Nattie, thinking it was all on me, only felt by me, and you've not only lost them, but you lost your wife in the process, and that's unforgivable, and looking back now, totally avoidable. But I would like to try, try and be your wife, your friend, your… your lover?" The last part came out as a question, because quite frankly, I wasn't sure if that's what he wanted anymore.

His very familiar crooked grin appeared, "My lover? Bella, honey… you say that as if it's a question… do you doubt my affection and love for you?"

"It's… it's just been so long, and I know I can't expect anything of you, and…" I began to stammer out.

He stopped me mid-sentence, placing his lips on mine. His kiss was tender and soft, just featherlike touches of his lips. They were so warm and familiar; I slowly parted my lips to invite him to progress further. I snaked my left hand up to the back of his neck and began fisting the hair at the nape of his neck, this elicited an erotic moan from him, which shot straight into my soul. In that moment I knew, beyond a shadow of doubt, that not only did I need this with Edward, but he needed it with me. I needed to reassure him that I was ready; I needed him convinced that the time was finally right.

I pulled away and looked in his eyes, "Edward, love me… please," was all I could get out before both of his hands were on either side of my face and he was leaning in, pressing his lips to mine once again, this time with more urgency and desire. He deepened this kiss quickly, parting his lips and touching his tongue to my bottom lip. I immediately responded by tilting my head to the side and opening my mouth to invite him in completely. He accepted my invitation and began massaging my tongue with his own. The kiss was sensual and slow, he took his time, as did I, in reacquainting ourselves in this fashion.

As we kissed, I began roaming my hands over his body. Tracing my fingers on the same defined muscles I had just been admiring a few moments ago. He slowly tilted to the side, effectively laying me on my back, while he hovered above me with his forearms on either side of me. Very slowly he adjusted his lower body to where he situated his very apparent erection at my center. As he lay between my legs, the ache there grew; I lifted my knees slightly to rotate my hips and deliver some much needed friction to the area.

"Mmmm… honey, are you sure about this?" he inquired yet again. The expression on his face was a collage of emotions; desire, hesitation, want, need, fear, but most of all love. I knew that I needed and wanted this with him. The look on his face wiped away all the trepidation I felt and I simply nodded.

With my unspoken answer, he trailed a hand down my side and slowly lifted my top to expose my breasts to him. I was anxious and tired of reservations, so I crossed my arms, grabbed the hem of my top and pulled it over my head. Needing to feel his skin against me, I ran my arms under his and around his back and pulled him to me. With my fingers splayed out to feel as much of his broad shoulders and back, I began trailing a circuit with my fingertips up and down the lines of his muscles. He leaned in and placed his lips on mine again; I eagerly accepted his kiss and deepened it. The passion between us was building quickly, and I pulled back to catch my breath. He took that opportunity to kiss down my jaw line, and lick just below my ear. I moaned in response to the stimulation, and earned a deep moan back from Edward. The sensation of the vibrations from that moan spurred me even further; I moved my hands down to his perfectly sculpted ass and pulled him into me.

Edward pulled back, and I felt the immediate longing to have him back. He noticed the expression on my face and gave me my favorite crooked grin. He leaned back on his knees and pushed his boxers down, freeing his erection, once they were pushed down to his knees he shifted and slid them off his calves. I lifted my hips and hooked my thumbs in my panties and slid them down my thighs. With Edward positioned on his knees, right at my knees, I couldn't progress any further, I lifted my legs and he slid my panties the rest of the way off my legs, pulling them up directly in front of him. He held my ankles at eye level, and inspected the scars I still had from being tied up, he tenderly kissed around my ankles, silently attempting to kiss away the pain associated with them. He began a slow and torturous trail up my right leg to the crook of my knee, stopped, and repeated the motion on my left leg. The yearning building in my core was desperate at this point, and my legs instinctively went lax and bent and the knees and spread. Edward, sensing my need, placed each one of my feet back down on the bed.

His eyes were hungry as he took in my body displayed before him, with my knees spread like a butterfly. He slowly licked his lips, as he continued to gaze at my body. I began to feel slightly exposed, spread open before him like this, but the look on his face and in his eyes were reassuring.

"Can…may I taste you?" he inquired sheepishly.

"Please."

I looked at him through hooded eyes, knowing my need for this level of intimacy. Edward restarted his ministrations at my right knee and slowly kissed and licked his way up my thigh. When he reached where I wanted him most, he pulled back and began his exquisite torture up my left thigh. My physical response was mounting and I felt some of my juices flow from my body, my hips lifted, as if on their own accord, expressing the ache that I desperately needed him to tend to. Responding to my actions, Edward licked at the bottom of my bundle of nerves and trailed his tongue upward to hit dead center on my clit, his mouth and lips closed down on the area and he applied the perfect amount of suction. My whole body shuddered at the sensation; as he continued by dipping his tongue deep into my core, I moaned loudly, and looked down to see his eyes locked on my face. Seeing his head between my legs, and the look of sheer love in his eyes, made another wave of juices flow and my hips lifted again, meeting his mouth with more pressure.

"Mmmmm, so good," Edward muttered just before he dove back in and buried his face deep into my center. The sucking and licking and kissing became intense, and my knees started to come together on their own. Edward ran his hands up the insides of my thighs and gently spread them apart again, once my knees relaxed, he hooked his left hand under my ass and pulled me closer to him, while his right hand started with one, then two fingers in my center. He continued to kiss and suck on my clit while he plunged two fingers in and out of my body, the dual sensation made my walls begin to pulse on his fingers and I knew my climax was near. As the pressure built, and the tingling increased, my hips began to buck in sync with his movements, when I didn't think I could take much more, he curled his fingers and rubbed my g-spot while sucking with just a bit more pressure on my clit. My orgasm hit, and wave after wave of juices flowed while my walls fluttered and clenched on his fingers. My moaning was bordering on sounding like a porno, and in turn, Edward moaned deep into my body.

I've always heard the expression, 'I saw stars', but never truly appreciated it until that moment. Maybe it was the heavy breathing, the accelerated pumping of my heart, or the most intense feeling of release coming from my body, but I saw little white spots floating across my vision. As my body continued to clench and release in succession, Edward slowed his movements and drew out my orgasm as long as possible.

When my body finally calmed down, he withdrew his fingers from me and slowly kissed his way up my hips and to my breasts. He licked and nipped at my nipples, causing them to harden even further. I arched my back to offer my chest to him completely. He alternated going back and forth between my breasts, when I felt the tingling in my core begin to rise yet again.

"I want you in me, Edward," I pleaded. He looked up at me from where he was, and I saw a glint of relief in his eyes. He moved his way up my body and lay on top of me. He was engulfing me completely, as he stabilized himself on his elbows on either side of my shoulders, while he cradled my head in his hands. His thumbs were rubbing the sides of my face while his other fingers weaved into my hair. Our eyes locked, and without words, he leaned in and began kissing me slowly, and passionately. As our kiss deepened, our hips adjusted, and I felt his head at my entrance, I rocked ever so slightly and took in the tip of his erection. He pulled back and looked me in the eyes again, looking for any signs of hesitation, but he found none. I picked my head up and kissed him again as I lifted my hips to encourage him to continue. I grasped firmly onto his waist and urged him forward; never breaking the kiss he slowly sheathed himself in me. I stilled.

HOME.

No other word could express how full and complete I felt at that moment. I sighed in relief and joy, and began running my hands up Edward's back signaling him to move forward. He slowly pulled out and pumped back in, while leaning in and kissing me again. He thrust his hips and his tongue in sync slowly, with love and adoration. Without ever picking up too much speed, or pushing too hard, my husband poured his soul into me as he made love to me. We held onto each other as if our lives depended on it, and maybe in some emotional or philosophical way, they did.

I felt the pressure building again, and knew I was going to go over the edge. As my walls began to constrict, Edward moaned and I felt the familiar twitch of his release. My orgasm built and continued to milk him further, and the feel of his love pumping into me was the purest, happiest feeling I have felt in a long, long time.

**A/N: (Jessi): **Wow. Are there any more words for this? I think I died and went to heaven… or hell I don't really know or have the desire to care. Danna did a FANTASTIC job on this lemon. Love ya BB!

**A/N: (danna0724): **WHEW! So… be brutally honest… what did you think of my lemon? It was my first… and where I don't shake the lemon tree (thank you to one of my fav readers for that phrase, you know who you are!) quite like some of the bigger FFn rockstars, I think I did a decent job! Now for the begging and pleading… PLEASE, review… it means the world to me… truly it does! You make my fucking day all peaches and cuppycakes when you hit that little button and say somethin'! To all the readers: I love you and thank you for reading! You totally rock! (btw I'm still on my knees here… the button is right there… see it? Pretty, pretty please with a Cullen Man on top?)

And a VERY special thank you to Songster, BETA extraordinaire… we are pleased, honored, and tickled she has a huge fucking 'S' on the front of her shirt, cause she is the bomb fucking digity!


	15. Chapter 15

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; We just have an overly active imaginations. (apparently angsty and disturbed one's, or at least that's what we are told)

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape.

**A/N (danna0724): **okay peeps! A little bit of angst and a little bit of lovin' and a WHOLE lot of plot! As promised lemon from EPOV… yup that's right… sweet! As per the usual… if you aren't old enough to buy cig's/porn or vote, please do NOT go any further! ALSO… this story is the sole property of Jessi's and Danna's, stealing is a crime, and you don't really wanna be a 'ganker' anyway do ya?

JessiBel… w/o you holding my hand… where would I be? I love you BB!

See POST A/N for PSA as well as explanation for the long delay.

**Tortured Soul: Chapter 15**

**Edward's POV**

"You make a sound argument Mr. Cullen. This court will let you pursue this avenue of questioning." Judge Eleazar banged down his gavel. I had been grateful he was assigned to my case; he was down to earth, and wasn't deceived by all the smoke and mirrors bullshit we lawyers were so apt at putting up. With him we had to roll up our sleeves and get our hands dirty. "Court is adjourned. We will reconvene in one week from today at nine AM."

We all stood and began filing out. One week was generous; I didn't have to look at the shocked expression on my opposing counsel's face to know that was true. Still I would have to work my tail off if I had any hope of seeing my wife this week. That's why I immediately started barking orders to my second chair before we were even out the doors.

"_Maggie! Good to see you. How was court this afternoon?" Maggie O'Casey was the prosecuting counsel in the case against James, the case involving Caius Volturi, the very case that was proving to be an impasse between James and I._

_I figured just because he wouldn't be on speaking terms with her, didn't mean I couldn't be. After all I was always endeavoring to get her to come over to Cullen & Campbell Law. However, she was most loyal to her father, the DA.__ Liam O'Casey was true to his namesake, vigilant in war (or rather courtroom) and watchful, and he passed down a certain something to Maggie, where she just KNEW when she was being lied to._

"_Quite well, actually," she said as I stepped into the elevator. "However you might want to consider a leash for your partner. He'll have you begging for clients alongside the homeless in no time," she stated coldly without turning to look at me just staring into the glossy elevator doors. _

"_I see." I wasn't sure what she meant exactly, but I sure as hell was going to inquire about it as soon as I could get back to the office. "I'll keep that in mind."_

_She smirked, not buying my calm exterior for a minute. She was perceptive, I had to giver her that, if I could ever pry her away from her father I would. She was an excellent lawyer, a lawyer whom I could count on not to take on clients like the Volturi Brothers. I'd been opposite her before, and it was down right one of the most excruciating experiences of my life. I'd take a plea bargain to escape her any day._

_When the elevator dinged we nodded to each other before going our separate ways. I, apparently, had an out of control law partner to deal with._

_Everyone knew James Campbell was unpredictable in court, but that was one thing that made him a great lawyer. The opposing counsel had to be prepared for anything because he didn't have any pattern. The angles and avenues he would use during one case were usually completely different from the ones he would use on another case. _

_Storming onto our office's floor I barged into James' office not caring if I might walk in on him and Victoria fucking on top of his desk again._

"_James, what did you do in court today that would warrant Maggie O'Casey warning me about you?" I seethed at him. "It wouldn't have anything to do with your client would it? Or is this just about you?" This had been happening more often than my patience could handle._

"_Nothing, I'm just trying to keep my client out of some jail time." He had that smirk that only served to infuriate me. 'Some jail time' try a life sentence for murder, I thought to myself._

"'_Nothing' wouldn't have been deserving of her warning. You may not care about your job, but you better believe I do!" I had put up with his bullshit for far too long. _

"_Oh, yes, you have to keep Bella dearest in designer clothes don't you. What? Aren't you satisfying her needs anymore? Did she decide that the pretty little rich boy wasn't all he talked himself up to be? Did she find out the truth about art? Hmm… it may be nice to look at, but it really is good for nothing. Did she-"_

"_Don't you fucking say another word about my wife!" With each word the anger had built inside of me. All I could see now was red. Closing the small gap between us I lunged at him, a guttural scream erupting from me._

_We spat insults at each other all the time, but he would never say anything about Bella. He knew very well that was where I drew the line._

"_Oh my God!" The voice was feminine, but I was too much engulfed in rage to tell who it was. My only thoughts were where I was going to land my next punch or evade one of James'. "Someone call security! Quick!"_

_There was blood running down my face into my mouth, and I felt like I had been run over by a MAC truck, and it was all worth it._

"_You're not stronger than anyone else rich brat! You're not stronger than me!"_

"_I'm strong enough to take you down!"_

_There were no more words only the echoing of fists slamming into flesh and grunts mixed with pained groans._

_All too soon I was being hauled away from him, most likely by the security guards who were called. Another man was keeping James where he was as I was escorted down the hall to my office. _

"_Don't leave until we clear you. We have to know exactly what happened… in case you two decide you want to sue each other or something."_

_It seemed like hours I was kept quarantined. After I called Bella to let her know I'd be home later than I thought, and played a few games of computer solitaire, I couldn't take it anymore._

_I paced my office yanking mercilessly at my hair. I knew I had to do something, I just didn't know what. James is going to get our firm into some deep shit if I let this go on any longer. Him representing the Volturi Brothers will be our undoing if I don't do something now. That's when an idea sprang to mind._

"_Rose? Hey, it's Edward. I need a favor."_

"_Not much on small talk today? What can I do for you my dear brother-in-law?"_

"_I need the number for Jenks."_

_The phone was dead quiet for too long and I was beginning to worry she hung up on me._

"_Rose? This is important. I need something looked into without the world knowing I'm looking into it." I figured clarifying things might help make her a little more forthcoming._

"_Sure, I'll send you all his contact information," she stated cautiously before continuing, "You be careful Edward. If you get into something and Bella gets hurt I swear-"_

"_I know, I know; I'll be lying in a hospital bed missing every single body appendage. What did you think I want this guy's number for? I know you trust him so he must be good."_

"_Just as long as you know." She didn't need to say anymore; her full meaning was loud and crystal clear. We made small talk until my e-mail dinged with a new message alert, after which she promptly hung up._

_Rose and I were never that close or particularly friendly. I know our parents hoped we would be, but being friends just never was in the cards for us. I'm sure the fact that I was calling her at all was ample reason to let her know I was serious._

"_Jenks here."_

_I was startled when he picked up on the first ring. I had sort of been hoping to get his secretary or better yet been able to just leave a message. _

"_Uh, yes, this is Edward Cullen, I-"_

"_Yes, Rosalie just called and said I'd be hearing from you. What can I do for you Mr. Cullen?_

"_I need a man looked into?"_

_He chuckled before answering in a clipped tone. "What? The people on your payroll already are on holiday? I know you're a lawyer, Edward Cullen. What do you need my particular set of skills for?"_

_I hadn't really thought about how I was going to explain all this. How do I tell this man I don't trust my law partner, but won't even consider firing my best friend?_

"_Umm, well… What do you know about Caius Volturi?" If I couldn't say what I needed to say then I had to start somewhere. This seemed like a logical beginning without beating around the bush._

"_Alleged mafia connection, most outspoken and brash of the three Volturi Brothers, currently on trial for murder, his trial centering around a cute little college girl named Bree, I've read in the papers, with a Mr. Campbell as the Volturi's legal representation, who, by the way, is apparently not doing so well this time in the court room. How does that sound for you Mr. Cullen?"_

_If that had been a test he would have passed with flying colors. _

"_Yes, it's the current case I'm concerned about. I need you to dig up whatever you can find about Caius and Bree. There's something that isn't right. Something that James is hiding, and Maggie knows it. He's practically in bed with this trio; I want to know what I am dealing with. James is good, but I need someone better. That's where you come in."_

_There was a long, pregnant pause. This just seemed to be my day for those._

"_I see. I'll see what I can find." If I hadn't have been so exhausted I would have fist pumped into the air. Victory! It's not going to be smooth sailing from here, but at least this weight could be lifted from my shoulders. "You even want evidence that would be damaging to the defense, yes?" It wasn't a question for which I had to give him credit. We'd been on the phone for less than five minutes and he knew me that much._

"_I do. I want everything you can find, sir." I heard papers shuffling and the faint sound of hurried scribbling._

"_Rosalie told me you were a good man, honestly, I didn't know what to make of her vague statement, but I think now I am getting to know how true that really is. There aren't many of you lawyers who care about something other than your paycheck." His voice became lighter as he continued, "Of course, in true Rosalie fashion, she then went on to tell me you would become a royal pain in my ass." We both had a laugh at that. "You'll be getting my bill when we're done."_

_And just like that there was the click letting me know he'd hung up. All I could do know was resume my pacing until I was released from my prison._

_I didn't even have the energy to use my time to prepare for court. When I was tired of pacing, and feared I'd have to replace my rug, I settled into the couch in my office, which was admittedly, not very comfortable. I'd have to look into getting a new one._

"_Mr. Cullen? Wake up." I was gently being shaken awake._

"_Bella?" She didn't sound right. It must be time for dinner; I'm starved._

"_Uh, no, it's Irina, you can go home now." What? Where the hell am I, and why do I have this God awful crick in my neck?_

"_What? Already?" My mind quickly reminded my body why I felt like I'd been run over._

"_Well, yes, but you may want to go to the hospital or something, but we had the security system installed, audio only remember? So no one saw what happened, but we know what was said which gave us everything we needed to know about what happened."_

_I blankly nodded starting to get up. My body revolted, but I didn't stop. I just wanted to be home in bed with Bella. Grabbing my jacket and briefcase I said good-bye to the office ladies on my way out the door. I still felt like shit, but thankfully there was no sign of James._

_I couldn't have said anything about my drive home. Like what color were all the lights I drove under without stopping. I figured there were no horns blown at me, and they'd mail me the tickets if I did run a red light or something._

"_Oh, you're home! I was just… you look like hell. You weren't kidding about a tussle. Can I get you anything?"_

_I just looked at her. After the day I'd had, that was all I really had the energy to do._

"_I'll get you a tray of dinner and bring it up to you. Go up to bed; I'll be up in a minute." God I loved this woman._

_Just as I slid under the covers there she was with a steaming plate of her amazing lasagna. _

"_Do I need I make an appointment with your doctor or something? You said you got into it with James, but I wasn't expecting this," she said as she gently skirted her fingers around an open wound just above my eye which was probably really black and blue._

_However, no matter how nice it was to be cared for by nurse Bella, right now all I wanted was my wife._

"_I'm fine, just lay here with me. I missed you today." I would probably never admit it, but James' words affected me more than I was comfortable with. Deep down I knew Bella loved me, but… he still __**said**__ it._

_She lay next to me while I wolfed down my dinner. I realized in the chaos I had skipped lunch. Setting the tray on the floor next to me I pulled Bella flush against me. I need her close to me tonight._

"_So what happened today? Did something happen in court? Why did you and James get into a slug match?"_

_I didn't really want to talk about James and me. I never did with Bella; she disliked him too much to be objective__. _

"_The prosecution said something to me after court that got me worried. When I tried to ask him about it things escalated and we traded a few punches." I finally settled on my wording attempting to avoid any further talk on the subject._

"_Why would you need to be worried about James' case? Did he do something? I swear that man has caused you more trouble. I know you need a criminal lawyer, but God!"_

_Here I was afraid she would ask me what James said to me in order to piss me off, and she wants to know about the case. So very Bella, but this I could handle._

"_I don't know what happened in court today. All I know is that his case isn't going very well. All I can say is that is what happens when you insist on defending the Mafioso__."_

"_He actually took on those slimy buggers! I knew it! I saw the headlines today. I didn't even have the courage to read the article; I just knew he had his hands in there."_

_Sighing deeply I responded the only way I knew how. "Yeah things could be better."_

_We laid there in silence for a while. I thought she had fallen asleep until I went to turn out the bedside lamp, and she spoke again._

"_Why are you still partners with him?" She asked in a small timid voice. She knew this was a sore spot between us. I just couldn't get her to see that I could no sooner part company with James than she could with Rose or Alice. _

"_He's my best friend. We've known each other since college." I tried to come off calm, but wasn't sure if I succeeded._

_She thought a moment while analyzing my face for… something._

"_Being a good friend doesn't necessarily equate into being a good business partner," She stated before reaching over to turn off the lamp herself and snuggling down into my side to sleep. "Just think about it, baby."_

_I lay awake staring at her for a long time. I'd never though about it like that. I mulled her words over so many times._

_James had been a thorn in my side since… well, since college if I was being truthful. We were great friends outside of work but we constantly butted heads in the office._

_James was the one who was quickly gaining the reputation of being a good lawyer, but on the flip side, being too much of a loose cannon to be reliable. More and more of our clients had left us and chosen other, especially after it was made public record that he was defending the Voultri Brothers when he filed an entry of appearance on their behalf._

_I had known, as everyone else, how chilling they could be, but I had never seen it first hand. Not until James and I sat down with them to discuss bringing them on as regular clients. James and I had already fought long and hard over this, obviously he was the one who won. The only way I agreed to the whole thing was that __**he**__ would be their exclusive lawyer. I would never represent them in court. _

_(Several Months Ago…)_

"_It is so good to see you Mr. Cullen, Mr. Campbell. How lovely to see you both in person this morning. If we may inquire who will be representing us if the need so arises?"_

"_I will," James spoke up readily. He was practically salivating being so close to a signed contract. _

_Aro looked troubled at the news, however. Of the group, he was the one who gave away emotions__. His voice made your skin crawl, but if he wanted it to be, his face was readable. Caius just looked constantly annoyed like he had other, more important, places to be than looking into who was going to be battling his cases in the courtroom. Marcus, the eldest of the three, looked utterly bored the entire time._

"_Edward will not be?"_

"_No, I will not." I decided to answer before James could in a cold clipped voice. I didn't want to be here anyway._

"_No? That is most unfortunate. We would be more comfortable working with you, Mr. Cullen."_

"_I'm sorry, sirs, but I am not taking any new clients. Besides, James is more apt at dealing with criminal cases." James looked like he could take my head off with his eyes the way he was glaring at me for speaking to them the way I was. _

"_Oh? And what has brought this on?" Aro, apparently their spokesperson inquired looking all to inquisitive for my liking. I didn't want to answer him, but I didn't see any real harm in telling him the truth._

"_My wife and I are talking about having a baby. I'm trying to lighten my work load so I will be able to spend more time at home with them."_

"_Oh, how wonderful!" Aro exclaimed clapping his hands together once and holding them like that. The action was oddly unnerving. "Children are a wonderful blessing. Children seem not to be in the cards for any of us. Marcus and his wife, Didyme, have been trying for a long time with no results. We try to support our brother, but the situation is wearing on him." He did seem deeply troubled by the fact. Perhaps he wasn't as sinister as he led you to believe__, but that didn't mean I trusted him anymore. "I am sure you and your bride will have wonderful success and have a beautiful baby when the time comes."_

_James still looked on edge. They hadn't confirmed or denied anything so far. He could care less about family things, and children, and the like._

"_What about your representation?" James asked. He was stressed and struggling to keep calm through this whole thing. I could tell- the veins in his neck were straining against his shirt collar._

"_I suppose we can settle for you Mr. Campbell seeing as Mr. Cullen does have a special circumstance we would never argue with."_

_I would have laughed seeing James' face when they said they were 'settling' for him if the hairs on the back of my neck hadn't stood on end at their odd request I work with them. I didn't get it, James and I were both good lawyers who got the job done. It shouldn't matter who represented them._

"Send us all the paperwork when you have it collected, Mr. Campbell. Good day gentlemen." Then in a practiced flourish they all stood to leave. Just as Aro was exiting the door behind his brothers he stopped and turned to the two of us sitting at the conference table. "And Mr. Cullen, you give your wife our best, and tell her we wish you both happiness as parents," he practically beamed at me before letting the door softly close behind him leaving James and I wondering what just happened.

"_Well, and least we got three new clients." James was grinning from ear to ear. "Why do you think they were so insistent on you?" Ha, I just knew that ego of his was hurt a little._

"_Because I scored three point higher than you on my Bar Exam than you," I deadpanned as I picked up my portfolio and headed straight to my office._

_I didn't want to think about the Volturi Brothers anymore at the moment. I didn't want to think about how odd they were or how just being in the same room as gave me a feeling of uneasiness._

_(Today)_

_Beep. Beep. Beep…_

_I slapped around on the bedside table until the damn alarm clock finally shut up. I felt even worse than I had yesterday._

"_You should really reconsider going into work today. I think you'll scare your clients away," Bella giggled sleepily beside me._

"_I'm not. I can't work on what I'm going to work on while at work." She looked at me puzzled waiting for me to elaborate. "I can't even think about dissolving a partnership down the hall from the man, honey."_

"_Then I better start the coffee!" She squealed in delight, damn near falling out of bed in her haste to get up, giving me a hard kiss before running downstairs to the kitchen._

_I took my time heading to get dressed. I even washed my face, well, scrubbed all the skin cells off of it would be more like it. I didn't want to have to do what I was doing, but I knew I had to. I had worked too hard and too long to build this firm for one man, no matter how close he was to me, to tear it all down. _

_We all knew Caius was guilty; James didn't have enough evidence to support his innocence for anyone to ever believe it. The only problem was that Maggie didn't have enough evidence to support his guilt either._

_Stepping into the kitchen there was Bella standing over the stove whipping up the bacon and eggs I smelled from up stairs._

"_Smells fantastic, Baby… I should engage in illegal activities more often." All she did was bat my hand away with the plastic turner in her hand as I tried to snatch a strip of bacon from the pan. _

"_Any more and you'd end up thrown in jail, and then were would I be? No, you'll have to find some other way to entice me from heavenly sleep to make breakfast for you."_

_The rest of breakfast was spent in silence; reading the paper and eating, neither one of us wanting to confront anymore than we already had about what was going on at work._

_I dropped a kiss to the top of her head before heading upstairs to help steal my resolve. If nothing else I was doing this for her. _

"_What do you have for me, Jenks? Please tell me you have something." I heard his chuckle on the other end of the line, and papers shuffling, so I knew he had succeeded._

"_Well, you have no idea what I had to do to get this, and you probably won't ever truly understand. I was going to go about this how I normally do, however," his voice was something akin to grave; I didn't like it one bit, "once I spoke with Maggie over dinner I started the coffee, and have been working ever since. Edward, you sure can pick 'em. In all honesty I have been itching to get my hands on these Volturi characters, so to say I was excited would have been an understatement. There is so much interesting 'erased' video footage that has been most entertaining."_

"_Jenks…" I tried to keep the irritation out of my voice. This was my career I was tampering with here._

"_Calm down, my boy, I'm getting to it. Now… the video footage recovered from Miss Tanner's apartment building had been nothing but snow, correct?"_

"_Yes, there had been some malfunction. No one knew what caused it, but they had been having technical problems for a while so it wasn't perused. What is you point?"_

"_My point is that if your price is high enough, and your sources are deep enough, you can find out anything you want, like the fact that the security footage was working just fine."_

"_Are you saying that the Volturi paid someone to destroy the tapes?"_

"_That is exactly what I'm saying."_

"_Jenks! You have no idea… I-I"_

"_Hold it! I'm not done. You have got to love the young people today. They are the most greedy and back-stabbing, lying bunch of misfits ever."_

"_Jenks, I will be sending you my hospital bill when I am admitted for my blood pressure spiking. Just tell me what the hell you have found!"_

"_As I said, young people… absolutely no patience for the art of anticipation. That college kid they paid off figured he could get twice the price for the tape if they thought it had been destroyed…"_

"_You didn't!"_

"_I did. Now I don't have much else in this short amount of time. What you do with this information is up to you. You just have to know I had nothing to do with this legally and we are good."_

"_And what am I suppose to tell them as to how I came to be in possession of this tape?"_

"_Easy, that same college boy is going to swear on a stack of Bibles that the famous Chicago lawyer, Edward A. Cullen, himself was the one to start digging around. He was even blabbing about how he was only doing it so as to impress Miss O'Casey to join his firm, since everyone knows his partnership with Mr. Campbell is on shaky ground." I could hear the smirk in the old bastard's voice. I had to hand it to him he was good. He was very good._

"_Jenks, has anyone told you recently you are a genius? They should. Keep looking to see what else you can find; I want to bury this for good."_

"_Will do," and with that he hung up without another word._

_I was abuzz with something like excitement as I sat at my desk dumbfounded as to what just happened. Jenks had just solved the case overnight. This was what Mags had been looking for and unable to find. She knew something was out there. Jenks just had friends in low enough places to find it. _

_I knew I had to do something. I had to go to the authorities with this; I had to go to someone with this. I kissed Bella good-bye before getting in my car and picking up the files from Jenks office. I must have sat in my car for an hour outside my office before I had the courage to go in._

_I didn't know what would await me once I got in there. Just yesterday I had gotten into a slug match with my partner. There was blood on the carpet, for Christ's sake! That wasn't something that didn't have any repercussions. _

"_Good morning Vicki, Irina," I said walking out of the elevator and past their desks, albeit a little shakily. I didn't really know what I was doing here._

"_Miss O'Casey's office please," I said into the phone. "No, I don't have an appointment. Tell her Edward Cullen is on the phone." I hated dealing with secretaries, but it was unavoidable- we all had them._

_I waited several minutes for the desk prick to go and tell her I was waiting. Good secretaries were so very hard to find these days._

"_Good afternoon, Edward. Sorry to keep you waiting my new assistant is still getting acclimated to how things run around here. To what do I owe this call?" One thing I loved about Mags was that she didn't beat around the bush or sugar coat anything._

"_I have some evidence that I believe you would be most interested in taking a look at in regard to the State of Illinois vs__. Caius Volturi case."_

"_Oh, really? And why, may I ask, would you ever want to share evidence with me? Anything that I would be interested in would put your client behind bars, Mr. Cullen?" She only called me Mr. Cullen when she was getting pissed._

"_Caius Volturi is not __**my**__ client, and I want justice to be served. If justice lands him in a prison cell, then so be it. When do you have time for me to drop by?" There wasn't a response right away._

"_I'm free in an hour. I would have you come right over, but I happen to have a meeting in five minutes. I'll tell my assistant to let you in lest she send you to wait out by the curb. If I didn't know better I'd say you wronged her in another life. She hasn't been so brusque with anyone since she's worked for me."_

_I chuckled to myself. I had that effect on a lot of people. "What is your assistant's name?"_

"_Tanya Greene." I damn near dropped the phone._

"_Oh, umm, okay, yeah, uhh…" Dear Lord even after all these years I still get all clammed up just hearing her name._

"_Are you alright Edward? Do you know her? I can come by your office if I'm going to have World War Three on my hands." That was such a Maggie thing to say. Only she could make concern for me sound like it was my fault._

"_No, no I'll be fine, I knew her in high school, things didn't end well. Anyway, I'll be over to your office in an hour. See you then."_

_I didn't need the added pressure of seeing Tanya to my day. I sorted through things on my desk, and opened the folders Jenks had given me. I decided to take a look at the video footage._

_Sure enough it was the concrete evidence that had been eluding the prosecution. Maggie would owe me big for this. I needed to make sure we got this to the authorities as well. This wasn't something anyone fooled around with. _

"_Mr. Cullen, your wife is here to take you to lunch," Irina said from my door. I had no idea how Bella knew where I was or how she happened to know I was starving, but I wouldn't even be complaining. I needed a mind break right now before I went and faced Miss O'Casey._

_Bella and I went to this little deli just down the block since I was on a timeline. We chatted about a few things, never once even getting near what I was doing at work. That normally wasn't hard, but I could just see Bella chomping at the bit to ask how this particular day had gone. I'd have to talk more with her once we were home this evening._

"_Did your doctor's appointment go okay this morning? Where they able to run all the tests and things they wanted to?" Bella hadn't been feeling one hundred percent, and I was worried about her. I had always thought morning sickness was just a metaphorical thing women talked about at lunch parties._

"_Yes, everything went okay. Dr. Randall said everything is progressing beautifully so far. I'm still so early on that anything could happen, but it's all normal." Bella's smile was radiant. I don't think she had stopped smiling since she found out she was pregnant._

"_That's good. Did you ask him about the morning sickness?" I asked while getting up and getting ready to walk us out the door._

_She rolled her eyes at me, "Yes, and he said exactly what I said, morning sickness is normal. Only if it gets unbearable, which he said is probably wouldn't, would I need to be concerned."_

_She walked with me back to my building before kissing me good-bye. She was going baby shopping with Rosalie, since she couldn't take Alice another day._

"_Hey, Irina. Where's Victoria?" Those two were always inspirable. _

"_She went to run something over to James. I don't know what is was, but whatever she had couldn't wait. It might have been something he needed, but I don't know? How was lunch? Is Bella okay? Do you need anything, sir?" Dear God did this woman ever take a breath? I swear her and Alice must be cut from the same cloth._

"_Bella is doing great, I don't need anything right now, I'll just be in my office. Thanks Irina."_

_Sitting down at my desk I busied myself checking my e-mail and playing one round of solitaire before leafing through the papers scattered across my desk. That was when I noticed something missing- rather an entire folder missing._

"_Irina who has been in my office?"_

"_No one, oh wait, Victoria went in to drop off a few messages or something before she went to find James. That's it, besides the mail guy. Why?"_

"_Nothing, uhh, did Tori leave my office with anything? A folder perhaps."_

"_No, not that I noticed. Is something wrong? I could-"_

"_No, no I'm sure I just misplaced it. Don't worry about anything."_

_If only that were true, there most certainly was something for me to worry about. I don't know how Victoria could have even have found out I had those files from Jenks._

"_Jenks I need another copy of the files I picked up from you this morning. I can come and pick them up. I'm already on my way I have a meeting with the prosecutor in just a few minutes." There was a long pause that I did not like the sound of._

"_I gave you the original copy. I keep nothing that could tie me to anything, Mr. Cullen. I'm sorry you had the sole copy. I can't help you."_

"_WHAT? I just… That was…" I couldn't even form a coherent sentence. The only evidence I was going to find to prove that bastard's guilt just had help in walking out of my office._

"_I'm sorry, sir. I will keep digging for more information. Now, if you will excuse me I have another client waiting for me." As per usual I didn't even get a good-bye just a dial tone. _

"_Maggie? Hi, Edward. Look I had something come up, and I'm not going to be able to meet you today."_

"_What happened? You reconsider throwing your partner under the bus?"_

"_Not remotely. I no longer am in possession of the evidence," I managed to grit out between my teeth._

"_My dear that is what they make safes for." I couldn't imagine how she was not seething as well unless by some act of God she managed to find more evidence or another angle or something to do well in court today. Or the gravity of the situation hadn't hit home yet. I was hoping for the first, but knew the latter was probably the most likely. _

"_You get this straightened out Cullen, and call me when you are ready to have this meeting," she said before she hung up._

_I slumped forward in my seat resting my head against the smooth wood of my desk. I didn't know what I was going to do at the moment. The offices had no video footage, just audio footage. If whoever took those files hadn't made any noise I had no way of proving who it was._

Walking back out onto our floor from my office I glared at the etched window that read Campbell & Cullen Law Associates. I now hated that window. I was so fucking proud of it when it had been installed, now I wanted to knock it out with my fists. I was back at square one, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

"_Edward, I need to speak with you in my office," James said as I passed by his open door. I paused briefly taking a deep breath. I was still sporting cuts and bruises from our last 'talk' in his office, and I thought Tor went to 'find him'? Nothing was making sense!_

"_What do you want?" I couldn't have kept the edge out of my voice even if I did have the desire to._

"_What are these?" He asked with a sickening blasé demeanor. When I glanced to his hand holding up a very familiar file folder I knew why._

"_How did you get those?" I knew better than to add to the explosion that was going to happen any second now by being the first to bring Tori into this conversation._

"_Victoria was kind enough to procure them for me. Thoughtful wasn't it? For her to think I might want evidence pertaining to the case I am trying to win, don't you think?"_

"_James that would only aid the prosecution. You'd know that if you'd even opened the damn thing."_

"_Oh, how silly of you? Did you think I was going to actually turn this in as evidence? Why in hell would I ever want to do that? This is going to be destroyed as it should have been long ago." I hated it when he spoke to me like this, almost as much as I hated that god-awful smirk of his. _

"_James, you can't be serious! You can't do that. You can't just destroy evidence. That's not how this whole things works. I can't let you do this!"_

"_On the contrary, brother, you can and you will. You are not stopping me with this," he said as he held up the files again. "I also happen to know you can't do a thing about it. Don't even try to say you have another copy of these- I know you don't. Tori looked for me, and found nothing. So, you are going to march right out of here, and back into your office to work on your own case. Leave me and my clients alone." The false humor had all left from his voice; in its place was pure ice._

"_James…"_

"_Get out unless you want a repeat of yesterday," he sneered as he pointed toward the door where I could see Victoria hovering outside._

_Knowing he was fully serious I let him know I was just as serious before heading back to my office. This had just gotten so much worse than it had been originally, and that was saying a lot. That was why I didn't feel one ounce of regret as I picked up the phone._

"_Hey, Siobhan! … Yeah, it's been a while. … Yeah, I'm doing just fine. … Yes, I have been keeping up with your daughter's court case. … Ha, yeah, I'm still trying to get her to come over to my law firm. … Bella is doing great. … That is good to hear that Liam is doing great in semi-retirement." One thing that Maggie definitely did not get from her mother was her chattiness. Siobhan O'Casey was a fantastic lawyer, but it felt like twenty questions before I finally could get to the reason for my call._

"_So what can I do for you? I take it its not to talk about Bella's pregnancy. That was so wonderful to hear. You two are a terrific couple, and will be fantastic parents. Do you know what the baby is yet? That's always so exciting!" How she knew Bella was pregnant was beyond me, but this was Siobhan I was talking about. _

"_Siobhan, the reason I called was to discuss the partnership between James and I. I'm looking to dissolve it immediately."_

_There was a slight pause before she fired into action. "I have your contracts and agreements pulled up right here. Now… it looks as though there is a clause here that allows one partner to begin the separation of partnership and assets if the other is not in full cooperation with the original agreements stated in the partnership. …Is this the case?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I'll need to make note of that."_

"_I don't agree with his business practices. I believe him to be putting our law firm at unnecessary risks by taking on risky clientele."_

"_I assume you are referring to the Volturi Brothers, are you not?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I see. Well, I will begin drafting everything up, and will be back with you shortly. This should go pretty smoothly, everything is already in place. You should be able to sign the dotted line by the end of today."_

"_Thank you, I really appreciate this."_

"_I'm glad you are finally doing this. I have never liked that boy from the very beginning."_

"_You and Bella both, she'll be ecstatic."_

"_You should listen to the wisdom of your wife. You could have avoided this whole thing all together."_

"_Love you too, Siobhan, you never miss an opportunity to tell me 'I told you so'."_

"_What kind of woman would I be if I didn't? I will be in touch with you later."_

_After hanging up with our firm's lawyer I felt drained. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed, and wake up when this whole thing was over. However, that wasn't going to be happening. I still have a case on the docket for 5 days from now. So grabbing all my things pertaining to that case I decided to head home. I didn't want to be around when James got the phone call from Siobhan._

"_Oh, you're home early?" Bella had a smile on her face like she knew what was going on. I wouldn't be surprised if she did, Siobhan loved Bella like a daughter even though they had only met a handful of times. She always said there was just something about her. I'd be willing to bet she couldn't wait to tell her the news._

"_Yeah, I'm going to work from home the rest of the day. I still have my case to get together for next week."_

"_I hope everything works out for Alex. He's such a good man. He didn't deserve that whole thing to happen to him." I smiled involuntarily at my wife. She was always so concerned about every one of my clients, always reading about them in the papers and sending them cookies and shit, even though she never knew any details of my cases from me._

_I just nodded and continued up the stairs. I didn't have long before I had James on the phone screaming at me or worse yet beating down my door screaming at me. Either way I only had a few more hours of peace to get some work done._

_After going through about twenty pages of documentation my phone rang._

"_Cullen."_

"_Always so professional. I have everything in order. I left a message on James' work phone and faxed over everything. I figured you could use a good nights sleep before you faced what's surely coming to you." I let out a grateful breath. I loved this woman, she thought of everything._

"_Thank you so much, Siobhan. You have no idea how much this means to me."_

"_You should be getting a fax yourself. Sign everything and make it official and I'll see you bright and early tomorrow."_

"_Thank you again. See you tomorrow. Goodnight."_

_Feeling much better I went to find Bella who was in our room getting ready for bed._

"_You look exhausted."_

"_That's because I am. I dissolved a partnership today… well, mostly dissolved it. I signed the papers, now all that's left is James' signature and it will officially be Cullen Law."_

_I don't know what I was expecting from Bella, but it was definitely less than what I got. I knew she detested the man, but I didn't know she detested him that much._

_Running into me she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me good and hard._

"_I see you are pleased, Mrs. Cullen." I couldn't help the smile that spread across my lips._

"_Very."_

_I was too exhausted to do anything as I collapsed into bed, Bella knew it too, so she didn't let me try and convince her otherwise._

_I woke up the next morning feeling like total shit. The combination of stress, a beaten body, and the knowledge of what I was going to face this morning, not making for an appealing cocktail. I didn't even pay attention to what I put on my body, as I got dressed. I just hoped I matched, and look halfway respectable. _

_Bella shoved a to-go mug of coffee in my hand along with my keys. Evidently Siobhan had already called and deemed me late- the one day James could have slept in, but no he had to be early. I had been hoping for a few minutes to calm down and collect my thoughts. It didn't look as though I'd be getting that this morning._

_I shouldn't have been driving. I was too deep in thought to pay attention to the traffic around me. As always Chicago rush hour was horrendous, and by the time I made it up to our floor, I was a wreck. _

"_Edward, do you have any idea what this is going to do to my clients reputation?" I didn't need James yelling at me so early even though I had been expecting it. Not even turning to acknowledge him yet, I swallowed down two Excedrin 'Extra Strengths'. This was going to be a long ass day._

"A partner break-up right in the middle of a murder trial! Edward, are you serious? I don't need this right now! Everyone already thinks my client is guilty as it is." All I could think of was that I had seen the evidence that his client was guilty I didn't need to think that hard about it.

"_We are going to do this sooner or later, and I'd much rather it be sooner. Let's just get this over with," I said as I held up a pen for him. He glared at me then at the pen in my hand. "I think this will be a good move for both of us. Just sign the papers, James, and we can get this whole thing behind us."_

_For a moment I didn't think he was going to say anything to me, and instead storm out of the office. However, I couldn't say he hadn't ever surprised me before._

"_You better be glad I was offered a position in Stephan and Vladimir's firm just last week." I think I did a pretty good job at not releasing a sigh of relief. His words were intended to be cutting, but they were just the ones I wanted to hear._

_With an angry hand he scratched his name onto the lines of the documents on his desk and ordered us out so he could pack up his things._

_I waited until I was out in the hallway to let the grin take over my face, and give Siobhan a sudden hug. I felt like I could do anything right now. I felt free for the first time in a long time. Already knowing I had everything that I needed to work on at home I bid everyone good-bye and headed home to Bella. I had some extremely exciting news to share with her._

As I inhaled deeply, I could have sworn I smelled Bella, her familiar fragrance of strawberry and freesia. Last night's dream was so vivid and realistic that my mind had a hard time separating reality from subconscious wishing. In my dream she had been warm, and inviting, and so open to me, unlike how she has been over the last year or so. With my mind playing further tricks on me, I could even feel warmth in the bed next to me. I lay there, squeezing my eyes shut, so I wouldn't wake from this parallel universe, a universe where I wanted to be, a universe where my wife had bedded me in love and passion.

And then I felt it. A soft and warm body rolled itself and tucked into my side. I think I must have jumped three feet vertically in the air. What the hell was going on? I stared down into chocolate orbs that held confusion and hesitation.

"Bella…" I stammered out.

She stared blankly at me. I blinked in succession, then rubbed at my eyes, willing the image of my wife in our bed NOT to go away. When I reopened them, there she was.

"Oh, God, Bella… I'm so sorry…" I started. I can only imagine how I assaulted her in my sleep with the dream that I had.

She quirked her head to the side in confusion, then as if something dawned on her, a look of panic reached her eyes.

"Edward, no… it was me, I shouldn't have assumed that you'd want me after all this time," she began as she started to make her way off the other side.

"Want you? What?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Of course I wanted her, I was having a difficult time conceiving that it was actually her in the bed with me.

And then with vivid clarity, images of the night before came rushing back to me. This dream, this parallel universe was REAL. My wife, my Bella, came to me and allowed me to touch her intimately and in return touched me. Every caress was still lingering on my skin, every kiss and taste still on my tongue. How could I ever believe it to be a dream; NO imagination could conjure up the perfection that is Bella.

"It's just… well I felt… _ready_," she mumbled as she continued her exit.

"Please… don't…" I pleaded, both verbally and with my eyes. She turned to look at me, and must have seen my desperation, because she hesitated.

That hesitation was all I needed, a perfect opening, a doorway if you will. I knelt down on the bed and reached a tentative hand towards her.

"Don't leave… it just felt too sublime to be real and I reacted poorly, please… just stay," I managed to articulate. My brain and my heart were having a confrontation, I wanted with all my heart to touch her and caress her, but my mind was wary of her state of mind. I don't want to push her too far, too fast.

"Okay…"

"It's just… well, I thought I had dreamt you Bella. I never thought in a million years that you would want me in that way; I mean, I hoped with all that I have in me that you would, but I can understand why you wouldn't and I just… shit… this isn't coming out right at all," it was like verbal diarrhea just pouring out of my mouth.

"It's okay Edward, I think I understand. I shocked myself with my actions and wants last night; I'm just so glad you we were receptive to me in the way that you were."

"Receptive? Wait… what?" I wasn't understanding her.

"Look, Edward, really I understand… I changed, things have changed, and I took advantage of you and assumed that you'd still want me in that way. It's okay that you don't… I pushed you away for a long ti-" I cut her off.

"Took advantage of me? Bella… You. Did. Not. Take. Advantage. Of. Me." I annunciated every word. "I want you, God do I want you; no fuck that, I NEED you… last night was surreal, it was everything I'd dared to hope for, for so long… can't you see that? I'd thought I'd gone delusional because it had come true!"

"So you don't regret touching me?"

"I could never regret the gift you gave me last night, not ever. You are wonderful, and beautiful and brave and strong, and… shit… I just missed you so much!" I said as I made my way towards her on the bed.

I lay down and pulled her to me, still unsure of where our boundaries were, and slowly caressed her back. Her tension began to wane and I took that as a cue that it would be okay to proceed in showing her my affection. I pinched her chin between my thumb and forefinger lightly and pulled her face to mine.

I gazed into her eyes, looking for any signs of hesitation or negativity and found none. They were wide and sparkling, filled with anticipation. I closed the gap between us and gently kissed her soft lips.

So much emotion erupted at once, that slight contact brought forth wants and desires that we'd both long forgotten. But they had resurfaced with a vengeance. Bella immediately deepened the kiss, parting her lips and darting her tongue out to taste mine, while simultaneously reaching her hand up and gripping the hair on the back of my head.

As I kissed my wife with as much love as I could conjure up, she returned my actions with enthusiasm. She hitched her leg up over my hip and pulled our bodies flush. My body immediately responded, much to my embarrassment, because I didn't want her to think that I just expected a repeat performance of the previous night.

"Oh, Edward… I am so sorry I've been so distant and cruel to you," she mumbled into my mouth.

The previous year of rejection and pain seemed to melt away with her touch.

"Don't apologize… not anymore, I'm just so glad WE are here now, together."

With those words, with a physical strength I didn't know she possessed, she rolled me to my back and straddled me. I must have had a look of pure shock on my face in response to her will and strength.

She chuckled. "Um… I guess 'Operation Make Bella Stronger' is working, huh?"

Ah, yes, the tag team effort of my dear sister in law, Rosalie, and Bella's best friend, Jacob, to rebuild Bella into a stronger woman.

"Well I'm not so sure I'd want to go any rounds with you, that's for sure!"

A sly smile spread across her face. She leaned down with a mischievous smirk, and began kissing my neck. My already apparent arousal became even further engorged, in a way I didn't even know was possible. I attempted shifting Bella, in a way to conceal my want for her, but she was having none of that.

"Not a chance, Cullen," she stated, arching one eyebrow.

In one swift motion, my wife had me positioned at her entrance, and was hovering her face above mine.

I smiled her favorite crooked smile, because really, that's all I could do.

She leaned in and kissed me, slowly at first, but with building intensity and passion. As the kiss deepened, so did my manhood. A groan escaped my throat once I was fully sheathed inside. That feeling of oneness with Bella returned. I focused all of my attention on her every move and shift of her hips as she gyrated over me. It was almost too intense and too perfect for me to hold on, but something deep inside of me focused intently on her, and her need to do this.

Torn, between letting her control the entire situation, and my need to touch her, I hesitantly put my hands on her hips. Not so much to guide her, but to just feel more of her. In response, she sat up right, pushing me further into her, and grabbed my hands and placed them on her breasts. I took this as a cue to be more involved.

I kneaded the mounds of flesh and pinched at her nipples, elongating them and making them even perkier. I wanted to taste them badly. I sat upright, crossing my legs, and wrapped my arms around her slender waist, and pulled her chest to me. I began by taking her right nipple into my mouth and sucking and nibbling with the slightest of pressure.

Bella weaved the fingers of both hands into my hair and pulled my face further into her chest, and began rocking faster. As I continued, her movements fell out of rhythm and became more erratic. I knew she was close, so I reached my hand between us and used my thumb to rub her bundle of nerves, while I applied more pressure with my teeth on her nipple.

In just a few short thrusts, she hit her climax and her walls began clenching down on me and her arousal flowed freely. Lost in her orgasm, and in hopes of extending her pleasure, I grabbed both of her hips and grinded her body against my own, I sheathed myself in and withdrew out, over and over until my climax was unavoidable. Bella, sensing my release, grabbed both of my shoulders and slammed down on me one last time, sending me over the edge. She continued to rock her hips as her walls clenched again in another orgasm, and milked both of us until we were completely spent.

I shuddered as she finally stopped moving. Her body went limp on top of my own, and with a contented sigh from us both I drifted back to sleep.

"Edward, hurry up in the shower, we have to leave in 15 minutes to be at your parents!" Bella yelled as she entered the bathroom. She was in a nice pair of jeans and a blue v-neck long sleeved t-shirt, with heeled boots. Simple, but doing nothing for my resolve to want to go anywhere.

"I'm almost done," I said as I did one final rinse of the back of my body, and then shut the water off. I reached out of the shower and grabbed a towel to dry off. After drying, I wrapped the towel around my waist and stepped out.

Bella turned around and eyed me as I stood there. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and bit ever so slightly; ungh, how that undid me.

"I suggest you knock that off if you want to leave the house anytime soon," I retorted. A red wave flowed up her chest and settled on her cheeks, as she looked away. "Not that I'm opposed to the idea of staying in."

"Behave," was all she responded with.

Ten minutes later we were in the car and on our way to my parent's home.

The changes in Bella were astounding. I was still trying to catch up and keep up with everything. The woman I could barely talk to back in Chicago didn't even resemble the woman sitting next to me in the car now.

I hadn't seen this woman in a very long time. The last time I talked to her was on the phone when I asked her to drop off files at James' house.

It seemed like a lifetime ago, when really it was only not long over a year ago. So much had changed. Things had changed that I swore nothing would ever happen to. Nicholas, Natalie, and… _Isabella_.

I had found it easier in the past months to refer to the three of them by the names no one ever used for them. It made everything seem… abstract, like it wasn't my family that was torn apart, rather someone else's.

I would never get my children back, but I now had Bella back. I'd be damned if I ever lost her again. She was the one I could fight for, and by God I would fight for her.

"Edward? You all right? You seem… distracted." Bella's quiet query pulled me out of my dark thoughts. She was here now I needed to focus on that.

"I'm fine. Still reeling from everything that's happened, but I'm fine now," I said softly into the dark car as I picked up her hand and kissed the back of it.

I maneuver the long drive of my childhood home with ease even in the dark. Most people would have blown right by the driveway, but years of practice let you learn from experience.

Sure enough Mom and Dad are waiting for us on the front steps. So much like a very different time we pulled up in this same spot, less than two years ago, but a lifetime nonetheless for a very different reason.

"Oh it's so good to see you both!" My mother gushes as she pulls both Bella then me into a tight hug. This past year has been so hard on her. Family being so important, not being able to see us didn't treat her well.

Dad is as always a bit more reserved in his welcome, but we both feel his love for us also. Bella had been like a daughter to him since her first visit to his emergency room. It's one of his favorite stories to tell of her. She'd said he was handsome. Proudest day of his life I think even if Bella still blushes when she hears it.

Dinner is nice. Just like old times I suppose. Conversation somehow flows easily while also avoiding the areas surrounded by red tape.

We don't talk about the past several years. We don't talk about the twins, we don't talk about her kidnapping, we don't talk about her depression, and we don't talk about the future beyond tomorrow's weather report.

We make it all the way to dessert before I notice something I hadn't previously, the effects of time. In the middle of bringing another forkful of apple pie and ice cream to my lips I see them. I see the tiny little things that are the evidence that this past year has existed.

I see it most in my parents, before they seemed timeless, like they would never age. From the first I could remember they hadn't really changed in my eyes. Now… now I could see it. The tiny little wrinkles spreading across their once smooth faces. The little gray hairs that were mixed into the hair color they had always had. The few extra pounds my dad had put on.

It's now that I see how they look… tired, as if they have seen so much and been through so much that it is finally creeping up to the surface.

All those little things that I hadn't ever taken notice of before. Briefly I wonder why. That is until another thought occurs to me, and I whip my head around to look at Bella in the same light.

I hadn't noticed her looking any different. She still looked liked my same Bella that I fell in love with.

However, this past year didn't leave her completely untouched either. Looking at her now I notice how loose her once tailored clothes fit her. The shine to her hair isn't quite there anymore. She too carries the look of having to endure things beyond her years. I want nothing more than to undo all those things.

The one common denominator I manage to see, though, is the same smile that hasn't left her since I first stepped off that plane is also with my parents.

No matter what we've all been through, and no matter what we all want to forget we're still happy. We have each other, and if only for this moment everything is good.

I know right now that tomorrow, when I have to get on that plane that it's not going to kill me. I'm not going to want to leave her anymore than I do now, but I can step on that plane not knowing what the future will hold, but knowing I finally have my wife back.

I can get on that plane tomorrow knowing that when she's ready she'll come back to me because she loves me.

**RPOV**

"Jenks, I absolutely NEED you to get me something and soon," I demand. This man is killing me. I need information and I need it yesterday.

"Doc, I think I have some things I need to share with you, that date back before you asked me to look into this." He begins, while nervously adjusting his tie.

I arch my eyebrow at him, Emmett refers to it as my bitch brow, and who am I to complain, it has intimidated and convinced many people I've came across and I know how to use it.

"Well," I hedge.

"Well, I need to give you some history and then I have some photo's I would like to show you." He adjusts in his chair uncomfortably. "I'm not sure if you noticed when you asked me to look into Mr. Cullen's prior partner, Mr. Campbell, but I was taken aback by it. You see, some months ago, Mr. Cullen himself came to me, you had referred him, you advised me he would be a real pain in my ass…"

"Yes, I recall that."

"Well, I did find some pretty incriminating evidence against Mr. Campbell's client, and turned it over to Mr. Cullen, now this evidence never went public to my knowledge, and I was almost certain that was Mr. Cullen's intentions for it. I know their law firm dissolved shortly after I gave it to Mr. Cullen, so I think that might be pertinent for you to know. Mr. Campbell's reputation and dealings are quite 'shady' to say the least, and I'm not sure what you are looking for on him, but who he works for and the access he has by having those connections worry me greatly for everyone involved."

Jenks has always been a bit concerned about my safety, one of the reasons I think he goes above and beyond what I ask of him to be sure all is well when I have him look into something, but this is different. THIS time there is fear in his eyes, and I don't think its fear for just my safety, he may be fearing for his own as well. What in the hell is going on here?

"I'm not following you Jenks, what are you trying to say?"

"Doc, I think you might be getting in over your head on this one, and I'm nervous to be perfectly honest. The evidence I found, that Mr. Cullen has, or at least had, would have proven Mr. Campbell's client, Caius Volturi guilty in that murder case, and I'm not sure if Mr. Cullen is holding it over Mr. Campbell's head, or what happened, but I can tell you this… the Volturi Brothers… well you just don't mess with them Doc… you just don't!" there was a hedge of panic in his voice.

"The Volturi Brothers, Jenks? Really? They are just a bunch of spoiled rich boys, socialites pretending to have power, they are in the tabloids all the time, and Caius is just a putz, I don't know how he got off on that case, but it was probably incompetence, he's NOT the brightest crayon in the box. He's doesn't have the intellect or the wherewithal to kill another person." I state matter of fact like.

"That's what Aro wants everyone to think, that's how he plays it off. But make no mistake, they aren't just socialites getting away with murder, they are much more than that, and I think you should back away now while you can."

"If you know something about James Campbell that I can link to what happened to my best friend, Isabella, there is no way I'm backing out. Dammit, Jenks, she said 'James', she was brutalized beyond description, the torment she suffered, IF you know something you had best tell me!" I am seething, is Jenks telling me that Edward's ex-partner, who I thought just suffered from making ill decisions, could be the 'James' that did this to Bella?

"I don't have any proof of that particular incident, but I am saying this Doc… James Campbell isn't exactly bright, but he's got some backing with the Volturi Brother's. Aro Volturi is very powerful in the Chicago area, and the rumors that float around him, well let's just say that most have a basis of fact to them, and IF James Campbell had found himself in a situation like you are describing with your best friend, I can assure you that he would go to Aro to make it disappear." His eyes are imploring, he's trying to say something without actually saying the words.

"Okay, okay… I get it, be safe… watch your back, stop digging. But Jenks that's what I have you for, I'll keep my nose clean of this, if you can just dig a little deeper and find me something, if James Campbell did this to Bella, I'm going to find him and castrate him myself!" I concede, sort of. "Now, you mentioned something about pictures?"

"Ah, yes… I wanted to show you proof of Mr. Campbell's association with the Volturi Brother's. So at a social event, I believe Marcus's children's birthday party, I got pictures of James interacting with the entire family." He says as he pulls a manila folder from his brief case.

I take the folder and start scanning the pictures. 8X10 black and whites. I recognize James immediately, he still looks like the weasel he always did, and I see Caius Volturi, whom I recognize from the tabloids, as well as the two lesser known brothers, Aro and Marcus. They are all pretty irrelevant pictures, just as he said, a kid's birthday party, noting nothing special about other than there are a bunch of men there and they are all in suits looking very stiff. Then that strikes me as odd, if this is a child's party, where are the other children? I keep flipping through the pictures, and I see an attractive woman tending to two children, one boy and one girl, and both are in party hats.

"Jenks, I thought you said this was a kid's party, I only see two children in all these photo's," I begin.

"Oh, yes, those are Marcus and Didyme Volturi's twins, Jane and Alec, it was their party, and let's just say the family doesn't let many people get near them. You see, Didyme had a very hard time conceiving, her and Marcus tried everything, everyone refers to them as 'Aro's gift' because he was so supportive of their infertility treatments, not just financially, but emotionally as well. He's quite fond of those kids."

"It would appear that way, from these pictures, and of course the nickname. Aro Volturi couldn't be all that bad, when he's so caring and attentive to his niece and nephew like this," I say pointing to a picture of all of the Volturi's gathered around the celebrating twins.

"Oh, he has a special attachment to them, that's for sure, VERY protective of them, I guess black market children are expensive and he's just looking out for his investment." Jenks rambles off.

"Excuse me?" I implore, completely baffled at his insinuation of the children. I mean, surely you can't just buy children like that, even though they don't look anything like any of the Volturi family.

Jenks chuckled, "Ah, well, yes… Aro spent a small fortune trying to help Marcus and Didyme have children, and there's no proof of course, other than their looks, but a while back, Marcus and Didyme disappear for a few months, come back and they have twins, that are a few months old. Of course, they say she was in a specialty clinic, getting the best care, and the twins came early and that's why no one noticed her pregnant, but word has it, that is all fabrication. Didyme wanted children, Marcus will give anything to Didyme, and Aro will do anything for Marcus… thus 'paid for babies', no one directly talks about it, but it's physically obvious those children are NOT Marcus's and Didyme's biological kids, they have no resemblance… here wait, I have that shot in color as well." He reaches for his briefcase and produces the same picture I'm looking at, but in color.

"I see what you are saying about the lack of resemblance," I manage as I pale and my heart stops.

**A/N (Jessi): 1.) **Can I say it? I should. I have to. 'DunDunDun!' Danna. With that ending I think every single person is on the edge of their seats. Props to you! Love it! I'm biting my nails, and I'm writing the next chapter. You're good, you're very good.

**2.) **Okay. So y'all are probably wondering what took us so long. We'll I'm sorry for that. There wasn't a whole lot we could do about that. Real Life caught up with us. I really have nothing to whine about compared to everything in a very long e-mail from Danna that left me crying like I just read a chapter from this story, but that is her story to tell at her choosing. For now I just need to thank her for everything she has put into this story. Little pieces of us get scattered through this whole thing for good or for bad I don't know, but I'd like to think it's not the latter. I also need to thank our wonderful Beta Songster. You keep us on the straight and narrow how Danna does me. Thanks billions to you both! Also thanks to our readers! What's a story without people to read it? Thanks to all you as well!

**A/N#2 (danna0724): **~~~ is a TOTAL FAIL! I am truly sorry for the delay, it is entirely my fault. And JessiBel is sensitive, that's why she cried ;o) ILY BB… ya big softy! And to Songster, who is AWESOMESAUCE!

**Okay readers PSA:** for all the females out there, go get your Pap! It is vital, uncomfortable yes, but well worth it. Stuff can sneak up on you, even if you are a good girl (like me) and go yearly! I wasn't even a due for my yearly, when I was diagnosed with cancer down there, I found a lump, doc tested, it's cancer, they remove it, it's got friends up 'inside', yada yada yada… so on my little journey (which I'm on, and fighting btw) I have found that MANY of my friends have gone YEARS w/o having their yearly women's physical. I was BAFFLED! ASTONISHED I tell ya! FLOORED! So please, love yourself enough, to go make sure your vajayjay is good! MUST take care of the vajayjay! It's VITAL for sex and stuff ;o) nuff said!

*jumps off soap box*

Okay, I'm done w/ that, now, onto what is really WONDERFUL~~~ me begging… please, I implore of you, hit that review, and tell us what you think?


	16. Chapter 16

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; We just have an overly active imaginations. 

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape.

**A/N (Jessi): **Danna (glances below) you have such a way with words. Sorry for the loooong delay here people. We have crazy lives too. Love you too 'peeps' (hehe love it D)

**A/N#2 (danna0724): **okay peeps! As per the usual… if you aren't old enough to buy cig's/porn or vote, please do NOT go any further! ALSO… this story is the sole property of Jessi's and Danna's, stealing is a crime, and you don't really wanna be a 'ganker' anyway do ya? JessiBel… w/o you holding my hand… where would I be? I love you BB!

**Small reminder:** Flashback is first, and in _italics_, and Real time is second and regular font.

…

Tortured Soul: Chapter 16

**Bella's POV**

…

"_Bella! Oh My Gosh! I haven't seen you in AGES! How are you?" Alice screeched through the arrivals terminal at SeaTac._

_It was so good to see her. Ever since she and Jasper departed for Rome the summer after her senior year, it had only been calls and e-mails for us. _

_For some reason Alice had chosen now to come back and see us. It was the oddest thing since Carlisle wasn't even here. He was out east to visit his boys. Esme was only here since she had a demanding client at the moment._

_That left Esme, Alice, me, and Rosalie who still may or may not fly out in a few days. Why Alice would demand for me to fly up from Arizona for just one weekend was beyond me._

_It was nice to see my Dad and Jake, but this was strange even for Alice._

_Still, the pixie had more energy coming off her second plane of the day from Rome than should be considered normal. Thanks to her, everyone in the airport now knew my name was Bella._

_We had been driving with the radio blasting for about twenty minutes before I had just had it with the silent treatment. This was so unlike Alice even if she was tired._

_I just didn't get it. I talked to her not that long ago, and she seemed fine. More than fine actually, she had sounded like she was floating on cloud nine. This one-eight change in her just didn't add up._

"_So, why the spur of the moment trip to come see us?"_

_I knew something was definitely up when she hesitated. _

"_I have news I wanted to tell Mom and you before I told anyone else." She squeaked out under her breath. She sounded too formal for her as well__. This 'news', whatever it was, sure had to be good._

"_You going to give me any clues? Or do I have to guess?"_

"_Just wait until I can tell you all… please. I really wanted Rose to be here too, but… since I don't know if she's even coming..." _

_We were both quiet for a few minutes. Neither one of us really knew what had happened to Rosalie. She wouldn't give us any details. All we knew was that she had gone to the hospital According to Emmett, who seemed to know more about what was going on, Rose's problems were more emotional than physical at this point._

_We didn't even know they were still together. Well, none of us had heard a whole lot from them in a while. For being such inseparable friends, we really sucked at staying in touch._

_We sat through the rest of the drive just listening to some pop chart music through the radio. This was a polar opposite of the Alice I hugged good-bye all those years ago, and sent off to Italy. This wasn't the Alice that just squealed my name at airport arrivals. _

_Pulling up in front of the Cullen's home was strange. I hadn't been here since we were all together. Even during my senior year I didn't frequent it as much as I had. It wasn't the same without six of us mouthing off to each other. Not to mention I couldn't stand to see Esme in all her copper hair and green eyed glory, and not be compelled to ask how a certain law student was doing at Harvard. A law student I didn't even have an entitlement to ask about in the first place._

"_Oh, my goodness! It is so good to see you both! Come here, sweets!" Esme was always a Mom to me as much as she was to Alice. She quickly enveloped us each in a tight hug. An embrace that for her small size reminded me a lot of Emmett's bear hugs, but maybe it had just been a while since I'd been here._

_We were about a half hour into our tea and cookies and no real conversation had yet transpired. Esme had beaten around the bush so many times I feared there wasn't even a bush there for Alice to hide behind anymore._

_Shoving the rest of about the tenth cookie I had been munching on into my mouth, I had finally had it with this malarkey. _

"_Alice, why are we here? Why did I have to come up from Arizona? And for God sakes why are you here from Rome?" There, I had said it. I don't know how much better I felt, but I could finally take a breath of fresh air without being suffocated by my own tension._

_Her eyes went all buggy and her mouth hung open, and I almost burst out laughing. Did she seriously think I was going to sit here and listen to us all ramble on about the how crappy the weather has been the entire four hours she's been here? I don't think so. I wanted answers to this… whatever it was that was going down that she obviously wasn't sharing with us yet._

"_I-I uhh… well, I… umm…"_

"_Alice, honey, just tell us," Esme finally stated for her daughter's sake. "We both promise to be understanding about whatever it is that is on you mind."_

_We both looked to Alice for her to continue. I was preparing my own supportive monologue when Alice finally braced herself and swallowed hard in order to speak._

_Instead she didn't say anything. She opened and closed her mouth several times before giving up and fishing around in her purse for something. Finding what she was looking for she pulled out a small velvet box. Pulled out a ring and slipped it onto her ring finger._

_Esme and I were in the same state for words Alice had been in moments ago. I don't know which one of us started crying first, but once tears started you would have thought someone died. However, we were just so happy for her._

"_Jasper proposed on our trip to Milan," Alice tearfully told us with a huge smile on her face._

_I let her Mom have time with her before I hugged her with all my might. Who would have ever thought our little 'Short Stuff' would be the first of us to be hitched. I suppose, looking back, that this was the reason she didn't know how Rosalie would handle being here. We all believed back then that Emmett and Rose would be the first to get married._

"_I started planning when I knew he was going to ask. So don't worry, I think I have already thought of everything. I should only need a few months to get everything together."_

_Esme and I stared at her for a moment. The Alice we knew was definitely back. She was practically vibrating in her seat. Not even considering that we were having nightmares of endless Alice's wedding planning. We should be able to survive a few months until 'I do'… right?_

…

_Whatever made us believe helping ALICE get her wedding together would be something we could survive I will never know. Firstly, Alice wants to get married in CHICAGO! Who gets married in Chicago? It's the windy city for Christ's sake! Not exactly the most romantic place in the world for someone who basically has the world to chose from. However, it was manageable. It was secondly and thirdly and fourthly and so on that I think are going to be Esme's AND my demise._

"_Okay, Emmett and Rosalie are flying in tonight, but they are pretty much going to stay at the hotel for now since Rose is still a bit shaky. Could you shorten it a little more? I don't want to look so last season on the day I get married, thank you. Now, I ordered the cake and place settings, and the flowers all in my colors weeks ago, so everything should be coming in on time. Bella, they are being sent to the house Mom and Dad got. Oh, and Edward is flying in three days from now. The bastard can't be bothered to show up more than a week early to his only sister's wedding. Sorry, Mom; he's Dad's son right now. Can you please add another bow to the back? The one you have is too over-powering for the effect I want with it; and ditch the crystals on the hem, they draw too much attention to the bottom of the gown. Whoever said they would be better there obviously didn't know a thing about fashion. And Bella…"_

_I tried to keep up; I really did, as Alice barked orders to Esme and I along with the poor woman who was tailoring her designer dress. AND I was doing good until the mention of a certain 'bastard brother'. Up until now I had just known his name was included in a mountain of invitations I had mailed and a name place cards that was going to be set at each seat. Apart from that, I could pretend that Edward Cullen didn't matter and that it was highly unlikely I would even see him. Even though there was the time two weeks ago when I about choked on my own Diet Coke when I was informed I would be escorted at the wedding by the same Edward Cullen._

"_Bella, were you listening?" Esme stood in front of me with a worried yet understanding look on her face._

"_Well… no, honestly, I wasn't. I'm sorry. Did any of it by chance happen to have nothing what so ever to do with me?"_

"_Afraid not, darling. You are due for, hopefully, your final fitting tomorrow. You are going to have to go with her to her final cake meeting tomorrow since I have a client, and Rose will want some company tonight, hopefully. And, Edward is going to need someone to pick him up from the airport when he gets here, and you were volunteered."_

_I froze in my spot wanting to scream at both Cullen women, but I was unable to find it in me to utter the words I wanted to either of them._

…

_Why couldn't the bastard be on time? Not that he had any control over the arrival time of the flight he was on, but, jeez, I had now been pacing in this same spot for over an hour! If the traffic miraculously cooperated, then it shouldn't theoretically take too long to get from O'Hare to the hotel we were occupying. I wouldn't have to endure too much awkward time with Edward in the car. I couldn't even get Rose to come with me, as a buffer or something, and I'm almost certain that is because Alice or Esme had gotten to her before me. _

_Just then the overhead announcement made me want to cry for joy. "US Airways flight 2614, service from JKF with overlay in Charlotte, now arriving at gate 24." No sooner had I done my internal happy dance, when I realized I wanted to bolt from the airport altogether to avoid facing Edward. It had been so long, how would all of this go down, how should I behave… WHY am I so nervous? Alice had told me Edward knew I was the one driving him from the airport, but it didn't mean a thing. I hadn't seen him in years; it was questionable if he would even recognize me anymore._

"_Bella?"_

_I think all the air that had been in my lungs whooshed out in one breath. I had been so distracted by my own worries that I completely forgot to be on the lookout for passengers coming from baggage claim. I had to mentally tell myself to turn around._

"_Oh, my God, it is you! Alice said she couldn't make it, but I didn't know she was sending you! It's so good to see you!" None other than Edward Cullen stood in front of me and drew me into a tight hug. Out of all the possible scenario's I had imagined, THIS was not it._

"_Yeah, you too… it's been a long time," I managed to squeak out. What was wrong with the Cullen's and their bear hugs these days? Not that I would ever complain about Edward giving me a hug._

"_I'm parked just outside. Traffic is nightmarish. I'm sure you want to get back to see everyone," I said when he released me from his arms. I missed the contact immediately. I hoped I wouldn't have the same breakdown I had when he left as I did when I was a junior in high school. I was a grown woman now; I could deal with this. He was just my best friend's brother who I went out with once, not to mention I knew I fell in love with, but I wasn't going to dwell on the latter._

"_So how have you been? I hear you went to Arizona for literature and writing didn't you?" He asked as he was trying to stuff his suitcase into the tiny trunk of my rental._

"_Yeah I did, how about you? Are you a lawyer yet?" I was beginning to get nervous. I hadn't even started the car, and I was running out of questions to ask him. I hated the whole conversation thing. That much had never changed about me. _

"_I'm finishing everything up. My friend, James Campbell, actually about lost his shit when I told him I was going to be in Chicago. This is the city where he would like to start our own law firm. I told him I would look around, but I don't know how much time I'm going to have. I haven't even had one tux fitting yet. Alice is probably going to have me living there or something." We both snickered at the absurdity of his comment, even if it wasn't all that funny, but knowing to never put anything over Alice, she'd probably do it._

_We sat in silence for a while as I tried to maneuver through the insane Chicago traffic. I think I heard him sucking wind through his teeth several times when I 'accidentally' cut some idiot bastard off. Sounded like damn hissing to me. One thing I loved about this little rental it actually had some zoom to it. I loved my truck, but it was past its last leg and only lumbered anymore. Anymore I nearly felt compelled to send a silent prayer to return safe every time I drove it._

_Edward must have opened and closed his mouth half a dozen times, and still said nothing. I had to wonder if he was trying to come up with something to say or had already come up with something and was just trying to decide whether or not to actually say it._

"_So what have you been up to? Done anything fun or, umm… been seeing anyone?" Edward asked in a strained voice. This question bothered me more than it should have; after all it was a perfectly normal topic of conversation between two adults. However, the way he said it made me think twice about it. It was almost as if he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer. A little bit of fishing around you could say._

"_Well, I'm actually kind of boring… I guess that part of me hasn't changed since high school. I started a short novel that I fear won't even get finished, but I'm working on it. As for seeing anyone… no… I'm not," I finished quietly. Here he was in all his hot glory, and probably had a different date every night, and here I was single like the day I packed up from home._

"_Really? A book; that's amazing, I'm sure it will turn out great. I know what you mean though about not dating anyone. I haven't been on one in forever. James, my roommate, has a different girl over every day. I don't know how he does it, and still maintains his grades. Not that I could actually find someone who would interest me at all."_

_I was completely floored by his statement. That was not at all what I had been expecting to hear. _

"_Dear Lord! Alice is waiting for us!" He said as he slumped in his seat, and covered his face with his hands._

_I didn't have to look around long before I saw Alice in the brightest dress ever sewn, jumping up and down waving her hands in out direction in front of our hotel. I wanted the Earth to swallow us up right then and there. Of course, that just reaffirmed to me that she HAD done this on purpose. I knew she could have gone, at the very least, WITH me to pick up her brother!_

"_Oh, the HELL with this!" I shouted in her direction and sped off down the street. I hadn't even made it to the first intersection before my phone started buzzing in the cup holder next to me._

"_You do know that's Alice, right?" Edward asked, still smiling thinking about me fleeing the scene._

"_Why do you think I'm not answering it?" I thought for about two seconds when my conscience began to talk to me. "I can take you back if you want. If you… it's just," I let out a frustrated sigh, "I've been dealing with this for MONTHS!" I knew I was whining, but at the moment I didn't care._

"_Pull a right at the next light. There's this amazing café there. You need a coffee, a piece of cake, and someone to listen. I know how my sister can be."_

_I just nodded, not at all sure how conversations and me would go together right now, but sure enough just down the street there was this cozy little café. I wondered how he even knew it was there. The question must have been written all over my face, since as we were getting out of the car, I got my answer._

"_I came to Chicago at the end of last semester to get away from school. I was walking one day, and stumbled across this place. It became my favorite place to come and think. It's never really that busy, and even when it is, it's quiet."_

_We walked in and I swear I was in heaven. It was the most adorable little vintage café ever created by man. We quickly got our drinks and just as promised a slice of cake each. If Alice knew, she'd kill me. I had been on a strict diet ever since she started the designs for my dress. I hadn't seen sugar in any form in so long I was salivating just looking at it._

_We sat in silence just sipping coffee and looking around anywhere, but at each other. I knew one of us would have to initiate some kind of conversation, but I wasn't sure how. The last time I had seen him I was a junior in high school, when I was absolutely certain I was in love with him. _

"_So why didn't you ever come back to visit? We all really missed you." I quickly realized this was not the place to start. No sooner had I spoken, and the tension that had been their previously was now back ten fold. Edward visibly stiffened, wouldn't look in my direction, and was all too enthralled with a string hanging from his cuff._

"_Never had time, I guess," was his mumbled answer._

"_Oh, well I guess that makes sense." I lamely tried to lighten things only for the chasm of silence to fall back into place between us._

"_You would have hated Phoenix. The heat is practically unbearable, but I guess for me it was kind of like going home. Still I had to buy jeans and a jacket when I came up to Forks this last time. I just can't believe Alice and Jasper are the first to get married. Even more, I can't believe they decided to get married in Chicago. They were just living in Italy! This coffee is really good. That's one thing I like about being here in-"_

"_Bella!" Edward's loud interruption of my nervous ramblings did not go unnoticed by the patrons around us who shot him annoyed glances._

"_I'm sorry. I fill silence when I'm nervous with speed talking." Now it was my turn to mumble, and not meet his gaze. I was beginning to be annoyed by how nervous he made me. I was supposed to be over him, yet here I was acting like a bumbling idiot._

"_I know… I remember." His voice was strong not at all shy, yet it was spoken like a confession, a whisper that escaped his lips of their own accord. That got my head to snap up in his direction. I was met with those gorgeous green eyes of his._

_He looked down a second later; the shyness creeping in, I suppose. I wasn't so much taken aback as I was surprised. I didn't know what this meant, or if it even meant anything. However, the way he said it, and the slight red hue to the tips of his ears cued me in that there was indeed something more to his words than their face value._

"_Yeah, doesn't everyone. Mom and I had the same misfortune…" My cell phone buzzing in my pocket interrupted me. "Damn Pixie Bride-to-be!" All Edward did was chuckle as his phone started buzzing in his pocket as well. We both moved to shut off our phones._

"_I haven't been down to The Navy Pier yet. Bring your coffee, let's go check it out." I smiled and nodded. I'd love nothing more than to spend a few hours alone with Edward._

_We strolled down the Pier for a while, looking out at Lake Michigan and all the many things to do. This would definitely be a spot I'd visit again. This and the magnificent mile; I wasn't a shopper by any means, but all those stores could make any woman fall to her knees. I just had to make sure I came without Alice, and hope the horrors of pre-wedding shopping didn't resurface into my conscious memory._

_I had been so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't even feel right away the large hand that encased mine tugging me in the opposite direction I had been headed in._

"_Come here, this way looks interesting." He was smiling like the fool he was, to even think about getting me on the Ferris wheel. I hated those things, pretty to look at, but all I could think of was it short-circuiting or falling over while I was on it._

"_Edward," I whined sounding every bit my inner four year old I was at the moment._

_He stubbornly shook his head. "Face your fears and all that," was all he said as he tugged me toward the tiny little bucket with seats molded into it._

_When he said that I knew he remembered that time down at La Push when I nearly lost my shit watching Jake, Sam and boys jump off the cliffs there. He did remember I was afraid of heights. The bastard probably even remembered how I hated going into his room on the third floor and looking out the floor to ceiling windows there._

"_You'll love it," he cooed into my ear as he pushed me onto the Ferris wheel. The operator even had a devious smile on his face. He'd probably send this contraption around twice just to mess with me._

_I white-knuckled it the entire time. The wheel rotated two times, just as I had thought it would. Just for the hell of it I think I might have fractured a few bones in Edward's hand I squeezed it so hard, and to his credit, or not, that cocky smile of his never left his face throughout the entire ride. If I didn't like him so much I would have screamed and cussed in his face for making me do this. I had my eyes screwed shut most of the time anyways, and I was still hyperventilating when I got to bolt for solid ground with Edward's laughing trailing behind me. _

"_Just for that we're going back to the hotel, and I'm letting Alice loose on you." I smirked jogging toward where I'd parked my rental._

_His face was priceless. Sheer panic. I laughed to myself still jogging ahead with him frozen on the spot. I was almost to victory in my car when he caught up with me, and I was suddenly shoved up against my car with a wide-eyed Edward in front of me._

"_Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry; I thought it would be fun. You don't have to do this." The fright in his eyes had me doubled over in no time._

"_It's just your sister! You'll have to face her sooner or later." I managed to sputter out between peals of laughter._

_I heard him huffing toward the passenger door before I could compose myself. Still smiling like an idiot, I slid in behind the wheel. Though he was trying to remain pissed at me, he was fighting a smile of his own. I had missed this between us. I may have thought he was a geek back in the day, but we could always conjure up a few good laughs with each other._

"_Give it up, and laugh, asshole."_

_He didn't, but he did crack a smile._

_As promised I drove back to the hotel. It was nearly dinnertime anyways. They'd be sending out the cavalry before long if we didn't make a showing soon. Throwing the car in park, I noticed Edward wasn't breathing anymore, just staring out the windshield with the same wide eyes as before._

"_Oh, you big baby! I'll go with your for goodness sake. Just get out of the damn car, and let's go up and see your sister. Get a grip on yourself. You know I have been dealing with this for months! You people who show up a week before, and think your life is crumbling in around you!"_

_Rolling his eyes, he got out of the car. I didn't see what the big deal was about greeting Alice. They had always been so close growing up; a bond I didn't get because they were so different in every aspect. She was a ball of pent up energy, and Edward was so calm all the damn time. _

"_It's about time! Jeez, how long did you have to be gone! That was like the entire day! Edward, you missed a tux fitting! But, by the way, it's great to see you," Alice laughed as she launched herself into her big brother's arms. I just wanted to roll my eyes. So far all his fretting was __for nothing._

_We all spent the rest of the evening stuffed into a booth downstairs at the restaurant catching up, and when I say we were stuffed in a booth, I mean stuffed in a booth. I was half sitting on Edward, and the poor guy had to get a few drinks in him before he finally relaxed a bit. People even gave the six of us a double take a few times, but the place was packed there wasn't anywhere else we could all sit together._

…

"_Edward! You have to keep Bella in time to the music. She's walking too slow, lead better! God, if you can't get walking down the aisle, how are you two ever going to be able to dance together! That will be cute by the way, I haven't seen you two dance since prom. Oh, it will be so adorable!" _

_We had all been dealing with this ALL-damn week. She'd start a sentence yelling at us, and finish it squealing about how great everything was going to be. The pixie chick was hormonal, what more could we say. Thank the heavens for Jasper; he was the only one __able to rein her in. Of course that still didn't stop this from practically being a red carpet event. _

…

_The only thing that had been bearable was Edward's presence. We'd gotten to spend a lot of time together since he arrived. We kept things pretty much on the surface, neither one of us really willing to delve into the past. I just wish I had the courage to tell him my feelings, however I know for a fact that isn't going to happen since I just as big of a chicken as I was in High School.__ I wanted to just beat my own ass for that. Here I was grown woman, __a grown woman__ who was still smitten with a high school crush. It sounded like something that'd be found in a bad romance novel._

_Still, where there was Edward there was me, I even went along to his tux fitting. It was pure coincidence that he needed someone to drive him since he didn't have a rental of his own. Heaven forbid I hand over my keys. Of course I don't think any two women were happier to see this than Alice and Esme._

_I was lazily listening to music and reading the newest novel I had picked up, when there was an unexpected knock on my hotel room door. _

"_Hey, I just wanted to see if you were doing anything tonight. Everyone else has paired off. So… uh, well I-"_

"_You want to come in?" I asked with a grin. He was never very good at this kind of thing. One more thing that hadn't changed through the years even though I thought it would during law school. _

_He briefly nodded before walking past me taking in the mess I had made during my stay here in Chicago. I silently sent a prayer to whoever may be listening that nothing overly embarrassing would be lying on my floor. _

_Tentatively he sat down on the corner of my bed. I got the sinking feeling he wasn't here to invite me out for beers. I could have handled beers in a noisy pub just fine, but sitting here and talking I wasn't so sure about. I knew we had been dancing around a topic of conversation that we really did need to confront, but I was terrified to find out what that would mean for us. I had gained a true friend these past few days, a friend that I actually enjoyed being around, and wouldn't drag me into the nearest mall. I hadn't truly sat and thought about how much I missed Edward __**as a friend**__ until I had him back, and now wondered what I was going to do now when I didn't have him around anymore._

_True, I had plenty of pity parties for myself thinking all doom and gloom for a long time. I'm not going to lie and say I never once thought my life couldn't go on without Edward, and that I would never be able to find love again all because of a stupid high school crush. Of course I had. I spent years thinking that. I just didn't want that to happen again. I could blame the past on being a dumb, inexperienced little girl. I didn't have that luxury anymore; I'm a woman now for fuck's sake!_

_I didn't moved from the doorway, which only make him appear more on edge than he was when we sat down. _

"_Bella," he said my name as if he could let himself, he would have been crying. That alone terrified me all the more. _

_My feet moved on their own accord to kneel down in front of him resting my hands on his knees. I had to know what was bothering him. Did he not want his sister to marry Jasper after all? They seemed so perfect for each other. I could only hope it was that simple. A few reassuring words would have everything fixed up just right again. It was if this whole thing was because of something else entirely, that petrified me._

"_I sorry," he stated and didn't continue. I sat there puzzled for a moment before seeing he wasn't going to add anymore._

"_What's the matter? What's bothering you? Did something happen?"_

"_No! Well, yes. Maybe… okay, I'm not sure." He stammered out while nervously running his fingers through his hair. I tried not to get too distracted, but I had found I loved it when he did that._

"_That didn't make a lick of sense. What happened or didn't happen? Is everyone all right? Is-"_

"_I think I love you." He rushed out in a gust of air. I had to pause to gather exactly what he had said. When I did I fell over to land smack on my ass with the wind knocked out of me._

"_What?" I asked, since apparently I was incapable of forming coherent thoughts or sentences._

"_I know it's sudden, and you probably don't feel the same way, but I just had to tell you. That day when I saw you pacing and biting your nails off in the airport, I couldn't stop thinking about how I felt about you when we were kids. Then this past week I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, all the things I loved about you. I- I… those thoughts haven't gone away. I don't even know what to think about whatever the fuck I'm feeling it's so-"_

"_Shut up, Edward." I smiled up at him. He was going to turn blue if he didn't take a breath soon. Only Alice could go on tirades like that on only one breath._

"_Does that mean you think I'm crazy?" He inquired of me quietly, unable to look up at me. It was hard to place the man sitting before me in the same body as the man I'd seen a court video of thundering away at some poor law student playing the part of someone on the witness stand. The two sides of him just didn't mesh. The confident law student and the insecure, shy man here, neither one of them were really the Edward I had known._

_I tilted my head to be able to look up into his eyes. "If I thought __you were crazy, I'd be saying the same thing about myself__."_

_The smile that slowly crept its way across his entire face was worth all the tension preceding it. He looked like a boy in a candy store with a nickel in his pocket. I had to giggle a little bit._

"_You really feel the same way?"_

_Still smiling I nodded. _

_That right there, that moment changed everything. That was the day I knew deep down in my gut that one day, I didn't know when, but one day when everything was all sorted out I would be the one in the white dress._

…

"Bella?" Edward chuckled into my hair, "You kind of have to let go now or I'll miss my plane."

"Then you miss it." I stubbornly insisted. He had just got here, and now he had to go back? I don't think so. It's not like he was really working or anything. He'd been doing a little consulting on cases, but nothing he couldn't do from Forks.

"I know honey, I know. I don't want to go either, but I have to. When you are ready, you will know. When you're ready, you'll come back home."

I wanted to glare at him, and scream at Rosalie. They had come up with this master plan I was sure of it. The whole thing just had their genius written all over it. Yeah, sure lure Bella back to Chicago with the promise of seeing her husband again. Ha, I'm positive Rosalie about lost her shit when I finally confessed that Edward and I had done more than talk. I left her to fill in the blanks, but it didn't take a rocket scientist. Her evil plan finally had some fuel and backing.

"US Airways flight 6159, non-stop service from Seattle to Chicago, O'Hare, now boarding First Class passengers and travelers with special needs," the announcer said over the terminal speakers.

We both groaned. I'd really have to release the death grip I had him in. "Bella, I have to go. I'll see you soon. Okay? If you're not back to Chicago soon, I'm sure I can work it out to come back in a few weeks. Alright?"

I weakly nodded. I wasn't one hundred percent fine with this, but I would have to live with it.

He went to pull away to board his flight, but I still gripped onto him.

"Bella…" His voice was sweet and loving, but a warning at the same time.

"Kiss me first."

He cracked a smile as he bent down, no doubt relieved he was going to be able to not waste his ticket, or have to re-book his flight.

I didn't care who was watching as I snaked my arms around his neck, and kissed him good and hard. This kiss would have to last until I was brave enough to go home, or he was desperate enough to come back. Skype just didn't cover all the bases.

"I'll see you soon, I promise." This time when he pulled away I didn't hold him back. I let him leave me.

…

"Bella this has to stop!" My dad stated gruffly, setting his coffee down a little too hard on the table at breakfast two weeks after Edward's departure.

"What?" I asked not even looking up from my plate of scrambled eggs. Once again they didn't look at all appealing. Not even the bacon I had just fried to perfection. Food just didn't hold that big of an interest to me right now.

"You know what, young lady. God! I feel like you're back in high school with the way you have been acting. This has gone far enough. You miss him Bells. Now go home," he said with finality. I didn't know Dad had it in him.

"This is my home."

"No it's not."

I looked up at him confused. What did he mean this wasn't my home? I grew up here! All my memories are here.

"Your home is either two and three quarter miles west of town or in a fancy suburb in Chicago," he continued, enlightening me as to what he was referring to. "Now, I said you could stay here as long as you needed to. However, you're not staying here behaving like this. You were finally making some great progress up until two weeks ago. If you can tell me that melancholy is due to some cataclysmic atmospheric event or something, then I will let you be, but I am willing to put all I got betting that it's not. I'm willing to say that it has everything to do with a certain lawyer you happen to be _married_ to."

I didn't even have the good sense to look him in the eye. I just sat there staring at my mangled eggs. He was right. Charlie was _always_ right. I never gave him credit, but he always was. He saw through all the shit I pulled and didn't hold back, he got right down to the heart of the matter. That's how Charlie always was, and right now was no different.

"I'll let you think this over, but you can't stay here. You have to start making changes. Start with calling Rosalie back. The poor woman has practically worn out the phone lines from Chicago to here; the least you could do is stop ignoring her. I'm going fishing today so that should give you plenty of time to figure out what you are going to do."

No more was said between us. He just dropped a kiss to the top of my head before he left to go meet up with Harry.

I didn't move until the clock above the stove told me I had sat there in Charlie's kitchen for over an hour. I knew when I decided to get up that I would have to do something. I would have to start with calling Rose. I didn't want to do it, but I knew it was in my best interest if I did.

"Hey Rose."

"Hey girl! How's it been?" God I loved this woman. I had just treated her like shit for two weeks by ignoring her, and all she has to say is this.

"I've been better. Charlie thinks I should come home." There was silence on the other end, where I thought there would be chatter. However, that didn't mean I couldn't literally feel her smile all the way from Chicago.

"Bella, I can tell you what I know and what I think is the same as Charlie, however… the only person who knows what you think is you. Only you know what you are ready for. Only you can answer for yourself if your time in Forks is over. Are you ready to leave behind the peace that exists only amongst the evergreens and rain-logged town where everything began with all of us? Are you ready to hug Jacob goodbye, to hug Charlie goodbye?"

"I don't know. I know what I should do. What I should have done long ago, but I don't know if I can. I asked Edward to leave for the good of us both. I miss him and I know he wants me with him, but there is a lot more to it if I decide to come back. The same reasons I ran away are still there. Me coming here didn't solve or fix anything."

I didn't want to cry. It didn't seem like I should be able to cry anymore, but tears came anyway. I wanted to curse every single one, but even more so I wanted to curse James for putting them there in the first place.

"I think you are forgetting something. Things have changed. You're not the same woman who I helped pack her bag, and first began telling me about her darkest secrets. Bella, that woman wouldn't have been able to confront the things you have these past few weeks. That woman wouldn't have been able to lace up boxing gloves and beat the shit out of Jake. That fragile woman wouldn't have been able to see an old friend and his wife with a baby and gush over how cute they were. That woman most certainly wouldn't have been able to walk into the house that she shared with her own family and not go looking for a kitchen knife." She let her words sink in before she continued. "And Bella, the woman that I hugged before getting on that plane wouldn't have let her husband hold her hand much less love her. Don't you dare say that nothing has changed, because things most definitely have."

Rose made her point. I sank down into Charlie's old couch clutching the phone to my ear with steady tears running down my cheeks. She was right, I had changed, and if I was being honest with myself I had changed because of and for Edward. Yes, I needed to get better for myself, but I wanted to be the wife Edward needed and deserved. That's when I realized something vital was long overdue.

"Rose," my voice was small and sounded like a frightened kitten even to my own ears, "how did you get better?"

Rosalie had wanted to help me for so long, but I had never listened to her story. We all knew her recovery was a very dark time for her. I didn't fully understand just how dark until I slipped into the same darkness as well. She hadn't ever really told anyone what all happened or what Emmett did all those years ago in Rochester.

"I knew this day would come." Her words were difficult for me to explain. There was relief very evident in her voice, but also a degree of solemnity in the mix too. It was almost as if she was accepting something she long ago knew she would have to face.

"Bella, I don't have to describe to you the place I was in. You have been there… and to a certain extent are still there." It was as if she had been privy to my thoughts just a moment ago. "I know I've told you guys Emmett was my saving Angel during that time, but… I don't think you could ever understand just how true that is."

She paused for a long moment. I was just about to ask her what was wrong when I heard her breathing quicken on the other end.

"It had been a year exactly, and I wasn't eating or talking or existing in any better of state since I had been released from the hospital. Emmett had been there throughout the entire time commuting from Cambridge to Rochester every chance he got. I think he killed about three Jeeps with all the miles he drove in that year.

"I had pushed him away since the first day he got there. I didn't think I was worthy of the love he said he had for me. I wasn't even a woman in my eyes. I couldn't even imagine how he could possibly want me.

"You know Emmett, though; he didn't give up that easily. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. The pain in his voice mixed with the love that was unmistakable and I couldn't deny its existence anymore. It was only after that day that I let him in, that I let him help me."

She paused again collecting her thoughts, and letting her words sink in on my end. I knew this had to be hard for her. I knew telling me this had to be right up there with recalling the night of her rape. Two very different pains, but pain nonetheless.

"It was after that day that I let him see me for who I really was; the scared and afraid, the nearly broken woman that I had become. That was the hardest thing for me. I didn't want anyone, especially him, to see how truly unstable I was. Look… I know there were many reasons why you forced Edward to leave and why you decided to leave, but tell me, was that a major contributor? Were you afraid that the people around you, the people that you knew loved you, would see that there was more wrong with you than you were letting us see?"

That was a tough one to answer. I pushed Edward away because I finally got to see how I was affecting him for the worse. I ran from Chicago because James turned up at my house and threatened me. Was there more though? I had pushed people away long before any of that. I had put on a smile for everyone long before that.

"Yes," I confessed, and I knew it to be true. "It was a part, not the whole reason, but a reason."

Without missing a beat she asked the question that would change things either for better or for worse. She was leaving it up to me to decide.

"What are you going to do about it now?"

It was such a simple question. Less than ten little words, but my answer would either leave me here in Forks feeling sorry for myself like the naive high school girl I once was, or my decision could have me a on a plane en route back to Chicago.

I knew what I _needed_ to do. Hell, it was what I _wanted_ to do. I just didn't know if I _could_ do it.

"I don't know," I managed to squeak into the phone.

"Yes, you do. You knew the answer to my question before you even picked up the phone. It's why you decided to call me in the first place. All you have to do now is believe in yourself and the decision you are making."

Damn! Dr. Rosalie was good. How did she know these things?

I sat there staring at the black television across Charlie's family room. There was so much more involved than me just getting on a plane. There was Charlie and Jake here to consider. There were all the Cullen's there to consider. There was Edward to consider. There was even James to consider. My brain was swimming with so many things I felt and heard my breathing accelerate. What would I do if James came back to find me. What if he knew I had been talking to Rose? What if he hurt Edward? I couldn't endure losing anything or anyone else. Not after everything I had lost already.

"Bella." Rosalie's calming voice brought me back to the here and now. "Don't over think this. We will all deal with everything once you're back. It will be fine. Plus, I will have a den again."

She knew me so well. She just stripped away all the subterfuge and walls to the bare bones. She knew I was fretting over outcomes neither of us could possibly know. She also knew, that I knew deep down inside, that by the end of this week I'd be back in Chicago.

"How is Edward?" The question was out of my mouth before I realized I may not want to know the answer.

"He's okay. Not great or fantastic or even good for that matter, but he's taking one day at a time. He's been running more since he came back."

I had been right, I didn't want that image of Edward. Edward ran to clear his head and to think, but he also ran to punish himself. I didn't know which one of those had him running now, but I didn't necessarily want to know. Not until I was back, and could do something about it.

"I need another week Rose. I need to tie things up here. It will give you guys a chance to open the house up for when I get there. One week, I promise only one week, and I will be back."

Rose was quiet, which was something I hadn't been expecting. I had envisioned screaming to rival Alice, but this silence had me on edge.

"Why?"

I knew what her question meant. Why was I coming back? She wanted me to say it out loud.

"I want my life back. Keeping silent isn't the best way to protect the ones I love. I've done that, and it's not working… for anybody. Just maybe all those shrinks and shit were right when they said, 'knowledge is power.'" I got that look that just said 'so eloquent, Bella.'

"Rose… I am ready to fight with all I've got to get the life I had. I know it's not going to be the same, but I have to do _something_. I have to make things right with Edward… with myself."

"Oh darlin', that is exactly what I wanted to hear!" Now was the time for the Alice-rivaling excitement. I could hear her clear as a bell with the phone held an arm's length away.

"Bella! I know you're home; Charlie said so!" I giggled as I went to my window to wave at Jake who was screaming at me. What was it today with loud people.

"Rose, that would be Jake. I promise to call you later. One week. I promise that's all I'll need. Love you Rose."

"I know Bella. I'll be here beating your husband away from the phone. It will buy you a few hours of peace… okay maybe an hour. Tell Jake your intentions; I'm sure he'll up your training."

"Ugh! Don't remind me. I think I should try out for the Chicago Bears as it is. Later Rose!"

I was still laughing to myself as I let Jake in, who immediately wrapped me up in a hug.

"It's great to see you looking like yourself! I was getting worried there."

I closed my eyes to hold the tears at bay. I didn't know I was doing such a lame job at appearing to be normal after Edward's departure. Apparently just about everyone had noticed.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Turns out, though, you will only have to put up with me for another week. From then on out I will be in Rosalie's hands."

I saw the wheels turning in his head. He stared at me for a few seconds before his face lit up.

"You're going back? That's great! Hey," his tone changed for a moment to serious, "don't think that I am happy about not getting to see you practically everyday, but it's time, loca," he said while tightening his grip on me.

I knew he was going to miss me. I didn't even want to think about how much I would miss him. Jake had gotten me through a lot of dark times. Give me a few months and I might, just might, miss his crazy work out sessions. I wasn't holding my breath or anything, but I had to admit I had never been stronger or more fit in my life. I had always razzed Edward for running, but now I finally see why he does it.

"So you leave at the end of the week?" His voice was tentative though he was smiling. He really didn't want to dwell on it even if he was happy for me.

"Yeah, I haven't even looked at flights yet, but it will be somewhere in that area."

We were both quiet for a little while. Just looking around and intermittently at each other, he, like me, hadn't a clue what to say.

"What are you doing over here anyway? You concerned I haven't been doing my daily required number of sit-ups or something?" He laughed good naturedly; he knew I hated those.

"Yeah, well not really. You hadn't been by in a while, and you hadn't called or anything so I figured we could grab something to eat or something or just go down to the beach."

"How about both, I haven't really eaten yet… well I picked at some eggs, but that doesn't count. Going to the beach sounds nice, and I haven't actually been down there since the day I found you running in the rain, and that wasn't really a beach faring day."

He nodded a few times as he shuffled to get us out the door. We picked up some food to go at the diner and drove down to First Beach.

We laughed about some old times when a big group of us would come down here. Reminiscing about the brave ones who would attempt surfing, or those of us who were not so adventurous who would check out the tide pools. Whale watching was always pretty cool too.

"Do you remember us talking about the last time we brought Nick and Nattie here? They were so adorable! They were so curious about with the sand. I don't know if they were really old enough to be curious per se, but they would like to swoosh their little toes around in the sand. It had been so adorable.

Of course that was the same time when Edward about gave me a heart attack when he would hold them over the water and dip their feet in, somehow I just knew 'Jaws' was going to come out of six inches of water and get my babies," I giggled at the memory.

I looked over to Jake who had gone quiet and sat there looking at me with cartoon eyes. I was about to ask what was wrong, since birds were about to take up nesting in his wide-open mouth if he didn't shut it. That was when I thought about what exactly I had just related.

I never talked about Nick and Nattie… ever. Right now, sitting out on the beach with Jake, the memories were good. They weren't sad, but happy times. I realized that was all I really had left of them.

"Yeah, they were cute. You had them in matching little outfits then… okay all the time. I am surprised Edward survived the encounter though; somehow I would have thought you would go all Mamma Bear on him. I guess you wouldn't have wanted to scare the kiddo's." I rolled my eyes at him.

He had that big goofy grin on his face again. "Yeah. Yeah. Whatever."

"Of course what is forever burned into my retinas when I come down here is the day when you and Edward could no longer deny you weren't 'just friends'."

My face flamed red at the memory even if it was so long ago. Something that… humiliating just isn't forgotten.

It was the summer between my sophomore and junior year and we were all getting together down at the beach. Edward and I had showed up early to set up all the shit because we were always volunteered to bring it. I would fill the entire bed of my truck with stuff 'no one else' could bring.

Edward wasn't much better. He would bring the sound equipment so we'd be able to have music down here. Poor guy couldn't even see out the back of that little silver thing he called a car. I don't care how fast they go; little cars are just road hazards.

We had gotten to talking, and somewhere along the line I had missed exactly when the pimply faced nerd got replaced with this amazing, and not to mention incredibly hot guy in front of me. Thus, my endeavors to brush him off and ignore him quickly got the kibosh. We'd popped the top on a few beers, and pretty soon talking from across the fire pit turned into talking right next to each other. Then progressing to the scene Jake had the misfortune of walking in on, that didn't involve any talking whatsoever.

Jake was the only witness to our five minutes of summer love, but still one hundred percent mortifying at the time.

"Yeah, well that doesn't matter anymore," I said still looking like a tomato. "Just shut it and eat your burger."

He knew my smile meant it was still all in jest, but he fortunately dropped the subject.

"So one week? You know I am going to have to work extra hard with you to finish up everything, right," he stated looking right at me. Of course I had already thought about that. "Plus I'm gonna have to set up a work out program that you can do on your own. I'm sure I could get Edward to drag you running with him," he said and thought the last part out loud while tapping his fingers to his chin. He knew damn well I hated running.

"Yeah." I wanted to be brave and all valiant about my imminent departure from home, but I was scared. I wanted this… God I wanted this so bad, but this was still uncharted territory. I didn't know what… rather who waited for me when I got back to Chicago.

So even though I should have been more enthusiastic than 'yeah', I just couldn't manage anything more. I knew I was getting on a plane regardless.

"I'm really going to miss you Bells, and I expect phone calls. I know for a fact authors aren't _that_ busy."

And just like that my world was light and easy again… for now.

…

**A/N (Jessi): **Yeah, there it is. Another step. Far from the end, but another step ;)

A huge thanks to our amazing Beta, Songster! You guys don't want to see how scary this thing looks with all the red marks all over everywhere. Thanks for making Jessi-speak into something not just Danna and I can read!

**A/N#2 (danna0724): **A bit of a turning point for our B here, huh? 'Knowledge IS power', now… what to do? WHAT TO DO?


	17. Chapter 17

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; We just have an overly active imaginations. (apparently angsty and disturbed one's, or at least that's what we are told) 

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape. (among other things)

**A/N (Jessi): **Just read it! Oh, and get your tissues ready.

**A/N#2 (danna0724): **As per the usual… if you aren't old enough to buy cig's/porn or vote, please do NOT go any further! ALSO… this story is the sole property of Jessi's and Danna's, stealing is a crime, and you don't really wanna be a 'ganker' anyway do ya?

Betsy=green

…

**Tortured Soul: Chapter 17**

**Bella's POV**

…

_The black abyss seemed endless before me. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't even feel anything. I couldn't hear anything. All of my senses seemed to be null and void at the moment. For the longest time I just lay there in that dank basement. It seemed like it was days, but I don't think it was. I would have died, right? At least I didn't think I was dead. I figured death would be different, colder somehow… more absolute and final. No, I couldn't be dead. If I was dead then those who did this to me would never pay. They needed to recompense for what they had done._

_Everything was so eerily quiet. There wasn't a single sound anywhere. Not in the house or in the world around it, nothing, nothing at all anywhere. I wanted nothing more than for it to end. _

_In my mind I could see all the blood clear as the first time, an image burned into the back of my retinas and brain for an eternity. I could feel his hands on my body, his breath, hot and vile on my cheek. I could see… them. I wanted to be sick. I felt like I should be. My brain was rewinding the horrid events over and over again._

"_You'll never see them again," he had said. He was right. I saw them die. I saw him kill them. I would never hold my children in my arms again. I would never see them grow bigger and bigger everyday. The prospect of my life without them with me seemed so empty. How could I go on? Why would I go on?_

_Edward._

_I couldn't give up because of Edward. Someone had to be there for him. He couldn't lose all of us. We could both lose our children, but he couldn't lose a wife and two children. I could be there for him. I had to be. He was strong, but he wasn't that strong. He needed me… if only he would have me. _

"_I know you'll be a good girl and never tell a soul if you don't want this to happen to everyone you love, starting with your husband," he had told me. I could tell from his voice he meant it; the conviction and determination was evident. He meant every word. Just how he had meant every word right before he murdered…them. _

_I couldn't even think about what they had just done; what I had just witnessed, and been able to do nothing about. I was no longer a mother. I couldn't even call myself a real woman for what I had just allowed to happen. All excuses aside, I simply lay there while he killed my reason for existence._

_I could never forgive myself for that. How could anyone forgive me for that? How could I possibly ask Edward to forgive me for standing by as his children were murdered? I couldn't call them ours. I had no right to call them mine._

_Edward could never want me knowing what had just happened. How come I didn't die too? Why didn't they kill me too? I could never face my family, my husband ever again. I am no better than these monsters for allowing this happen._

_Pain… pure, undiluted, physical and mental pain engulfs my entire being. At this point, I'm not sure if it's the drugs or shock kicking in, but my body seems to start twitching uncontrollably. I lay here, helpless… useless awaiting death, hoping it takes me. _

_After everything I didn't deserve to be alive. I didn't want to be alive right now. No matter what Edward would never forgive me. How could I be strong for a man who didn't want me anymore? I lay there in that musty basement and willed death to take me._

_I slipped into a chasm of nothing until loud footsteps and voices filter down from the floor above. I'm fully convinced it's James and that other evil man. Coming back for more? What more could they possibly do, aside from kill me? Oh please, let them kill me. Let them finish what they started. I would take anything gladly. I'd let James have his way with my body; I'd let them inject anything into my veins. I just wanted to fall under the darkness, and never come out._

"_The house is empty. There's no one here," a man said from far away._

"_There's stairs! It's basement of some kind," Yelled another voice in closer proximity. _

_I wanted to run. I had to get away, but I still couldn't voluntarily move. They would find __me, I was sure of it. It scared me, but it was the only way to get what I wanted. Death. _

_When I tried to open my eyes, all I wanted to do was vomit. Before I could even focus on anything, I quickly shut them again. Whatever they had given me was still in my system. Opening my eyes only made the nausea come back. _

"_There's someone dow- Mrs. Cullen?" a voice implored._

_How did he know my name? Only James and that monster knew I was here. Why are they…? I… _

"_Kill me…" I could get out any more than that. I wasn't even sure if those two words managed to slip past my lips loud_ enough for them to hear me. I_ wanted for them to hear me; I needed it._

"_Mrs. Cullen, we're here for you. We're going to get you out of here. We've been looking for you. You just hold tight for a few more minutes. You're going to be okay, Mrs. Cullen."_

_How did they know my name? No one knew I was here except for two people. I didn't want to believe what they were saying. I wanted them to be lying. I didn't want to live. I wanted to die. I needed to die for what I had done._

_I was still on edge. I couldn't move, I couldn't see who these people were. I was glad to be getting out of this hole regardless, though. I was parched too, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I didn't deserve any kind of comfort._

"_I've found her! Isabella Cullen is here! Bring the gurney over! Keep the husband back behind the barricade. I don't know what we're going to find down here. I don't even know if she's alive."_

'_The husband'? Edward! He had to mean Edward. If only he would be as happy to see me once he found out the fate of his son and his daughter. He won't be so eager at the sound of my name once he knows. If at this moment __I had to ability to cry, I would have. My life as I had known it was long since over._

_The footsteps and voices got greater in number and loudness as they descended the steps to the basement. Someone placed his or her fingers at my neck I wanted to flinch away. I didn't want anyone touching me. The feel of another person's skin touching my own flashed images of James' touch on me… of that other man's hand caressing my cheek as he ripped away my life._

"_She's alive! I've got a pulse. Gurney, now! Mrs. Cull- Isabella you're going to be just fine. Can you hear me?"_

_I didn't know what to do. I could hear him; I just couldn't do anything about it. So all I could do was lay there, while my body began twitching involuntarily again. Apparently to get me to hear him, he started saying everything louder. Somehow in all my drugged stupor I wanted to roll my eyes at this guy, however all I could do was lay limp in his grasp._

"_Stop yelling that she is going to be okay. She's been through hell. We don't know what happened to her or what they've done to her. Just shut up and help me get her upstairs to the chopper," another man said, finally someone with some reasoning. _

_Another wave of hope shot through me. Not that I was going to pull through this, but that I could still yet die. They didn't know what cocktail of drugs was in me. What if there was nothing they could do for me? What if they gave me something that had a bad counter reaction to what was already in my system? Yes, there was still hope that I wouldn't open my eyes again._

"_Okay boys let's get her to the chopper, and be ready to make a run for it. We're not lingering around the husband. He doesn't need to see her like this. And for God's sake be sure to cover her up!" My stomach rolled as I put together what he said. Hours with James… was it only hours? I couldn't be sure, then however long in that basement. I suppose I wouldn't want to look at me either._

_What did a woman, who had been kidnapped, raped, drugged, and witness to her children's murder look like? Again, images of cruelty and blood flashed before my eyes. The twitching began to increase._

"_She's going into shock, get the paddles and the syringe ready just in case."_

"_IV in place, fluids being administered, she's NOT going into cardiac arrest on my watch! Dammit, secure her lower extremities; this thrashing is going to throw her right off the stretcher on transport to the chopper!"_

"_We need to move and move NOW, she's stable enough for transport! She needs to get to the hospital sooner rather than later… MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!"_

_There was more shuffling, and I was definitely jostled, which was probably them getting me up the stairs, but I still didn't dare try to open my eyes. The last time I tried that was too much sitting still much less while moving. Nausea began to overtake me again, my mouth began to water that icky salty saliva, which meant heaving was imminent. _

"_Bella! Baby I'm here! Oh God. Bella!" That was voice I would know anywhere. Edward. He was here… somewhere. His voice was still far away, but it was strained. I couldn't dwell much on the negative. I couldn't think about how he wouldn't want me when he found out what happened in that house or… in that basement. He would no longer be concerned about me. He wouldn't even want to look at me. _

_So I just tried to picture his beautiful face, the face of the wonderful man that I would love forever. Pretty soon that would be all I would have left of him, his memory, for he wouldn't want to give me anything more. Again I wished and prayed to whoever could hear me for death._

"_Mr. Cullen! Edward! Stay back behind the barricade! There is a car standing by to transport you to the hospital that Life Flight is taking your wife to."_

_The man who was next to me sounded almost angry. I hated to think of what __Edward had been doing to get on their nerves since they met him. When Edward was after something he could be… no he __was__ relentless until he got it. I attribute it to him being spoiled as a child. _

"_I just want to fucking see her? Is she alright? Bella! I'm here baby; you're safe now. I love you baby, just hang on," Edward screamed over the whirring of what I am pretty sure was a helicopter._

"_Jack, get her into that chopper! What do you need? An invitation! I told you to hustle! Get your ass in gear or I will do it for you. Time is imperative; we don't know what they gave her to get her this doped up and after God knows how long."_

"_Yes, sir," came the hurried reply._

_It was awhile before anyone said anything more. There was so much loud slamming and cursing under breaths, and metal on metal, and that awful whirring sound that I doubt I would have heard anyone anyway._

"_Do you think the children made it? Where do you think they would have taken them?" someone asked. _

_That had my interest. _

"_Shut up! I don't want to think about. None of this should have ever happened! The crime scene investigators go in after us. I-"_

" _Shut the hell up!" Another voice shouted from above me._

"_Wh-" _

"_She's crying and her eyes are fluttering, her body is starting to thrash again. She's getting lucid. She probably hears you, and that's the last thing we need right now!"_

"_We need to keep her as calm as possible until the doctor's can determine the extent of the damage, we can't have her moving!" the authoritative voice demanded._

_Not long after that, my world faded, as it had so many times in recent history. And that was the last thing I remember before waking up in an overly bright and sterile white room with tubes…everywhere, and a sleeping Edward clutching my hand from his chair next to my bed._

_So death hadn't come. I was still here. Edward was still here. Edward would be nowhere expect heaven, and I was very sure I wouldn't be going there. That is if I even believed in stuff like that._

_It practically crushed me to think that this would be one of the last times I got to look at him without seeing hatred in his eyes for what I've done, or rather for what I haven't done._

_I wanted to let him sleep. He looked like he needed it. There were ugly dark circles under his eyes. I didn't want to think of what he'd been through in the last few days… or weeks. I didn't know how long. It seemed to have dragged on forever, yet gone so fast. One minute they were there and the next minute they were gone forever._

_I wanted to drag out every last second I would have with Edward, but I didn't see any benefit it would bring either of us. I wanted to have happy memories of him. I had those already. _

_I didn't deserve to have Edward here with me. One only deserving of death should have to suffer alone. I wasn't worthy of having someone to hold me. Murderers didn't have that honor._

_Gently I shook the hand that was tightly gripping my own._

"_Edward, Edward wake up," I whispered close to his ear. _

_Gradually he began to stir. I could tell because a slow smile began to spread out on his lips, and his grip squeezed even more. _

_And it broke my heart all over again._

…

My legs were killing me; my arms were about to fall off, and my lungs were burning. Jacob wasn't kidding when he said he was going to push me extra hard before I went home. Shooting him an angry glare, he chuckled before letting me be done with sit-ups. If he was trying to get me more enthused about my upcoming departure it was working, even if for no other reason than I to get a break from these insane workout sessions.

"Great job today Bells!" Jacob almost yelled from his spot right next to me. It was at times like having a male Alice around. To think he actually wondered why we didn't ever want him to have to caffeine. The consequences would surely be detrimental to our sanity and physical well-being.

As I caught my breath and lay immobile on the floor, Jake hurried about putting away all the various equipment he had me using today.

"You got somewhere you need to be or something?" I wondered aloud to him.

"Yeah. Me and Leah are going out tonight," was his short reply.

I had noticed for a couple of weeks now his answers regarding him and his girlfriend had gotten shorter and shorter. Where he used to gush about every detail and idea he had, now there was only a sentence or two if I was lucky. After all we had been inseparable since we wore diapers, but on the flip side there were just some things I didn't want to know about my best friend. Still, that didn't mean I didn't want to know _anything_. However, I could also understand his need for some privacy.

So instead of badgering for more information, I simply nodded and continued lying sprawled dead on the floor. When all the bustling stopped, I slowly sat up very aware of my many aching muscles. I was going to need some Motrin sooner rather than later.

"So I'll see you tomorrow?" I always asked, even if his answer was always the same. With a hurried affirmative and brief hug we were both headed our separate ways.

…

"Bells, that you?" Charlie asked as I walked in the door. I tried not to roll my eyes. I mean honestly, why ask? Who else had a key, and would just waltz right into his house.

"Who else would it be, Dad? What do want for dinner?" I inquired, stepping into the kitchen finding him nursing a Vitamin R and reading the paper. "There's some spaghetti sauce left. I could throw together some lasagna."

Charlie looked at me for a moment. If I were crazy I might have thought he got a little glassy eyed, but I'd like to think that I'm not certifiably insane, so I won't for principle's sake.

"It's your last night here kiddo. Don't you dare think I'm going to let you cook. We got The Lodge, the Diner, or order in a pizza?"

No matter how much I wanted to add another container of dinner to the already full freezer for Charlie to be able to warm up later, I couldn't turn him down when he was looking all hopeful like he was now.

"I couldn't possibly go back to Chicago without having pizza from Toni's. You still insist on the artery clogger, what is it that they call it, 'Meat Lovers'"? I said jokingly.

He chuckled, "As long as you still want that bacon and banana pepper thing."

Laughing I picked up the phone and placed our order. Evenings like this reminded me of what it was like before I moved away to college. I loved to cook for Charlie, but pizza nights were when we could just be lazy in front of the TV, and talk. Well, we weren't really talkers, but that was just me and Dad. This evening was no different.

It felt good. It was a good last evening to spend with him before I left again. I hated always having to leave him here, but he was right my home wasn't here anymore. My home was in a suburb of Chicago. I'd come to visit whenever I could, but leaving always left me glum.

…

"Night Dad," I said getting up from the couch. Stuffed with pizza and bored silly with sports, I thought I had a pretty good chance of actually falling asleep on my last night here.

Charlie and I never really did anything to show emotion, so when I went over and wrapped my arms around him in a hug and dropped a kiss to the top of his head, he stiffened before he relaxed and let me have my moment.

"Night, kiddo. Love you, Bells," he said hugging me back.

I could be anxious as ever to get back to Chicago, but I was going to miss my Dad. I tossed and turned for a while before finally finding some measure of sleep. It wasn't going to be fun getting used to a quiet house, a house where the floor boards didn't creak, a house where Charlie wasn't snoring lightly across the hall, a house that wasn't located in the wettest place on the continental U.S.

That all being said; I was also looking forward to being home no matter how many fears I had suppressed in order to be able to get on my flight tomorrow.

…

"Bella, the phone." I bolted awake hearing my Dad's voice. "Rosalie is on the phone for you," he said thrusting the cordless into my hands. He definitely was not fully awake yet. At 5:01 in the morning I wasn't either.

"Rose, you do know my flight isn't leaving until after noon right?" I asked as I watched Dad shuffle back to bed.

"Yes! We are all so excited. We'll all be waiting for you when you land!" It was not right for her to be this awake even at what… eight o'clock her time.

We chit chatted for a little while, during which time I woke up a little more.

"It has been great to have Edward finally move back into the house. Alice was glad to give back your cat too. Poor thing had her following it around with a lint roller."

"Edward moved out?" That was news to me. Shocking, unexpected news, infomation I'm not so sure I was THAT awake for.

"Yes, he's been working to get your house all ready for when you come back. It's been shut up for a while now… well since you left. So he's been fixing some things up. He's been painting, planting flowers, and having the carpets cleaned. You know, all that spring-cleaning crap that homeowners do every year. There has been other stuff he's doing too, but the only way I know how to describe it all is just to say its Edward."

I had to smile. A lot of the things he did were described that way; because honestly there was NO other way to describe it. There was just one problem.

"Rose, I don't think I'm ready for that." I wanted to kick myself for my weakness. Here I had come all this way, hell I had even slept with the man, but I couldn't share a huge house with him? Maybe I still had fear of the last time I was in that house alone with him, but regardless I was tired of being this way. Surely that was an isolated incident and I have nothing to worry about.

"I know. We tried to tell him, but you know Edward, he just wouldn't take no for an answer. Alice has already set up her guest room for you. It's all going to work out, Bella. Don't you worry about a thing, okay?"

"What do you mean 'Don't worry about a thing'? of course I am going to worry! I can't disappoint Edward like that. What am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell him? Rose, I can't do this! I've- I've… and I can't-"

"Isabella Cullen!" She effectively cut me off. "You will most certainly be fine. We will deal with Edward when we have to deal with Edward. I am sure he will understand. The whole bit with the house is just another one of his weird coping devices. Alice has her guest room all set up for you if you decide you're not ready. Bella, don't worry about this. You just concern yourself with saying your goodbyes in Forks and not freaking out at the airport. Got it?"

Her words were just what I needed. Even over the phone I could almost feel her hand coming to rest on top of mine in comfort.

"Thank you, Rose. So much. I'll see you in another few hours."

"Love you, Bella. We'll be waiting."

Hanging up, I was finally ready to go home.

"You sure about this, kiddo? Really, I don't mind the drive…" Charlie was trying to sincerely change my mind.

"Dad, honestly, it makes no sense for you to follow me to Seattle for the flight. I have to return the rental car and you can't go past airport security anyway."

"But Jake could ride with you and I could follow…"

"Dad, NO! Really, I'm not a little girl… I can make this drive, don't worry." I was really beginning to get a bit irritated at his over-protectiveness with this.

"Okay, Bells, if you say so…" he agreed, defeated.

I hugged my father one last time before getting into the car and backing out of his driveway. As I pulled out onto the 101, I began to question my decision to do this solo. Maybe having a traveling companion wasn't such a bad idea after all?

I looked at the clock on the dash, it was just after nine o'clock, there was no way I could turn around now, get everyone ready and leave again in time to return the rental, get through security AND do all that an hour before my departure time. Damn FAA and their rules and regulations.

Three hours… three long hours with just me, myself and I. As I contemplated this, thoughts of the past few years started scrolling through my head. I inhaled sharply when the images in my head took me to a dark place, but I vowed to myself not let it overtake me.

"I am a new woman now! Reinvented, rebuilt, refurbished! Stronger and better than ever!" I said aloud to no one.

"Oh who am I trying to convince?" I sighed defeated. "Great, now I'm talking to myself… possibly arguing, this can't be good!" That's it; I was finally going to end up in the loony bin. Yeah, that would be a good one to explain to Edward.

With that last thought said out loud, I decided to keep the remainder of my musings internal. I'm pretty sure speaking out loud to myself is a sign of schizophrenia, and the last thing I need is for that to be an issue. Sure I've often wondered if I were crazy, but a full fledged, certifiably insane woman? THAT I was one thing I wasn't. Sure my circumstances and situation could drive anyone to the brink, and Lord knows I was on that brink, but I fought back. I'm not on the proverbial ledge anymore.

I built myself up as more images flashed through my memory. This time, they weren't of a darker place, but rather a turning point… the night I went to my husband. The night I decided to be a wife to Edward again, to be a woman, to be whole.

I blushed as I remembered the way he was so receptive to me. His embrace, his reverent touch. How could I be such a fool for so long, to think that Edward, MY Edward, would cut me out of his life? I was wallowing in a pit of SELF-despair, so convinced that he would hate me, when in truth it was me who hated me. It was me who spiraled down with no hope, and I was trying to take him down with me. While I was doing this, the whole time he was fighting back, clinging on to the edge to keep me from falling further. He was fighting for both of us and I was just trying to suck him down with me.

With this realization, I resolved that my return home would be completely positive. No more fear, no more hiding, no more downward spiral. I would do this for me. I could do this for me, and for Edward.

Three long, mentally exhausting and self berating hours later I had arrived at the rental car company and was ready to begin the next leg of my journey. The shuttle ride from there to the airport, the wonderfully long and extensive search in security and even boarding the plane is now a blur.

As I sit here, in my coach class seat, I sip on my last Starbucks from Seattle, and resolve to go in an upward spiral from here on out. As the plane ascended in take off, I visualized my own life, metaphorically 'lifting off', going upward, with the thrust and force of jet fuel, and I finally found a bit of comfort in my own mind for the journey I was about to embark on.

…

**A/N (Jessi): **Okay hope y'all love this, and that you didn't need too many tissues for the flashback. It was a toughie to write, I'll tell ya.

This is how things are shaping up: Chapter 18 has been on the drawing board and Rosalie is going to be snarky as ever. Danna does a fantastic job writing that woman to a 'T'. So that is looking good. Chapter 19 is also pretty much done. You'll get to take a look at High School Bella and Edward. I know cute right. So… yeah hopefully the next few will be out a little quicker. However as always we can't speak for RL, and how it will or will not cooperate.

Love all y'all! Thanks so much for hanging with us!

Danna and Songster you are two amazing ladies! Thank you so so much!

**A/N#2 (danna0724): **um yeah, I've got nothing to say for myself, other than I'm sorry! Sorry for the delay, sorry for the hold up, etc.

I love you all for hanging in there and not giving up on us or on TS. And I love JessiBel even more for tolerating my slacker ass and not giving up on me either… she rocks people! I tell ya, SHE ROCKS! Songster… Well she's just AWESOMESAUCE, plain and simple… nuff said.


	18. Chapter 18

**DISCLAIMER:** Stephanie Meyer owns everything; We just have an overly active imaginations. (apparently angsty and disturbed one's, or at least that's what we are told)

**ATTENTION: **This story's theme is rape. (among other things)

**A/N (Jessi): **Humblest apologies for the wait. Hopefully it will be worth it. Rose's POV is always one of my favorites! She just makes you want to pump your fist in the air and shout 'You Go Girl!" LOL. Ha, anyways. On with the show.

**A/N#2 (danna0724): **As per the usual… if you aren't old enough to buy cig's/porn or vote, please do NOT go any further! ALSO… this story is the sole property of Jessi's and Danna's, stealing is a crime, and you don't really wanna be a 'ganker' anyway do ya?

…

**Tortured Soul: Chapter 18**

Rose's POV

…

_I didn't know who to side with on this particular front. Edward wanted to get back to work. That notion had its own lists pros and cons. Some of the family was for it and some were against it, and then there was me who just hadn't been able to make up my mind yet._

_Edward needed a distraction, yes, but I wasn't sure getting back into the courtroom was a good idea. Something just told me that this was going to blow up in his face if he went through with it._

…

"_Edward are you sure about this? Have you talked to Bella about it?" I finally questioned him one day as he was reviewing a stack of case files his side of the firm was holding at the moment. _

_It wasn't just Edward I was worried about. Bella was in Washington, and while holding her own, not getting any better either. I didn't know what this kind of move forward in Edward's life would do to the progress she had made. I didn't, necessarily want to confront her about it, but Edward wasn't picking up the phone to talk to her about anything either._

"_Yes, I'm sure. I can't just sit here, and do nothing anymore. I have to do something, Rose."_

"_Then why don't you do something with your wife," I retorted perhaps a little harsher than I meant to. "Have you even called since she left?" _

_Edward flinched at my words effectively answering my question._

"_She left, Rose. What am I supposed to do, huh? She didn't want to be with me. I can't think about that all the time anymore. I'm just going to take a simple case, okay, just a cut and dry in and out plea deal or something. I just need to get my feet wet again."_

_I took a deep breath to clear my head. I couldn't just think about Bella either. Edward was also healing and I needed to remember that. Edward mended in a totally different way than Bella. However, the end result was the same; they both had inner demons to battle. This was Edward's way of doing so, and I had to respect and support him with his decision._

"_All right, so what are our case options here?" I asked ignoring his surprised expression. Yes, I was going to help Edward now too. _

…

"_Rose, do you have those files that I asked for?" Edward maniacally started shuffling through his files._

_I sucked in a large breath and repressed an eye roll. I was all for Edward getting back to work, but jeez he could be so needy. Did I look like I was two years old and couldn't get together files or something? _

"_Yes, I got your damn files. You've only asked me that like thirty times. Chill out, this is not your first court case!" I vented a little, as Edward just shot me a glare and held out his hand for the files in question. _

"_I'm liking the ex for this," he stated quietly, leafing through the stack I handed him. _

_Neither one of us really knew what to make of this case. Evidence wasn't adding up, and neither were statements. I had even called Jenks who was still trying to make heads or tails of this mess. Edward's typical cases were corporate law in nature, but this case he took on seemed to be more and more like an unwarranted termination of employment, which baffled me in more ways than one. The client was mousy and tentative to say the least, thus why I called in Jenks. I just can't see how she could be released without cause, and even more of a clusterfuck is why would she be taking them to court for it, she wasn't a 'seeker' or aggressive in the slightest sense of the word._

…

_I could tell he was nervous. He kept wiping his sweaty palms on his pressed suit pants. I had just had those cleaned and pressed for him! He'd been pacing all morning. We had a case we were hoping was going to stick, exceptional track record for projects and attendance, as well as superior performance evaluations. It would depend on the testimony that was given today. With the testimony of our client and the corporate executive who terminated her, we would know the 'true' grounds, and then go for a nice severance package and recommendations for employment for the client, as she has made it clear that she does not want to regain employment under her former boss._

"_Calm down Edward; you'll be fine, you've got this," I said trying my best to reassure him from my seat behind him._

"_Something just isn't clicking here Rose. You evaluated Vanessa for her stability; are you sure you aren't leaving anything out in your report? She has an exceptional employment history, and her boss's ex-wife's testimony of him having a short temper and making impulsive decisions is the only supporting evidence we have."_

_Which, from my limited knowledge on legal proceedings, seemed to be true; however, I had to take into account the patient confidentiality. I could only report what Vanessa had revealed that pertained to her situation. In my final report, I could put that she was holding back, that she was stable but could benefit from further sessions, if anything to delve deeper into some self worth issues I believed she was battling internally._

"_I reported everything I could to support your case Edward; my professional findings, as a Psychiatrist, are that she is stable to work. That is what you asked of me and that is what I provided. Jenks found the ex-wife and got that statement. Because the HR department of the company hasn't issued any official statement, we are at the mercy of the testimony; you know that as well as I do."_

"_I know, I know… I just feel as if Vanessa isn't saying something. To me, to you… and I don't want her to get shafted in this case. She only wants the bare minimum, a severance package and a letter of recommendation… who goes to court for that?"_

_On the stand first was Edward's client, who was going to testify that, for lack of a better expression, this termination 'blindsided' her and was without cause._

…

"_The evening prior to your termination, you did, in fact, work late. Staying well past business hours, working on a proposal for your boss, Mr. Foster?" Edward started his line of questioning._

"_Yes." _

"_And were you alone in the office?"_

"_No."_

"_Who else was in the office working late with you?"_

"_Mr., um… Foster was also in his office."_

"_So your boss, was well aware that you were working, being dedicated, and completing the project he assigned you?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Did he interact with you at all that evening?"_

"_Yes." Vanessa stated, ringing her hands and averting her eyes, which were starting to tear up._

"_And can you describe the interactions you had with Mr. Foster?"_

_I knew what Edward was doing, he was proving her loyalty and her work ethic, proving that her boss fired her knowing full well she was dedicated and got her job done._

"_He… um… called me into his office on a few occasions. He had me fetch things for him, coffee, reports off of the printer…"_

"_And so Mr. Foster KNEW you were in the building and how late you were there?"_

"_Yes," she squeaked barely above a whisper._

"_And when you completed your work, what happened next? Did you go in to inform Mr. Foster?"_

"_Yes… I, um… packed up my belongings and walked into his office to see if he needed anything further. He looked flustered and stressed and I didn't want to leave if he still needed assistance. He asked for another cup of coffee from the break room."_

"_And did you get him that cup of coffee?"_

"_Yes, just how he likes it."_

"_Just how likes it-"_

"_Objection! How does my client likes his coffee have anything to do with these proceedings?" Opposing council called out to the judge._

"_I can assure you this has everything to do proving my client was a dedicated and loyal employee," Edward retorted confidently. This is where Edward came alive. It was impressive even to me to watch him in action in a courtroom; he was born for this._

"_I'll allow it, but make your point, Mr. Cullen," The judge decided. "You may answer the question, Ms. Makenna."_

"_Yes, I made him a fresh cup and added cream and sugar per his preference, and took it into him. When I set it on his desk, I spilled a little on the report he was working on."_

"_And then what happened?"_

"_He became very upset, he grabbed my wrist and yelled at me for it… I tried apologizing and went to clean it up, offering to print up a new report…"_

_Vanessa went pale, and looked at her lap, not making eye contact with Edward or anyone else in the room. _

"_And did you get the opportunity to print up the new report?"_

"_Uh… no… I didn't."_

"_So, a simple error that you could have corrected… do you feel that the spilled coffee is grounds for your being terminated?"_

"_Well, um… when he grabbed my wrist I spilled the rest of the coffee and knocked something off of his desk, and broke it."_

"_So then breaking a personal item off of his desk, do you feel THAT was grounds to fire you?" Edward was getting flustered; not much was going his way today._

"_After that took place he… hurt me," Vanessa said from the stand. I was gripping my seat just to be able to stay in it; this is a turn of events. She hadn't mentioned this previously._

"_Hurt you? Could you define what you mean by that? How did he hurt you?" Edward asked her. He needed to build his case, a case that so far wasn't too stable. I'm sure he knew as well as I that this could very well be the piece that we had been missing. All Edward had to do was hold it all together. This was riding on him now._

"_He… he…" The poor girl was losing it. This simple case was turning into something I feared Edward wasn't ready for. I had wanted a simple cut and dry case for him to get started back on; this definitely wasn't turning out to be simple._

"_It's okay you can tell us. What did he do? You don't have to be afraid," Edward again tried to calm her down. _

"_He…" Vanessa hesitated again. I was pretty certain she was going to bolt. If I didn't feel so sorry for the girl, I would be boiling mad right now. _

"_He…" she looked glassy eyed over to the defense table as she attempted to continue. It was then that I finally got it. I got it because I knew what she was struggling to say. I knew because I once struggled to say the same thing. I knew, and now desperately wanted to jump the bar that separated me from Edward to haul him out of here. This wasn't going to go down well._

"_He raped me, sir," Vanessa finally managed to squeak out. _

_The entire courtroom froze. Several jaws hit the floor, and a lot of breath was suddenly expelled from the shock of it all. Eyes shifted from Vanessa to Edward to the defendant and back to Edward. Edward has to say something, but I knew he wasn't going to be able to. Right now, he wanted to turn around and strangle the piece of slime sitting behind him who was whispering to his defense lawyer. Right now, he wanted to pull this young and scared little girl into his arms to tell her everything was going to be all right even though he knew it wasn't. Right now, he wanted to crumble to the floor thinking about Bella._

"_Mr. Cullen?" The judge prodded trying to get him to do something, say something. "Mr. Cullen, your witness!"_

_I wanted to stand and demand a recess; I didn't care how long. We needed one, but I wasn't an attorney, or even an assistant. Thankfully the defense realized the same thing and called for one._

"_All right. You all better be prepared for court bright and early tomorrow morning at nine!" The judge glared at Edward, who was still standing stock still in front of Vanessa._

_Tomorrow at nine was going be to hell. Actually, I'm thinking it already was._

**~o.0~**

Jenks chuckled, "Ah, well, yes… Aro spent a small fortune trying to help Marcus and Didyme have children, and there's no proof of course, other than their looks, but a while back, Marcus and Didyme disappeared for a few months, come back and they have twins, that are a few months old. Of course, they say she was in a specialty clinic, getting the best care, and the twins came early and that's why no one noticed her pregnant, but word has it, that is all fabrication. Didyme wanted children, Marcus will give anything to Didyme, and Aro will do anything for Marcus… thus 'paid for babies', no one directly talks about it, but it's physically obvious those children are NOT Marcus's and Didyme's biological kids, they have no resemblance… here wait, I have that shot in color as well." He reaches for his briefcase and produces the same picture I'm looking at, but in color.

"I see what you are saying about the lack of resemblance," I manage, as I pale and my heart stops.

"Oh. My. God," I whisper under my breath taking a look at the stack of 8x10 glossies that Jenks has just slid over to me.

"What is it? Something catch your eye?" Jenks inquires.

"The children," I still can't believe what I'm seeing.

"Yes, I know most peculiar. I'm still looking into their family background to see if I can find anything. However, I wasn't too concerned about that yet. You weren't concerned with the twins, that was just something I was curious about."

"They aren't their children," I stated flatly. I still couldn't believe what I was seeing, but to my eyes there was no question.

"Well we've established that, but what do you mean? The papers on those two are cleaner than anything I've ever seen. No one does that kind of work, no one, only the government," Jenks insisted.

Instead of trying to argue I fished around in my purse until I found an old family picture taken of Edward, Bella, and the twin's, and slid it across the table.

"What does this hav- oh my word," Jenks breathed out as he saw the resemblance. "Now, this is definitely something you have here."

"I'd say."

"What am I missing here Dr. Cullen?" Jenks implored genuinely.

"I'm thinking that it's quite possible the Volturi brothers may have had something to do with Bella's incident! My niece and nephew were supposed to be murdered; they killed them, IN FRONT OF BELLA! But these pictures strongly suggest that they are not dead, just stolen. And if we can prove that, we can find out exactly what happened to Bella that night and who she's protecting and why!"

"This whole situation just became a lot more involved, Dr. Cullen. If the Volturi brother's did have something to do with what happened to your sister-in-law with their track record, I would be safe in assuming that there is much more danger here than we previously thought."

My throat went dry, I was at a loss for words, and that didn't happen often. I had so many emotions running through me at tsunami force levels. So many questions, so much doubt, and pain… levels of pain that are beyond fathomable. I didn't care how scary those bastards thought they were, or what their 'track-record' was, Bella is my best friend, my sister, and that was my family they messed with.

This wasn't just about Bella and Edward anymore; this was my niece and nephew… their pain and confusion, and that doesn't even begin to cover what they did to Emmett, Alice, Carlisle or Esme. My whole family suffered, and was torn to shreds because of those jerks. They may think they are untouchable, but they haven't ever crossed me.

They say revenge is a dish best served cold… well, this entire thing has had a few years to cool, and I am a force to be reckoned with. They may have connections, and guns… but I think they underestimate what FAMILY really means. I think it's time they see what I'm capable of, and just how touchable they can be.

"They WILL pay for this! They will pay for what they have done. They are not going to get away with this. We will hunt them down, and we will find them." I was speaking too fast and too loud to be still under the category of rational. How could this happen? There were so many questions and not a single answer other than it did.

"Hold up a minute Rose. Have you forgotten we are talking about the Volturi's? The Voturi's, Rose! No one goes up against this family, and lives to tell about it. Think! Think for a moment, my dear. We can't just barge in with guns blazing." Jenk's sudden panic was not lost to me. He knew me all too well. When it came to family, there wasn't a lot that could stand in my way. He knew if no one reined me in I'd be ninja crawling over the Volutri's front lawn with a _Beretta strapped to me._

_"Then what can we do? I can't just sit here while they get away with this! It's been over a year Jenks! Edward and Bella are ghosts of the people they used to me. Hell, Jenks! Just a few months ago we thought we were going to lose Bella all together! Edward didn't leave my couch for weeks! Weeks he lay there! The Volturi's will pay for what they have done. They destroyed two people's lives! And for what? They couldn't adopt like every single other family on this planet who can't have kids? Jesus! I-"_

_"ROSE! Shut it! I care about you and this situation, but stop it! I can't think with you going all Rambo mamma bear on me over there. Now." After Jenks was done getting me to calm down, he sat there pinching the bridge of his nose in thought for a few minutes. The poor man, I probably gave him a headache. I'd seen him pop enough Excedrin extra strength as it was. He didn't need me yelling at him._

_"Rose how did the Volturi's know about the children? Are they friends with them?"_

_"What? No, they're not friends with them! How could you think that! They-"_

_"Rose! The question."_

_Right. After this I am definitely going to need a very long vacation._

_"I believe the Volturi brothers were clients of the law firm Edward has. His partner, ex-partner now, James Campbell, brought them on as clients."_

_Jenks stared at me for moment in bewilderment. "Are you sure Edward had nothing to-"_

_"Don't you even say that! Of course Edward didn't have anything to do with this! Edward could never do that! He loved Bella! He loved- he loves those twins! He-"_

_"Rose," Jenks was beginning to get fed up with me, I could tell. "I am simply trying to do my job. I have to ask a few pointed questions. Try to bear with me. I'm attempting to get a few of the facts. What I don't need is you jumping all over me at every turn." _

_Jenks paused to make sure I got his drift._

_"Now, we know how they knew Edward. How did they know of the twins? If they were James's clients, how did they ever know more than a name?"_

_I had to think a moment about this. Bella didn't really like to talk about Edward's work. She'd vent a few times about James, but it was so long ago to remember. _

_"I think they had first requested Edward. Why I don't know, but they __settled__ for James. Edward had told Bella about how none of the brothers were really able to have children. The only one that wanted them, though, was Marcus. She had felt sorry for them. I don't know how she knew that. She didn't talk about that kind of thing very often."_

_"And how exactly did Edward come to know of this if they were not his clients? If he turned them down as perspective clients, he wouldn't have had more than cursory conversations with them, and most certainly about nothing so personal."_

_"I don't know," I answered honestly, "Edward talked about being invited to sit in on meetings with them. They wanted him there, I think. They must have told him things. I don't know why." When I actually thought about it did seem rather odd._

_I felt kind of bad, but that was all I could think of._

_"You never talked to Edward about his work? He never mentioned anything about what he was doing in conversation?"_

_I let out a sigh. "No. Edward and I have never really been that close or even really friendly. Sure, we get along. We saw each other at family gatherings, and we sort of grew up together, but… but honestly we only just started to get to know each other." I hated to admit it, but it was the truth. "It's only been since this whole thing started, and when Edward had been staying with us, that we've gotten to know each other better." Yes, I was still hoping to keep the lines of communication open since he'd moved back into his own house._

_ "Oh. I see." Jenks was disappointed. There wasn't much I could offer. "Well… Oh! Perhaps you could help me with something. I have a few more pictures here, and there is someone in them and I can't figure out for the life of me who he is. He's not security detail and he's not family. Perhaps he has had a connection to Edward in the past." Jenks voice was muffled him already rooting around in this briefcase and flipping through various folders. "Here they are. This man here," Jenks said sliding a few 8x10s, of a seemingly happy family all smiling and having fun, my way. He pointed out the man in question. _

_It was a face I would have known anywhere._

_James._

_The bastard had cut his hair, and looked totally different because of it, but it was still unmistakably him._

"Jenks, get me anything and EVERY thing you can on my niece and nephew… I want copies of any piece of paper that pertains to them; I want any pictures you can scrape up, but most important… I don't care how or who you have to kill to get it, I want that evidence you provided for Edward again…" I began.

"Dr. Cullen, like I said, there was only…"

"No fucking excuses! Where there is a will there is a way, and my will is strong and I will find a way, with or without you!" I seethed.

"Well the main server that had the video evidence might be hacked, but that is beyond my level of…"

"THAT won't be a problem, you get me a direction to start in, and I'll provide the hacker," I stated simply. Hell, what good is it being married to a graduate of MIT, if I couldn't use him for this? I do believe it's time to inform the family.

I reached for my cell and hit the speed dial for my husband, not sure exactly how to approach this. He has always been so protective of me, and if I don't handle this right, HE is the one person that could derail my plans.

On the second ring, he picked up. "Hey babe, I was just thinking of you!"

"Em, I need some of your expertise in computers, would you be willing to help me out?"

"Just say the word and I'm there."

~.o.O.~

**A/N #1: (Jessi)- W.O.W. It's done. FINALLY! I can go collapse somewhere, and clear my brain before I start working on the next one. Just because this has been such a production and unbelievable effort bear with me while I get up on my soapbox for a minute. I need to thank Danna. Girl! You've been through so much, and yet here you still find the time to help me come up with amazing chapters like this. I couldn't do this without ya. Then there is Songster our Beta… you even has to make sure my A/N ramblings make sense ****blushes****. We love ya darlin'. Thanks bunches and bunches to both of you.**

**AN #2 (danna0724)~ whew… 2011 has been a rough start… only half way through this bitch and I've dealt with death (ex husband), cancer (again), surgery, my hubby's career being taken from him due to injury, a move cross country, a hormonal and emotionally distraught teenage girl, uncontrollable twin 5 year olds… oh the list can go on and on… but you know what? We are all blessed… even when it doesn't feel like it, and it might feel hopeless… as I tell my teenager, the old cliché is true, that God knows what he is doing… we may not see it, understand it, or agree with it, but He does know what he's doing, and we will NOT know why until we are ready to be enlightened. I love each and every one of you, and give praise to my truly fabulous collaborator, Jessi… her kind words, and sweet demeanor… oh and patience… the level of patience this woman has is astounding! I 3 her hard!**

**.~.~.**

**Until Next Time.  
Love you all!**

**.~.~.**


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